Our Unpredictable Road
by purple.sunrise
Summary: When Emily starts at the BAU, she and Hotch hadn't seen each other in 12 years leaving a lot of unresolved feelings. How will they handle working together? Will they find out what really happened years earlier? How will things look for them going forward as colleagues as they contend with not only their jobs but their pasts? Hotchniss storyline
1. And We Meet Again

**As I mentioned on the oneshots I posted last week, this will be where I will post the rest of the Hotchniss storyline. I'm titling the chapters to make it easier to identify the already posted parts of the stoyline. Apologies for any confusion.  
**

 **This will be an eventual Hotch/Prentiss and will include all members of the team.**

 **There is a companion piece to this story that is posted separately called Suspicions and Consequences of Cases Past that focuses on Emily and Gideon.**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

 **And we meet again**

Emily Prentiss was nervously tapping her foot on floor in front of her.

She was in the reception area of Section Chief Erin Strauss' office. The Section Chief was apparently running behind on her schedule. Emily had an appointment and was waiting to meet with her. A few minutes earlier the assistant to the Section Chief came over to apologize for the delay. Emily smiled and thanks the woman for the information.

Today was her first day back at Quantico since graduating from the Academy. Her eagerly anticipated transfer to the BAU had been approved last week.

A coveted specialized unit that she has sought transfer to for over a year. She had applied for the profiler position each time one had been become available since psych cleared her for full duty after her time with Interpol.

She was anxious to meet with the Section Chief to make the transfer official.

Just then the door to the office opened and an older blonde woman came out and walked over to her. She held out her hand and said, "You must be Agent Prentiss. It is very nice to meet you. Please come in. I apologize for the delay. An issue came up this morning that needed to be addressed right away."

The lie had come out smoothly and the profiler did not give any indication that she had noticed.

Erin Strauss hadn't been handling an urgent issue. Or on the phone at all.

She had noticed the younger woman arrive in her office 20 minutes before her appointment time. Chief Strauss wanted to put Emily Prentiss off kilter, and by making her wait, hoped to do that.

And from what she observed as Prentiss waited, she had succeed somewhat.

The delay in meeting with this particular agent was purely strategic. Because Chief Strauss had a goal and a master plan to make it happen. This agent was, hopefully, going to be a significant part in the success of that plan.

But she wasn't going to tell Agent Prentiss what her role would be.

At least not yet.

If Strauss mentioned the secondary reason for Prentiss' appointment to the BAU it could blow up Strauss' face if Prentiss took exception.

When Erin Strauss saw the name Emily Prentiss on the list of agents interested in transferring to the BAU, she knew this would be the perfect way to succeed in her goal to get rid of Aaron Hotchner.

For good.

And it had to be in the next 8 months before he was eligible for promotion.

On paper, Emily Prentiss was a perfect addition to the BAU- experienced, highly educated and had specialized knowledge that they looked for in profilers. More than qualified for the team.

There was nothing in her official records that Aaron Hotchner could use to legally reject her outright now that her transfer was approved.

He would need to show cause.

And cause takes time.

And evidence.

In addition, Emily Prentiss was the child of diplomats. She had grown up in those circles and understood how politics works unlike the eccentric group that currently made up the BAU team.

Having met Elizabeth Prentiss multiple times, it was clear to Strauss that the Ambassador, like Strauss herself, did what was necessary to ensure the best outcome for herself. Strauss' plan rested on the Ambassador's daughter operating under the same mindset.

With proper incentive, Strauss was certain she'd be able to gain the information she needed from this new agent.

And, most shockingly, Strauss had discovered an undisclosed past relationship between Agents Prentiss and Hotchner.

According to her sources, they had been deeply involved a couple of years before Emily Prentiss joined the FBI. The rumors were that things ended very badly and they hadn't spoken since they broke up. The exact circumstances she was unable to find out.

However that wasn't important. A highly qualified ex-girlfriend joining the team was a perfect way to crack Hotchner's wall of professionalism.

And in a few months, Strauss would approach Prentiss see how much of Hotchner's dirty laundry she would share. A chance to screw over an ex AND further her career, there was no way that Emily Prentiss wouldn't be willing to negotiate.

Deals would need to be made and Strauss was prepared for that. IF it got rid of Hotchner once and for all.

"Yes ma'am. Thank you for meeting with me." Emily said standing up and shaking the older woman's hand.

"The pleasure is all mine Agent. Let's review your file. I just have a few questions. Then we can discuss the expectations as a member of the BAU." Strauss replies walking into her office, over behind her desk before sitting in her chair. She motions to Emily to sit in one of the visitor chairs in front of the desk.

 **####**

The meeting was starting to drag.

How many more mundane and redundant expectations could this woman have!?

Emily was already finding it difficult to warm up to the older woman. It was taking all of her experience growing up to continue to appear interested in what Strauss was saying.

Her profiler's instinct was telling her that something was off but she could not put her finger on what.

After a few more minutes Strauss says. "Do you have any questions, Agent Prentiss?" Strauss looks over her desk at Emily and then down at the papers in front of her. Agent Prentiss' transfer papers. She quickly signs them in the necessary spots.

"No ma'am. Not at this time." Emily replies, relieved that this meeting is coming to an end.

"In that case I'm going to send you over to the BAU now. I would generally walk over with you. However, the situation I mentioned earlier is ongoing and I am needed in the Director's office.

Agent Hotchner is the Unit Chief for the team you will be joining. Just go to his office and hand him this paperwork and you should be all set. He'll take care of anything else you need." Strauss hands Emily the signed and completed transfer papers as she observes the younger woman's reactions to the revelation.

"Ma'am. Is that Aaron Hotchner?" Emily could feel the blush rising up her face.

"Yes, Agent Prentiss. Do you know him?" Strauss looked at blush on the face of the agent in front of her but did not comment. She was working hard not to show her glee at the other woman's reaction.

"We met years ago. I don't understand. I applied for a position on the team you supervise and Agent Gideon was the field lead." Emily replied quietly, looking confused.

"I'm sorry for the confusion. As Section Chief, I supervise the all the teams in the BAU in addition to other departments. Agent Hotchner is the Unit Chief and SSAIC for the BAU team that currently has an opening. Agent Gideon is a senior member of the team. He stepped down as Unit Chief almost 2 years ago. And he is no longer the field lead either. Are you reconsidering accepting the transfer? We have many other interested applicants, Agent Prentiss."

"No, ma'am. I want the position." Emily replied nervously grasping her transfer papers with both hands.

"Very well. Go back down the hallway towards the elevators to the lobby. Then go through the glass doors, turn left once in the bullpen, go up the stairs and his office is at the top of the stairs. Agent Hotchner is working in his office this morning. And any problems, please let me know. My door is always open, Agent Prentiss."

"Thank you ma'am for the opportunity."

Emily slowly stood up. She then placed her paperwork into her box before picking the box up and walked out of Erin Strauss' office.

Why, oh why did it need to be his team she was assigned. It had been years since Emily had heard the name Aaron Hotchner. In many ways, she hoped to never hear his name or see his face again.

Now that was no longer a choice. If she wanted this job. And as she had just told Erin Strauss, she did.

 **####**

Erin Strauss watched as Emily Prentiss slowly walked into the hallway that headed to the BAU. A smile slowly crosses her face. That meeting had gone better than she had expected.

There was a moment of trepidation after Emily learned the name of her new supervisor if she was just going to change her mind about the transfer. Thankfully she didn't. However it was clear for a few seconds that she was shocked.

Now the pieces to Strauss' plan were set. Hopefully in a few months she would be reaping the benefits of hiring this agent.

Now the face to face meeting. She would love to observe THAT interaction. However, if she was present, Hotchner would certainly stay professional. And that wasn't what she wanted. She wanted a visceral reaction to this completely unexpected addition to his team. And that it was this particular woman.

Now, looking at the clock on her wall, Strauss noticed she did need to leave for her own meeting. It was best that she was out of her office because she was certain one or both of them would be in to see her after their introduction. And she wanted them both to stew for a while.

 **####**

Emily was mulling the reality of the situation she now found herself in as she walked down the hall towards the BAU bullpen. She was going to need to not only see Aaron everyday but work with him. Deal with him being her supervisor. Take orders from him. Trust him to have her back in the field. Well, it wasn't the first time she needed to work with someone she despised.

Stopping outside the glass doors, Emily takes a deep breath. And then another one. She wants to be a profiler for the FBI. If she needs to make nice with Aaron Hotchner, then so be it. 'This is really going to suck.' Then, she pasted a smile on her face before open the doors and walks into the bullpen.

 **####**

Aaron Hotchner sat down at his desk knowing he wasn't going to be in his office for long. JJ had briefed him about a case that was going to need their immediate attention with 2 UNSUBs or 2 serial killers both targeting women in the St Louis area. The team would be gathering shortly to conference on the case with wheels up ASAP.

When Hotch heard the knock on the door, he took a deep breath and shook his head. He really hoped it wasn't Spencer again asking when Hotch was going to requisition a new stapler for him.

Earlier in the week during a 'physics' mishap AKA one of Reid's magic tricks in the bullpen, his stapler fell to the floor and the slider where staples are held popped open and broke off. It would be Spencer who would find a way to break an indestructible commercial grade stapler.

Hotch couldn't tell when he returned to the bullpen what exactly Spencer had been doing for his 'experiment' because what Hotch saw was a pile of random office supplies along with the broken stapler.

And until he could think of a reason to order a replacement that Strauss wouldn't ream him for at their next budget meeting, Spencer was going to be stuck using the bullpen common stapler. A fact that Reid had come to complain to him about every day since then.

What he was not expecting when the door open was who walked into his office. A blast from his past.

"Agent Hotchner?" He'd know that voice anywhere.

"Yes." Having difficulty getting anymore out. He stood there in shock for a few seconds.

"I'm Agent Emily Prentiss." Agent? It was her. She was just as beautiful as he remembered.

Hotch had never expected to hear her name or see her again. And now, here she was, in his office. What was the box for?

 **####**

After Aaron Hotchner dismissed her and walked away, Emily had made her way back to Erin Strauss' office.

Emily hadn't expected him to greet her with open arms but he had outright rejected her as a member of his team. She didn't know what it meant for her chances of staying on the team.

It was disheartening that as soon as she mentioned being assigned to the team, he couldn't wait to get away from her.

It had taken years for her heart to recover from his rejection in her personal life 12 years ago. Today he had rejected her outright professionally. Emily still didn't understand what she had done to him. Why he had left the way he did.

When she arrived, as expected, the Section Chief wasn't there. Still at her meeting with the Director. Luckily, her assistant was there and gave Emily an appointment for noon.

With a couple of hours until her meeting, she took the elevator down to the cafeteria to get a cup of coffee. Sitting down at one of the tables in the now almost empty cafeteria, Emily places her box on the chair in front of her. She opened the box and pulled out her transfer paperwork.

After double checking the paperwork, Emily was somewhat relieved to discover two things.

One, that Aaron Hotchner's name did not appear anywhere except where Chief Strauss wrote it in this morning. She wasn't crazy. She hadn't missed it. His name just wasn't there. But why wasn't it when he was the Unit Chief?

And two, everything was in order. There were no problems with her paperwork. Hell, she had even heard Hotchner say to the man she knew to be Jason Gideon that they appeared to be in order.

Strauss was Section Chief and so far she supported Emily's position on the team. Hopefully she would hold that position over Hotchner's certain objections.

Emily looking down at her watch. Her meeting in 90 minutes should give her some indication.

But that still doesn't answer the question- why did her arrival come as a surprise to him? He seemed genuinely confused by her appearance in his office. But maybe it was an act. He only glanced at her transfer paper but knew enough to tell Agent Gideon that they appeared to be in order.

 **####**

The team had just finished briefing with the latest information on the plane. They still had about 45 minutes before they touched down in St. Louis.

Until Garcia got back with the results of her searches, there wasn't much they could do until they were on the ground.

With a few minutes to spare, Hotch sat back in his seat and thought about Emily Prentiss. That was a name he didn't expect to hear again.

A woman he didn't think he would ever see again. She was the last person he expected to be on the other side of his door this morning.

She had the paperwork to join his team. He only had a quick glance at it but it was enough to see Behavioral Analysis Unit on the 'Receiving Department' line and Strauss' signature on the 'Receiving Supervisor's Approval' line. Why would Strauss not have consult him before making a new hire?

Or better question why didn't Strauss come over with Agent Prentiss? Strauss always walked over with new agents after her initial meeting with them. She had always been strangely formal in wanting to introduce him to the new agents on his team. Even when he and/or Gideon had handpicked them and thus knew them.

Strauss enjoyed her power plays over him. She loved to watch him squirm to stay professional as she played political games around him. It wasn't her style to hire someone for his team, ambush him with the news, and then not be there for his reaction.

Hotch looks out the window and sighed when the realization hit him. That is exactly why she she wasn't there. She didn't want him to try to stay professional. She wanted him to act unprofessionally to this agent, probably not realizing that he knew exactly who her parents were.

As the pilot announced their descent into St Louis, Hotch realized that he needed to focus on this case. Time to ponder the reemergence of Emily Prentiss in his life would have to wait.

 **####**

Emily's meeting with Strauss had been short but reassuring.

She was informed that she would be joining the BAU team once they returned to Quantico. Strauss apologized for the confusion and for Agent Hotchner's behavior.

She had stated that Agent Hotchner had been sent a memo that she would be arriving to join the team that morning. Strauss informed Emily that she would talk to the Unit Chief personally to confirm the transfer. And as soon as the team returned, Strauss would walk her over personally to ensure were no further problems.

Until then, Strauss handed her a pile of recent cases that the team worked on to look through.

Before leaving the Section Chief's office, Emily was handed a form to take to Facilities Management so she could be assigned a desk in the bullpen to work.

 **####**

Aaron Hotchner looks around his hotel room that evening and sighed. The team had come to a stopping point in the case an hour ago. They were resting for the night before resuming the investigation at the station at 8 o'clock the next morning.

When he heard his phone ringing, he looked up from the case file confused. He had just talked to Haley and Jack. Hopefully this wasn't the police chief alerting the team about another body.

He walked over to the bedside table where his phone was lying. He looked down at his phone and saw 'Strauss' and groaned. Just who he didn't want to talk to right now.

"Hotchner"

"Agent Hotchner, can you tell me why you did not take the new addition to your team on your current case?"

"Ma'am?"

"Agent Prentiss. I sent her over to your office this morning. Needless to say I was surprised to still see her here while your team is in St Louis."

"Chief Strauss, Agent Prentiss arrived this morning just as we were briefing on this case. I had no notice that we were getting a new agent or that the person would be arriving today. It is highly unusual to have an agent show up in my office saying they are joining my team without my approving them. The case we are working on now is urgent. We left as soon as we briefed the case. I did not feel the case could wait long enough for me to verify her status. And as Unit Chief, it would be reckless and potentially dangerous to take an agent into the field without reviewing their file. To know their skill set. And to brief them on team protocols. We also had no time for her to go home to pack a go bag today."

"I sent a memo about her arrival 2 days ago. It should have been delivered yesterday. She's on your team, Aaron. I suggest you review her file and review protocols with her as soon as you get back. I want her on the next case with you."

In reality, Strauss had just added the memo to the interoffice mail the evening before. From her calculations, it would be sitting in his inbox when he returned from St Louis. He would have no way of knowing that she deliberately didn't send it so that it didn't arrive before Agent Prentiss' arrival.

"Why was an agent assigned to my team without Gideon or I approving the transfer?"

"As Section Chief, I approved the transfer, Aaron. The Bureau doesn't like to leave positions open for long. Agent Greenaway resigned weeks ago. You have had files of prospective additions for almost that entire time. You weren't doing your job. As your supervisor, I did it for you. Your team is behind on cases and needs help. I will not let the reputation of the BAU or the Bureau suffer because of your inaction."

"What made you choose this agent?" Hotch says as he paces the room, wondering if he will get a straight answer.

"Look at her file, Aaron. Her skill set checks a lot of the boxes where your team is currently deficient."

"And if I'd rather chose someone else?"

"Then you should have done it weeks ago. Agent Prentiss is on your team. She is highly qualified for the position. Her recommendations are outstanding. If her work is subpar, then we can discuss options at a later date though I don't anticipate that being an issue. I'm having her review previous cases until you get back. Take care of it, Aaron."

"Yes, ma'am" Hotch got out just before he heard a dial tone on the other end of the phone. He looked down at the phone and frowned at the piece of plastic before putting it back down on the bedside table.

 **####**

It was early evening when Emily arrived back at her apartment. She dropped her bag on the counter to put away later.

Opening the fridge, she pulled out the bottle of wine she had opened the evening before. Looking at the bottle, she wondered if it worth pulling out a glass or if she should just drink right from the bottle. Taking a deep breath and blowing it out, Emily decides that safer option is to pull out a glass. Finishing the bottle would be unwise. Even if the team was still out on a case, she did not want to show up at work tomorrow with a hangover. That would be bad.

After pouring her wine, Emily walked over to a chair over by her bookcase. Moving to DC so quickly, she had opted to move into the furnished apartment her family kept in the District. She had always loved the large windows and gorgeous view this apartment afforded. The decor wasn't her tastes however, she had learned through years of moving not to get attached to anything that couldn't easily be put in a box.

After settled into the chair, Emily let her mind wander to when she first met Aaron Hotchner.

Through so many of the books she read talk about love at first sight was generally met with rolling of the eyes. It didn't happen. It couldn't happen that way. Or so she thought. Then her chance encounter with Aaron Hotchner changed that opinion.

She felt something different for him from the moment their eyes met across the room. And from the look he returned, he felt it too. And for a while, she thought the love was mutual. But how could it have been? You don't just walk away from someone you love without a word.

She had heard that he was offered a position that he really wanted and that is why he had left so suddenly but why didn't he just say something. Yeah she would have been disappointed they weren't doing what they had planned. But she wouldn't have stood in his way.

Emily knew how much Aaron's career meant to him and by all appearance still was. How much he wanted to create his own legacy, not because of his name or his family but by his own accomplishments. There were probably few people who understood that better than Emily.

But his just disappearing without a word was more than just disappointing, it was heartbreaking. And if she was honest with herself, a betrayal she never really got over. The life she had envisioned with him, the life they had talked about, had never happened for her. Certainly not with him. Or with anyone else.

Coming home from those angsty three weeks in France because her grandfather's illness and death to discover that Aaron had left without a word had caused a huge hit to her already fragile self esteem.

The negative self image she had carried through most of high school hit her again with a vengeance. How else could she explain what happened? That negative self image was exacerbated over the years by her uncanny ability to agree to dates with men who on dates would turn out to be narcissistic and/or misogynist asses.

Even now, she had a hard time getting past the first couple of dates, somehow always unconsciously self sabotaging herself when she did find herself with a nice guy.

It took few years before she realized that she would compare any men she dated… to him. And rarely did they come close to measuring up. At least in her eyes. And Emily didn't want to settle. Her longest relationship since Aaron was 5 months and the length had more to do with scheduling on both their parts than actual commitment.

Long ago, she had decided to focus on her career. And she had not doubted her path until JTF-12 and Ian Doyle invaded her world. That whole mission had turned into a complete cluster that left her scarred in more ways than one. But... she didn't want to think of that right now. She couldn't allow those memories to escape from the box she had finally been able to stuff them into.

She was going to finish her glass of wine and take a shower before settling in for the night. It was going to be a long week. But Emily was finally where she wanted to be. In Quantico with a position as a profiler. And no one was going to take that from her. Especially not Aaron Hotchner.

 **####**

It was a long few days but the team had finally caught the UNSUBs, both of them. They were heading to the airstrip shortly to head back to Quantico.

His thoughts went back to what he had been thinking of on the plane several days ago. Emily Prentiss.

The day they first met was when they bumped into each other at a bookstore. He could feel the electricity between the two of them while losing himself in her eyes. She had been home on Spring Break from Yale.

Then the shock two months later when she came home on summer break of finding out she was the daughter of the woman he was assigned to do security checks for. He fell hard for her over the next two months and thought she had for him as well. However her leaving, especially the way she did, had deeply hurt him.

While he knew that her physical appearance was what initially drew him to her, that wasn't the part he had loved most about her. It was her mind. Her passion and drive. Her analytical way of approaching topics. Challenging him to explain and defend his positions.

As a lawyer, he had been trained to do this. However he found during their discussions that this exercise with her was completely different. It wasn't trying to win the argument or case with her. She had showed him to look at the deeper issues. Or the root of a problem. Exactly what he did now as a profiler.

Criminal profiling was actually an topic Emily had introduced to him. She was in the bookstore that day to buy the book written by Max Ryan, who had been one of his colleagues when Hotch first joined the BAU a few years later. The uses and merits of profiling had been their longest ongoing conversation. Why wait to catch a serial killer until after he or she has hurt multiple people and devastated countless families if there was an analytical way of catching them sooner?

Did he study it, take the courses and make this area his specialty to hold a connection to her? Hoping that day would one day their paths would cross again? No, couldn't be. Could it? Was he ready for their paths to cross again? But if not now, then when?

He was 8-9 months away from being eligible for a promotion which would more than likely take him away from the BAU and profiling unless Strauss was promoted first. Hotch sighed as he thought of Haley counting the days. Ready for this part of his career to be over. Could he work with Emily for a few months?

 **####**

Emily stood up at her desk and stretched. It was mid-afternoon and she was ready for a cup of coffee. She grabbed her mug off the desk and headed for the break room.

As she walked back to her desk, Strauss greeted her. She informed Emily that the team was heading back that evening. She asked Emily to meet her at her office in the morning and they would then come over and speak with the Unit Chief. Emily thanked the older woman for the information and confirmed that she would see her in the morning.

 **####**

Penelope Garcia walked into the bullpen and spied the new agent working diligently at her desk.

Garcia had been covertly observing her for days now wondering what to make of this woman. A bit of digging while in between searches for the team had given her enough information to be intrigued about the brunette.

Each time she saw her, Agent Prentiss was pouring over the old case files that Strauss had given her. Garcia would occasionally see her make notes for herself. And from what Garcia noted of her coffee drinking habit, she should fit into the team just fine.

Garcia had discovered that Strauss had hired this new agent over the heads of Hotch and Gideon. If Garcia was going to place a bet, she would wager that Agent Prentiss hadn't known it either when she was offered the job. It would be just like that witch Strauss to pull something like that. Garcia was just hoping Hotch would give this new agent a chance.

Garcia had introduced herself a couple of days ago. Remembering what she was holding in her hands, Garcia walking over to Agent Prentiss.

"Hi there, how is your day going?"

"It's going well. How about you?" Emily looks over and smiles taking in the bright dress and platform heels. Over the last few days, Emily had found herself amused by the colorful technical analyst.

"Well, I'm almost on my way out. The case is solved and the team is heading back tonight. Hotch will more than likely stop by but the rest usually will just head straight home. Which reminds me. I need to drop this case off on Hotch's desk." Garcia says while holding up a file folder. "He has an e-copy but will want this when he stops in. It's a new case for consult that the team will be reviewing tomorrow morning. Do you want a preview?" Garcia holds out the file.

"Please." Emily smiles and takes the file from Garcia and places it on the desk in front of her.

"OK. Just make sure you put it on Hotch's desk before you leave or he'll have my head." Garcia turns and looks back around.

"I can do that. Thanks Garcia." Emily turns back to her desk and opens the file.

"Goodnight then. Don't stay too late. Mornings comes early around here." Garcia takes one last look at the profiler and then walks out of the bullpen towards her office. It had been a long week but the case was solved and she had a date.

 **####**

Emily looks up and realizes she had been working on the profile for the case Garcia gave her for over an hour. Looking down at her notes, she was confident that she had a strong preliminary profile that she could share with Agent Hotchner when he arrived.

Looking around the bullpen, Emily realized that she didn't know when the team left St Louis or when they were expected to arrive back at Quantico. And when they did, she can't be at this desk.

Emily knew Aaron. She knows that he is being forced to accept her on his team. But things will go better for them in the long run if there is at least the illusion that he is giving consent.

Emily didn't want to have Strauss bring her over tomorrow morning and force the issue. She wanted him to give her a chance because she has the skills to do this job. And she is going to show him that tonight with her profile.

To that end, she packs all her stuff back in her box. Now where to wait. Emily looks around and ultimately decides to wait in his office. No chance of missing him then.

After placing her box on couch, Emily walks around profiling the man whose office this is. When her eyes reach the desk, she sees picture frames.

After looking toward the elevators, Emily walks closer and picks up a picture of a woman and a little boy. One of the first things she had noticed the other day was that he was wearing a wedding ring. This must be his wife and son.

Taking a closer look at the picture, Emily laments on the woman who he chose to marry and how vastly different they were. She was petite, pretty and blonde.

Emily sighs and thinks he picked her exact opposite. Had he ever been attracted to her when this picture seemed to show that Emily wasn't even his type?

Then her eyes fell to the little boy. He looked in the picture to be around 1. He was adorable. There was no doubt that this was Aaron's son. He looked just like him though with lighter hair. Emily wiped a tear away from her eyes, not realizing that they had welled up.

Putting the frame down, Emily walked away from the desk and sat down on the couch next to her box. And waited.

 **####**

Aaron Hotchner was annoyed as he took the elevator up to the BAU. He had just hung up the phone with Haley. There had been a delay with the jet leaving St Louis and they were back later than anticipated. To say she was displeased was an understatement. Haley was pissed. His job was a growing source of discontentment in his marriage.

He could understand on some level. No one likes it when their spouse travels constantly. In the last 6 months, Hotch had to leave from the birthday celebration she had planned for him. Missed medical appointments for Jack that he intended to be there to attend. And had to cut his 2 week vacation short after only 2 days when Randall Gardner had targeted the team.

But it was Haley who pushed him to take the Unit Chief position when it was offered after what happened to Gideon in Boston. Haley wanted his career to advance, to be in a prestigious position. Still did. But unfortunately to do that he needed to put in his time as a Unit Chief. Then he could be considered for a higher position in another year when there was an opening.

But first he needed to not give Erin Strauss any ammunition against him. And this week, that was going to mean accepting the new agent to his team.

He would watch Emily carefully. If she was unqualified, than that would reflect more on Strauss, as she was who signed off on the transfer rather than on him.

However, in the short term, it looked like he was going to have to accept Emily's presence on his team. Unless she had decided to leave on her own.

Walking into the bullpen, Hotch noticed that no one was there. Not surprising considering how late it was. And he was going to be back out in under 5 minutes. Hotch walks into his office and immediately notices movement on his couch. He looks over and noticed immediately it was Emily Prentiss.

"Please tell me you haven't been there for the last 4 days." He says as he shakes his head.

 _I really should have anticipated she wasn't going to give up so easily_.

"I heard you were flying back tonight." Emily replied from her seat on his couch.

 _Yeah, he just wanted to leave. But that was not happening until we talk. Just the 2 of us before Strauss gets involved tomorrow._

"Heard? How could you have heard a thing like that?"

 _What the hell?! Who told her that? Sigh. Strauss, of course. Damn that woman._

"This was dropped off today." She hands him the file that had been sitting on her lap that Garcia gave her earlier in the day.

 _Yes I was holding the file you were looking for, Aaron._

"I appreciate your interest, Agent, but profiling is a specialty. We can't just let anyone who wants to give it a whirl."

 _Ah, so he's going to try to get me to respond personally since he knows how long I've been interested in profiling. Nice try, Aaron. Not taking the bait. I want this job._

Emily takes a deep breathe and indicates to the file. "The I-80 killer? Co-eds in Indiana?"

 _Interesting. She ignored the attempt to turn the conversation personal._

"Yes, I read it on the plane."

 _Interesting case that we should have been asked to consult on before there were 11 victims._

"They aren't blitz attacks." _Wait, what? Ok you have my attention._ "This guy's organized. He's a white male, early 30s, and a smooth talker, because even after 11 victims, he can still convince educated women who know there's a predator out there to get into his car." _That was very close to what I had hypothesized on the plane._

Hotch takes a breath and asks, "How would you advise the police?"

 _OK Emily. You have the basics, I'll give you that. Good. But that is only part of completing consults. How to advise the police on how to proceed is the most important part. Strauss is forcing you onto this team, let's see what you can do._

"I would stake out the Ranch House, a night club in Gary. They have a very popular ladies night on Thursdays. If you look closely, you'll see that 8 out of the 11 victims went missing on a Friday morning. So something gets this creep's motor running on Thursdays."

 _Wow. She does have some training. She nailed 2 major trends in victimology. And obvious did some research as this night club wasn't named anywhere in the file._

Emily takes a breath and continues. "This isn't a whirl, Agent Hotchner. I don't know how the paperwork got screwed up or maybe you believe my parents pulled some strings, which they didn't, by the way."

 _Believe me, my parents don't want me in the FBI let alone catching the monsters the BAU deals with. There is no way they would have helped me get this position._

"I belong in this unit. And all I'm asking you for is the chance to show you that."

 _Who introduced who to profiling again, Aaron?_

"I still need to look into this. I'm not promising anything." Emily tilted her head and looked into Aaron hazel eyes. She saw all the raw emotion he was observing her with now.

As she was taking in his expression, Aaron was lost in Emily's eyes. He saw the same eyes he saw across the bookstore and fell in love with all those years ago.

Suddenly he blinked. They can't do this. Not now. And definitely not here.

"Understood."

 _If that's your story, Aaron then I'll let you run with it. We both know Strauss signed off on my transfer and isn't changing her mind._

"We brief new cases every morning at 10:00 am. You can see facilities management about a desk."

 _Well, I kind of already have a desk. Strauss had Facilities Management assign me one 4 days ago to have somewhere to work. But you don't need to know that right now. I should just get out of here before you changes your mind._

"You won't be sorry."

 _No though you may be once we put you through the wringer with skills assessments. You're going to have to prove yourself. And if you can't handle it, then well I'll have something to take to Strauss._

Hotch sits back in his chair as Emily Prentiss walked down into the bullpen and out to the elevators. He wasn't expecting her to be waiting in his office or had reviewed one of their cases. But that was his fault. He knew Emily and should have anticipated that she would up the ante.

He wanted to be angry with her. For hurting him. For leaving him. But when he looked into her eyes, the anger melted away. She was just as beautiful today as she was back when they met. But he was going to need to keep his distance.

And speaking of distance...he had his file. It was late and he needed to get home. Haley was waiting for him. How to handle the new addition to the team would need to wait until tomorrow.

 **AN: At one point I planned on writing a much longer story. I don't write fast enough to write the story I wanted. This one shot is a part of the larger story that I did finish. Please let me know what you think. I have more scenes that I can turn into oneshots if there is interest.**


	2. A Chance to Show What I Can Do

Reid's arrival at the BAU with sketchy information about murders involving prostitutes prompted Hotch to open at least a preliminary investigation.

While he went the morgue to meet up with Reid and Gideon, Hotch had assigned Morgan and Emily to go canvas in the area where the latest victim was found. He had been somewhat surprised when he made that assignment that Emily nodded and walked out of the room with Morgan.

No hesitation.

No avoidance.

In his experience, agents that have worked behind a desk would show at least some indication of displeasure at this type of assignment. Especially when it would be their first assignment in the field.

Upon their return, Morgan went in to brief Hotch on what they found. Hotch used this time to not only determine what they had learned from the interviews but also Morgan's evaluation of how Emily did in the field.

He was surprised by Morgan's description of how she took the lead interviewing the prostitutes who were willing to talk to them. And seeing the wary look on the Unit Chief's face, Morgan quickly added that he hadn't felt the need to step in because she had been asking all of the right questions. What he would have asked. And the women were responding to her, answering the questions.

Morgan then chuckled as he walked away saying that Prentiss had no trouble holding her own with the prostitutes. What was that supposed to mean?

 **####**

Emily knew she had screwed up. Asking that question at the crime scene. She was in the backseat of the SUV Hotch was driving with Reid, while Morgan was in the front passenger seat.

She could tell even from where she was sitting that Hotch had a tight grip on the steering wheel.

Morgan and Reid were uncharacteristically quiet, sensing the anger from the team leader.

Emily dropped her head and thought back to the interview that her and Morgan had done with the woman…no... girl who was found murdered this morning. She'd known that the girl had been lying about her age but hadn't expected that she was only 16. A wave of sadness swept over her as the image of the crime scene went through her mind. The sadness was quickly replaced with anger. Anger at the bastard who was killing these women. What screwed up excuse they would hear when they finally caught him? And how many more women would die before then?

Reid sat in the back of the SUV next to Prentiss. The silent surroundings were unnerving him.

It was clear that Hotch was pissed. Not knowing the exact cause of the Unit Chief's anger, Reid didn't initiate a conversation. He didn't really want to talk.

And from the look of it, neither did anyone else. Hotch had his jaw set and was tightly gripping the steering wheel. Morgan was looking at his notes. And Prentiss had her head down, appearing to be deep in thought. He noticed her hands as she was absentmindedly picking at her nails.

Reid had his own thoughts right now. He was relieved that Nathan Harris was not the serial killer that they were chasing. It was obvious to him that there was something off about the teen. But Nathan Harris had sought him out and Reid hoped that he would get answers to his questions. They may not be the answers any of them wanted but Nathan Harris would get answers.

Morgan looked down at the papers he was holding, flipping through them but not really looking at them. He knew Hotch was pissed and wanted to make sure that anger didn't get redirected at him as it had at Prentiss earlier. And from the silence from the backseat, he wasn't the only one to notice the boss' dark mood.

Derek had no idea what had set the boss off. Though he was fairly sure that it had something to do with Strauss and/or Haley. It could be something else but those were the top two contenders.

Strauss seemed to be a thorn in Hotch's side particularly since he took over as Unit Chief.

And Haley...well Haley had been growing more discontent with Hotch's position in the BAU for a while now. Morgan had been present during one conversation when Haley had called JJ trying to reach Hotch while they were on a case. Poor JJ didn't deserve that level of rage for just answering her phone and explain to their boss' wife that he was unavailable at that moment. And according to Garcia, it hadn't been the first time JJ had received a similar call.

And arguing with his wife was definitely at the top of the list of things that would put Hotch in a bad mood.

 **####**

Hotch watched as an irate Emily walk out of his office. He looked at the door that she had just stormed through and then down at his desk. Looking back up he followed her movements through his window as she went across the catwalk, down the stairs and out of the bullpen.

'Crap' he thought as he banged his fist down on his desk. He was so sure that Emily had been the leak, especially after he had seen her conversation with Congresswoman Steyers and then her question at the crime scene today. He had been working long enough first as a prosecutor and now as an FBI agent to know not believe in coincidences.

However, in this case, all that experience seemed to have failed him.

The profiler in him was confident that she had been completely honest with him just now. He could not detect any signs of deception from her words or body language. Speaking of words, he didn't think he had 'sir' sound so much like 'go fuck yourself' before today. As for body language, there had been no mistaking the fire coming off the glare she directed at him.

Hotch knew he should give himself a mental slap to the back of the head. He needed to get a grip when it came to Emily. She was on the team. He was her supervisor. Yes, he had some concerns about how she would do long term in the BAU. But as he had said to her, she was doing good work. The profiles she had written up on the few consults he and Gideon gave her had been excellent.

But what it came down to was he didn't trust her. Not after how she lied and deceived him 12 years ago.

He would never forget that day sitting in his office at the Ambassador's house when he overheard staff discussing Emily's transfer to Brown as well as her recent engagement.

He had been devastated. And felt so betrayed.

They had made plans to live together in New Haven. He had already put in for a transfer to the New Haven field office once he finished his assignment with her mother.

He had come up empty in all his attempts to contact Emily over the next couple of days wanting to hear the news from her. Find out what happened.

Then he had been called into HQ and offered a position on an international task force in Europe that unexpectedly had an opening. This had been one of his dream assignment when he joined the FBI. A dream that he had been willing to put on hold to be with Emily in CT.

But he hesitated. He hadn't wanted to walk away without talking to Emily however she was nowhere to be found.

Then after a day listening to staff as they planned to clear out Emily's apartment in New Haven and store her belongings since she was moving in with her fiancee, he was certain he had lost her and called that afternoon accepting the assignment. Three days later, he was on a plane to London.

He shook his head at the memory before sighing. He knew he couldn't jump on her for no reason again. Or accuse her of misconduct. Unless he had proof.

As far as he could tell she had done nothing on this case to warrant that level of overreaction. Without proof, these overreactions were just going to give Strauss fuel against him.

That wasn't helpful to anyone or to the team as a whole. And if he didn't mask the mistrust the rest of the team would pick up on it if they hadn't already.

On a different note, the whole interaction did allow Hotch to profile Emily. What he had been able to discover was what she had been keeping so guarded behind her walls that had stubbornly stayed in place since coming to the BAU.

Whether it was intentional or not he wasn't sure but she had allowed her mask to drop. He had seen the raw emotions behind the mask. A passion for the job they do. Compassion for the victims they encounter. Pain. A hatred of politics. When she was talking about what politics does to people, it was clear that she was talking from experience.

And finally she was hurt and angry. By his insinuations and accusations. And on this side of the conversation, he had to admit she had every right to be.

He had questioned her integrity and loyalty to the team on the flimsiest of associations. He had agreed when she started that he would give her a chance and today he had reneged on that.

While it would be beneficial for the team from a political standpoint to stay in the good graces of the congresswoman, the actions he had started to take had the potential to affect the team's reputation as seeker of justice for all victims.

That would be a difficult thing to win back if lost. He needed to refocus and treat this case how he would handle any other case. Emily was right to call him out on it. He just wished it hadn't been when he was questioning her motives.

To be effective in the BAU, he needed to focus in the here and now.

He had gotten caught up in the promise of his future career and the career goals his wife had for him.

And he lost sight of the big picture. He had let ambition cloud his judgement.

They were working this case to catch the killer. To prevent more murders. To get justice for the victims. Distractions like that are what get people killed.

But Hotch found himself left with an important question. Since Emily had no part in the Congresswoman finding out about this case then how did she find out?

 **####**

After storming out of the bullpen, Emily quickly made it across the lobby and to the stairwell.

A couple of minutes later she opened the door and stepped out onto the roof. She immediately stopped, took a deep breath and looked up at the sky. After releasing a pent-up frustrated yell, Emily walk to the quiet area away from the helipad.

During her first week with the BAU when the team had been in St Louis, Emily had rediscovered this calming place from her Academy days. She smiled as she found the area she was looking for, taking in the evidence that others had also found this spot.

Pacing back and forth, Emily's thoughts went back to the meeting she just had with Hotch.

What the hell!?

Yeah, asking that seemingly innocuous question at the crime scene hadn't been her best idea but damn.

How did it turn into her leaking information about a case? Having a political agenda? And problems with trust?

He had accused her of leaking details of the case to the Congresswoman.

Like she would ever do that, especially to the Karen Steyers. The only reason Emily has even spoken to her was the Congresswoman approached her. All she had done was exchanged pleasantries with an old friend of her mother's for all of 3 minutes in the middle of the bullpen with a lot of other agents around.

The ironic thing was Emily couldn't stand Karen Steyers. She possessed the same qualities of the Ambassador that Emily could not stand.

Not surprising since they had been friends for years. It was hard to believe that there was someone more political that her mother but Karen Steyers was.

And her feelings about the Congresswoman aside, she would never leak details of a case to anyone. It is actions like that in this line of work that can get someone killed if the wrong person was tipped.

But dammit, she didn't do it. And didn't know who did.

And if the almighty Aaron Hotchner wanted to see someone with a political agenda he just needs to go and look in a damn mirror.

He must have forgotten. She was in the room when he shut JJ down several times about making a statement to the press. Actions that would have been appropriate, given the profile of the UNSUB. And he knew that.

Pulling out one of the chairs tucked away, Emily sat down and rubbed her hands. She looked down at the ground wondering where she should go from here. His words and accusations had cut deep at her soul.

With most people, Emily had a thick skin. But Aaron, he could get past her defenses, through her walls like no one else.

Wiping a tear off her cheek, Emily considered how she could still love him even after that meeting. God, this sucked.

This isn't the Aaron Hotchner that she remembered.

It looks like she isn't the only one who has changed in the last 12 years.

Taking a deep breath, Emily realized her pity party needed to be over. The case wasn't going to solve itself. If nothing else, Emily was not going to let Aaron know that he affected her this way. She wasn't going to give him that power.

She had an idea for a search but she would need Garcia's help. With that thought, Emily stood up, folded the chair back up and placed it back where it had been. After a few more deep breaths, Emily turned and walked back to door to reenter the building.

 **####**

Garcia was working on a personal project when she heard a knock at her door. The team hadn't given her anything new to work on for the case. Confused, she got up and walked over to the door, wondering who was there. The team would generally just walk into her office.

When she opened the door, she was somewhat surprised to see Emily Prentiss standing there, looking a bit worse for wear. Garcia had heard from Derek about the meeting she had with Hotch earlier. Garcia held the door back, inviting Emily to enter.

"Hey Peaches, what can I do for you today?" Garcia said, happily.

"Garcia, can you run a search for me? It's about the case."

"Sure, hun. What am I searching for?" Garcia answered as she sat down at her desk in front of her keyboard.

"If there is anything weird about anyone on Congresswoman Steyer's staff." Emily replied, walking over to stand next to Garcia.

Garcia chuckled before saying, "You mean other than they work for a politician. Oops, sorry. I forgot for a moment." She cringed slightly forgetting briefly who Emily's parents were.

"It's fine, Garcia. I'm not fond of politicians myself. Look for anyone who would fit the profile." Emily said smiling, watching as Garcia typed on her keyboard. Before she could say anything else, her phone started to ring.

"Prentiss. Hey Derek. I'm in Garcia's office. No, she's checking out a hunch for me. I'll be back out as soon as we're done. He doesn't have to. OK, see you in a few."

Noticing as she hung up that Emily seemed to suddenly be a few shades lighter than when she walked into the office a few minutes before. "What's the matter, Peaches? You look pale all the sudden."

Emily sighs and shakes her head before answering quietly. "I'm fine."

Garcia looked up at Emily and then back to her screen, typing quickly. "OK, it should be done in a few."

"Thanks Garcia." Emily says as she pats the tech analyst's shoulder.

They both looked up when the heard the door to Garcia's office open to see their Unit Chief. He nodded at the two women before asking, "What have you found?"

Garcia could feel the tension between the two profilers in the room. Hotch looked back and forth between the two women. Emily had yet to acknowledge his presence. "Nothing yet. Emily is having me run a search of Congresswoman Steyers staff."

"Prentiss?" Hotch asked questioningly.

Emily raised her head and looked right at him as she answered. "It occurred to me after I left the bullpen that the person who leaked the information to the Congresswoman may have done it to slow down or stop the investigation. I asked Garcia to check the members of her staff to see if any of them fit the profile."

Hotch took a deep breath before answering her, knowing that he needed to admit what he had just learned, wishing that he had known a couple of hours ago.

"After we spoke earlier, I investigated the leak further. I found out how it happened when I spoke to Detective Barnes a few minutes ago. There was an intern from the Congresswoman's office at the precinct doing research for the legislation when Reid went in to speak to him. The Chief of Detectives received a call a couple of hours later from the Congresswoman's Chief of Staff asking questions about the inquiry and the BAU's interest."

Emily nodded and answered coldly. "I see. Was the intern male or female?"

"Female"

Hotch turned and looked at the tech analyst. "Garcia, what can you tell us about the Chief of Staff?"

"Also female."

"So a bust." Emily said shaking her head.

Hotch shook his head. "No, we can't rule out the staff yet. We don't know who else either of these two spoke to or if someone else in the office overheard the conversation. Garcia, pull up the photos are all the men on her staff. Prentiss, we are meeting in the conference room." Then he turned and walked out of the room, heading back towards the bullpen.

"Thanks Garcia." Emily says as she slowly walks towards the door, relieved that Hotch had left and not waited for her. She wasn't ready to talk to him yet.

Garcia looked up at her with a big smile. "Anytime, Peaches. You better hurry up. He looks like he's on a mission."

 **####**

Hotch looked down into the bullpen through his office window. After the earlier press conference, he was certain that Congresswoman Steyers would be gracing the BAU with her presence sooner or later. He had not doubt that she would be angry when she did arrive. And now they were ready.

Hotch had been pleasantly surprised when Morgan and Prentiss had arrived back at the BAU with three prostitutes willing to be interviewed. It had been a long shot to expected any to agree to come into the FBI.

When Hotch spoke to him, Morgan immediately threw his hands up and stated that it wasn't him who had convinced the women to come in, it had been Emily. She had built off the interactions she had had with each of the women over the last few days. Emphasized to them that the FBI wanted to catch this guy as soon as possible but needed their help. Promised that they were only coming in as witnesses, would be free to leave at any time, and she would personally make sure they got back as soon as they were done. And he was pleasantly surprised that it had worked with three women.

Hotch had witnessed earlier the attention that Emily gave the women. She had shown them to the conference room to wait for the Congresswoman to arrive. Made repeated visits to the break room to bring them coffee and various snacks.

Then knowing that the women could leave at any time, he had overheard Emily reviewing with them the characteristic of the man they were all describing. She also asked about days and locations they had encountered the man, building the team's knowledge base on this UNSUB.

She was treating them as he would expect anyone from his team to treat any witness, regardless of their occupation. Though the more he watched, the more guilty he felt.

As Emily's words sunk in from their conversation a couple days ago, Hotch realized how hypocritical that whole conversation had been.

It was not that long ago in St Louis when he assured the mother of a murdered prostitute that her job didn't mean she was any less important.

But on this case, his actions had not consistent with that mindset. He had been asked to changes to how his team approached this case. Not for a logistical or tactical reason but because of politics.

And to his now regret he has acquiesced to the request. But that stops today. He wasn't going to stand over the body of another dead woman knowing that he hadn't led his team into doing everything possible to prevent it.

When he had explained why he wanted to see if women to come in, he had asked Emily if she wanted to be involved in this meeting with the prostitutes and the Congresswoman. After looking at him as if he had two heads, she responded:

'Sir, I'm here to do my job as an FBI agent. I don't care if she sees me doing my job. I want her to see me doing my job. And I'm not going to stop doing my job to please anyone. I agree that this is the best way to catch this guy and like I said earlier I want catch whoever is killing these women. A possible angry call from the Ambassador will be a small price to pay if we can get this guy before he kills anyone else. Beside it's not like it would be the first time she had an issue with how I'm living my life.'"

 **####**

They solved their case and the UNSUB had been arrested. Hotch was getting ready to leave for the night but there was one last conversation that he wanted to have. He needed to apologize to Emily.

When she left the bullpen earlier, he noticed that she pulled out her gym bag. Not entirely surprising after the stress of the last few days.

After grabbing his bags and coat, Hotch closed his office door and made his way down to the training facilities. Walking off the elevator, Hotch wondered what equipment he was going to find that Emily favored to de-stress.

He was surprised when he entered and could not find her anywhere. He must have waited too long and missed her. After looking around one last time, Hotch turn to leave and unexpectedly came face to face with the women whom he had been looking.

"Emily, I was hoping we could talk." Hotch said.

Emily looked up, surprised at who she had just bumped into. Hotch had been the last person she had anticipated running into down here tonight. She had just walked out of the locker room wearing a t-shirt and black athletic capris holding a roll of tape in her hands. As he stood in front of her Hotch noticed that instead of wearing shoes, she had padded protectors on her feet that were used there when training in hand to hand.

"Now? Do we have a new case? My phone didn't ring." Emily said as she pulled her phone out of her waistband to look at the screen.

"Yes, now. And no new case. I want to apologize about the other day." Hotch said quietly.

Hotch had moved to stand on her left side watching as she placed her phone back into the same spot on her pants. As she raised her head to look at him, Hotch got a whiff of chlorine. 'Ah, she had been over at the pool when he came down.' He thinks to himself.

"Why apologize? You were just reiterating that I'm still not wanted or trusted on your team. Fine, I get the message. But I'm here to do a job and I'm going to continue to do my job." Emily replied bitterly.

Hotch watched as she roughly apply the tape around hands as she spoke. There was no question that she was still angry with him.

"Emily, please."

Emily turned and looked him right in the eye, enough fire in her eyes to incinerate him.

"Agent Prentiss. My name is Agent Prentiss or Prentiss while we are working."

"And what about outside of work?" He asked cautiously.

Emily looked up at him. She shook her head and chuckled humorlessly before responding. "Well, Agent Hotchner, I don't see the point of planning for something I don't see happening. And that note, goodnight sir. I have a date."

With that Emily walked away from him and over to the punching bags. After doing a check of the tape on her hands, Hotch watched as Emily started working with the bag. Slowly at first and then gradually increasing the tempo.

After a few minutes his phone rang 'Gideon' and walked out of the gym to take the call. Thankfully Gideon and Morgan had the situation under control and were going to take care of Reid and Garcia.

Hotch decided to head out. He knew from experience that with as angry as she was he wasn't going to get any further with Emily tonight, knowing that tonight the face on her punching bag was his.

Emily had been surprised to run into Hotch in the gym. How in the hell did he know she would be down here?

Aaron Hotchner was really the last person she had wanted to talk to tonight. After they had arrived back at BAU after catching their UNSUB, Emily had uncharacteristically been one of the first on the team to leave for the evening.

After grabbing her gym bag, she went down to the locker room and changed into her swimsuit to take advantage of the Academy pool. After doing countless laps, Emily returned to the locker room finding that while the swim had helped some, but she still had frustration to work off.

Aaron Hotchner, the cause of most of her pent-up frustration, was the last person she had expected to see when she walked out of the locker room. She was glad that it was now instead of 10 minutes before she had still been in her swimsuit. That would have been really awkward.

Emily could still feel his eyes on her for a few minutes after she started to work with the bag. She made sure to keep her back to him, not wanting to engage him anymore tonight. Just when she was beginning to wonder if he was going to wait until she was done to talk to her again, she sensed that he was gone.

After a few more minutes, she rotated around and confirmed that he had actually left. Emily could feel the tears start to fall.

She hated being angry with him. But dammit, she wasn't ready to listen to an apology. And definitely wasn't going to accept one for how he treated her on this case. Not yet.

She was still so angry and hurt by what he said. But he had at least acknowledged what really happened with the leak. At least he knew for sure it hadn't been her.

After a few more minutes, Emily noticed that her shoulders and arms were burning. Looking at the time, she decided to call it a night. She was exhausted.

And she was going to need to be well rested before entering the BAU the next morning. One thing she was certain of was that Aaron wasn't through with her.

And in the office she was his subordinate and wouldn't be able to avoid a conversation if he wanted to push it.

 **####**

The next morning, Aaron Hotchner walked into the BAU with purpose… and a plan. The plan had been formulated the previous evening after he arrived home.

Haley had once again been angry that he had been home 45 minutes later than he had planned. After yelling at him for a half hour, she stormed out saying she was going to visit a friend.

Thus leaving Hotch to bathe and put Jack to bed. Not that he minded at all. His favorite time of day was cuddling with his son in the rocking chair as Jack fell asleep.

After Jack was settled in his crib for the night, he had some time to think.

And before Haley returned home well after 1AM, he knew what he wanted to do the next day. He was hoping that if this plan was successful, it would smooth things over between him and Emily.

And yes, he still thought of her as Emily even if she had requested he only address her as Prentiss.

When reviewing all the cases for consult with JJ, he directed the largest percentage to Emily. It included a variety in the types of the cases the BAU handled and included a couple of complex consults. He wanted to see how she would handle those particular cases.

He had ignored JJ's concerned look at the case assignments. It was clear that JJ did not agree with some of his choices. But he wasn't concern himself with that. It wasn't like he wasn't going to be reviewing all of her profiles carefully before sending them to the appropriate police department.

Before JJ left with the files to distribute, he attached a note to the top of Emily's pile.

 **####**

As Emily arrived at the BAU, she was nervous about the day ahead. The previous evening's workout and sleep had gone a long way to improving her mood. She did still have some residual soreness in her arms and shoulders, however, that was much improved from when she had first woken up. Getting out of bed had been painful.

The atmosphere in the bullpen seemed to indicate that today was going to be a much needed paperwork day. Unless, as always, an urgent case came in.

As she approached her desk, Emily was shocked to see the tall stack of files sitting there. Usually she only had a couple each day and was done by lunchtime. As she reached her desk, certain that it was a mistake, she noticed a note on top in Hotch's handwriting:

 _Prentiss,_

 _Included in this stack are files representing the various types of cases that BAU handles. Bring what you have completed to my office by 4PM. After I review your work, we will go over each case together. If you have any questions, ask Gideon or myself._

 _-AH_

 _PS I don't expect this whole stack to be finished today._

Emily smiled and sat down at her desk, anxious to get started on the case files in front of her. Her usual trip to the break room for coffee was quickly forgotten. This was finally her opportunity to show the team what she could do. She wasn't going to waste it. These profiles would have to be her best work.

As Emily started to read over the details in the first file she open, she heard her phone buzz with an incoming text message. She wasn't surprised to see it was from Hotch.

 _I'm sorry. I said I would give you a chance and so far I've done a lousy job. Here is your promised chance. See you at 4._

 _-Aaron_

After reading the message twice, Emily nodded before sending back a quick reply.

 _Thank you._

 _-Prentiss_

She placed the phone down on her desk. It wasn't long before she realized that he knew just saying the words of an apology weren't going to be enough for her.

By the action of letting her prove herself, he was showing her that he was sorry. And he was giving her the only thing she had asked of him-a chance to prove herself.

 **AN: I've added more information on what happened between them in the past. Also Hotch's experience is different that what was written about Emily previously. This is intentional. They will at a later point find out what really happened but first they will need to talk to each other but they aren't there yet.**


	3. Secrets of the Past

**TW for discussion and illusions to past childhood sexual abuse. It is canon for the episode however in this story though nothing graphic it is discussed so I'm adding the TW.**

Hotch had just finished a meeting and was headed back to his office.

Walking up to the glass doors, he noticed that Reid was once again experimenting with his canister rockets. Today, he had the audience of JJ and Garcia. Hotch chuckled to himself as he watched Reid wait until both turned around before he would add the chemical components to the film canister. According to Reid, a magician never reveals his secrets.

Reid knew he wasn't supposed to be launching the canister rockets in the office. Hotch and Reid had had several conversations about proper workplace conduct, mostly after several errant launches that had nearly struck others in the bullpen.

A narrow miss of Strauss' assistant as she walked through the bullpen a few months ago had resulted in Hotch being on the receiving end of a lecture about the professionalism of his team from Strauss herself. After that, Hotch had been forced to tell Spencer no more rockets.

But of course as soon as Hotch was out of sight on a slow day, the forbidden toys came out again.

The ironic thing was that Hotch didn't mind the rockets. Or some of the other distractions Reid engaged in… well as long as he didn't break anything and got his work done.

And getting his work done was rarely an issue.

Reid needed to keep his mind engaged once he finished his work. It was actually interesting to see what the young genius created as distractions for himself and some days other people in the bullpen.

As Hotch was about to open the glass doors the SSAIC of one of the counterterrorism teams approaches him with a question. While they conversed, he inwardly groaned as he noticed that Reid was prepping another rocket to launch. Then it launched before Reid, JJ or Garcia saw Emily entering the bullpen.

A second later, it smacked Emily right in the forehead. Hotch winced imperceptibly as he noticed her look up and around confused about what just happened while rubbing her forehead. He was pleasantly surprised a few seconds later that after talking with Reid, Garcia and JJ she smiled and walked over to where they were going to watch the next launch. Yeah, it didn't look like she was too upset.

Hotch did hear her comment about whether he had a sense of humor. While he was sad to hear the question, it did not surprise him. Since Emily had joined the team, he had given her no reason to believe he still had his sense of humor.

Laughter and fun had been a huge part of their relationship 12 years ago. But like so many other aspects, that dynamic wasn't the same.

 **####**

The team responded quickly to the emergency callback, even with it being late at night. When Hotch walked out of his office 25 minutes later, everyone was in the bullpen and in 30, they were at the airstrip.

After takeoff, Hotch updated the team on what little he knew about what was going on with Morgan. Garcia had been left with the task of trying to find out more while the team was in the air.

The charges were extremely serious and not ones that a judge would sign arrest warrant for without some significant evidence. By the time the jet landed in Chicago, everyone just wanted off the jet to go to the police station and find out what was going on with Morgan.

Unfortunately, the information they learn at the police station was unsettling. They quickly discovered that the detectives had developed tunnel vision on their investigation of these murders. They had already decided long before this last murder that Morgan was guilty.

They were using a lot of circumstantial evidence and a profile Gideon had written not knowing that one of his own teammates was a potential suspect. The detectives were dismissive when it was explained that profiles should only be used to narrow a suspect pool not to accuse a particular person. But no level of explanation would turn the detectives off their path of wanting Morgan to be guilty of these horrific crimes against children.

Hotch's conversation with Morgan in the interrogation room was completely frustrating. Morgan was so angry with the situation and his long history with these detectives that he couldn't see the forest for the trees. The team was here to help knowing that the Derek they all knew could never do what he was being accused.

Hotch knew Morgan had trust issues but this time Hotch needed Morgan to trust him. To give him the information he needed to counter the detectives' theories. Hotch was worried if the team didn't get the upperhand soon, that the charges would take on a life of their own.

But Hotch could tell Derek was hiding something. Something big. And it was bigger than the case. So big that the thought of it getting out scared him more than the accusation of murder. And that was worrisome.

The revelation of Morgan's juvenile record was a complete shock to Hotch. As Morgan's supervisor, he should have known, expunged or not. It was the type of history that should have showed up in a background check for a prospective FBI agent.

While his current frustration was centered on Morgan, it just added to the growing list of secrets he was learning or suspecting about members of the team. It was having a similar impact on him as finding out the year before that Gideon had been working for an extended period for the CIA. And Hotch couldn't protect them when he is blindsided like this yet again. What others secrets did Derek have? And what would the fallout be for the team when it came to light?

 **####**

Emily along with Reid were assigned to visit and interview Morgan's family. She was nervous to be doing this interview. She was still very new to the team. This was not how she wanted to learn more about her colleague.

As the interview proceeded, the hair on Emily's neck started to stand up as Morgan's mother discussed the role that a man named Carl Buford had had in Morgan's teen years.

It was a reflex, her gut instinct, that she had learned to trust implicitly. And Emily didn't like what it was telling her.

Looking around, Reid seemed oblivious slowing eating a piece of cake. The detective was just annoyed having to be there with them, sure they already had the correct suspect in custody.

It was clear to Emily that Buford was an important part to the puzzle that was this case. She knew she needed to meet Buford to profile him. To find out where that puzzle piece fit. To see if the sickening feeling she had was justified. She was sure that he was involved in this case in a larger way. She also suspected that Buford had hurt her colleague in an unimaginative way.

But until she knew more she didn't want to tell Hotch what she suspected. But she couldn't go and talk to Buford alone or Hotch would rightly have cause to throw the book at her.

And Reid needed to stay here. They still needed to exhaust this line for the investigation.

And things with Buford could get dicey. The detective would be ideal in this case to accompany her. He could back her up if needed.

And more importantly, the LEOs would consider him to be an unbiased witness if Buford made any statements that could be incriminating.

 **####**

Once Morgan disappeared from the police station, the tension was palpable within the team. The police were more convinced than ever that he was guilty. Finding Morgan first became top priority knowing the LEOs were out for blood.

Emily knew she couldn't wait any longer for someone to put the pieces together. She needed to speak up and it had to be now. Walking over to where the team was strategizing, she took a deep breath. Then looking pointedly at Hotch, she listed off the details about Buford's relationship with Morgan that she and Reid had gained from talking to Morgan's family.

After what seemed like hours but in reality was only a couple minutes, the gravity of her observation seemed to dawn on both Hotch and Gideon and they took off immediately from the police station without explanation. Emily was relieved that they had seemingly understood what she was saying.

And hoped they would find Morgan before it was too late.

An hour later, the anxious team received the call they had been waiting for - Morgan had been cleared. The LEOs along with Hotch and Gideon were bringing in Buford after arresting him for the murders and potentially other charges. Hotch told them to go to dinner. He and Gideon would catch up with them once they finished packing up at the precinct.

 **####**

Having declined dinner with the team, Emily found herself wandering into a bookstore that had been a favorite while she was living in Chicago. As she walked into the store, the smell and warmth instantly hit her and the stress of the day started to disappear.

After browsing some titles, she went over and sat in her favorite overstuffed chair and pondered the events of the day.

She thought about Derek and what he was going through. What he had endured because of Buford. That he had keep those horrible experiences from everyone. Even his loving family. She hoped tonight that he had been able to go back to his mother's apartment with his family.

This case had brought back a lot of memories for her. And not the good kind. Though the circumstances were different, Emily had nearly suffered similar abuse by a trusted adult during one of her mother's postings.

What prevented her from suffering that same fate was the fortuitous interruption by her nanny who had grown suspicious of the attention that particular person was lavishing on her. The situation had prompted a flurry of activities that had her with her grandparents in France a couple of days later still unsure about what had happened. It wasn't until years later that she realized the gravity of what he had been doing and had almost done to her.

But the team couldn't find out. No one could. That is why she had separated from the team as soon as it was feasible. Her emotions were close to the surface.

She was worried if the team saw her this emotional, on her first case travelling with the team, that Hotch was assume she couldn't handle the work. Then he would try to use it as evidence that she couldn't handle being part of the BAU. Use it to cut her from the team.

She would then have to face the choice of whether or not to tell him what happened to her.

 **####**

When Hotch and Gideon arrived at the restaurant, they asked about Prentiss' absence. JJ said that she had excused herself, saying she would catch up with them later. Both JJ and Reid said they didn't question it knowing that until recently, she had worked in Chicago.

Hotch pushed the question of where Emily went to the side.

Today was as close as a victory this team got. They solved 3 murders and got a child molester off the streets. And they helped clear a colleague of serious criminal charges.

All while keeping those knowing Morgan's secret to just him and Gideon. And, Hotch sighed, he was fairly sure that Emily knew as well. He was going to need to talk to her.

 **####**

Emily let her mind wander until she realized she was the only customer left in the store. When she looked at her watch, she realized that it was close to closing time. And it was late and she should get back to the hotel.

Walking through the front door of the hotel, Emily took a few steps before she noticed Hotch sitting in the lobby, glancing at a newspaper.

As she walked through the lobby he looked up and over to her. Before she could walk any further, he gestured for her to come over to join him. She sighed and then pasted a smile on her face. She wasn't ready for a conversation yet but she wasn't going to let him know that.

As she approached him, Hotch stood up and pointed to a more secluded spot in the almost empty lobby of the hotel. At this hour, there were only the 2 clerks at the front desk.

"Hotch, I didn't realize we had a curfew?" Emily said nervously as Hotch motioned towards a couple of navy blue and beige chairs.

After they sat down Hotch looked over at Emily. He had noticed when she walked into the hotel that she wasn't looking as composed as she generally was. He answered quietly with a trace of concern in his voice. "No, no curfew. I just wanted to talk to you about today. You didn't join us for dinner. I decided to see if I could catch you when you returned tonight."

Emily replied relieved. "Oh good about no curfew. I suddenly wasn't sure when I walked in just now. I hadn't been back to Chicago since I moved to DC. I lost track of the time and didn't realize it was this late." She looked over at him, realizing that she was starting to ramble.

Hotch smiled slightly before saying. "It's fine as long we have finished with the case. If we were still working on a case, I'd want you here because we could be called out at any time if there was a change in the case. And during a case, we only take short breaks and during those breaks, I want everyone to be resting."

As he was talking Hotch realized that these expectations were generally included in what he reviewed with new agents to the team during his orientation with them. The orientation that he had pawned off onto JJ to do with Emily. He took a deep breath before continuing,

"In the future, I do ask that if you are going to leave the hotel, you call or text Gideon or me just to let us know. And then also when you return." As he spoke, he saw her looking down at the floor in front of her nodding, picking at her nails.

"Understood. Is that all sir?" Emily said as she looked at him, starting to stand up. Ready to go to her room for the night. However, the look on his face told her that their conversation wasn't over yet.

"No. I also want to talk about the case and Morgan. Prentiss, why when you were asked to talk to Morgan's family did you leave during the interview and have Reid finish alone?" Hotch watched as Emily sat back down in her chair.

Emily took a deep breath and gathered her thoughts before answering his question. "Some of the information that Derek's mother and sisters shared about the head of the youth center concerned me. I thought it would be helpful to speak with Mr. Buford."

"Was it the information you shared with the team before Gideon and I left the police station?" Hotch asked, looking at her intently.

"Yes, sir"

"What conclusion did you formulate about this information?" Hotch inquired. He noticed that Emily's body stiffened briefly before it appeared she forced herself to relax. Then she took in a deep breath and blew it out.

Looking right into Hotch's eyes before answering, Emily said. "That Mr Buford is a sick SOB who should be off the streets and not be allowed anywhere near children ever again. That he killed those boys to cover his own ass. Then tried to and almost succeed in framing Derek for the murders knowing it wouldn't be a hard sell to detectives who have had it out for him for years." As she finished, Emily looked down at the floor in front of her, again picking at her nails.

The pain, sadness and anger had been clear in Emily's response. However, now that he was sure that she did know, Hotch still needed to ask this next question.

"Have you shared your conclusions with anyone else?" Hotch asked her.

Emily returned her gaze to his face and shook her head before answering. "No. And I have no intention of mentioning my conclusions to anyone else, including Derek. From my point of view it would purely be speculation. You could say that it could be strong speculation considering how long I worked with Crimes Against Children. But still speculation. I will only be including an objective recount of what we learned in my report about our interview with the Morgans unless you would like something different."

Emily stopped to take a deep breath before continuing, her voice softer. "If Derek would like to discuss it with me at some point down the road, I would be happy to have a conversation with him, however, the initiation of that conversation would only come from him. I have no intention of rubbing salt in his wounds. The detectives seemed to do enough of that to him already."

Hotch nodded, taking in her words. This was exactly what he had hoped her response would be. "Thank you. That is good to know. I hope at some point he does feel comfortable coming to any of us. No one should have to deal with something like this alone."

"Sometimes alone is the only way to deal with it." Emily said quietly.

Hotch huffed before continuing. "Unfortunately, him keeping those secrets from us slowed down the investigation. Almost got him killed if the LEOs would have found him before us after he left the station."

Emily looked at Hotch incredulously. She turned and glanced around the lobby for signs of anyone from the team, seeing no one she continued. "You are going to hold it against him for keeping this part of his past a secret? We all have secrets, Aaron. And they are secrets because the information they contain can hurt us in some way. No one wants that."

Hotch looked at her surprised It was the first time in over 12 years that she called him Aaron. He had missed the way she said his first name. "There are consequences to keeping things quiet too."

Emily seethed. "You're not one to talk about keeping secrets, Aaron."

"What is that suppose to mean….Emily?" Hotch replied, slightly amused as he remembered their argument in the gym not that long ago where she insisted that the time would never come up where using first names would be an option.

Emily read and became annoyed by his amusement. "You know exactly what I mean. Are you going to tell the team about us? About our past?"

Hotch froze, any amusement completely gone. "Of course not."

"So it's OK to keep your secrets quiet but no one else can. Because I think our past would have a greater impact how the team functions than something that happened with Derek over 20 years ago." Emily asked, challenging him though she wanted the team to find out about their past even less than he did. She was almost certain that if the team was to find out at this point, her days in her current position would be numbered.

"That's different and you know it. Are you saying you do want to tell them?" Hotch jabs back.

However as much as he didn't want to, he could see her point. If the time ever came that the team was going to find out about their past, he would want him and Emily to tell them on their own terms. He wouldn't want the it to come out because of a case. He had missed when she baited him with making the conversation personal. But he couldn't figure out why she had become defensive.

Emily shot back at him. "Yes I do know it's different. Of course I don't want to tell them. But why is our privacy more important than everyone else's? It's not. And just like you I want our past to stay there… in the past."

Of course, keeping their past quiet was the safest decision for both of them. Hotch was married. They worked together now.

Even without those impenetrable barriers, there wasn't a chance of a relationship for them. Emily couldn't see a scenario where she could trust him enough again after he walked away without a word for 12 years.

But even with that betrayal and all the pain he caused her, Emily knew she still had feelings for him. And it sucked to be in love with someone you could never be with again.

Taking a breath, Emily continued. "But you can't vilify Derek for keeping something like this secret. For the next little while, having this information out there is going to make him feel vulnerable. If you start treating him differently or he picks up on your annoyance, it will reinforce why he kept it a secret and he will never fully trust you again."

Hotch nodded, agreeing with her point. Understanding the concern that came with her experience with Crimes Against Children. Suddenly he felt the need to make a clarification. "The secret I was referring to with Derek was his previous record. Not what Buford did to him."

Emily rolled her eyes and shot back. "Come on, Aaron. You mean the juvenile record? The one that was expunged and sealed. The one that didn't show up in the deep background check done when he applied to the FBI. The one with charges all filed by the 2 biased detectives that we met today. Maybe he thought it was in his file and you knew but because it was juvenile and expunged, it wasn't a problem. Or maybe he thought if it was a problem, it come back to haunt him long before now."

Hotch looked at her, surprised by the intensity of what she just said. And then he nodded and looked away, knowing Emily was right.

With Morgan's expunged record being brought to the surface, because of this case, the Bureau may create an issue for him. The next few weeks may be challenging for him. However, Hotch wasn't going to let it affect Morgan's position on the team. Morgan had always done good work and was an important part of the BAU. He would give Morgan his support if needed.

They both sat there quietly considering what had just been said both missing the person who had been concealed across the lobby who was now quietly walking back to the elevators.

Sensing her shift in the chair next to him, Hotch's attention returned to Emily. Emotions had settled down between them. Hotch could see the blush on Emily's face. And she wouldn't look over at him. He could tell that she wanted to be done with this conversation. But he had one more item to address with her.

"Emily... look at me." He then wait until she was looking at him and he had her attention before continuing, trying to keep his voice calm. "I need you to call me if you are going to switch locations from where I assign you. I meant what I said the other day about how important communication is when we are in the field. Buford was the UNSUB. The detective who went with you and was backing you up wasn't being objective. He saw Buford as a local hero."

Hotch stopped as he saw her nod her head before going on. "I am responsible for the life and safety of the entire team. I can't do that if you end up somewhere other than where I send you. I always need to know where each member of the team is when you are in the field. If a complication arises in the case, I need know immediately if any of us are potentially in danger."

Hotch continued. "Following a lead can be important in advancing the case but I need to know. Gideon and I had already spoken to Buford when he came in with the family of the boy killed yesterday. If you had called, one of us could have told you that Buford was at the station and we were already talking to him."

"Reid knew where you went, but he stayed where he was assigned. He didn't check in until 45 minutes after you left. It was over an hour after you had left before we found out you were not still with him. He had not mentioned it when he called for a ride back because he thought we already knew. A lot can happen in an hour with the type of criminals we are chase." Hotch felt his heart clench as he said those words.

He had been worried when Reid had said that Emily was no longer with him. As angry as he had been with her since she left him, he never wanted her to be injured or killed. Whether he wanted them or not, he still had feelings for her. He wanted to keep her safe. Or as safe as anyone could be as a member of the BAU. But he needed her to do her part.

"I also don't want you to separate from the team member I send you with. Why didn't all 3 of you go to follow up?" Hotch asked.

Emily nodded before explaining, "We needed to find out if the Morgans had any more information that we could use. That is why I had Reid stay.

And with what I was starting to suspect, I didn't want bring Reid. If this was the closely held secret that Derek was keeping, the fewer people he worked with finding out because of the case, the better.

Although I completely agree the detective was not being objective, for my purposes, that was a benefit. He was the perfect corroboration if Buford made any incriminating statements."

Hotch nodded, stood up and waited for her to do the same. Looking at her, he said "Ok. It's late and we both should get some sleep. Wheels up at 9AM. We are meeting for breakfast here and then leaving right afterwards. Good night Prentiss."

"Goodnight, sir." Emily said before she turned and walked over to the elevator to go up to her room.

Hotch watches as she walks away. He had been prepared to lay into Emily when she returned to the hotel. For not joining the team for dinner AND disappearing without letting him know. He had been prepared to do that UNTIL he saw how off kilter she looked when she walked into the hotel. And when he saw her showing that level of vulnerability, even just briefly, everything he planned to say to her just evaporated. Her body language worried him.

Was it the case or whatever her mysterious errand was before she returned to the hotel? Either way, she wasn't going to share the reason with him. And he had only himself to blame. He had been suspicious and confrontational with her since the day she started at the BAU.

He wasn't even sure at this point if she would come to him if she encountered a work related problem which was not ideal as he started to transition her into the field. He would have to keep a close watch on her. And do a better job of keeping himself in check when interacting with her.

 **####**

Emily enters her hotel room and quickly closed and locked the door. She only made it a couple of steps away from the door before she slid down the wall until she was sitting on the floor. She reached up and roughly wiped the tears from her cheek. Then she pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs.

Now that it was over, the emotions that this case stirred up were coming to the surface.

Her time away from the team earlier had helped reinforce her walls.

However, the long conversation with Aaron had been exhausting and had tapped into what was behind her walls. Thankfully the conversation had ended before she broke down in front of him. That would have shown a weakness which she could not risk.

She was upset for what she knew her teammate had once gone through. Emily didn't need to listen to the interrogation or read a report for the specifics of what happened. The knowledge that he had gone through a horrible experience was enough.

Taking a deep breath, Emily pushed away from wall and stood up. Wiping her face, she walked over to her bag. Taking out her pajamas, she going into the bathroom to shower. Sleep wasn't going to come easy tonight and she wanted to try as soon as possible. Morning and returning to Quantico couldn't happen soon enough.

 **####**

As the team settled in for the return trip to Quantico, Hotch observed his team. Reid and JJ were sitting together quietly talking. Gideon was sitting alone, reading. He had been distracted all morning. From his long history with Jason, Hotch knew that something was bothering the older profiler. But that wasn't surprising or unique today.

When Hotch's eyes fell onto Emily he found himself cataloguing her behavior, exploring if there was any of the same inner turmoil he had seen in her eyes the evening before.

Superficially, Emily seemed to be her usual flawless self. However his concern had started back at the hotel. Emily hadn't joined the team for breakfast.

When the subject came up, Reid had mentioned that he had seen her heading back upstairs with a cup of coffee when he came down. Skipping both dinner and breakfast with the team was worrisome particularly after their discussion last night.

However, he sighed, this was her first time traveling with the team. He really could be reading too much into it since he hadn't noticed her displaying any of her stress tells this morning as she had been the evening before.

When they reached the jet, she had chosen to sit apart from the rest of the team. It appeared that she was working on her report from this last case.

Again, he couldn't make any conclusion about it since there could be numerous reasons that she was sitting alone though it was unusual. Since joining the team, Emily typically went out of her way to interact with the rest of the team.

Hotch looked back down at his own paperwork. There was nothing he could do now. He was certain that something was still off with her. Unfortunately the answer of what wasn't there right now.

 **####**

As Emily settled into her seat on the jet, she pulled out the file that had the paperwork she needed to complete for this case. With it out on the table in front of her, Emily let her mind wander.

Morning had come after a long and fitful night plagued with nightmares. After being unable to get back to sleep, she had looked at the clock, noticing that the team was meeting for breakfast in the lobby restaurant in 30 minutes. Even with skipping dinner the evening before, she had no desire to eat. She knew that she needed to use the time to regain control of herself. There was no way she could look weak in front of her teammates.

However, knowing she was going to need some coffee to get through the day, she quickly changed into sweats and headed down to the lobby for a cup of coffee. Once back in her room and looking in the mirror, Emily noticed it was going to be a heavy concealer day if she didn't want the team to see the circles under her eyes.

She had timed her return to the lobby perfectly. The team was just finishing up at the restaurant as she was just checking out at the front desk.

 **####**

A few days later in the break room at the BAU, Derek comes up to Emily.

"Hey Prentiss, I want to thank you for your interview with my mom and sisters. They appreciated your calmness and approach. They also mentioned you helped in shutting down the detective and Reid's tangents."

"It was wonderful to meet them. I just wish the circumstances would have been different."

"Me too, Prentiss. Me too." Morgan says as they walk to their respective desk to work on their files for the day.


	4. What I Know about You Or Thought I Did

Back in his office, Hotch sits down at his desk. His thoughts went back to Emily. He looks through the files on his desk until he finds the one he is looking for right now. The personnel file for SSA Emily Prentiss. Generally, he would generally do the review of this information before he even interviewed a potential member of the team. But that wasn't how it was going to be with this agent due to Strauss' interference.

His thoughts went back to Strauss' comment during their phone call while he was in St. Louis. Since then, Hotch had been wanting to check the skill set Prentiss brought to the team that had impressed Strauss so much. And what 'deficiencies' the team had that Strauss was referring to.

For now, Hotch was going to give Strauss the benefit of the doubt and look at his new agent's skill set with an open mind.

A half hour later, Hotch looked up stunned. He hated to admit it. He really hated to admit it but Emily had skills that would greatly enhance the efficiency of the team.

At the same time there were areas of concern.

He was going to have to consider how to integrate this new agent.

Strauss hadn't been exaggerating when she said Agent Prentiss was well educated, however Hotch already knew she was though not the extent given he hadn't spoken to her in 12 years.

The summer he had been with Emily, she was in graduate school. But it was different looking at it from his current perspective.

And on paper.

Multiple advanced degrees, as many degrees as Reid.

A PhD in sociology.

Extensive coursework on children.

An apprenticeship with a medical examiner focusing on forensics.

Additionally, she was expected to finish her latest degree in Forensic Psychology shortly.

Then there was the fact she was multilingual. As the team had already witnessed, Emily was fluent in Arabic. Given that she appeared to have mostly grown up at various diplomatic posts, it made sense. In addition to Arabic, which had been invaluable on the terrorism case, she also had listed fluency in Spanish, French, and Italian. In addition she also had a working knowledge of German, Russian and Greek. Even for someone who grew up moving around the world, it was an impressive list.

To have a profiler who is able to speak multiple languages would be invaluable. This was going to be a huge asset for the team.

No one else on the current team was even bilingual. A somewhat working knowledge with Spanish was as close as any of them came. Reid enjoyed going to see foreign films with subtitles. He had excitedly asked others on the team to come with him without success. However, he seemed to focus more on the linguistics of various languages than actually using them to communicate.

Most times, if translation was needed, they needed to rely on a translator who was not trained in behavior.

The third area that stood out for Hotch was that Emily had extensive experience working with children. Her first assignment with the FBI had been with the Crimes Against Children unit, stationed in St Louis. She had worked on a CARD team. Additionally, she had also been certified as a Child Victim Interview Expert, which Hotch knew took time and commitment. One of her recommendations for the BAU had been written by a former colleague of Hotch and Gideon, SSA Katie Cole.

Hotch knew immediately that the current team ability to interact with children was another of the deficiencies Strauss had eluded to on the phone. Although their work frequently presented them with child victims and/or witnesses, the team didn't really have a go-to expert. Strauss had mentioned this fact several times in the past. It had also been feedback from more than one police department.

Reid lacked confidence with children and only had limited success, mostly with teenage males.

Hotch, Morgan and Gideon had all, at times, interviewed children though with mixed success. When it came down to it, all were male and alpha males at that. Experience showed that, in general, traumatized children reacted better to a woman. And depending on the details of the case, being interviewed by any male, regardless of how careful they were, could be too much for a child.

Elle's experience with sex crimes had made her invaluable with teen and adult female victims but she had proven to be hopeless when it came to interviewing children.

That brought them to JJ. She was able to connect with children and teens. Her contributions in Ozona and North Mammon highlighted that. But she hadn't studied behavior and wasn't a profiler. And as she explained to him after the North Mammon case, she didn't want to take the classes or be a profiler.

The last area that stood out for Hotch was that Emily was trained in a form of questioning called a cognitive interview. It is a sensory method of questioning that was relatively new. No one on the BAU team was currently trained to conduct this method of questioning.

A discussion a few months back had Gideon doubting the usefulness of the technique. Hotch did not push it until he was able to gain more information. And the research he had found was positive, particularly in circumstances that the BAU found itself interviewing witnesses. When the next opportunity presented itself, Hotch planned to observe her conduct this type of interview.

If he found they were able to gain positive results, Hotch considered sending one or two others from the team to be trained. If Gideon objected, so be it.

Hotch needed to make sure that the team had as many options in their interview toolbox as possible. Meeting the needs of a particular case and catching UNSUBs were his objectives.

However everything he read wasn't positive for how Emily would integrate with the team. There were some legitimate concerns.

His greatest concern was that she was coming from a desk position. That could become problematic. The BAU was not the place for an unseasoned field agent. The team took the worst of the worst cases. Even his experienced field agents would sometimes find some cases too much.

This revelation meant her competencies with him and Morgan were going to be even more important. Though Hotch was relieved that all her general FBI field tests were up to date and she was certified to carry her sidearm. That showed she was at least proficient in the basics.

However, for this team, he requires more than basic proficiency for those working in the field. Hotch needed the agents on his team to be able to carry out a full range of field duties.

While consults did make up a significant part of the job, when the team travelled on an urgent case, they spent the majority of the time in the field. Just like everyone else, Emily would need to show her skills. Then Hotch could determine the best use of those skills without putting her or others into a situation she couldn't handle.

When Hotch came up to her medical and psychological clearances, he looked down at the file confused. The good news is that she was cleared by medical and psych for full duty. That was positive. But that wasn't the confusing part.

What concerned him as that she was last cleared for full duty by psych less than 18 months ago. Hotch ponders this revelation. It was unusual for someone working a desk position to need to have a clearance done by psych. There were no incidents or write ups listed that would explain why she would need an additional clearance for full duty. Checking her record in the FBI system did not yield additional information. The report written by the Bureau psychiatrist wasn't included in her record, only that the psychiatrist recommended return to full duty.

Hotch sighed and shook his head. One of the reasons he was delayed on bringing in agents to interview for the open position was he and Gideon had been working on the list of questions for them ask.

The situation with Elle had shook the whole team but especially Hotch. He had his own guilt from being the one to send her home and not having been clear with Anderson to stay when Elle was shot. Then there was her freezing during her undercover assignment. Followed by her ultimately confronting and killing their suspect.

After that she couldn't stay on the team.

He knew that. She knew that. Hell the whole team knew it.

And as much as Elle leaving the job she loved was because of her actions, Hotch still felt that he had failed her. And he didn't want that to happen again.

With the type of cases the BAU encountered and monsters the team chased, having an agent with unknown incidents that required a psych release for duty was unsettling. Not knowing if a particular situation was going to trigger a reaction.

Asking Strauss wouldn't get him anywhere. Even if she knew more, she wouldn't be able to tell him. She would tell him it wasn't a problem because psych had cleared her. But psych had cleared Elle too. And he didn't want another Elle.

Hotch moved on to reviewing the rest of her file. The background information gave him a clearer picture of the person behind the agent. It also allowed him to form a more accurate profile. But with Emily, it was a little different. Their past relationship made it a bit weird. But if she was going to be on his team, he was going to treat her as he did every other agent.

Turning back to his computer screen, Hotch started to scroll through her personnel record.

No surprises in the demographic information. He had already known her birthday. Address was in the District which could be a rough commute to Quantico every day.

Hotch sighs before he looked at what he knew to be the next section, marital status. He was shocked when he saw that she had single listed. Not divorced or widowed but single. He noticed the first day in his office that she wasn't wearing a ring. He had just assumed that it was that she wasn't currently married. Not that she never had.

The next section was equally confusing. She had no dependents. This news immediately sobered him from the small measure of satisfaction that things did not work out with the man she left him for.

Hotch was surprised that she didn't have children. A family with a husband and children was a future that Emily had mentioned several times the summer they were together.

Part of the life they had planned together.

He remembered how her eyes would dance whenever she mentioned children. He found that he had to stop himself from wondering what happened to make her change her goals.

Or maybe he never really knew the real Emily.

Hotch thought he knew what he was going to find in the next section about her family. But there were surprises there also. One of his first assignment with the FBI was doing security checks for Emily's mother, Ambassador Elizabeth Prentiss, before one of her diplomatic postings overseas. It was the summer he had been with Emily. He had also met her stepfather former Undersecretary of State Edward Carmichael.

What Hotch hadn't known was that the Ambassador was the daughter of Alexander Breckinridge, who was well known in intelligence circles for his work during the Cold War. It was a name Hotch hadn't heard in many years. After he retired, he disappeared off the map with reports that he had died in the early to mid '90s.

The next line listed Emily's father. When Hotch had worked for the Ambassador, the only information he had been given is that he wasn't a security concern.

Emily had never mentioned her father. What Hotch read saddened him. Her father, Sebastian Prentiss, had been killed during a diplomatic mission in the Middle East during the summer of 1977. He had been a diplomatic expert in Arab Affairs and that was where his assignments had been concentrated. Emily would have been 6 when he died.

The section on siblings was equally as saddening. Listed there was Emily had had a brother, Benjamin. Older from looking at the dates. He had died in the spring of 1974. Emily would have been about 3. She had never mentioned a brother to him. Nor had he ever seen any pictures. It was possible, give her age when he died, that she didn't remember that much about him. Thinking about it as a profiler, these losses could explain at least part of the tense relationship that he had witnessed between Emily and the Ambassador.

Hotch looked at his screen and scrolled down to the education section. He was moderately horrified that the sheer number educational listings Emily had listed before college. Hotch himself had attended the same private school in Virginia until he was sent to military school in his teens. Emily had a mix of international schools all over the Middle East and Europe, a convent in Switzerland and private instruction before attending what he knew to be a boarding school in Virginia. It appeared she didn't attend any school for longer than a few months. Most of the time not even a full academic year. Except for the boarding school. She was there for the last two years of high school. She had graduated from high school with honors in 1989. He hadn't realized she had attended boarding school as well.

Scanning over her college records were intriguing. Georgetown for undergraduate. Earning a BA in Sociology and a BA/MA in Psychology. She earned 3 degrees in 4 years. Graduating summa cum laude.

Next was graduate school. She attended Yale University. Graduated with a MA in Criminology and a PhD in Sociology.

Now Hotch was confused. He had overheard that summer that she was transferring to Brown. If she transferred, she wouldn't have graduated from Yale. Something wasn't adding up here.

Since the FBI requires an official transcript from each institution, Hotch knew that what was in her file was accurate. He clicked on the Yale entry which he knew would show the scanned copy of her transcript.

He nervously tapped his fingers as he waited for the page to load.

When it popped onto his screen, he felt a feeling of dread. She had classes listed for the fall of 1994. And every semester after until she graduated. She never left Yale.

Then why had her stepfather's staff talked about her transfer and all the effort it took? Did she change her mind before classes started? He had wondered for years what he had done to make her leave him the way she did.

The final entry listed under education was the degree she was currently working to complete was in Forensic Psychology.

Putting the Yale confusion aside, Hotch delved into her Academy and FBI records. Based on when she attended the Academy, Emily must have started immediately after graduating from Yale. She had a great record at the Academy. All test scores were excellent.

For the BAU, Hotch was interested in her profiling courses and how she did in them. It appeared that she had taken the FBI profiling courses and had received excellent scores. Then she took the profiling classes taught by Interpol. Interpol!? What was that about?

In addition to the recommendation from Katie Cole, there were two others listed. However, he was unable to access them. 'That's strange.' The links weren't active on them as it was with Katie's. He would need to come back to it. From their phone conversation, Strauss had read them. If all else failed, he could talk to Strauss about seeing her hard copy.

When Hotch came to the section on previous addresses, he just scanned over it. Looking at the number of pages, he was relieved that he hadn't been the one who had needed to do her background check. Having done them in the past, it was tedious and time consuming though essential.

He stopped when he reached the summer of 1994. Hotch was curious about the summer they were together. When he looked it up, he was completely baffled.

She listed her parent's home for the whole summer and then her same apartment near Yale that fall. What happened with wanting to live with her fiance?

If that wasn't confusing enough, the list over the last 5 years has a lot of holes and inconsistencies with her assignments. That's unusual as well. Human Resources is generally very strict about all time being explained.

The section on previous assignments was what she had said the first day in his office. She had been assigned to various field offices in the midwest since graduating from the FBI Academy. The assignment she had just come from in Chicago was in the Capital Crimes division. Hotch pondered the list of assignments, something not sitting right with him.

The first thing that stood out was she remained stationed in… Indiana in the aftermath of the 9/11 attacks. That made absolutely no sense, none at all.

Hotch knew that in the fall of 2001 every government agency was scrabbling to find skilled translators in Arabic. Each agency was recalling any employee to DC who had even basic knowledge to translate the mountain of intelligence that was being collected. There was a real fear of additional attacks for weeks that everyone had been scrambling to stay ahead of. Time had been of the essence.

Emily's fluency in Arabic was clearly listed in her record. Why was she not reassigned like everyone else with even marginal knowledge? Was it a political play by the Ambassador to keep Emily out of DC? Or something else?

The question that next came to Hotch's mind was why with her education, experience and drive she had repeatedly been assigned to various field offices but only in the midwest.

With her credentials, she should have been a top contender for a position in a regional office on either coast as well as Quantico and even HQ in the District.

Katie Cole wrote one of her recommendations so obviously knew her. Why did Emily not transfer to the Baltimore Crimes Against Children office to work with Katie?

So what was the hold in the midwest? And why the change now?

When Hotch noticed she had write-ups, he quickly looked into the reports for each. Fortunately none were worrisome to him.

When Hotch noticed who her SSAIC was in Chicago, he wasn't surprised by the two write ups that were listed in her file, along with his recommendation that she NOT be considered for a position with the BAU.

Hotch had met him. He was worse than Strauss when it came to being by the book and regulations. A bureaucrat through and through. And what he had written up as 'reckless behavior' weren't even significant events. At least not as far as Hotch was concerned.

As he logged out of Emily's personnel file, Hotch looked down at the paper file in front of him and closed that as well. He put it aside to take over to Gideon's office. He sighed and sat back in his chair.

He seemed to have more questions now than when he began. He was going to need to be thoughtful about integrating her into the field, regardless of the results of her competencies. She may be working a lot of victimology with Reid for a while.

In the field, he was going to have her mostly stick with interviews, crime scenes and talking with coroners until he could get a better profile on her. Emily may have a steeper than usual learning curve in her path.

Looking forward, Hotch needed to make arrangements for Emily to have Morgan test her in hand to hand and takedown/arrest procedure.

Hotch generally handled tests for the team at the gun range and tactical maneuvers. He sighs. He is going to need to do that with her too. He can't pawn that off on someone else like he did asking JJ to review orientation paperwork with her.

Hotch had been hoping for some insight into what happened the summer they were together. But the reasons that had been given for why she left weren't reflected in her record.

The answers that he was looking for weren't here. At some point, they were going to need to talk. Working together in the field requires a level of trust and to get to that point they were going to need to clear the air.

But not today.


	5. You Bet Your Guns I Can

Around 10:30PM, Emily receives a text message.

 _ **Meet me at my office at 8:30AM tomorrow morning.-AH**_

Emily responds with an acknowledgement of his text message. She was at the BAU before then every day so she didn't anticipate it being a problem. However, she wondered what the meeting was concerning. Hopefully there wasn't a problem with the profiles she had been writing up.

The next morning she arrives in the bullpen at 7:45. From the light visible through the blinds, it was clear that Hotch was already at the BAU and was working in his office. After placing her bag and coat at her desk, Emily headed to the break room in search of her morning coffee. The upcoming meeting wasn't going to start well if she already hadn't had some coffee. Thankfully, there was some fairly fresh coffee in the pot. After pouring herself a cup and dosing it with the necessary amount of Splenda, she started a new pot for the next people to arrive.

Back at her desk, Emily decides to organize her files and paperwork instead of digging into pile as she would on any other day. Not wanting to admit it to anyone, she was nervous about whatever this meeting was about. Enough so that she knew that she would not be able to focus if she tried to work on files. Or if she should be working on files if she had been doing something wrong with her consults. But organizing her desk would distract her for the next 20 minutes as well as allow her to be more productive once she was back at her desk.

At 8:25, Emily stood up and straightens out her clothes. Organizing the files had been the best idea to distract herself. Now everything was arranged into one of three piles. Before moving away from her desk, Emily drank the rest of the coffee in her cup. Placing the mug back on her blotter, she sighs and walks up the stairs towards Hotch's office. She knocked and was greeted with "come in". Entering just a couple of steps into the office and she says, "you asked to see me this morning, sir".

Hotch looked up and noticed her standing nervously just inside his door. "Prentiss, yes, we are going to the Academy tactical range and then to the Bureau gun range this morning." Hotch said as he stood up and walked around his desk after looking at the clock. "Now actually." He suddenly realized that the morning was going by quickly and it was later than he thought.

"Sir, I just passed my firearms qualifications two months ago." Emily interjected, annoyed as she brought her arms up and cross them over her chest.

Hotch sighed, knowing he should have expected the pushback. "Prentiss, I am aware of that. However, as Unit Chief, I need to evaluate each team member's abilities in all areas. I need to see for myself what you can do before I send you into the field. Is there a problem with going to the range? Anything I need to know?"

"No sir. Let's go." Emily says resigned. She walked out of his office and down the stairs, heading out towards the elevators, not really paying attention to how close he was following.

####

When they reached the tactical training area, Hotch had them working through various areas, pleasantly surprised about how well she was handling the scenarios.

Finally they came to the last, and to him, the most important tactical exercise that Hotch wanted her to complete.

As a profiler, the particular program he would chose in this area was the most telling about how an agent would handle stress in the field. Gideon used chess to gauge new agents. Hotch had created this specific tactical program for the same purpose.

Unlike most Academy programs, success was not the sole desired goal. What Hotch was look at was how each agent would approach the challenge that this particular program would present. And how the agent would respond in the field to the extreme stress. If someone wasn't able to handle stress, he would rather know in the simulated environment of a training facility than when they were actually in the field.

####

A few minutes later, Hotch and Prentiss were both pinned down, outgunned and taking heavy fire. Each was behind a barrier separately about 10 feet apart.

Emily looked around and took in their surroundings. After being momentarily freaked out, she could feel her training take over.

Evaluating their current predicament, Emily knew they couldn't stay where they were for much longer without their position being taken over and the exercise being over. Being a tactical test, she wasn't going to sit around waiting for that to happen. If she was going to be tagged out, it was going to be doing something to change their circumstances.

The best move she could determine was to move to another barrier 15 feet away though it was moving back from the simulated shooters. Based on their current positions, it only made sense for her to go. After getting Hotch's attention, she signaled to him where she was going and for him to cover her.

On a countdown of three, she moved to the new location and then regrouped, realizing that she had taken a hit in the arm. Considered minor for training purposes, she could continue with the exercise.

In order to get behind the closest shooter, she would need to crawl to avoid detection. Knowing that Hotch, her partner for this exercise, was still pinned down and taking heavy fire, she started to move as quickly as possible to the vantage point she had determined would give her the best opportunity to take out the first shooter. Once that one was eliminated, she could take over his position and easily take out the second shooter as well.

As she was moving forward, Emily heard Hotch call her name but ignored him. An answer from where she had travelled would compromise her new position. She just hoped he would trust her a bit longer and didn't call an end to the exercise before she got her shots off.

A few seconds later, Emily had reached the point where she had a decent shot at the plywood cutout that was the stand in for the shooter. She turned so she could maintain her cover while she took three shots, taking out that shooter.

One down, one to go.

Turning back onto her stomach she continued with her crawl to the point she had chosen to take out the second shooter. Once there, it was an easy shot because she was behind the target. Another three shots and that target was out too.

After confirming that they were the only shooters, she yelled 'clear' and almost laughed at the stunned look on Hotch's face when he stood up and walked out into the open.

####

Having been through this tactical program before, Hotch wasn't surprised when the hail of paintballs started to be shot at him and Emily. They both made it to cover though not together. Letting Prentiss take the lead on what their next step should be, Hotch covertly observed her. It wasn't long before he noticed her motioning to him that she was moving and for him to cover her on her count.

After she switched positions, Hotch lost contact with her. The new barrier she behind shielded her presence from him.

If this had been an actual firefight, he would have been concerned that she was severely injured or killed when she didn't check back in with him. But today, they were using paintballs.

However that didn't explain why she hadn't re-established contact. His frustration grew when she didn't reply when he called out to her.

He worried that she may have froze. He started shaking his head. He couldn't take an agent into the field that would freeze under fire.

Just as he was going to stop the exercise, he heard the volley of three shots about 20 feet in front of his position. He paused, wondering what had happened. It was followed by another volley less than a minute later.

Shocked was an understatement on how he felt when a few seconds later when he heard Prentiss yell 'clear'. He looked up at the screen for the exercise which was flashing 'Mission Successful'.

He walked out from behind the barrier and verified the kill shots on both targets. As he walked up to Prentiss, Hotch noticed a smear of color on her arm.

"You're hit." Hotch says to her, pointing towards her left arm.

She smiled, rubbing her arm. "Yeah, felt that. But it's minor. We both would have been in worse shape if we had been pinned down in the same places for too much longer."

"True but why did go after the shooters by yourself, especially if you were injured." Hotch enquired, looked at her in awe of what she had just accomplished.

"I knew I could get to the second barrier if you covered me. And I did, well except for the arm. You were further away from additional places to move. There would have been a greater risk if you tried to move anywhere else. However, if you had indicated that was what you wanted to do, I would have covered you." Emily replied with a slight smile.

"Why didn't you answer when I called to you?" Hotch asked, really needing an acceptable answer to this question. He couldn't have an agent who wouldn't check in in a situation like that.

"Ideally staying in communication is what you want in the field. When you called I was closing in on the first shooter." Emily replied, pointing to the spot on the field she was at when Hotch has called to her. "Given how outgunned we were, surprise was my only advantage. If I would have answered, that advantage would have been compromised."

Hotch nodded, agreeing with her assessment and rationale. "I see. Good job by the way. You had kill shots on both targets."

"Of course. I wouldn't have said we were clear if they were still a threat." Emily said, slightly annoyed.

Sensing her annoyance but decided to just let it go at the moment, Hotch replied. "Last stop is the shooting range before we can head back to the BAU."

"Aren't we missing the morning briefing?" Emily questioned looking at the time.

"Not today. We are meeting at 1 instead of 10. Gideon is teaching at the Academy, Reid is doing research, and JJ needed to be at a meeting this morning. Morgan is the point of contact for any urgent cases until all of us return." Hotch explained as he motioned for her to walk with him.

####

As they are finishing up at the shooting range, Hotch complements her shooting.

In passing Hotch mentioned that the rest of the team will be disappointed that more of them didn't bet on her.

"Excuse me, did you saying the team placed bets?" Emily said, stunned.

"Yes, you are coming from a desk position so there was uncertainty how you would perform on these skills." Hotch replied.

"So all of you placed bets. When did all this happen since I only found out this last night that we were even doing this?" Emily said incredulously while pacing back and forth in front of Hotch.

"Yesterday" Hotch answered. He watched intrigued as she paced certain if she was a cartoon she would have steam coming out of her ears right now.

"OK, well let's see if this helps anyone with their wager." Emily replied, seething.

She walks up to a target shooting station, place her ear covers on, waited for the range officer to clear her to make the shots before quickly fires off the 3 remaining shoots in her gun. She then took off the ear muffs, re holsters her gun and walks off without another word or checking her target.

Hotch watches her as she walked out. There was no doubt that she was royally pissed off. Before leaving, Hotch decides to check her accuracy on those last shots. He pushed the retract button to bring in her target closer to him.

While studying the target, he finds a center headshot and a center heart shot. Both would pass as kill shots. He was pleased with her accuracy particularly at the quick fire of her three shots. He stops and looks at the target again.

Prentiss fired three shots. He heard them.

He then looked back confusedly at the target for the third shot. It was then that he notices the third shot was a center groin.

He swallowed hard and looked again in the direction she had just walked. He had jokingly asked the previous year when Spencer made a similar shot if Elle had taught him. Hopefully Spencer wouldn't ask Emily for help before his next qualifications.

Taking off his ear muffs, Hotch pulled down the paper target and also walks out to head back to the BAU.

####

Being the only one in the bullpen had made for an extremely boring morning. Downtime to this extent was almost unheard of in the BAU.

Even on paperwork days, there was generally a consult or meeting or something that would break up the monotony of the day. But so far today, none of that.

And Morgan was seriously getting ready to climb the walls. Reid wasn't even here to prank. If it wasn't that Morgan was point of contact for the unit, he would have gone down to the gym to workout.

And in a final desperate attempt for interaction, he had approached a very surprised Anderson in a conversation in the break room. It had been a good idea in theory. But it had taken only two minutes to remember the reason he didn't have conversations with Anderson. The man was incredibly dull.

After what seemed like an eternity, Morgan noticed that the newest member of the team had returned. He watched as she passed through the glass door and walked over to her desk. Once there, she picked up the coffee mug sitting on her blotter and walked over to the break room.

Morgan immediately tried to engage her in conversation when she returned. He sighed dejectedly at her repeated clipped responses.

Apparently Prentiss wasn't going to be the one to break the boredom in the bullpen. As far as he could see she was completely focus on the consult in front of her.

It also seemed like she wasn't going to be the one to reveal how she did on Hotch's field tests. Given her demeanor since she returned, Morgan was starting to wonder just how poorly she had done. Gideon was the only one that bet that she would pass without a problem.

About 10 minutes later, Morgan observed the Unit Chief enter the bullpen. Morgan noticed that Hotch looked somewhat stressed and his frown was more pronounced. After looking around the bullpen, Hotch climbed the stairs to his office and closed the door.

It seemed like Hotch wasn't going to easily reveal the outcome of the tests either. Damn. The whole team had money down on the results and Morgan wasn't getting a sneak preview of who made money.

Giving a frustrated sigh, Morgan returns to the consult in front of him. It took a few minutes until he realized that with Hotch back, he could leave the bullpen.

With that realization, Morgan stood up from his desk and headed for Garcia's office. There was no doubt in his mind that his Baby Girl could break up his boredom.

####

When Hotch reached his office, he considered what he should do next. He had known as soon as he mentioned the bets, that it had been the wrong thing to say to Emily.

The team took bets on various events and topics as normal course. He had underestimated how poorly it would come across to her as a new agent to the team.

And it was clear that she was angry when she walked away from him at the shooting range.

Then he noticed that she had tensed up when he had walked into the bullpen. Whatever progress they had made over the last week seemed to have dissipated.

One step forward, two steps back.

Pushing back from his desk, Hotch profiled Emily's performance today. Overall he was impressed. And shocked that she had been successful on the program he created. No one else from the team had. Even JJ, Morgan and Elle who had all come to the team from an assignment of an active field agent hadn't been able to take out both shooters.

And that wasn't surprising as it was designed for them to fail. It tested each agent's process not the result. And Hotch couldn't find fault with either process or result in Emily's performance today. Her process had been sound.

He thought back to how Gideon had described her strategy when playing chess. _She was taking risks but they were calculated, she knew what she was trying to accomplish, what her goal was._ Hotch hadn't fully understood what Gideon was saying, until he had seen it with his own eyes today.

####

It was early evening and Emily was just returning to her desk after needing to pick up a notepad from the supply room. As she approached her desk, she smiled, noticing that the 3 piles that she had arranged her files in that morning were significantly lowered. Even with being distracted when she first arrived at the office and then being out at the training facility with Hotch for over an hour. Taking the time in the morning to organize had resulted in her being more efficient for the rest of the day.

As she approached her desk, Emily noticed something on her blotter than hadn't been there when she walked away from her desk less than 5 minutes before. Stopping to look around, taking in her surroundings, Emily contemplated what to do next. That question was answered when Morgan turned around in his chair, following her gaze to the unexpected item that was now on her desk.

"Hey Prentiss, not sure what that is but Gideon dropped it off on his way out." Morgan said looking over at Emily who had stopped several feet from her desk. She looked paler than she had just a few minutes earlier.

"He left?" Emily said after look at the box and then up to Gideon's darken office. She let out a breath that she hadn't realized she had been holding. No danger from the mystery object just something from a coworker.

"Yeah, just now. It is almost 6. Are you almost ready to call it a night?" Morgan closed the file in front of him and straightened up his desk.

As he did that he tried to covertly observe his colleague as she approached her desk. Morgan was trying to profile her sudden skittishness. It was almost like she was scared when she first saw the box, but why?

Morgan shook his head. Prentiss had proven to be incredibly hard to read. In some ways harder than even Hotch. But he was relieved that she was conversing with him again. The afternoon had been very quiet in the bullpen.

"Not quite. I just want to finish this one file and then I'm done." Emily said with a small smile.

"OK, but don't stay too late. Cases have a way of sneaking up on us when we least expect them. Make sure you get some sleep."

"I will. Thanks Derek. I should be done in the next 15-20 minutes and then I'm out of here." Emily said as she pick up the box and card and slipped them into her bag. She would wait until she was home to open it.

"Sounds good. And Prentiss. Great job today. At the range." Morgan said before he noticed Emily looked back up at him, annoyed.

"Thanks." She said dismissively as she remembered all the sudden the bets the team had made.

It was clear when she had arrived for the morning briefing though today it had been the early afternoon briefing that Hotch had filled them in on how she had done. She could tell from the expressions that greeted her which way the bets had gone. Morgan had bet against her.

"Hey, don't be like that. Just think about how you will soon get your chance to pay me back when we do your hand-to-hand sign off." Morgan said lightly. He could tell bringing up the subject had rehashed the hurt she had felt earlier.

"Do you know when we are doing that?" Emily asked, grateful for the change in subject.

"I know Hotch wants to do it soon." Morgan said.

"OK. You do have some Bengay yes?" Emily asked smirking.

"Don't be getting too confident yet, Prentiss. You may be the one needing the Bengay." Morgan replied with a wide smile.

"We'll see." Emily said as she turned back to the file in front of her. She wasn't going to get out of here tonight if she didn't get back to work.

"On that note, I'm outta here. Goodnight." Derek laughs and he picks up his bag before walking toward the glass doors to leave.

"Goodnight."

####

Later than evening, Emily was sitting on the couch in her apartment reading a book. Suddenly, she remembered the box and card that she put in her bag before she left work.

Curious about what Gideon would have left for her, she put the bookmark back into her book before moving over to the kitchen counter where she had left her bag after arriving home.

She placed both the card and box on the counter and examined it. The box was about the size of a brick only significantly lighter. Opening the card, Emily read what Gideon wrote:

 _Emily,_

 _Good work today. I knew you could do it. Try to not get discouraged about the others. They will catch on...or become very poor._

 _As a token of my thanks for my financial gain, please accept this gift. I heard these are your favorite._

 _-Gideon_

Emily smiled, feeling better about the happening of the day. Gideon was right. The rest of the team could continue to bet against her but it was at their peril. She just needed to continue to do her best and hope they would eventually come around.

Untying the bow and pulling the top off the top of the box, Emily laughed when she saw what was inside. A box of her favorite Belgian chocolates. Taking the top off the chocolates, she briefly wondered if it had been Reid or Hotch that had told him after her comment in Nevada before she took one out and put it in her mouth. 'This makes it entirely worth it.'


	6. Unexpected

Hotch looked down into the empty bullpen through the window in his office. It was late and the rest of the team had left over an hour earlier.

It was later than Hotch generally stayed at the office if the team wasn't working on an active case. However, he knew today that Haley had taken Jack to her parent's house to make Christmas cookies with her mom and sister. It was an highly anticipated annual event for the 3 women. And he knew from previous years that Haley would be home no earlier than 11PM. So there was no need for him to rush home.

As Hotch finished signing off the files in front of him, his thoughts returned to a pressing matter- Emily's hand to hand and takedown and arrest procedure assessments. Hotch cleared time the following day for her and Morgan to get it done. As soon as that was completed, as long as he was satisfied with Morgan's assessment of her skills, Hotch was going to need to start rotating Emily more into the field.

He had needed to give her light field assignments on the case in Golconda, Nevada. He had tried to keep her with him as much as possible. There just hadn't been a choice based on the case. And that fact in itself emphasized to him that he could not put off the assessments any long. He needed to know what she could do. If she was ready to go into the field.

As Hotch was packing his bag to head home, Morgan texted back confirming the time for the assessment the next day. Looking at the late hour, Hotch chose to leave a message on Emily's desk instead of texting or calling her. She would see the note when she arrived in the morning. The session wasn't until the afternoon. Her arrival wasn't needed by a certain time as when they went to the gun range.

As long as they didn't get a call before the following afternoon, Emily could be on full field duty the next time they had a case. And Hotch still wasn't sure how he felt about it.

 **####**

The sudden harsh buzzing of her alarm clock roused Emily from her deep slumber. In the early hour of the day, the room is still dark. As she begins to roll over to turn off the obnoxious contraption, pain shoots through her torso. After quieting the alarm, she turns back over moaning, quickly remembers the events of the previous evening.

 **FLASHBACK**

 _As she walked through the grocery store parking lot, Emily had one focus- to get the items on her list and be back out of the store as quickly as possible. It had been a difficult week but she needed to pick up a few necessities before she could go home. The long hours at the BAU were starting to catch up with her and a good night's sleep was most definitely needed. Unfortunately for her, the long hours had also put off this grocery trip until it couldn't wait another day._

 _In her narrow focus, Emily completely missed the patch of black ice until it was too late. In an attempt to stay upright, she reaches out to grab onto something, anything. The object that she crashes into starts moving in a different direction. 'Oh crap a cart.' she thinks. But that thought occurs just as she crashes hard against the side of a car._

 **END FLASHBACK**

After a few minutes of lying motionless in her bed, Emily gingerly got up and shuffled off to the bathroom. After swallowing a couple of Motrin, she turned the shower on full hot. As she waited for the shower to reach the desired temperature, Emily examined her body in the mirror.

As soon as she looked at her reflection, Emily wished she hadn't looked. It was by no means the worse bruising she had ever had but it certainly wasn't good. Bruises covered her abdomen, back, side and arm from crashing to the side of the car. The area on her back looked the worst appearing deep purple from the impact with the sideview mirror. The other areas were various shades of pinks, reds and purples. Her side also had a small cut. 'Yeah, definitely explains why I'm so sore.'

At the end of her shower, Emily noticed less stiffness than when she first got out of bed. However, she did not feel anywhere close to 100%. A quiet paperwork day at her desk was what she needed or well a few quiet days.

Upon arriving at the BAU, Emily first went to her desk. Before she could walk away to go to the break room for coffee, she saw a post-it on her computer. The handwritten message immediately extinguished her hopes for a quiet paperwork day at her desk. Carefully, she sat in her chair and closed her eyes. Upon opening them, she looked back at the computer screen. Unfortunately the post-it was still there and it still contained the same dreaded message. Dammit. How was she going to pull that off today?

 **####**

Hotch was in his office when Emily enter the bullpen. He had come in very early, even for him. When he had arrived home the night before there was a message from Haley on the home answering machine. She had chosen to stay at her parent's house for the night and would return the following afternoon.

To say he was annoyed would be an understatement. Not because she had extended her visit with her family. He knew how important her family was to her. How close they all were. No, he was annoyed that she hadn't chosen call him at the office or on his cell to tell him.

It was frustrating after how many times Haley had called him at work for less important reasons that she had not call to let him know this directly. It had been early enough from the time stamp on the message that Jack would have still been awake. Hotch could have had a few minutes to talk to Jack and say goodnight. No, she had ensured that he wouldn't find out until he had already come home to an empty house.

And so far Haley hadn't responded to the goodnight text he had sent the previous night. Or answered her cell when he had called to say good morning to her and Jack. If he didn't hear from her before, he would try again around lunch time.

Looking out the window of his office, he noticed immediately that Emily was walking slowly and with more effort than usual. He continued to watch as she stopped at her desk and looked her computer. He watched as her facade dropped her for a few seconds. Then in a blink and you'll miss it moment, a look of fear before her mask was back up. Intrigued, he continued to watch as she gingerly sat in her chair, dropped her head and closed her eyes before looking back at the screen.

His concern was raised over her reaction to the note he left on her computer. While he couldn't put his finger on it, something was off with her. Her arrival while early for the team was late for her. Emily had been requesting for weeks to get into the field. She knew he required this assessment. So why the look of fear?

When Hotch broke from his musings, he noticed that Emily was busily working at her desk as if nothing had happened. After watching her for a few moments longer, he placed his concerns about her aside. There was an urgent situation in the file in front of him. A request for a phone consult from the police department in Tallahassee needing help with a profile on 4 recent murders.

 **####**

As she started to stand up to refill her coffee mug before the daily briefing, Emily could feel that some of the stiffness had returned to her body. Maybe sitting for the last 2 hours without moving hadn't been her best idea. Once upright she headed for the break room quickly. The last thing she wanted was to draw attention to herself by being the last one to arrive at the briefing.

As she walked into the conference room with her fresh cup of coffee, she noted that Garcia and Hotch were the only ones there. Taking a seat, she started to look through the cases they were going to be discussing in the meeting. As she was reading, Emily didn't notice the others start to walk into the room. She completely missed Morgan entering the room until he touch both of her upper arms as he started to say "so Prentiss it's you and ….". He did not finish his sentence at the shock when she flinched at his touch.

"Morgan, what the hell?" Emily exclaimed, glaring at him.

"Woah girl, are you ok?" Morgan responded, holding both of his hands up, looking at her worriedly.

"I'm fine. You just surprised me." Emily responded quietly.

But really she wasn't. He had managed to touch the bruise on her arm and then she bumped her back when she jumped up.

JJ walked to the front of the room and pulled the photos for the first case they were reviewing up on the screen. She turned back around and looked at the team sitting at the table.

"Everyone ready." JJ asked the assembled group.

"Let's get started." Hotch said only lifting one eye off of the file in front of him. He hadn't missed Emily's flinch to Morgan's touch. But now was not the time or place to address it. At least not if he expected to get anything other than 'I'm fine' as an answer.

 **####**

Looking at the clock, Emily notices that Derek should be arriving in the gym at any time. She had left her desk 45 minutes earlier. In that time she had taken some more Motrin and carefully stretched. Before too long she heard, "You ready to go Prentiss."

Emily turned after to see a smiling Morgan standing behind her, already changed into gym clothes.

"Let's do this."

Morgan wanted to start with takedown and arrest procedure. They passed through those tasks fairly quickly. Morgan had feedback in a couple of areas however it was nothing that would push her into remedial training or compromise her passing the assessment. Once they completed that to Morgan's satisfaction, they returned to the gym for hand to hand.

Emily knew she was holding back as they worked through the activities that Morgan wanted to cover. And she was frustrated with herself. This was not her best work and she hated not giving her all to what she was doing.

Morgan was encouraging but tough and thorough. That was until he saw the bruise on her side. He had just taken her down to the mat and was about to pin her. The impact with the mat had resulted in her shirt sliding up. It was obvious the moment he saw her side as he immediately let go of her and jumped away with a concerned look. Morgan ignored her claims of being fine and request to continue. He announced that they were going to be done for the day.

As he helped her up, Morgan repeatedly apologized. After realizing that he had assumed that he had caused it, Emily reassured him that it was nothing that he had done. From his expression and clipped 'I see' response, she knew it had been the wrong thing to say. However, she wasn't going to let him walk away believing that he had hurt her.

As she watched him walk to the locker room, Emily sighed knowing she had lost her chance, at least for today, to prove herself field ready. It was clear from Morgan's stride when he walked out of the gym that he wasn't planning on waiting for her. She also had no doubt that no matter when she returned, Hotch would already have been briefed.

Wiping a tear from the corner of her eye, Emily walked over to the locker room. Being in no rush to return to the BAU and the inevitable questions, she took her time getting ready. After she had dressed, she took some time to apply ice packs to her back and side. After delaying her return for as long as could reasonably explain, Emily packed up her bag and headed back to the BAU.

Entering the bullpen, she noticed that Morgan was working at his desk avoiding eye contact with her. Reid was fidgeting at his desk and gave her a smile as she walked past him. No sooner had she sat down at her desk then Hotch called down from his office, "Prentiss, my office now." Emily groaned and dropped her head forward before standing and walking slowly up the stairs to the catwalk.

 **####**

Hotch sat back in his chair as he watched Morgan close the office door. Looking down at the bullpen, he watched as Morgan settling in at his desk and Reid was covertly reading a book at his desk. Emily still had not returned to the bullpen. And Hotch needed to decide what he was going to say to her when she did.

He had suspected since he had seen her arrived that morning that there was something off about her. Her insistence of being fine during the briefing hadn't fooled him. Her flinch hadn't fooled anyone in a room of profilers.

Over the course of the day, Hotch had determined that she was in physical pain of some sort. Given what Morgan had just reported about what he had discovered at the gym, Hotch was sure he now knew the source of that pain.

However, that aside, Morgan had reported that they had successfully completed her takedown and arrest assessment with no major problems. They had only gotten half way through hand to hand when Morgan had halted the assessment after noticed the bruise on Emily's side.

Hotch was intrigued with Morgan's assessment that she had no major problems. Morgan was tough when doing these assessments. He knew the stakes in the field and wouldn't pass anyone unless he was confident that they had a handle on each skill.

Considering she was coming off of a desk position, he would have fully expected to have some areas of concern that would require remediation. It was encouraging for him as team leader that it wasn't the case.

Not surprising, according to Morgan, she was not pleased that he made the choice for them to stop and continued to insist that she was fine.

 **####**

Emily entered her apartment late in the evening relieved that this day was finally over. It had been an exhausting day at the end of an exhausting week. All she wanted to do was go to bed. However, that would need to wait until she took some more Motrin. Otherwise she would be paying for it tomorrow.

After dropping her bags by the door, she walked into the kitchen to heat up a frozen dinner. After eating part of the unappetizing food and taking a couple of Motrin, she decided to make it an early night and headed upstairs to her bedroom.

As she settled into bed, Emily thinking about her conversation with Hotch this afternoon.

When she had entered his office, it was clear from the look on his face that his was not pleased. As she suspected, it became clear from the tone of the conversation that Morgan had already been in to see him. And if she had had any luck of convincing him that nothing was wrong that disappeared when she winced while changing positions in her chair.

After that Emily changed the focus of the conversation. She had no intention of lying about the presence of the bruises. Lying to Hotch would have been the completely wrong decision regardless. She had no doubt that he would know. He always knew. Lying would also damaged any trust that she was starting to gain.

It just wasn't information that she was going to chose to volunteer easily without a reason. She was not going down without a fight. It was no one business but her own.

After acknowledging that yes she had a bruise. She didn't think Hotch needed to know that there were multiple bruises, Emily reiterated that she didn't mention it because it would not stop her from doing her job or completing the assessment. An assessment that she, in fact, had successfully completed ¾ of the way without drawing attention that there could be a problem. An assessment that had stopped not at her request or because she had been acting injured but because of Morgan's opinion that she couldn't continue after he had unintentionally seen a bruise.

Emily smiled inwardly when she saw him look down at his desk and nod. She move in her chair preparing to be dismissed. As Hotch raised his head and looked at her, Emily immediately knew their conversation was not over. She should have known that had seemingly gone too well. That was when he gave her a stern look and asked what had caused the bruises.

Hotch's frustration was clear when she refused to reveal what had happened. But that did not change Emily's mind about not wanting to tell him. It was embarrassing that she couldn't walk across a parking lot without getting hurt. Maybe he would further resist letting her go in the field for being a klutz. But then again he let Reid into the field so maybe it would not be a problem. But it was not a chance she was willing to take.

He was further annoyed that she hadn't seen a doctor and wasn't planning to see one. Emily had insisted that it was superficial and there was nothing a doctor could do that she wasn't already doing. Hotch stated that she didn't know how serious it actually was without being checked out. Emily responded that he was completely overreacting to a minor bruise. Hotch replied that she was intentionally minimizing her injuries because he knew she had bruising in at least 3 areas. He knew from the briefing that she had a bruise on her arm. Then Morgan mentioned noticing her side while Emily had mentioned her back.

Taking in Emily's blush, he continued on to ask her if there was anything she needed to tell him. She reiterated that it was minor, she was fine and could do her job. Emily held eye contact as he glared at her. After a couple of minutes, knowing he had no leverage to force her to tell him, Hotch dismissed her after telling her to take the rest of the day off. The meeting had ended at that point.

By the time Emily walked out of Hotch's office, she was seething. She walked across the catwalk glaring at the back of Morgan's bald head. After walking down the stairs, she had gathered her coat and bag and walked out of the bullpen without word after noticing the time.

 **####**

After he dismissed Emily and she stormed out of his office, he watched her gather her things and walk out of the bullpen. Looking up, he realized in her retreat, Emily hadn't closed his office door. He stood up and walked over and pushed the door to close, unfortunately a little harder than he intended. A few seconds later, he winced as the door slammed shut.

After sitting back down in his office chair, Hotch thought back to the conversation he had just had with Emily. He couldn't find fault with any of what Emily said. She hadn't tried to lie to him.

And she was correct in that Morgan had reported no issues with her performance on what they had completed. She wasn't required to report an injury unless it interfered with her ability to do her job and as she had demonstrated, she could still handle the physical aspects of the job.

As field agents, bumps and bruises were not uncommon. And they couldn't stop doing their jobs because of them. However, Emily hadn't been in a situation in the field where this could have happened. So then how had she gotten hurt?

The sticking point for him in the conversation had been when Emily had refused to explain how she got hurt. Not that he was surprised. It wasn't the first time he had come up against the stubborn side of Emily Prentiss. And he sighed he was sure it won't be the last.

But right now he was worried. He couldn't get out of his mind that someone had done that to her. Otherwise why wouldn't she just tell him what happened? It pained him to even think that he was going to watch another woman go through what his mother had. A woman despite his best attempts not to he still had feeling for. And after reading her file, he continued to be perplexed about what really happened that ended their relationship.

 **####**

Morgan tensed as he heard Hotch's door slam. Glancing over at Reid, he noticed the younger profiler looking around the bullpen with wide eyes trying to figure out what had happened. Turning back to the file in front of him, Morgan shook his head. Apparently he had been wrong. Strauss and Haley weren't the only people who could upset the Unit Chief.

Prentiss was on that list too. However that wasn't a surprise to any of them. There had been friction between the two of them since she joined the team. And Morgan couldn't figure out what Hotch's problem with her was. From day one she had exceeded expectation for the team. However, there was some grumbling that she seemed too perfect. And Hotch's lukewarm attitude towards Prentiss wasn't helping with her integration with the team.

For today, Morgan couldn't help but feel guilty for the latest disagreement, knowing it was because of how their gym session went. As the afternoon wore on, he had been feeling more and more guilty about it. If their positions were reversed, he would have been angry if someone did to him what he did to Prentiss. She had just shocked him when she said it wasn't a new bruise. But that wasn't an excuse. She had wanted to continue and had had no problems before that. And he needed to see her as a fellow agent first before they started working together in the field.


	7. Wrong Side of a Love Song

Emily was nervous as she parked her car and walked towards the door to the bar. This was the first social outing she had attended with the team since coming to the BAU.

She had been invited to the annual team Christmas party hosted by the Hotchners. From what Garcia had mentioned at lunch one day, Haley was very insistent everyone on the team attend. She would become annoyed at Hotch if anyone tried to refuse for any reason.

For Emily, the thought of attending had been unbearable. It had only been a few weeks since Aaron's unexpected reappearance in her life. Although it pained her to think about it, she had accepted that he had moved on with his life. Had married the pretty blonde woman in the photo Emily's eyes were drawn to every time she looked at his desk. But that didn't mean she was ready to socialize with Aaron. Or his wife.

Thankfully, the party happened to be scheduled the same evening as her parents' Christmas party. Though Emily had already sent regrets to her parents. As expected, her mother was being persistent, saying she had a few people that Emily 'just had to meet'. But Emily knew better. Her mother saying 'people to meet' was code for ambitious single men from approved families with whom her parents would welcome a matrimonial match.

After the long hours she was putting in at the BAU, the last thing she wanted to deal with was an entire evening of being introduced to overly eager eligible bachelors that her parents had chosen. There had never been a man at one of their parties that she wanted to spend more time with than what was considered polite. Their world didn't hold any interest for her. She had different priorities and a separate life path. There was no way in hell she was ever going to settle on being some rising politician's trophy wife.

The conversation with Hotch when she declined his invitation had gone surprisingly well, given what Garcia had told her. She had been shocked given how their other interactions had been around that time. But she got the strong feeling that he wasn't ready to socialize either. When she mentioned her parents' party the same night, he nodded and promised to pass on her regrets to Haley.

Before opening the door for the bar, she took a deep breath and blew it out. Yes tonight was going to suck but she could do this. It would only be a few hours and then she could go home.

####

Hotch looked over at the entrance of the bar noticing that Emily had just slipped inside. Though she had what he would describe as a polite smile on her face, he could see through it. She was nervous. And she wasn't the only one. A slip from either of them tonight could be disastrous.

Though he wished he could keep Emily and Haley from interacting, he knew it wasn't going to happen. Haley had been ecstatic when he mentioned in passing who the new agent on his team was.

One minute she was sitting on the couch listening to him vent about Strauss adding a new agent without consulting him then the next minute she had jumped up and was clapping her hands. He was baffled by her reaction initially. It turned out that Haley had recognized the name. Knew that Aaron had been assigned to the Ambassador in his early days with the Bureau. And she also knew who Emily's stepfather was by reputation.

Haley had been encouraging him since then to befriend this new agent. That connections gained could boost his career. With him being only months away from being eligible for promotion, Haley was pushing him to take advantage of anything or anyone who could help him onto the next step on the ladder.

The whole conversation had angered him. Previous relationship aside, he wasn't going to use one of his agent's personal connections to further his career.

So when he had arrived home and informed Haley that Emily sent regrets for their Christmas party, she was furious with him. Repeatedly, Haley demanded that he talk to Emily and change her mind. Ignoring that he had stated that he had already spoken to her and Emily had other plans for that evening.

Haley then blew up at him. Yelling that she was thinking about his career and advancement in the Bureau. That she was tired of the hours and travel that came with the BAU and was ready for him to move to a prestigious position with normal hours and little travel. That socializing with this agent may help his career reach the next step especially with his work history with her mother. Yet he seemed to be going out of his way to not socialize with her.

With that Haley turned her back on him and walked out of the kitchen. When he followed her, she turned and glared at him. Picking up her purse and keys, she stormed out of the house.

The following morning Hotch awoke at his normal time after a night of restless sleep. Rolling over and seeing that Haley hadn't come to bed, he put on his bathrobe and went in search of her. After looking through the entire house, he concluded that she hadn't come home. Returning to the kitchen, he started the coffee pot before hurrying upstairs, needing to shower before Jack woke up while not knowing when Haley would return.

Haley had slipped back into the house as he was feeding Jack. When she walked into the room, Hotch gave Jack a kiss before going upstairs to change out of the casual clothes he had put on after his shower and into his suit for the office.

Coming back downstairs, Hotch opened his briefcase to put in the files he had been working on the previous night after Haley left. As he put the files in, his eyes fell to the envelope with Emily's neat script. Taking the envelope out, he walked back into the kitchen to let Haley know he was leaving and to hand her the note.

He watched as she opened the envelope and read the note. He saw her sigh and nod before tearing the note in half and putting it in the trash. Taking Jack out of his high chair, she walked out of the kitchen and up the stairs. Intrigued, Hotch took the note out of the trash to see what the message was.

As he read, he couldn't help but smile. In addition to thanking Haley for the kind invitation and apologizing for the regrets, Emily had explained that her parents were having their Christmas party the same evening. She continued on to say that due to her previous position in Chicago and her parents' respective job responsibilities, it had been several years since they had all been in DC at this time of year.

When Emily had handed him the note, he had thought it was overkill. Hadn't planned on giving it to Haley especially since it was sealed and he couldn't read it beforehand. However, given Haley's reaction the previous evening, he was now certain that it was the only thing that was going to keep him from sleeping in the guest room for the foreseeable future.

He also then knew that Haley couldn't argue with Emily's reason for not coming given the importance Haley placed on her own family. Given her attitude toward his work, it would be hypocritical to expect Emily to miss a family event for what was essentially a work commitment.

When the invitation for the Super Bowl party had come up, Haley had been lukewarm about either of them attending. Instead she wanted them to stay home, maybe have her sister and parents over for Sunday dinner. She didn't really enjoy watching football and team gatherings weren't on her priority list unless it was on her terms. She resented the BAU for taking Aaron away so often. And, by extension, she resented the members of his team. Each member of the team at one point or another had experienced her wrath.

That was until he mentioned in passing that the rest of the team was planning to attend a couple of days ago. Then surprisingly she agreed that they should go. Hotch knew his wife and knew there was reason that she changed her mind so suddenly. It had not come to him until he walked into the BAU and saw Emily sitting at her desk.

####

The Super Bowl had ended and Haley was annoyed she had not had opportunity to talk to Emily yet. That was the whole reason that she had agreed to this outing.

Emily had been the last to arrive from the team. After greeting the group, she had taken the empty seat between Reid and Garcia instead of the one Haley had hoped she'd take right next to her.

As Emily took her seat, Haley had inwardly groaned. That meant that the last remaining open seat at the table would go to the member of the team who had yet to arrive. Gideon. Haley was in no rush to see Jason Gideon again. They had had a falling out at the team Christmas party in December. It wasn't until she overheard Reid mention that Gideon had said the day before that he had other plans for tonight that she let herself relax.

With the end of the game had brought some change in activities. JJ, Reid, and Morgan had each left after they were approached by other patrons of the bar. That left Emily and Garcia who were deep in conversation on the other side of the table. Haley then decided enough was enough and prepared to make her move to go and join their conversation. And hopefully scare off Garcia which she knew from experience how to do.

As she was getting out of her seat, a familiar song started to play. Haley dropped her glance to the table and then looked over at her husband. She noticed the look on his face but couldn't place it.

Since they had gotten back together after he moved back to Virginia when he join the BAU, he would look upset whenever this song played. She had no idea what it was about this particular song that affected him. When they were in high school she hadn't remembered him having a negative reaction to this particular song.

However, this was a different look. She thought she saw a flicker of fear in his eyes but that was absurd. Before Haley could process what she was seeing any further, she heard the scraping of a chair on the floor from the other side of the table.

"I'm going to go up to the bar for another drink. Can I get you anything?" said Emily as she stood next to the table all the sudden looking flustered.

"No Em, I'm good." Said Garcia holding up glass.

"OK. Can I get you 2 the same as you had earlier?" Emily said, looking across the table at Haley and Hotch.

"Sure."

"That would be great."

"Prentiss, let me give you…." Hotch started to say pulling out his wallet but Emily had already moved away from the table and was swallowed up into the crowd on her way to the bar when he looked back up.

"Aaron, what the hell?" Haley yelled at her husband. "I know you hate this song but do you have to make it obvious to everyone around you whenever it plays."

"What are you talking about? I don't hate this song." Hotch look back at his wife, taking in the angry look on her face.

"Yes you do Aaron. I saw your face just now. And apparently so did Emily. She couldn't get away from the table fast enough."

"Haley, she was just going to the bar and offered to get us a drink too. I think you are reading too much into it."

"That's bull and you know it, Aaron. Are you being nice to her? I know you can be ass especially around new people. And Jason can be worse than you."

"I'm her boss, Haley. I'm fair with her."

"That's not an answer. I'm going to ask her when she comes back. I better not hear that you are being mean to her."

"Haley, don't. That question will make her uncomfortable."

"I don't care, Aaron. I've been wanting to meet her for weeks. I was just about to talk to her you scared her off because of your irrational hatred for a particular song."

"Haley, we aren't doing this here. If you want to argue, we should just go."

"We're not leaving."

"Fine. But we are done with this conversation until we get home."

As Haley sat at the table waiting for her drink, she caught a glimpse of Emily at the bar deep in conversation with a man she didn't recognize. 'Hmm maybe she left the table because she saw someone she knew.' A few minutes later, she noticed Emily again but this time out on the dance floor with another guy. With that she began to feel guilty for what she had said to Aaron. It was beginning to look like Aaron's reaction to that song had nothing to do with Emily leaving the table.

It wasn't until about 10 minutes later that Emily came back into view carrying their drinks.

####

After the game ended, several members of the team were approached by others in the bar to do various activities. Disappointment set in when Reid was invited to do Star Trek trivia and a general invitation to the table wasn't extended. Star Trek had been one of the few shows Emily had watched during her childhood. She may not know more than Reid but she could hold her own in a trivia contest. But she hadn't been invited and didn't feel comfortable enough around Reid yet to ask to come along.

Before she knew it, Emily was at the table with only Garcia, Hotch and Haley remaining. This was not where she wanted to be.

Maybe this was the time to see where JJ had disappeared.

Or she could join Morgan on the dance floor.

Or maybe not as she followed Garcia's gaze over to where Morgan was surrounded by at least a dozen co-eds. Yeah that wasn't her idea of dancing.

All the sudden Emily heard a familiar song starting and her gut clenched up. Her and Aaron's song. Unlike the other times she had heard this song over the last dozen years, this time she is sitting across the table from him...and his wife.

She needed to get away from this table. Away from him.

Drinks.

She'll go to the bar and get a round of drinks.

As she is asking what everyone would like at the bar, Emily takes a quick glance at Aaron's face. She could see he was affected by the song as well.

With that she turned and walked away as quickly as possible. She heard him call her name but keep walking. She knew she would lose it if she needed to turn around and look at him right now.

At the bar, she stood up against the wall and waited. She was in no hurry to return to the table. Emily closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. 'Working with Aaron is going to be harder than I thought.' As she opened her eyes, a man with dark blond hair was standing in front of her smiling. "Hi beautiful, can I buy you a drink?" Emily generally didn't give a second look to guys using such lame pick up lines. But tonight, she needed a distraction. There was no way she was letting him buy her a drink but she could stay for few minutes and talk to him.

A few minutes later, Emily found herself on the dance floor with a different guy. The first guy had turned out to be a complete misogynistic ass. She bumped into this guy after she walked away after telling him off. He had asked her to dance and she quickly agreed hoping the blond man would be done at the bar by the time the song had finished.

From the dance floor, she could see the entire bar. As she looked back at the table, she could see that Garcia had turned her chair around away from the table and was watching Morgan dance. No surprise there. Aaron looked annoyed and Haley was looking over at the bar, probably looking for her drink.

It looked like staying at the table for long after she brought back the drinks was going to be uncomfortable. She needed to see if there was something else she could do.

Looking around the room, Emily could see JJ is play darts with a couple of guys. No that wouldn't work. Emily had never played darts. And she didn't know how JJ would react if she went over and asked to join them. So far in the office, JJ had been cool with her. Always professional but nothing beyond that.

Reid was close by with another small group playing what appeared to be a drinking game. So not just Star Trek trivia. Apparently the loser of the trivia question needed to take a shot. No that wouldn't work even if she was inclined to approach them. Getting drunk or even buzzed would be an extremely poor decision her first time out with the team. Not to mention her conflicted feelings about Aaron could result in her accidentally saying something that would hurt both of them.

Joining Morgan's posse was still out.

She sighed and decided to go back to the table after picking up the drinks. If things were too weird, she would just head out early. The game was over and she doubted that any of them would miss her.

But before she could do that, first things first. The asshole she was dancing with had been handsy since they started. After moving his hands several times, he was now trying to feel her up. 'Not a good move buddy,' she thought as she removed his hand before pushing him away and walking back over to the bar.

####

Penelope Garcia was watching Derek Morgan longingly as he danced. 'Man could he move.' She just wished he would look at her and dance with her the way he was with the horde that was currently surrounding him on the dance floor.

It had been just a few minutes earlier when Emily had suddenly jumped up and left the table like a bat out of Hell. Hearing Haley yell, 'What the hell, Aaron', Garcia had looked up and realized that it was just her and the Hotchners at the table. She did not want to be alone with them, especially if they were going to have an argument.

Arguing with his wife was something the team had learned would consistently put Hotch in a bad mood. And being in the line of fire of Hotch in a bad mood was not where anyone would want to be. 'Oh no.' Garcia thinks as she gets up and tries as inconspicuous as possible to turn her chair around, ignoring the argument behind her.

After she turned away from the table, Garcia spots Emily over at the bar talking to a guy. 'Must have been the guy she chased after.' Sighing Garcia wished that some guy... any guy... Derek Morgan would cross a crowded bar like that to talk to her. But from what she could tell right now as far as he was concerned, she didn't exist.

In what seemed like forever but was actually only about 15-20 minutes, Garcia could see Emily moving back towards the table carefully carrying 3 drinks. As she arrived at the table, disappointment set in as Emily did not sit back down next to her so they could continue their conversation. Instead she sat down in the chair next to Haley Hotchner.

In the next few minutes, Garcia could feel her annoyance turn to anger. It was enough that Emily had chosen to ignore her too. But now she was all of the sudden all buddy buddy with Haley Hotchner of all people. Hotch's wife was not one of Garcia's favorite people. Well she wasn't a popular person with anyone on the team. The team actively avoided Haley whenever possible. Well except Hotch. Or at least she would think that he didn't try to actively avoid her since they were married.

And except apparently Emily too. Who seemed to be playing suck-up-to-the-boss'-wife. And surprising the hell out of Garcia was that Haley was being pleasant with Emily. Generally Haley seemed to barely tolerate the presence of those on the team. What was the deal there?

And if that wasn't enough to irritate the normally bubbly tech genius, she heard the subject of their laughter. They were mocking her Chocolate God. Calling him a dog and then as alley cat.

Bossman took his wife out to dance just in time before Garcia's temper got the better of her.

Garcia quickly followed suit, leaving the table, saying she was visiting 'the loo'. She had to get away since it was just her and Emily left at the table. She didn't want to say something she would later regret to Ms Prentiss. It was time to go outside and get some air.

####

While out on the dance floor with Haley, Hotch notices out of the corner of his eye that JJ is trying to get his attention. And she had that look on her face. Damn. That not good.

He pulls away from Haley and nodded in JJ's direction. Haley turned and looked at JJ who started to look very nervous with the face her boss' wife was now making at her. Turning back to Aaron, Haley gave him a look of contempt and stalks off the dance floor in the direction of the table.

After talking to JJ, he agreed they need to brief on the case soon and fly out that night. As JJ walked away to inform the rest of the team, Hotch slowly walks back to the table to face his reckoning.

####

Emily found herself alone at the table. Hotch had taken Haley out on the dance floor a few minutes earlier. Garcia left the table shortly afterwards going in the opposite direction.

Just a few minutes earlier she had been worried that returning to the table would be uncomfortable given who was left sitting at it. Now it appeared that the joke was on her. She was sitting at a table in a bar, alone. This was worse. This screamed 'LOSER'. The cafeteria in high school quickly came to mind.

And she couldn't even leave because well, she promised Garcia she would save her seat. The last thing she wanted was to get on the wrong side of Penelope Garcia. And the team had all left belongings that couldn't be left unattended.

As the minutes ticked away, Emily became less interested in her beer. She slowly pushed the glass away from her towards the middle of the table. She had already decided that she was ready to call it a night. As soon as anyone from the team returned to the table to keep watch over the team's belongings, she was going to take off. Go home. Take a long bath with a book and glass of wine.

With her plans for escape and for the rest of her evening determined, Emily excitement grew when she saw Haley walking back towards the table. Excitement that lasted until Emily saw the angry look on her face.

When Haley reached the table and sat down, Emily was suddenly nervous. All the sudden she remembered the stories about Haley from Garcia. After debating internally if she should say anything, Emily turned towards Haley hoping that her question wasn't going to enrage the older woman.

"Haley, is something wrong?"

"Yes, Agent Jareau." Haley growls back at her, not taking her eyes off the spot on the table she had been staring at since she sat back down.

"I'm sorry. I don't understand." Emily said, wrinkling her brow. She had not missed the disdain in the voice of her boss' wife when she said the name of the media liaison.

Haley looked at Emily before saying. "She interrupted our dance. Needed to talk to Aaron. We can't even enjoy one dance without the BAU interfering." Emily nodded and looked down at the table.

If JJ needed to talk to Hotch while he was dancing, then that meant something urgent. Urgent on a Sunday night meant case. It's a good thing that she stopped drinking her beer when she did.

As they continued to sit awkwardly at the table, Emily takes a chance to ask something that will hopefully improve Haley's mood before Aaron gets back.

She did not want to be there when he needed to explain to the already anger woman next to her that the team needed to leave. If she was this upset over a dance cut short, she was going to blow up about the evening ending early.

"Haley, do you have pictures of your baby with you?" Emily asked quietly in almost a whisper.

A huge smile crossed Haley's face. "I do. Would you like to see them?"

Emily smiled before replying. "Please."

As Haley paged through her mini album, commenting on the various pictures, Emily could feel tears in her eyes. Jack was, without a doubt, adorable. He looked so much like Aaron, even at this early age. Emily had several times many years ago imagined what a hypothetical child of theirs would have looked like. Now seeing a real son of Aaron's drove home that he would never be hers. That those hypothetical children would never become actual children. And in that moment her heart broke just a little more because she still didn't understand why he left her.

As Haley was describing a particularly messy high chair photo, Emily couldn't help but laugh. As she did, she could sense Haley tense up.

"Aaron is walking this way. I need you to promise me something." Haley said quietly as she closed the album and placed it back in her purse.

"I can try. What is it?"

"Please don't tell him what we were looking at."

Emily raises her brow at the unusual request. What was the issue with Haley showing her pictures of Jack? Was it everyone on the team or just her? Regardless of the reason that couldn't affect what her answer was.

"I can't promise that. I'm sorry. He's my boss. We work in the field together and trust is a huge part of that. I can't lie to him. But I can promise you something."

"What's that?" Haley replied bitterly. Clearly annoyed with Emily's answer.

"I won't volunteer the information. But if he asks, I will need to be honest with him." Emily said calmly not missing the tone of the other woman's voice.

Before Haley could say anything else, Aaron reached the table. As Emily looked up at his face, all question about whether they had a case or not was gone. The answer was clear.

####

As he got within view of the table, he saw Haley sitting at the table deep in discussion with Emily. 'Oh no. This may be really really bad for him.' Haley had no idea about his previous relationship with Emily. He had not mentioned this oversight to Emily.

Walking toward the table he could see that they were looking and laughing at something that he could not see. He was surprised, not expecting to see a smile on his wife's face anytime soon after the look she had given him on the dance floor. From their moods, it was clear that his past with Emily was not the current topic of their conversation. But the table was obstructing from his view what they were looking at.

It was obvious when Haley noticed him walking back to table. He could see her say something to Emily as she put what they had been looking at into her purse before he reached the table.

When he reaches the table, an upset look had once again taken over his wife's face. He knew Haley was going to throw a fit to what he was about to say. A fit he didn't want a witness for, especially not Emily, so he looked at and addressed her first.

"Prentiss, we have a case. We are conferencing as soon as possible and going wheels up tonight."

"Yes, sir. Understood. I need to run then." Emily says as she stands up next to the table. Turning, she looks at Haley. "It was great meeting you." As Haley leans in to give her a hug, Emily whispers in her ear. "Thanks for sharing the pictures. He's adorable." With that, Emily grabbed her jacket and purse and headed for the door.

As Emily walked out the door, Hotch turned around to see the furious face of his wife. He stepped over in front of her and took her hand.

"I'm sorry, Haley. I need to go. The team has a case."

"Your team always has a case, Aaron. We had plans. My parents are watching Jack. Do you know how long it has been since we've gone out." Haley said angrily.

"I know. I'll make it up to you when I get back. Let me walk you out to the car." Hotch said calmly.

"No, I'm fine. Just go." Haley said shaking her head. She moved to the chair where she had draped her jacket when they arrived and picked it up.

Hotch walked over and held it for her while she put it on. "OK, if you're sure. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Just go, Aaron." Hotch leaned and kissed her cheek before turning. As he walked to the door, he motioned to Morgan to stop.

"Derek, can I get a ride with you? Haley needs the car to get home."

"Sure, man. Let's go."

####

Haley watched as her husband walked out of the door of the bar with Agent Morgan. A wave of jealousy overtook her. Once again, the BAU had pulled him back in, ruining their plans.

As she walked towards the door, Haley considered what to do now. It was still early enough that she could go pick up Jack and take him home. However, she knew her parents would be upset if she attempted to do that. They had been excited to babysit and spend time with him. She could go and just spend the night at her parents' house too. But going there now would result in sympathetic looks from her parents. Looks that she just didn't want to deal with tonight.

She was still incredibly irritated. She had just wanted to enjoy an evening out. Well, she could still have her evening out. Aaron had to leave but she could call Thomas. Thomas always had time for her. Pulling out her phone, she quickly texted him as she walked out to her car. Her phone dinged with a reply as she was starting the car. Haley smiled as she read his affirmative response. After quickly typing a reply with an ETA, Haley turned the car onto the main road.


	8. Fear Factor

In the 24 hours since Reid had been kidnapped, the team had been working nonstop to find a lead about where the unsub had taken him. And Hotch was worried. They didn't seem to be any closer tonight to finding him then they arrived the previous evening to find the horrific scene in the barn, drag marks in the cornfield and an injured and traumatized JJ.

Hotch had decided to change their base of operations from the Sheriff's office to the Henkel house. They needed to profile the entire house to learn more about their UNSUB. Garcia had flown down that morning to analyze the extensive computer system in the house. There was a mountain of evidence to sift through. Staying at the house was eliminating the lengthy travel time. Giving them more time to focus on find a lead that would point them in the direction of where to look for Reid and arrest their UNSUB.

Hotch knew if Reid was there he would be able to give them a depressing statistic on the chances the team would find him alive now that they had passed the 24 hours mark since his kidnapping. But tonight it didn't matter what that number was. Not one of them was giving up.

As he was reading through one of Henkel's journals, Hotch could hear JJ and Emily talking. He smiled when he heard Emily invite JJ to go her the following morning. If any of them needed to get away from this farm for a while, it was JJ. He stood up and walked over to ask Emily if her and Gideon had found anything helpful upstairs. It was then that he heard JJ next question to Emily.

As he stood there he continued to look at a journal. After he voiced a similar observation as JJ, he looked up at Emily for the first time and immediately became concerned. She had backed herself into a corner of the hallway between himself and JJ. Her eyes were open wide and glancing quickly back and forth between the two of them. It clearly seemed as if she felt she was being attacked and had backed herself into a corner.

Before he could say or do anything to reduce the tension, Emily found her voice. However, her response was even less reassuring. Now he had more concerns about her coping strategies.

Before any of them could explore the topic any further, Morgan shouted that he had found something outside.

####

Derek Morgan climbed back up the rickety stairs from the ice cellar of the Henkel house back into the cool night air. He quickly noticed Gideon standing over on the front porch, talking on the sat phone the team had gotten before moving their base of operations to this farm. As Derek moved closer, he overheard enough of the conversation to determine the Sheriff was on the other end of the call.

As he paced in the yard trying to get the images of what they witnessed out of his head, a flash of movement caught his eye over towards the barn. With his right hand resting on his gun, Morgan started to walk in the same direction. A break in the clouds as he moved closer revealed that it was a woman he was following.

Slight build.

Straight shoulder length dark hair.

Prentiss.

What was she doing out here by herself?

Morgan could feel his anger at his boss increasing. Why would Hotch have her come out by herself to check a lead?

Gideon had just added to the profile that morning that Tobias felt he was untouchable. His numerous escapes from law enforcement had emboldened him, feeding his delusions.

It would not be out of the realm of possibility that he would return to his house. A house that he had lived in his whole life. Knew the grounds like the back of his hand. He could slip in and back out on a hidden path jumping one of them with the benefit of the element of surprise. And an isolated member of the team, especially in the cornfield that Reid was abducted from, could find themselves in danger.

Morgan had overheard part of the earlier conversation between JJ, Hotch and Emily when he had come into the house to let the team know that he had found the cellar. He could not believe that they were confronting her on that.

JJ doing it was one thing but Hotch's involvement. Morgan shook his head. Hotch should know better. This wasn't the time for that conversation if it needed to happen at all.

Morgan had called out knowing it would interrupt their interrogation. They needed to get the focus back on the case. Finding Reid needed to be their top priority right now.

Relaxing his grip on his gun, he deciding to follow Emily. There was nothing else he could in the cellar. And he was in no hurry to go back into that house. He could help with whatever lead she was following. He followed the path she took and before he could call to her he stopped.

The sight in front of him was heartbreaking. Emily had found a secluded clearing on the edge of the cornfield. She was sitting on what remained of a fallen tree trunk absently looking at the rows of corn in front of her. But from the angle he was at, Derek could see the glistening of tears on her face.

She was affected by the horrors they witnessed on the job just like the rest of them were. She just didn't feel comfortable expressing them around others yet. She was holding all her feelings inside and waited until she could slip away for a few minutes to a cold dark field to let them out.

Suddenly, he felt like he was intruding. Emily had sought out privacy and he was going to respect that. But his concern about her being off by herself remained. Henkel was not going to get another member of the team. Morgan slowly walked away so not to alert her of his presence. He walked over to the barn and slipped into an alcove that the shadows concealed. Emily would have her privacy but he was only a few steps away if that bastard returned.

After a few minutes, Morgan noticed Emily stand and wipe her face. Taking a few deep breaths, she started walking back towards the house. Morgan remained in his hiding spot until she had walked into the house.

Only then did he walk back to the house although he circled around to the back of the house to the kitchen door. As he entered the kitchen, Morgan was surprised to see JJ. Hotch had sent her to rest earlier after Morgan and Hotch walk up on her picking a fight with Gideon as they exited the cellar.

As she began a conversation with him, it was clear that she was riddled with feelings over Reid's kidnapping. She wanted him to say anything to ease her guilt.

But tonight he couldn't give her what she wanted. JJ had been trying to ease her guilt today by lashing out at others. And given what he had just seen, he couldn't bring himself to lessen her pain after seeing Emily's reaction to what JJ had said to her.

Knowing emotions were running hot, Morgan excused himself without responding her JJ's attempt to pick a fight with him.

####

As the evening went on, the tension in house was high. And Hotch wanted to kick himself because the last thing the team needed right now was more drama. And he had no one but himself to blame.

Emily had disappeared outside for a while after they found Charles Henkel's body in the ice cellar under the house. When she returned, she sat in a chair in the living room curled up in a blanket away from where the rest of the team was working. Her body language very clearly saying 'stay away.' The only indication that she was reading the journals she had taken with her instead of being asleep was the turning of the pages every few minutes. Hotch knew he needed to talk to her. But that would have to wait.

It was clear that both Morgan and Gideon had overheard the conversation. And neither one of them were happy that it happened at all or Hotch's role on it. Over the course of the evening, Hotch had seen both of them watching her covertly. Less clear was if Garcia had also overheard it, however he wasn't sure how she would have missed it given the size of the house.

JJ had been told to go rest however that was short-lived. When Morgan had come in through the kitchen door, he ran into JJ in the kitchen. Hotch groaned as he heard her talking with him. That was followed a few minutes later by her having a disagreement with Garcia followed by Garcia walking out of the computer room. It had also become clear over the course of the evening that JJ had taken personally Emily's explanation of compartmentalization as a failing of her own coping abilities.

####

When the call came from the Sheriff about the latest victims, Hotch knew the team needed to check out the scene. His plans of taking Morgan with him were put aside when Gideon said the two of them could go. Hotch nodded understanding the unspoken request. Gideon wanted time alone to speak to him. And Hotch was 95% sure of what the older profiler wanted to talk about.

After assigning tasks to the four they left at the house, the two team leaders left to go check out the crime scene.

Silence and tension filled the SUV as Hotch drove toward the crime scene. The dirt covered back country roads that they needed to take were pitch black. The moon was obscured by a thick layer of clouds. Hotch needed to pay close attention to the unfamiliar road in front of him.

As they got closer to their destination, the road changed to asphalt and the neighborhood illuminated by street lights.

Unable to take the silence any longer, Hotch said. "OK Jason I know you've been wanting to say something to me. Just say it."

Gideon took a deep breath before saying. "What possessed you to say that to her last night Hotch?"

Hotch sighed. They both knew that Gideon didn't need to identify who 'her' was. Hotch knew he had screwed up and feigning ignorance would not have accomplished anything.

"I know. I regretted it as soon as I saw her face. I know I upset her. I know she's annoyed with me. She hasn't said an unnecessary word or looked at me all day."

"She has every right to be annoyed with you, Hotch. You ambushed her. JJ asking was one thing. She is a peer. We all know that what she experienced in the barn was traumatic and JJ feels guilt about Reid. If it wasn't clear before last night to everyone, it has become so since then as she has picked fights with everyone but you.

But you are the team leader. Her supervisor. Instead of interceding and refocusing JJ back to the actual case, you inserted yourself into an interrogation. For you to go involve yourself in that conversation gave the question legitimacy. Made it an official inquiry. Let me ask you this- did you get an acceptable answer to your question?"

"No. You heard her answer. I'm more worried now. Her reaction to the question itself as well as her answer."

Gideon sighed at Hotch's answer. He could see the younger man point. However, in addition the the stress of the case, Gideon was sure that part of Hotch's reaction was his former relationship with the woman in question. That on some level he still cared about her and was doing a poor job of expressing it as concern instead of criticism.

"We all heard the entire conversation Hotch. I'm not saying don't ask if you have concerns. But I do think your concerns are misplaced. But ask it in the office. In private. Give her the same respect that you have given everyone else on the team. The respect you would want in a similar situation. The respect you have been given since you joined the team. Not in the field during an investigation involving a fellow teammate being kidnapped."

"How are my concerns misplaced?"

Gideon shakes his head before responding. "Because I don't think the issue she doesn't feel anything. I agree that would be worrisome. I just think she has learned to put her feelings aside while she's working. There's a huge difference. Hell Hotch, she worked with Crimes Against Children and on a CARD team. You know cases involving children are the hardest. There is no way to work in those areas without finding a way to compartmentalize."

"How did you come to that conclusion?" Hotch asks curiously.

"Like I said in my office the day after we got back from Gitmo, she was able to hide her tells during the chess game. Then while you and I were talking in my office that day and she didn't think anyone was paying attention, her tells were clear as day to see. The compassion she showed toward the prostitutes in that DC case and her interviews with Jane and all those kids in Nevada. The effort she put into protecting Morgan's secret during and since the case in Chicago." Gideon says as the SUV turns a corner and a sea of red and blue flashing lights outside a house a block up comes into view.

"That's all true." Hotch said as he pulled up outside the house.

Gideon looked over, making eye contact with Hotch for the first time now that the SUV was stopped. "And one more thing before we go in. Those kids are loyal to you, Aaron. They aren't going to give her a chance as long you keep treating her with an air of suspicion. Do you really think even with everything going on that JJ would have asked her that question yesterday if you had welcomed Prentiss like any other transfer we have had to the team? Think about that."

Gideon releases his seat belt and reaches over to the door handle before continuing.

"I don't want to lose her and I'm going to hold you responsible if we do. She's a good profiler and she has the makings to be a strong member of this team." With that both team leaders open their respective doors and start to walk towards their latest crime scene.

####

After examining the crime scene and latest victims, Hotch and Gideon were on the way back to Henkel house to update the rest of the team.

Thinking back to their conversation on the earlier drive, Gideon continued on while it was just the two of them.

"Hotch, I don't know the specifics about what happened in the previous relationship that you and Prentiss had. And I don't care. I care about the team. And whatever feelings you still have are interfering with the working of the team."

"What?" Hotch said loudly. Looking back and forth between Gideon and the dark quiet road in front of him.

"Don't even try to deny it. I've known you since you were a rookie profiler Aaron. The two of you were involved at some point in the past. And the evidence of it that I've seen has all been from you, not her. Except maybe her not reporting you to HR and/or Strauss yet. And you need to find a way to get past it. And do you want to know why?"

"Why?"

"Statistically she our best chance of finding a lead on this case."

"In what way?" Hotch asked quizzically.

"She is the newest member of the team. Has only been with us for a few months. So she has the least personal connection with Reid. In addition to that, she is able to stay detached. Objective and not distracted with the same level of worry like the rest of us. She is most likely to see a connection we can use. What you and JJ were confronting her about as a problem is right now our greatest asset to finding Reid alive."

 **####**

Hotch sat in the waiting room of the hospital waiting to go visit Reid. After the doctor had come out and briefed the team on his condition, Hotch had sent JJ, Morgan and Garcia to check into the room at a nearby hotel that they had reserved with instructions that he didn't want to see any of them back for at least 5 hours.

Looking at his watch, he decided to give Emily a quick call to check progress on the evidence collection. After the call went to voicemail, left a quick message for her knowing that several of the areas she could be had no cell coverage.

After the team had found Reid, she had volunteered to be the member of the team to stay on site with LEOs to oversee the BAU's portion of the investigation. After he gave her a grateful smile, he went off with the rest of the team to take Reid to the hospital to be checked out by medical staff.

Just then, Gideon walked back into the waiting room with coffee for both of them as the nurse called them over to be taken back to Reid's room. Hotch put in phone in his pocket and walked over to go see their youngest agent.

When JJ, Morgan and Garcia arrived right at the 5 hour mark, Hotch and Gideon left to go back to the hotel room. As they left the hospital, Hotch noticed a text message from Emily about her progress. He sent her back a quick reply on the car ride over to the hotel. Once there, both team leaders collapsed onto their respective beds, exhausted from the last few days.

####

Emily closed the file in front of her and looked at her watch. 6:32 AM. She groaned and laid her head down on top of her arms that were resting on the table in front of her. It was official. She was completely exhausted. She would just rest her eyes for a few minutes.

It had been almost three days since she had slept for more than an hour at a time. Her stomach was also rebelling against her. Making her feel sick. The three days with little intake except for bad coffee was taking its toll. Looking for Reid had taken priority over everything else. Thankfully they had found him.

And now that most of the paperwork for the case was done, they would be able to leave soon after Reid was discharged from the hospital. He was probably the only one who was going to be more anxious to get the hell out of Georgia than the rest of the team.

After finding Reid in the cemetery, a member of the team needed to stay with the Sheriff's staff to process the scene and collect the evidence that the FBI would analyze.

Someone also needed to return to the Henkel house and do the same there. The Sheriff had already given permission for some of the evidence, including all of the journals, to go back to Quantico with the BAU temporarily for research purposes. All of that needed to be catalogued and boxed up and brought into the Sheriff's office.

Seeing the relief on the faces of the rest of the team, Emily volunteered to stay behind. She felt out of place in their reunion. An outsider. That feeling was reinforced when none of them gave her more than a token argument.

As the rest of the team drove away, Emily took a deep breath and blew it out. Even with the grisly tasks that she just agreed to take on she could feel herself relax a bit. She needed a few minutes to herself. All of the togetherness in that small house had been stressful. She wanted to get done what they needed to so they could all go home.

It was well after 2:30 AM by the time Emily had arrived back at the Sheriff's station after finishing at both the cemetery and the Henkel house. All of the evidence that would return to Quantico with the team was in holding while the file she held had the inventory and chain of custody paperwork.

After the night supervisor assigned her a workspace, Emily sat down to start working on the paperwork they would need to hand into the Sheriff before the team could leave. All of it would need Hotch's signature so she couldn't complete it. However, she could complete everything but his signature.

####

As Hotch walked into the Sheriff's station at 7:30 AM, he was greeted Sheriff who thank him and the team for finding the UNSUB, saying the people in his county could finally relax. The Sheriff inquired about the condition of the agent who had been kidnapped. After reassuring him that Reid was stable and expected to be released later in that morning, Hotch asked about the status the case. The Sheriff smiled and said the bulk of the evidence collection had been completed overnight.

Looking around the station, Hotch could not see Emily anywhere. The last text message he had from her was that she had completed their portion at the crime scenes and she was headed to the Sheriff's office though that had been several hours earlier.

Noticing Hotch's scanning eyes of the room, the Sheriff asked if he was looking for his agent. As Hotch nods, the Sheriff points to a small workroom towards to the back of the station. Before he can walk away, the Sheriff mentioned that she had fallen asleep about an hour earlier. He continued on that he had shut the door to the room so the noise from the station won't wake her after the night supervisor reported that she had been working on paperwork since arriving at the station several hours earlier.

As he quietly opened the door to the workroom the Sheriff had indicated, he took in the sight in front of him. Emily was sitting in a metal folding chair. Her head was rest on top of her crossed arms on top of the long rectangular table in front of her. Most of her face was covered by her hair. Her even breathing indicated to him that she was still asleep.

After quickly entering the room and quietly shutting the door behind him, Hotch walked over and picked up the stack of files to her right. Moving a chair, he sat down at the other end of the table and began to look at her paperwork.

Opening the first file, he was shocked. He looked through each sheet in that file before then going through the other file folders in the pile. Closing the last file, Hotch looked back over to his subordinate in awe. She had done all the paperwork for the case. Or at least most of it. There were a couple of forms that he noticed were missing. And a few other minor changes that needed to be made. But other than that, he just needed to sign off the rest and they would be done. So instead of being here for the ~5-6 hours he had estimated they could be walking out the door in under 90 minutes.

Looking back over at her, Hotch knew he was going to have to make it up to her. Not only for what he said a couple of days earlier but for staying up to do all this paperwork. They could leave as soon as Reid was discharged and he could be home by early afternoon to spend time with Jack and Haley.

Kicking himself, Hotch now wished he had thought to bring her breakfast and coffee. He had been anxious to get into the station to get started that he hadn't thought about it. He had been planning to send her back to the hotel to eat, rest and shower while he worked.

As he considered going to the coffee shop across the street to do just that, he heard a moan from the form at the other end of the table. That was quickly followed by shuffling of her feet and the extending her arms under her head. Another moan followed by whimpering and then mumbling as she turned her head from side to side while still rest on her arms.

Hotch quickly took note that she was having a nightmare, moving up next to her to wake her up.

"Prentiss"

With no response, he moved closer.

"Prentiss"

Again, no response. So Hotch decided to change tactics.

"Emily, wake up. Emily." Hotch said forcefully while shaking her shoulder.

In a flash, Emily had jumped up from the table. Hotch had to react quickly to catch the fist that was on target to land on his face.

"Emily, it's OK. It's me, Aaron. You were having a nightmare."

"Sorry, sir." Emily said as Hotch released her wrist.

He internal rolled his eyes believing they had gotten past her calling him 'sir'. "Are you OK?"

"Aaron ?" Emily replied confusedly, looking around the room, ignoring his question. "What are you doing here in the middle of the night? I thought you were at the hospital."

"It's almost 8 in the morning. I was at the hospital."

"Oh. OK." Emily replied suddenly aware that he just caught her having a nightmare and narrowly avoided being punched by her.

"Reid should be discharged this morning." Hotch said as he noticed her break eye contact and try to smooth out her hair that had gotten messed up as she was thrashing. Unfortunately her efforts were messing her hair up even more. It was clear to him that she was embarrassed by what he just witnessed so he changed to subject to ease her discomfort.

"Good. I'm glad he's OK." Emily replied. Suddenly the sick feeling she had before falling asleep was back with a vengeance.

Hotch turned to walk back to end he where had been sitting. Before he could turn around to ask Emily a question, he heard 'excuse me' and saw a flicker of red from her shirt as she darted out the door.

####

'Lauren, Lauren'. Emily looks around and she is back in the basement of Ian Doyle's house. How did she get back here? She looks to her side and there he was, standing there with an evil grin on his face. She was sitting on an uncomfortable chair but couldn't stand up.

Looking back to her side, now not only was Doyle there but several of his henchman surrounding her. Turning away from and looking to the other side was Declan.

'You need to choose Lauren.'

'Choose what? I don't understand.' Looking in front of her were four screens each having a member of her JTF-12 teammates on it.

'Choose which one dies.'

'No I won't do it.' Emily tried to stand up but found herself tied to what was now a high backed wooden chair that was bolted to the floor.

'Choose Lauren. Choose who dies. Who betrayed you Lauren? Who betrayed you?'

'No, I'm not doing it. I don't know who betrayed me. I won't kill an innocent person.'

'If you won't choose one of those four, how about them?' Emily looked up and there were suddenly 7 additional screens that had the pictures of her BAU teammates and Strauss.

'No, they haven't done anything wrong. This isn't their battle.'

Doyle walked up to her and slapped her across the face. 'That is my decision, not yours. Maybe I should kill all of them.'

'NO!' Emily screamed. 'Don't kill them.'

'Then you choose Lauren. Or maybe I'll just kill you instead.' Doyle turned away from her towards where Declan was standing. 'Or even better. Come here son. It is time for you to learn the family business.' Emily watches as Declan walk towards them. As he moved closer to her, his face morphed into looking more and more like Doyle.

'Ian don't do this. He's a child. Don't let him see this.' She sees Doyle hand Declan the gun and help him hold it up. She struggles to break away from the ropes that are holding her in the chair and she can't get loose.

'Prentiss'

Wait how does Doyle know my real name?

'Prentiss'

She sees Doyle lift the gun as he placed his hand on her shoulder. Emily continues to struggle to get free but the ropes were too tight.

'Emily, wake up. Emily.' Suddenly Emily found herself on her feet with a firm grasp holding onto her wrist.

"Emily, it's OK. It's me, Aaron. You were having a nightmare." Emily looked around the room and stops struggling against the hand that is holding her wrist.

No basement. No Doyle. No screens. No Declan.

Police station. Georgia.

Hotch? What is he doing here? He went with the rest of the team to the hospital with Reid.

"Sorry, sir." Emily said as she pulled her wrist back from Hotch's grasp.

"Are you OK? Hotch said looked at her concerned.

And the answer was no but she couldn't tell him that. It had only been two days since he had questioned how she was handling the job. A nightmare about a case that ended over two years earlier would just lead to more questions. Especially since that case wasn't in her official file. She needed to deflect.

"Aaron? What are you doing here in the middle of the night? I thought you were at the hospital."

"It's almost 8 in the morning. I was at the hospital." Emily looked at the clock on the wall. So it was. It would make sense since it was after 6 when she fell asleep.

"Oh. OK." Emily answered slowly, embarrassed.

"Reid should be discharged this morning." Emily heard Hotch say as she try to smooth out her hair and could feel that she was failing miserably. She closed her eyes and tried to refocus. The nightmare had seemed so real. She could feel her already upset stomach clenching up.

"Good. I'm glad he's OK." Emily answered relieved. Suddenly she felt like she was going to be sick. She did not want to vomit in front of him. Needing to get out of room, she turned and walked out quickly, ignoring when Hotch said her name.

####

Hotch looked up from the files and noticed that 20 minutes had past since Emily darted from the room. Not seeing her through the open door, he looked back down at the file in front of him. He was hoping that she had headed over to the coffee shop to get some breakfast. If she hadn't, he would tell her to go over when she returned.

He was pleasantly surprised how quickly he was getting through the massive amount of paperwork that this case had generated. With most cases, he would work on the paperwork as the case progressed. However, with Reid missing, the paperwork had been pushed to the side and every minute was dedicated to catching the UNSUB and finding Reid.

Shortly after Emily had left the room, he had called Gideon to check in with the team. Gideon reported a quiet night for Reid and that the doctor was anticipating a 9AM discharge time. Hotch asked him to pass on to JJ to call and let the pilots know that they wanted to be wheels up by 10AM. That the rest of the team should go right to the airport from the hospital. He and Prentiss would meet them there with the evidence they were taking back with them.

Hearing footsteps outside the door, Hotch looks up to see Emily reenter the room. He immediately became concerned at her glassy eyes, chalky complexion and forearm across her midsection.

"Emily, what's wrong?" Hotch says as he stands up and walks toward her.

"Nothing is wrong. I'm fine Hotch." Emily said.

Hotch raised his eyebrow, looking at her skeptically. "No you're not. You've spent the last 20 minutes ago in the restroom. Probably spent most of that time throwing up. Too little sleep and almost no food over the last few days combined with the awful coffee we had at the house? An intense nightmare was the last straw."

Emily stood up straight and glared at him. "Don't profile me, Aaron! I'm fine."

Hotch took a deep breath and shook his head. "Emily, just sit down and relax. I'll be back in a couple of minutes." He motioned to the seat that she had been sitting in earlier before walking out the door.

Walking down to the station break room, Hotch walked up to the vending machine, inserted a few coins and took the can of ginger ale that was dispensed. Moving over in front of the counter, he started opening various drawers under the coffee maker. He smiled when he opened the second to last drawer to find various leftover items from takeout meals. Pulling out a couple of packages of oyster crackers, he picked the can of ginger ale up and headed back to the room where they were working.

Entering the room, he noticed that Emily was sitting back down at the table, going through one of the case files. Walking over to her, he put the ginger ale and crackers down next to her.

"Here. To help settle your stomach." Hotch said as he picked up the file she had in front of her.

"It's not necessary. I'm fine." Looking at the offending items he had put down next to her. "I was working on that file." Emily said glaring at him holding the file she had just been looking at.

Hotch sighed and took a breath before answering. He could see that she was attempting to not look weak in front of him. And he was going to give her some leeway to prevent it. "Well if you are still fine when we leave here, we'll stop and get you some breakfast before we head to the airport. For now, please try that." He said motioning to the can and crackers. "And unless you have learned to forge my signature, there isn't much you could do in that file." He smiled slightly when she looked up to meet his eyes.

"Thank you. You didn't need to get this." Nodding, Emily said motioning to the can and crackers in front of her.

"And you didn't need to stay up all night doing all this paperwork. Thank you. I should be able to get the rest done in the next hour or so. I talked to Gideon. Reid will be discharged around 9 and because all of this is done, we can go wheels up around 10."

"That's why I did it. I needed something to do. And I knew that Reid would want the rest of you at the hospital with him. None of us wanted to be here any longer than necessary. This has been a hard case all the way around."

Hotch suddenly felt guilty again for his comment a couple of evening before.

"Yes. This is going to be a case that stays with all of us for a while. Emily, I need to apologize to you."

"For what? Saying what you thought? Can't we just forget it and go on?" Emily said bitterly.

"No, we can't forget it. I'm apologizing for bringing it up the way I did. It was wrong to do it during a case and in a public area. But it is a conversation we do need to have. And we will once we are back at the office."

"Can't wait." Emily replied sarcastically

Hotch shook his head and looked back to the files. Not surprised at her response.

####

Putting his pen down, Hotch stood up, taking the stack of files with him. Everything was completed. Now he just needed to make copies, hand the originals to the Sheriff and pick up the evidence they were taking with them from holding. By his estimation, they could be ready to leave in the next 10 minutes.

After refusing to let Emily do any more of the paperwork, she had sipped on the ginger ale and finished one pack of the oyster crackers before curling up in a slightly more comfortable chair in the corner of the room away from the table. She hadn't fallen back to sleep but Hotch felt a bit better than she was at least resting.

Walking back into the room after handing in the paperwork from the case, Hotch caught Emily's eye.

"We are done here. Do you want to get something to eat before we head for the airport?"

"Thank goodness. No. I'm OK for now." Emily said standing up.

"If you're sure. When we get back to Quantico, I want you to go straight home." Hotch said, looking at her pointedly.

"I don't need to go home. I can work." Emily said, glaring at him. She walked over to the table and picked up her belongings and turning for the door.

Hotch blocked her path out of the room. "It's not going to be just you. I'm sending the whole team home. I already spoke to Chief Strauss. We are all off until Monday once I hand her this file. Our reports for the case won't be due until then either. And we won't go back on rotation until Reid and JJ are cleared by medical and psych."

"OK. Monday."

####

Gideon looked from his book and glanced around the jet, taking in the sleeping forms of his colleagues. They had taken off about an hour earlier. Even at this early hour, barely noon, almost everyone was asleep. The turns they took at the hotel in no way came close to making up for the days of little sleep while Reid was missing.

He was relieved when Hotch announced as soon as they took off that everyone was going home when they landed until Monday. They would stay off rotation after that until everyone was cleared by medical and psych. The days off should allow everyone to recharge and come back the following week in a better place.

This case had brought the team to the breaking point. Questioning themselves and each other in ways they are never supposed to do. And he and Hotch were just as guilty as the rest of the team. There was going to be fallout. Gideon just hoped that the team could withstand it and become stronger as a result.

When Hotch and Prentiss had arrived at the jet, the rest of the team had already settled in for the flight home. As the two walked through the plane, he was pleased to see that the tension that had been growing between them had lessened. He took that as an indication that Hotch had taken to heart what they discussed in the SUV and took steps to smooth things over with Prentiss.

As Prentiss took her seat in the back of the plane away from the rest of the team, Gideon noticed that she looked sick and completely exhausted. Unlike most flights, she hadn't stopped by the galley to grab a cup of coffee nor did she carry a to-go cup with her.

His suspicions were confirmed a couple of minutes later when on his way to his seat, Gideon noticed that Hotch dropped off a couple of small packets of Saltines, a can of the lemon-lime soda that was stocked on the jet and a blanket with Prentiss which she took gratefully.

What he noticed next made him feel very guilty. As she unfolded the blanket and draping over herself, Gideon noticed that unlike the rest of the team, Prentiss was wearing the same clothes as the day before. He should have expected it as she had spent the night in the field and at the Sheriff's station instead of at the hospital and hotel with the rest of them team. And while the rest of the team had only gotten to nap for a few hours, it appeared that she had not slept at all.

As Gideon was about to turn back to his book when he heard a quiet tapping sounds behind him. Looking back, he suddenly noticed that he wasn't the only one awake on the plane. In the cluster of seats behind him, Prentiss was surprisingly still awake. She was curled up in a seat by the windows tightly wrapped in a blanket. Her complete concentration seemed to be on whatever she was looking at outside the window of the plane.

As he looked closely, he observed the tapping was her from her hand that was resting on the wall of the plane just under the window. It did not appear that she was even aware that her hand was doing this nervous tic. While her attention was distracted, Gideon took a few minutes to observe her. It was rare that she could be observe her without noticing and building up walls.

The tapping was a tell he hadn't noticed before today. Though with everything they had been through the last few days, it was impossible to accurately tell which of the hellish events of the last four days she was reacting to. Or had something happened last night while the rest of them were at the hospital?

As he listened while processing this new tell, Gideon's eyes popped open. He recognized the rhythm of the taps. He had first come across finger tapping when he worked dually with the CIA. It was taught to field agents as a coping mechanism to use if ever captured and tortured.

Hotch hadn't said anything about her having a CIA history however he also knew that that job history wasn't always in an official file. He still hadn't looked over her file that was still sitting on his desk. Hopefully that would help him figure out some of the mystery that still surrounded their newest agent.

Looking back at her, Gideon wondered was the finger tapping now as a reaction to watching what all of them saw happened to Reid or had the events of the last few days triggered something that happened to her in the past? Or both?


	9. Under Pressure

TW-self-harm

It was late in the afternoon and Emily was working on her last consult of the day. As she progressed on the write-up, she noticed that she needed to double check the search parameters with Garcia before she could sign off on the case. Taking a deep breath and blowing it out, Emily pushed her chair back and stood up.

As she looked around the bullpen, she noticed that it was unusually deserted. Morgan was spending the afternoon at the Academy working with the recruits on tactical simulations. This was an assignment that Morgan fulfilled a few hours a month, the schedule dependent on when the team was at Quantico.

It wasn't the first time that Morgan had been off at the Academy since Emily joined the team. In fact, he had gone about half a dozen times. And the bullpen was always quieter when he wasn't there.

But today was different. Hell the whole time the team had been back from Georgia had been different. Many days the tension in the bullpen could be cut through with a knife by the end of the day. Agents not on their team has started avoiding the bullpen whenever possible.

In the past when Morgan had gone, Emily and Reid had spent the time talking about subjects that Reid had informed her that Morgan wouldn't be interested in and would in fact tease them mercilessly about if he was there. The discussions had been light and fun. Emily had found herself relaxing the barriers on some on the nerdy tendencies that she had learned to keep well hidden from others, particularly men.

Reid had previously been talkative and prone to tangents on random subjects. Friendly to those around him. Always finding fun and interesting ways to fill down time such as with physics magic.

But since he had returned to work, he had been unusually quiet, answering any questions posed to him in one to two words replies. And irritable. They all knew that he needed time to recover and weren't expecting him to jump back into his former self. But the contrast was stark.

And Emily, probably better than anyone else on the team, could understand the headspace that Spencer found himself in since his abduction. After she had been rescued from Ian Doyle's estate, she also found it difficult to cope initially, curling in on herself and being cranky with others during her hospitalization and debriefing.

The need for some space to process the experience had been the primary reason for the fortuitous decision to go off the grid after she left the hospital. She knew that it was highly unlikely that she would still be alive today if she hadn't disappeared when she did.

Closing the file on her desk, she walked out of the bullpen towards Garcia's office, anxious to get finished for the evening. Wanting this week to finally be over.

As she approaches the door, she notices that it is partially open which was unusual. As she walked closer, she could hear the voices of Garcia and JJ. Emily raised her hand to knock but stopped when she heard what they were talking about.

Her.

She lowered her arm and listened. As their conversation continued, Emily had heard enough. Turning she walked further down the hall to the stairwell at the far end.

Once she had reached the roof, Emily started to pace, trying to get her feelings under control before returning to her desk.

 **####**

Derek Morgan stepped off the elevators, humming.

He had spent a mostly successful afternoon at the Academy Training Facility putting recruits through the paces in simulations of takedown procedures in various scenarios. He was pleased that, over the course of the afternoon, most of them had made progress. They listened to his feedback and made the necessary changes to their techniques. The real test for him would be how they did when he went back in three weeks.

Now, the workday was almost over and he hadn't gotten any messages about a new case. Which meant as soon as he got his stuff, he and Garcia were headed to their favorite bar for Friday night drinks.

This rotation at the Academy couldn't have come at a better time. Since Reid had returned to work a few days earlier, the mood of the bullpen had tense. Other agents sensed it and had been actively avoided going in there. And he didn't blame them. He didn't want to be there either except that was where his workspace was.

He had felt bad for leaving Prentiss by herself with Reid this afternoon. Somehow he didn't think they had had their usual nerdy conversation on stuff like quarks and foreign films as they had when he was at the Academy previously.

Morgan had considered asking Hotch if he could take Prentiss with him for help demonstrating but remembered that he still hadn't finished her tactical evaluation. Which reminded him, he needed to talk to Hotch about when they were going to reschedule that. Hopefully soon. They needed Prentiss fully in the field, especially since Reid did not seem to be in any condition to do field work. And he knew that Hotch didn't want to have Prentiss fully in the field until Morgan had signed off on her full tactical performance.

But that needed to wait until next week. Right now he was going to go find his Baby Girl and hit the bars.

Looking through the glass, he saw Reid at his desk and Gideon and Hotch in their respective offices but no Prentiss. Noticing the time as he looks at his watch, he wonders if she had already left for the day. Until he saw the pile of files on her desk. Nope. She hadn't handed her files into Hotch so she still must be around here somewhere.

As he turned down the hallway towards Garcia's office, he wondered if they should invited her to come with them to the bar. After the last few hours alone in the bullpen with Reid, Prentiss may be ready for a drink.

Then he saw his brunette colleague outside of Garcia office with her hand up as if she is going to knock. Then he saw her pause. Her expression quickly changed and she dropped her arms to her sides. Before he could call out to her, she stepped back, turned and walked away with a determined pace in the opposite direction before entering the stairwell at the end of the hall.

Wondering what the hell that was about, he walked up to Garcia office. He stopped before entering, curious about what had caused that reaction. As he waited, he could hear Garcia and JJ talking.

About Emily.

Derek knocked on the door as he pushed it open. "Hey."

"Hi Derek." JJ replied smiling looking over at the door from where she was sitting next to Garcia.

"Hey Hot Stuff. What are you up to?" Garcia said, looking up at him smiling.

"Just got back from the Academy. What are you ladies talking about?"

The two women look at each other before looking back at him. The guilty expressions were easily spotted by the profiler. Then JJ said quietly. "Just catching up."

After what he had heard, Morgan was not going to let that explanation go without comment. "If you are going to talk about someone, you may want to make sure you are somewhere it can't be overheard." Morgan said annoyed, looking pointedly at the two women sitting in front of him.

"What do you mean?" Garcia asked with a worried look on her face.

"You're door was open while you were 'catching up'." Morgan said, gesturing air quotes.

"You heard?" Garcia asked concerned.

"I'm not the only one." Morgan replied forcefully.

"Crap."

"Damn."

"Yeah, you think? What the hell is wrong with you?" Morgan asked, his anger back in full force.

"We were just commenting on the truth, Derek. She doesn't care. The case in Georgia proved that." JJ responded indignantly.

"I think that you are completely wrong. Let me tell you what I saw. For the three days that Reid was missing, she didn't sleep..." Morgan responded.

"Yes she did, Derek. She went up with me the first night." JJ interrupted and rolled her eyes.

"True, but then she was up pacing within a half hour. We could hear it downstairs. Then less than a half hour after that, she was back down and sorting through the journals for the rest of the night." Morgan responded. JJ looked at him confused. She had thought when she came down in the morning that Emily had simply woken up before her.

Then Morgan continued. "And JJ, jumping on her about her reactions to cases during a case, especially with Reid missing. Real low. That wasn't the place or the time."

JJ looked up at him with her cheeks flushed, arms crossed in front of her. "But it's true. Nothing affects her. Even that question- she just brushed it off. She couldn't even come up with a real answer. Except compartmentalization." JJ said rolling her eyes.

Morgan shook his head before continuing. "Really? Then why less than an hour later did I see her walk over to the cornfield. Thinking she was following a clue, I went after her. You want to know what I saw when I found her? She was sitting on a fallen log crying, alone." Morgan stopped and took a few deep breaths before looking back and forth between JJ and Garcia before continuing. "Have either of you ever considered that maybe it isn't that nothing affects her but that she still doesn't feel comfortable enough yet to show it around us? Do you really think that the two of you gossiping about her is going to improve things? Both of you know how hard it can be for women in the FBI. If you go into some units and are emotional during a case, you will never get the respect from your peers." As he looked at the women, he could see tears in Garcia's eyes and disbelief in JJ's.

"True. But then why didn't she come to the hospital with the rest of us after we found Reid?" JJ retorted.

"Do you know why she didn't come? What she was doing instead?" Morgan responded shaking his head.

"No. But it sounds like you do." JJ responded tersely.

"She stayed behind to act as the agent on site for the investigation so that Hotch and Gideon could both go to the hospital and stay with the rest of us. She spent another night _at that house_ so that the rest of us could be at the hospital for Reid when he needed us. It was work that needed to be done that night and she volunteered to do it." Morgan answered as he felt his anger rise.

"I thought Hotch did that the next day." JJ answered.

"Do you honestly think that Hotch would have been able to do everything for THAT case in the less than 2 hours he was gone?" Morgan responded incredulously.

JJ looked down and shook her head before answering. "No, you're right. It would have taken almost 2 hours just to drive between the house, cemetery where we found Reid and the Sheriff's office. And that's not counting doing anything at any of those sites once you got there."

Morgan took a deep breath, relieved that he finally seemed to be making progress. "That's right. Also Hotch didn't complete most of the paperwork for the case. Emily did. He just needed to double check most of it and sign everything off."

"How do you know that, Morgan?" JJ answered angrily. She had been forced to concede the previous points but wasn't going to let this one go without proof.

Morgan could see the angry disbelief on the blonde's face and knew that he was going to need to pull the documentation out to prove the point. He had been shocked the first time he had looked at the completed file at how much Emily had completed. "Look at the file, see for yourself. Baby Girl, can you pull up the scanned copy of the file from that case?"

Garcia turned to her keyboard and started typing away, glad to have a task to do. The tense conversation between two of her best friends was upsetting. And she was also feeling guilty about some of the things that had been said about Emily especially with knowing that Emily had heard some of it. "As long as it's already been scanned I can. Give me a minute."

After a few seconds, the file popped up on Garcia's screen and they started to page through it. "Ok here it is." What Morgan had said both women could now see with their own eyes.

As Garcia paged through the entire files, they were shocked at what they saw. Most of the file had the documentation completed in Emily's handwriting with Hotch only signing off each document. Then there was several that had both Hotch and Emily's writing. Finally there were a few that only had Hotch's handwriting throughout.

Looking closer, JJ saw that the request forms completed for the necropsies and pathologies of the dogs was completed by Emily. The day that the results came, JJ had been so relieved to have confirmation that none of the dogs had carried any serious diseases. She had given silent thanks to Hotch when that weight was lifted. Now it appeared that her silent thanks had been misdirected.

"That is what I was talking about. 90% of the paperwork that was done for that case, aside from our individual reports, Emily completed." Morgan said.

"This must have taken her hours." Garcia stated distractedly without looking away from her screen. "It would explain why when she got to the plane, she was still wearing the same clothes from the day before." It stood out to Garcia that Emily, who until that morning, no matter what time the team was called in always looked polished, had looked somewhat rough around the edges and wearing same clothes as the day before.

"Exactly, while the rest of us had a rest break and a shower, she was at crime scenes and doing paperwork." Morgan answered.

"But why?" JJ asked confusedly.

"JJ, what did Reid say to us that night right before we got in the SUV to go to the hospital?" Morgan asked.

"That he just wanted to go home." JJ responded immediately knowing that she would not forget what happened on that case anytime soon.

Morgan looked at her and did not answer until he had made eye contact with JJ. "Exactly, he just wanted to go home. And because of what Emily did, as soon as he was discharged from the hospital, we were able to fly home. This is why I completely disagree with you that she doesn't care. Emily did what she could within her power to make sure the team could be with him at the hospital and that the casework was done when he was ready to go."

"But she's a member of the team too." Garcia said worriedly looking back and forth between Morgan and JJ.

"Yeah, but she doesn't feel like she is part of the team yet. I can't imagine why she would feel that way." Morgan responded sarcastically.

The three of them sat there for a few minutes in silence. Not able to take the uncomfortable silence anymore, Garcia asked.

"Hey Derek, are you ready to go?"

Morgan looked up and looked over at Garcia and JJ. The positive mood he had been in when he had gotten off the elevator was now gone. He shook his head. "I don't think so. I'm not in the mood to go out tonight. Goodnight ladies." He stood up and walked out the door, heading back to the bullpen.

 **####**

Emily entered the bullpen and immediately walked over to her desk. She picked up the file that lead to her visit to Garcia office in the first place and placed it in her bag. She would email Garcia over the weekend and hand it in on Monday.

Grabbing the rest of her completed files from the corner of her desk, she quickly walked across the bullpen and up the stairs to Hotch's office. When she reached the open door, she noticed the office was empty. Stepping over the threshold, she walked over to the desk and placed her stack of files on his blotter before turning and walking back out.

After letting a distracted Gideon know that she was heading out for the night, she walked back to her desk. Once she slipped on her coat, Emily picked up her purse and bag before turning to leave. She had gone forward two steps before she walked back to her desk and pulled her workout bag from underneath. Saying goodnight to Reid, she walked out through one of the side doors of the bullpen.

####

Hotch opened the glass doors and walked into the bullpen with a determined stride. Looking around, he noticed that Gideon was in his office and Reid was staring at a file at his desk. Other than those two, the bullpen was deserted. He climbed the stairs and entered his office immediately noticing a stack of files that hadn't been there when he had stepped out of his office a few minutes earlier. He sighed as he walked around his desk and sat down. Opening the first file confirmed what he had suspected. These were Emily's completed files. Looking out the window into the bullpen, he noticed her coat that had been draped over the back of her chair was missing.

He shook his head and thought about the conversation he had just overheard. He had left his office a few minutes earlier to check in with JJ about if there were any consults that had come in that day that needed immediate attention or that he needed to review over the weekend. Arriving at JJ's office, he had found it empty.

Since Reid's return to work a few days earlier, the team's default gathering place had changed from the bullpen to Garcia's office. He turned to walk towards the tech cave in search of his missing media liaison. As he walked up to the door, he could hear voices coming from inside that he identified as Garcia, Morgan and JJ.

As he moved closer to the door, Hotch could hear that Emily was the topic of their conversation. He stopped outside the door and listened. After a couple of minutes he had walked away from the door, forgetting momentarily why he had come down there in the first place.

Now sitting back at his desk, Hotch lamented on how he was going to handle the situation that he had just overheard. Gideon had been right in Georgia when he had mentioned that the younger team members weren't going to give Emily a chance until Hotch did. Of course he was right. As infuriating as it could be at times, the old man was always right. And it appeared that JJ was continuing to instigate, this time she had pulled Garcia into the conversation.

Hotch, however, knew that he needed to change his approach with Emily once and for all. Yes she did seem different that she had been in 1994. He didn't know what it was but it seemed to him to be more than just the passage of time. But he couldn't use that observation as an excuse any longer especially when he had repeatedly seen hard evidence that the reasons she had disappeared from his life didn't happen for those reasons. At this point he didn't know what to think about what really happened.

He said he would give her a chance and so far she had exceed expectations in just about every area. But he had continued to treat her with an air of suspicion and now he was repeatedly seeing the evidence that that suspicion was having with the rest of the team.

Right now the team had real problems to deal with. He needed to put a quick end to the manufactured one of his own making.

While they had cleared the inquiry concerning Reid's abduction, Strauss was keeping a closer eye that normal on the team.

Then there was Reid himself who had been struggling since his return. So far Hotch was giving him leeway while allowing him to get back in the routine of the BAU. However, if he didn't start to improve soon, he and/or Gideon would need to address it formally.

Then there was JJ who clearly had a traumatizing experience in the barn with the dogs. Because of that he had been giving her more leeway that usual however after what he heard today, that needed to change because it was affecting the whole team.

As much as he and Morgan didn't see eye to eye on some things, he was glad that the other profiler had confronted the two women about their misinterpretation of the events that happened in Georgia. One that held more weight than if Hotch had done it.

If Hotch had inserted himself into the conversation, JJ and Garcia would have seen it as an order. And they would have followed it and stopped the gossip, at least at the office. But it wouldn't have improved Emily's standing with the two women.

Morgan was their peer. He could confront them and dispel the misconceptions that they were basing their gossip on.

But Hotch was going to need to make more of an effort to lead by example. There was no justification for him not to have given Emily credit for all of work she did while they were at the hospital with Reid. The words were not going to be enough, he was going to need to demonstrate through his actions.

And with that, Hotch looked at the clock. Dammit, he was leaving the office late again. Haley was going to be pissed. Things had been even more strained between them since he had returned from Georgia. And if he was going to be late getting home anyway, he was going to stop by where he was sure Emily had gone.

 **####**

Morgan walked into the bullpen and went right over to his desk and sat down. As he looked around, Morgan noticed that both Hotch and Gideon were in their respective offices. Reid was sitting at his desk doing… something. But what, he didn't know and didn't dare ask. The files he had seen earlier on Emily's desk were now gone as were her coat and bag. Letting out an exasperated sigh, he turned back to his desk.

He was beyond frustrated in how the team was currently functioning. No one seemed to know how to approach Reid. They had all seen the video feed of what Henkel did to him. However it was clear that as bad as what they witnessed was, more happened to him that they hadn't seen. And he wasn't talking about ... anything.

Then there was the conversation that he had just walked in on. It was the second time in as many weeks that he had heard JJ speaking out against Emily. And that wasn't how JJ generally acted, even with new agents. They all knew she could be somewhat of a spitfire but this was different.

No, it was part of the bigger problem of the attitude Hotch had had with Emily since the day she arrived on the unit. And while he was gradually thawing out with her, it was too slow for the others on the team.

Pushing away from his desk, Morgan stood up. Turning around, he could see Hotch was deep in thought, having not touched any of the files on his desk since Morgan walked into the bullpen 10 minutes earlier. Not trusting himself to talk to the Unit Chief tonight, he gathered his bag, said goodbye to Reid and walked out.

Less than 45 minutes earlier he had arrived at the BAU happy that the work week was over. Looking forward to going out for drinks with Penelope. Now he was going home alone. And he hated being upset with Baby Girl.

 **####**

Emily found herself in the gym again, working on one of the punching bags. She chuckled to herself at the irony of going a few rounds with one here after spending most of her work hours recently feeling like one for various members of the team. Wiping the sweat away from her brow, she contemplates what she will need to do to make progress with this team. Or does she just go against her gut and quit the job she had been wanting for over 10 years.

Gideon who had been a quiet supporter since the first case she had worked with him and Reid continued to observe her though that wasn't new. However now their interactions contained suspicion and irritability.

She had no idea what she had done to get JJ so annoyed with her. Since returning from Georgia, the shaky collegial relationship between the two women had become shakier with JJ emboldened by Hotch's support of her assessment of Emily. And now it wasn't just Hotch agreeing with JJ but now Garcia was as well.

Garcia. A member of the team that Emily had thought genuinely liked her. That was until she had overheard what Garcia was saying in her conversation with JJ tonight. But Emily knew she shouldn't be surprised. She knew the two women were close friends and had worked together for over 2 years. Somehow though Emily felt like she was suddenly back in school and overhearing some of the popular girls talking about her at yet another new school.

The questions that seemed to keep coming up was how she could remain impassive regardless of what the case was her reactions to the work that the BAU handles. And Emily could understand on some level. But she couldn't give them what they wanted. She didn't know how to.

She had grown up taught that emotions weren't expressed in public. Even in private there had been few people who she could express what she was truly feeling. Her father had been there for her but so much time had past since his death that the memories continued to fade. She had talked through many things with her grandfather during their frequent visits when she was growing up. Matthew Benton had been a great support when they both had lived in Rome as teens but that was over 20 years ago. Aaron had been when they were together but now he was one of the people she was struggling against.

Looking back, Emily could not remember ever having a talk about her feelings with the Ambassador. Any time she would be upset or sad or disappointed, regardless of the circumstances, she was sent to her room until she could control herself and paste a smile on her face.

Over time, Emily had learned to keep her emotional self hidden from others. That what she was feeling wasn't important. It was what those around her wanted her to be that was of utmost importance. But denying her feelings and continually trying to shove them into a box came at a emotional cost for her.

Sensitive from the time she was a child, times would arise when her feelings would explode and overwhelm her and couldn't be bottled up anymore. When she came to that point, a nap after a good cry didn't help with the tsunami of emotions she felt. With not knowing how to deal with them and having no safe outlet to express them, the turmoil she felt was directly inward. And over the years, she began to use various unhealthy coping strategies to help get her through these rough times and to help her center herself while still presenting the perfect image that she knew was expected from her.

And if she had noticed something was awry, her mother never commented as long as Emily kept the smile on her face and didn't do anything to embarrass her mother.

By the time she joined the Bureau, her coping strategies had evolved over the years as she had more control of her life. Not perfect but not as unhealthy as they had once been. For her first assignment as an FBI agent, she had requested and had been assigned to what she anticipated the hardest area for her, Crimes Against Children.

While her goal had always been a position as a profiler, she needed to prove to herself first that she could be successful there first. In her mind, if she couldn't handle Crimes Against Children, she would not be able to handle the BAU. And while it took time to master coping with the work, over time she did so and even excelled.

And she continued to excel over the next few years as she worked to increase her skill set not only with Crimes Against Children but also by taking the profiling courses in Quantico which lead to her first opportunity to work with profilers was during a case that Crimes Against Children worked with the BAP.

Her excitement was short-lived at the success of that assignment when the case brought her work onto the radar of the CIA. Initially, they grudgingly accepted her refusal but that all changed in the fall of 2001.

After spending weeks doing nothing but translations, she then worked again with the BAP until Bruno Hawks cornered her one day. After speaking to him, she reluctantly agreed to go through the counterterrorism training, a decision that she would come to regret.

From that day on, she could feel herself being pulled away from her dream job however the plan was for it to only be temporary. She had agreed to this detour and as long as this was her path, she was going to put her best effort into her work.

She realized later that when she was assigned to JTF-12, Bruno had used all of the right topics that hit on her vulnerabilities to get her to agree while, while downplaying aspects of the assignment. It had been described to her as similar to the work she had done with the BAP only with the team being comprised of representatives from various agencies. And for the most part that was true. Until Sean came to the team with the Ian Doyle case.

The irony of that case was that she wasn't supposed to be the undercover on it. When she joined JTF-12, it was with the understanding that she was there to do translation, analysis and field work with the team not deep cover.

But then as they were prepping for Tsia to undercover with Doyle, she became ill and was hospitalized. As the contact date grew closer for Doyle, Clyde began to pressure her to go under instead as he did not want to jeopardize the mission. Frustrated with her lack of clearance for going undercover and Emily's reluctance as she had never done deep cover before, Clyde contacted Bruno. Once again Emily was pressured by Bruno to take the assignment. He had known what buttons to push to gain her acceptance.

But Emily quickly found that being undercover resulted in overextending her coping mechanisms. Her entire self was forced inwards behind walls she keep needing to build in order to become an alternate identity. She had needed to watch herself play along while Lauren was forced to do things that Emily Prentiss would never do but Emily had to ultimately deal with the scars. Had things done to her, that without her walls, would have destroyed her. By the time she was rescued from the Doyle compound, she was almost at her breaking point.

After JTF-12 dissolved and she came back to the FBI, Emily had focused on changing her coping strategies to find alternatives to the self destructive ways that she had come to depend on and had gotten out of control since that case.

The desk position that the FBI psychiatrist had forced her into initially had been a blessing in disguise. It gave her time and space to work on new healthier coping mechanisms without the stress of being in the field. But she had not told the shrink about how she had learned to handle stress other than bite her nails. If she did then they may have never let her back into the field at all. She definitely wouldn't have made it where she had wanted to work- the BAU.

What she replaced the unhealthy coping strategies with ultimately benefited her when it was time to pass her qualifications once psych signed off on her re entering the field. Swimming. Gym sessions. Target practice.

And this is what brought her to working out in the gym tonight. Generally she would swim first but the fresh cut on her legs made that not an option. She had started cutting again shortly after returning from Georgia.

What had happened to Reid had too closely mirrored her experience with Doyle. She too had been forced to watch horrible things happen to people on a video screen. Asked to make the decision about who lived and who was killed. And if reality hadn't been graphic enough, her subconscious was rehashing it all in new and horrific ways every night in the form of nightmares.

Intellectually, Emily knew she was on a path that she needed to get off again but didn't know how to right now. And part of her wasn't ready to give up the familiar way of coping. She needed the comfort of the familiar to deal with the memories it had brought up about the Doyle case and all her feeling that stemmed from it. The turmoil on the team was just adding to the emotional burden right now.

After giving the punch bag one last hit, Emily stopped and leaned over, resting her palms on the legs right above her knees. After a few minutes, she was able to get her breathing back under control. Standing back up, she wiped the sweat from her face with the sleeve of her shirt as she walked to the locker room to shower before heading home.

As she was walking out to her car, Emily thought again about what had happened. The others on the team felt that the cases didn't get to her. But they were wrong, cases did affect her, some more deeply than others. But she knew she couldn't show it. Not with the type of monsters they chased. Emotions were a weakness made you vulnerable to others.

So she couldn't disagree with what JJ said that that is the way her actions came across to others. Even though the words had hurt. She acted that way to protect herself but the team was not having the chance to know the real her. There was no way for them to know she had to hide her feelings behind thick walls so she could do this job.

And there was no way they would unless she relaxed those walls some, at least with the team. Open herself up, slowly. That may be the way to get herself back off the self destructive path she found herself on. It would be hard but she wanted to be in the BAU. Wanted to be part of this team. If she really didn't want it, she would have walked out the day she found out Aaron Hotchner was her new supervisor.

Relieved that she had come up with a middle ground that she was comfortable with, Emily pulled out of the parking lot, hoping it would be enough for the team. That they would see that she was trying.

 **####**

Hotch looked into the training facility, pleased that he had profiled correctly that Emily would be here. He watch her work with the punching bag, seemingly oblivious to the fact that he was watching her. He noticed that she seemed to be deep in thought. When after several minutes, she wasn't slowing down, he sighed and turned to leave. She obviously needed the release and wouldn't want to be interrupted, especially by him. And looking at his watch, he needed to be heading home.


	10. Connections

Emily stood in the back of the full elevator as it headed up to the BAU. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, she attempts to calm her.

She wasn't sure how she felt about being back here after overhearing a conversation between JJ and Penelope on Friday evening.

But it was Monday morning and the BAU is where she needed to be. Where she was expected to be. The comments she had heard were upsetting but she wasn't going to avoid JJ and Garcia. Letting them know they had that power over her. She did not walk away from the hard stuff.

Though she wasn't sure what to make of the email exchange with Garcia the previous day. After emailing to ask about the information she need to complete the consult, Garcia had emailed back within 5 minutes with the search parameters she had used.

After Emily had sent back a 'thank you' message, Garcia had replied with a request for lunch one day during the upcoming week. The request had been unexpected and Emily didn't know how to process the invitation. Was it a sincere request or a way to extract more information for gossip sessions with JJ?

After considering the request for most of the afternoon, Emily had emailed her back asking if they could have coffee together one day instead. It was a compromise that felt right at the moment remembering the promise she had made to herself the previous Friday about being more open with the team.

A short coffee would be more limited in time than lunch but would give Emily an opportunity to profile Garcia's intentions. If she was, in fact, sincere then they could plan another longer outing later in the week as Garcia had initially requested. If not, well then she had been to enough official events over the years to be able to make it seem like she was saying a lot without really revealing anything new, especially when it would only be for 15-20 minutes.

Emily had been hoping that the weekend would give her enough distance from the BAU but she wasn't sure it had been enough time. And it could have been except for the disastrous date she had on Saturday night that had left her shaken.

One of the areas that psych had focused on after the case with Doyle was if she was dating. Given her less than stellar history with choice in men, it hadn't been high on her list as she tried to reclaim her life.

When that area turned out to be the last bridge to cross, she had agreed to a date with a guy she keep bumping into in the coffee shop. Overall it hadn't been a negative experience. He had been one of the few men she had dated who weren't alpha males and had been willing to let her take the lead on the relationship. However after a few weeks, it became increasingly clear that they wanted different things out of a relationship. He had wanted them to work towards becoming serious while at this point Emily just wanted to be able socialize with a man without panicking. After talking it out, they chose to part ways.

However by that time, psych had already cleared her for full duty.

She had dated a couple of men after that though neither had gotten past the second date. When she arrived in DC, she recognized that it would be harder to find the type of guy she was interested in dating. DC had a higher amount of alpha males per capita and she wasn't ready to be with someone who expected that level of control.

Aaron's unexpected reemergence in her life had initially put her off kilter with dating. It brought back all of her worries about why he left and never contacted her again. But weeks later, after being asked out by Peter several times, she agreed. Aaron had moved on and she was trying to do the same. But after this past weekend, Peter was gone from her life.

When Saturday afternoon had come around, Emily knew she should have cancelled even if it resulted in him deciding not to reschedule with her again after they had already rescheduled twice. She wasn't in the head space for a date. But she had unfortunately ignored that voice and at first, she thought that maybe this date had been exactly what she needed.

That was until she had made a reference during their conversation about Kilgore Trout. At that point their conversation came to a stall as he looked at her blankly. He then mocking her subtly about a reference he clearly hadn't gotten which had made her feel worse.

After seemly noticing her discomfort, he changed the discussion back to a topic she had made clear she didn't wish to talk about - her family. And the evening had just gone downhill from there ending abruptly after he had back her up against a wall while holding her hands and tried again to kiss her which had resulted in a near panic attack. He had backed off as soon as he noticed her reaction however it still felt as if she had regressed from the experience.

As the doors opened, Emily stepped off the elevator and headed into her desk. She silently gave a sigh of relief that no one else seemed to be in the bullpen. She needed a few minutes to settle in before needing to interact with the others.

After dropping her bag on her chair, she pushed her workout bag under the desk. She draped her coat over the back of the chair before heading over to get a cup of coffee. As she turned the corner and walked into the break room, she nearly collided with Hotch who was also there for coffee.

"Good morning, sir." Emily said quietly.

"Prentiss." Hotch said to her nodding before returning his attention to his coffee. He wasn't sure the best way to bring up what happened on Friday.

Emily picked up a mug off the shelf and moved over to the pot as she said, "I need to bring you a file. I had to verify a search parameter with Garcia and well I couldn't get the information Friday afternoon. She emailed me the information yesterday. Sorry for the delay."

"Is that the Nashville consult?" Hotch said looking back over at her, noting her nervousness.

"No, I dropped that one off with my other files on Friday. Or at least I thought I did. This is the Miami consult." Emily replied as she appeared deep in thought.

"I'll check when I get to my office about Nashville. I haven't finished signing off what you, Morgan and Reid handed in on Friday. That's why I'm here so early. Just bring up the Miami one as soon as you can." Hotch said as he moved away from the counter and walked towards the door.

"OK, sure. Just let me get some coffee and I'll bring it right up." Emily said before turning back to her coffee.

"Good. Also in the future..." Hotch waited until she turned back around before continuing, "if you are going to hold onto a consult to gather additional information, please leave me a note so I know. It's not always possible to get information right away when you need to talk to someone else but then I know where it is and what the delay is if it is needed in the interim."

Emily nodded as she said, "I will be sure to do that in the future."

"Good. Are you OK this morning, Emily?" Hotch asked having noticed her nervous demeanor during their conversation.

"I'm fine, sir. Why do you ask?" Shaking her head, Emily answered.

Hotch internally rolled his eyes wondering why they were back to him being sir. And not once but twice this morning. He had been trying to encourage her to use Hotch instead as sir just didn't sound right coming from her given their previous relationship. "You just seem a little stressed this morning."

Emily shook her head and gave a small smile that didn't fool either of them before answering, "no, I'm fine. It's just Monday morning."

"Ok. I'll be in my office." Hotch says as he walked towards his office. He had given her an opening if she wanted to talk about what had happened on Friday and she hadn't taken it. At this point he couldn't do anything else.

 **####**

Leaving Garcia's lair, Morgan was walking back towards the bullpen feeling bad all weekend about how he had left things with her Friday evening.

He felt better after their talk. It had been encouraging to hear that what he had said on Friday had really made an impact on her. As they were talking, he had needed to give her a hug when she had gotten teary about how bad she felt about what they had said about Emily.

Garcia had also mentioned excitedly that she had asked Emily to have lunch one day to talk and apologize to her. Garcia then sighed and told him somewhat muted that Emily had requested coffee one day instead.

Morgan frowned at what Emily's response had been. However after a couple of minutes, it struck him what Emily had done. She was willing to give Garcia another chance while trying to protect herself. Knowing that Garcia's intentions were to improve her relationship with Emily, he was sure that the coffee would be a good start for the women.

He was just glad that after what Emily had overheard on Friday that she was willing to give Garcia a chance this quickly. It was encouraging and showed him he had been right on Friday. That Emily did want to be part of the team.

As he entered the bullpen, Morgan saw the object of his musings in the break room pouring herself a cup of coffee. Or at least trying to as he saw her spill more on the counter than what she had manage to get into her cup as he approached.

When she mentioned not wanting to talk about her personal life because she didn't know who to trust, Morgan chuckled a bit at the statement. After what had happened with Hotch and JJ in Georgia, Reid's attitude since they'd returned from Georgia, the conversation he knew she overheard between Garcia and JJ the previous week and Hotch's overall attitude towards her since her first day, he wasn't surprised Emily didn't know who to trust.

And as someone with his own trust issues, Morgan knew telling Emily that she could trust him wouldn't work. Who to trust was something she was going to need to figure out on her own. And she had been with them long enough now to know the team dynamics so if it was JJ and Garcia's conversation was what was bothering her so much, she wasn't going to complain about it, especially not to him.

So he was surprised when after moving less than ten feet away, she called out to him and revealed that she felt she had messed up a date. It was clear from the look in her eyes that there was more bothering her than what she had said but Morgan already knew there was more. But what was important was that she was opening up.

When Emily mentioned about being able to hide she was a nerd, he tried hard hold back the laugh bubbling to the surface. He had been certain she was a nerd by the middle of her second week after he overheard a conversation she was having with Reid on statistical analysis. A discussion where she was holding her own with him.

Morgan hadn't stayed long enough to be noticed because there was no way he was being pulled into a discussion on one of Spencer's favorite topics. But if Emily needed to believe that no one knew then in interest of not bursting her bubble and have her close back up, he would let it go. For now.

When she hesitantly mentioned what she had said on the date, his attention peaked in recognition of Kilgor Trout . When he answered to her reference, it had been stunning how quickly she became animated about Vonnegut and his works. It was a pleasant surprise from the Prentiss who had most been calm and composed while not revealing much about herself since she joined the team.

Hotch's interruption about needing them in the conference room was well timed as it did not allow the conversation to become awkward if they came to a lull. Now that she had opened up, Morgan did want her to shut down again.

 **####**

Hotch walked grimly back towards the bullpen after leaving JJ's office. The team has a new case. Three teenage girls and just last night a couple.

As he is ready to enter the bullpen, Chief Strauss stops him. He didn't have time for this. This case couldn't wait for her endless drivel about how important this case is. He knew that. That is why he wanted to get the briefing started so they could leave.

As he listens to Strauss, he notices as Emily spilled coffee in the break room for the second time that morning. He watched as her and Derek briefly talked before Derek moved away to head to his desk and then stopping when she said something.

And finishing with Strauss, he walked into the bullpen and towards them to let them know they had a case. As he did he noticed that they are discussing something quite animatedly. What could they be talking about? Morgan was frequently a jovial person but Emily. She was still warming up to the team.

Since joining the team, most conversations revolved around work and in their field, there was usually nothing to smile about let alone a beautiful laugh that she just gave in response to what he just said. Unfortunately in just a couple of minutes he was going to have to pop their happy bubble with this case.

As he walked closer and overhearing a few words of their discussion, Hotch rolled his eyes knowing exactly what they were talking about- Vonnegut. He found out years ago that Vonnegut was Emily's favorite author. And while Hotch had also read all the books and enjoyed Vonnegut's work, he did not have the same passion for them that Emily did. Much to her chagrin. However, it seems like she had met her match with Derek.

While he was silently happy that she found a connection with someone on the team. He did need to grumble to himself-why did it need to be about this topic? Now they would both be talking about it.

 **####**

At the end of Detective Wear's funeral, the team walks back toward the SUVs. Reaching the vehicles, they turn and see Derek standing in the same place with Emily standing next to him as they talk.

Hotch looks over at JJ and catches her eyes. She holds his glance briefly before looking back over at Derek and Emily. Then turning back to Hotch she sighs and nods to him before walking over to door and climbing into the SUV.

Hotch watched her go hoping that after this and the talk they had Monday morning when he had verbalized his support for the work Emily was doing, JJ would make peace with her being on the team.

 **####**

On the jet on the way home, Hotch is sitting diagonally from Emily. As he looked up from the paperwork in the front of him, he noticed the Vonnegut book she was reading. Before he could turn back to his paperwork, Emily looked up, surprised to see him looking at her.

Before he can turn back to his paperwork, she asked, "Do you like Vonnegut? If you'd like you can read it after Derek." As she waited for his answer, he could see the small smirk on her face along with the look she was giving him remembering that Vonnegut wasn't his favorite author

Hotch shook his head before said, "that won't be necessary. I've read that book." As he said that, they could both see the recognition on the face of the other. This was the last book they had read together during their relationship and had had several discussion about.

And then just as quickly Emily nodded to him as they looked away from each other as Hotch resumed his paperwork while Emily returned to her book annoyed with herself that she had brought up the memory for both of them.


	11. Prepare to Fight

**AN: Here is the next chapter I hope you enjoy it.**

 **I also have a story note. I'm going to be adding a 2nd companion story. It should be fairly short(~7 chapters). It will be a Prentiss/Reid friendship piece that will focus on the time between Jones and Ashes and Dust. I have already started writing it and will post as soon as it's ready. The title will be Secrets, Half-Truths and Statistics**

Emily rolled onto her back onto the mat, exhausted. She laid her arm over her eyes while she took a few deep breaths. She had just spent the last couple of hours finishing her hand to hand evaluation with Morgan. Or at least she was hoping they were finished.

She had gone into it with her full focus wanting to complete this last step that Hotch had been saying he needed to fully have her in the field. She was ready, had been ready to be back in the field. Hopefully now that they were done Morgan felt the same so Hotch would give her the green light.

She was pulled out of her thoughts when she heard Morgan say, "you OK, Princess?" She rolled her eyes internally at the nickname. He had been using it since they arrived to rile her up. That was until she pinned him on the mat. This was the first time he had used it since then.

The nickname had started when she went out with Morgan and Garcia the previous Friday evening. That evening out had come about after Emily and Garcia had coffee shortly after they returned from Connecticut. Garcia had spent much of the 15 minutes apologizing and Emily recognized that she was sincere. Before they headed back to the BAU that day, they made plans to have lunch a couple of days later. It was at lunch that Garcia had invited her out with her and Morgan.

While out, the two had informed her that they were bestowing her with her team nicknames. That each of them had them. When Emily left that night, she had the nicknames of 'princess' and 'gumdrop' though she had been told that Garcia reserved the right to change or add to them at any time so she could end up with even more as time when on.

With her arm still over her eyes, Emily responded, "Yup. I'm good" though she didn't move.

Morgan huffed and then said gruffly, "I'm off to shower before we head back. You may want to do the same. Hotch is expecting us back." before she heard him walk away.

Taking her arm off her eyes, Emily could see Derek limping as he walked towards locker room.

Emily sat up and sighed, hoping that she hadn't messed things up with Morgan. Shaking her head she stood up and headed for the locker room.

 **####**

Hotch was sitting at his desk looking down at the bullpen. The only person from the team that he saw was Reid sitting at his desk, doing something. What he wasn't sure. Hotch shook his head as he thought about how Reid had been off since he came back to work after Georgia. He was giving Reid time to work through what happened to him along with the mandated psych and medical sign offs that were needed.

But as time went on, Reid did not seem to be improving or working through what happened to him. He wasn't talking to anyone on the team about it either. If anything he was becoming more irritable and erratic with everyone however his most frequent target had been Prentiss.

So far she hadn't said anything to him however if things continued as it had over the last week or so, it was only a matter of time. And when she did, he would have no choice but to address Spencer's behavior with him.

Hotch looked down and rubbed his face. He had been avoiding confronting Spencer as had Gideon. They had both let him know they were there for him however hadn't gone any further.

Honestly he was hoping that Spencer would come to one of them. After what happened with Elle, he was worried if they confronted Reid right now, he would just up and quit as well. And if he left, they couldn't help him.

Looking back out of the bullpen at Reid, Hotch's thoughts were interrupted when Emily entered the bullpen.

Morgan and Prentiss had been scheduled to spend time that afternoon at the gym for Morgan to finish assessing her hand to hand skills. Hotch could see that Emily could handle herself from the limited role he had allowed her in the field however her file said she had worked a desk job. That transition could leave holes in a person's skill set. The results from these assessments gave Hotch the necessary information about capability of all team members to ensure he did not place someone into a situation in the field they wouldn't be able to handle.

He watched Emily walk over to her desk and greet Reid. He looked up at her and said something before looking back down at his desk. Hotch did not miss how Emily's shoulders dropped at whatever he said. He watched as she shook her head and walked over the break room, returning a couple of minutes later with a coffee cup. She took her gym bag that she had placed in her chair when she first arrived at her desk, placed it under her desk and sat down, getting back to work.

After 30 minutes, Hotch notices that Morgan still hadn't returned to the bullpen. This was unusual as he had always came to Hotch immediately after the skills sessions to give his assessment of the team member's field abilities.

But today that hadn't happened. And generally if he was held up in the gym he would send a text message. And, looking at his phone, Morgan hadn't done that either. Hmm. Hotch knew they went to the gym. He had seen them leave together, bags in hand. Starting to get worried, he sending a message off to Morgan.

 **####**

Derek Morgan hadn't been this sore in a while. The shower and Motrin had helped but his butt was still dragging. As he got up to walk out of the locker room, he noticed that he had a limp. Thankfully it was not the leg that he injured in college.

He sighed. All of this was his own fault. He had underestimated Emily Prentiss and now he was paying for it. He had seen this beautiful vivacious woman who he outweigh by around 60 pounds and had 5 inches on. Looks can be deceiving. As far as he knew she hadn't worked in the field recently. So he messed with her a bit while also lowering his guard. That had been a monumental mistake.

He decides he needs to take a walk to loosen up his muscles before heading back. If he walks into the bullpen limping this much, he will never hear the end of it. He also needed to decide what he wanted to tell Hotch. It was clear to him that she could handle herself with hand to hand even against someone significantly bigger. Yes, she had gotten the better of him but he knew he hadn't been putting up much of a challenge at that point. UNSUBs weren't going to do that.

With weapons, she had also done well. On more than one occasion he had been glad they were using props and not real knives. As he was pulling together his thoughts and heading back to the BAU, his phone beeped with a message. From Hotch. Asking if everything was OK and when he was coming back. Morgan quickly send a brief response letting Hotch know he should be there shortly.

 **####**

As Morgan walks into the bullpen, Hotch notices the limp. He chuckles to himself as himself as he realizes that it probably had something to do with Morgan's delay in returning to the bullpen. He watches Morgan drop his bag at his desk and walk past a now very nervous Prentiss. Interesting.

After Derek entered his office and sat in one of the visitor chairs, Hotch walked over and closed his blinds the rest of the way. He walked back to his desk and sat down.

"So how did it go?" Hotch asked.

Morgan shook his head as he sat down in one of the chairs in front of Hotch's desk before saying, "she can hold her own in the field, Hotch." He quietly chuckled.

Hotch nodded as he said, "Good. Any areas of concern?"

Morgan shook his head as he said, "no, she did well" without elaborating.

Hotch smirked before asking, "How did she get you?"

Morgan looked up at him surprised before chuckling as he shook his head before he asked,"that obvious?"

Hotch nodded before he answered, "the limp and her worried look gave it away."

Morgan shook his heading knowing he should have expected his boss to pick up on the limp though he hadn't noticed Prentiss looking worried when he walked through the bullpen, "well, the limp is better. And it is totally my fault. I underestimated her and wasn't prepared. I wasn't expecting her to be that skilled."

Hotch shook he head and then looked right at Morgan as he said sternly, "and that type of assumption can be dangerous in the field."

Morgan nodded and held his arms up as he answered, "I know Hotch. I know. I've been kicking myself for the last hour over that. Like I said, it is totally my fault."

Hotch looked at his closed blinds before looked back at Morgan and asked, "Did you tell her that?" as he gestured towards the blinds with his head, curious as to what the answer would be.

Morgan nodded as he answered, "yes, but she may need to hear it from you too. I just wasn't expecting that level of skill from a desk jockey." He remembered that she had done well last time before he stopped the assessment however how she did today was so far beyond just proficient.

Hotch sighed before asking, "how did she react when you were prepared?"

"She can hold her own." Morgan said not adding that she had froze initially when he had her down on the mat the first time before continuing, "she passed my test."

Like Hotch and Gideon, Morgan had his own test within a test that he used with each new agent. For him it was to see if the agent would give up when pinned before tapping out. With Prentiss, he had her pinned with her hands pinned over her head. When she froze, he had loosened his hold slightly and then before he knew it she had turned the tables on him and he was looking up at her with the upper hand.

Hotch nodded before replying, "Good."

Morgan then remembering something that he hadn't expected next said, "she knows about pressure points. At one point, I had her in a lock. She reached up and pressed on my shoulder. When I started losing feeling in my arm, she pulled free and resumed a defensive stance."

Hotch looked at him confused before asking, "so she didn't try to take you down while your arm was numb?"

Morgan stopped and thought before he shook his head and said, "not right away, when I was starting to get feeling back, she did attack and take me to the mat. I definitely wasn't expecting that, it isn't even SOP in FBI training."

Hotch nodded before saying, "well that may be true but the job isn't the only place to learn hand to hand. She grew up with all over the world surrounded by embassy security. She started with defense training in her early teens so she could protect herself. I don't know if she continued with the defense training, though it appears she did, after she refused her parents' security when she turned 18." He remembered her mother lamenting that Emily had refused security when he started working for her not realizing at the time that the daughter she was talking about was the beautiful woman he had met two months earlier.

Morgan rolled his eyes before responding, "that would have been helpful to know before we went today.

Hotch nodded as he said, "maybe. But you still shouldn't have underestimated her or in the future anyone else for that matter. More times than not we're not going to know that information on UNSUBs either."

Morgan sighed and nodded before saying, "true. She also did well with weapons."

Hotch nodded remembering how well she had also done at the gun range a few weeks earlier, "Good. Any concerns?"

Morgan shook his head and stood up before saying, "no. Feel free to partner her with me anytime. I have no worries about her being able to cover my back."

Hotch nodded and then said, "OK. Thanks Morgan. Would you send Agent Prentiss up?

"Sure Hotch" Morgan said before he walked out the door.

It was a couple of minutes later when he heard a knock on his still open door. Hotch looked up to see Emily standing there attempting to look confident however he could see the uncertainty in her eyes. Gesturing her in, he said, "Come in."

"Derek said you wanted to see me." Emily said as she walked into his office.

"Yes, come in and have a seat. How did you gym session go?" Hotch gestured towards the chairs in front of his desk as he asked her the question.

Emily shrugged as she said, "OK"

Hotch tried to remain serious however a smirk became slightly visible as he said, "Just OK. The team's field training agent just came back a little worse for wear after your gym session. And you think it just went OK."

Emily sank down in her seat before saying quietly, "I didn't mean to hurt him."

Hotch nodded and then said sincerely, "I know. And you shouldn't have been able to, at least not the way you did. He underestimated you. You did what you were trained to do, he didn't. He knows that now and I don't anticipate him repeating it. And don't worry. I think the only significant injury was to his ego."

"Understood, sir." Emily responded relaxing as she could see that Hotch wasn't angry with her. This was very different than similar meeting she had had with him when she first started at the BAU.

Hotch was pleased that Emily had relaxed. He paused and then remembered the question that had come to mind when he was speaking to Derek so he said, "a question. Morgan mentioned you utilized pressure points to get out of a lock."

She nodded as she said, "yes, he has about 70 pounds and 4 inches on me. I knew how to do it without causing injury."

Hotch nodded and then continued, "When he released you he said you went into a defensive posture rather than use the weakness to your advantage to take him down. Why?"

Emily nodded as she realized where he was going with the question before she answered, "with an UNSUB, I would have used it to my advantage and had him or her in cuffs before the arm had feeling again. Today, I made the tactical decision to get free and be able to protect myself until his arm started to wake up."

He nodded but pushed her to fully answer the question when he asked, "But why. These sessions are suppose to be simulating real takedowns. Why did you do something different?"

Emily sighed before answering, "I knew I was next going to take Morgan to the mat and pin him. It was going to put him off balance and he was going to try to catch himself with his arms. I had just made his arm numb. I didn't want him to hurt or break his arm because he couldn't feel it. Pressure points aren't textbook. I didn't want to have him out of the field or handicap the team for 8 weeks because a training accident using a non textbook maneuver, something he wouldn't be expecting."

Hotch sat back in his seat and looked at her sternly as he asked, "then why did you do it."

Emily sighed and shook her head before answering, "instinct. When I found myself in the lock I just did it. Gut reaction. If I was going to attempt to take him down after doing that, it would have to be something we discussed and agreed upon beforehand."

Hotch looked at her for a couple of minutes making Emily nervous about what his reaction was going to be. Then he nodded and said, "I appreciate you honesty."

Emily let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding before asking, "so, am I good?"

Hotch nodded before saying, "yes. And I'm now comfortable putting you in the field. And to illustrate there are no hard feelings, Morgan has said that he would partner up with you anytime."

Emily smiled back at his words. This was what she had been waiting for. She nodded and said, "Thank you."

Hotch looked over at her and said, "OK, agent back to work." as he stood up behind his desk.

Emily stood up and said,"yes, sir." before walking over to the door, opening it and walking back down to the bullpen.


	12. Something to Talk About

**AN: Here is the next chapter. I hope you enjoy it. I also want to thank everyone who has commented, favorited, or followed this story. I'm going to answer a few questions that I' ve been asked.**

 **Manticore-gurl071134- he was just being informative**

 **Jas- I'm not planning on Emily telling anyone about Doyle outright however I will have her drop more clues(like she did with Reid in Secrets, Half-Truths and Statistics) as the story progresses. Gideon will of course know from her file and unlike canon he will reappear and play a part when the story gets to Doyle.**

 **-like with Garcia, things will work out with JJ and they will have their girls night.**

 **-the pieces of what happened between Hotch and Emily will start to come together in the next chapter**

 **-Hotchniss will happen in this story but it's going to be a while. They have slowly been working towards a good working relationship, next they will each be working through the reasons they lose touch along with the emotions and misconceptions they have been carrying for 12 years when each of them finds out the truth.**

 **Chapter 12**

As soon as the jet landed in San Francisco, Hotch and Emily took off for the hospital with the intention of interviewing Charlotte Cutler.

While usually he or Gideon would start at the station to make introductions and set up, on this case neither of them were going to start there. With the timing between the two fires and what they knew from the profile of an arsonist, they knew they needed to hit the ground running in order to get ahead of this UNSUB. And in this scenario, the two most important places to start were the hospital and the Cutler house. That is why those were the places that he and Gideon were starting.

Before they had left the conference room at the BAU, Hotch had committed to going to interview the surviving burn victim when they arrived… if she was still alive. It had been Gideon's turn… a rarity in the BAU as most of what they saw was horrible that something they needed to do was above the normal level of awful that they needed to take turns.

But burn victims had been a trigger for Gideon since Boston. A couple of the agents in the explosion had lived for a short time in the burn unit. He had visited them and the experience had exacerbated his PTSD. Since then Hotch had taken the few burn cases the team encountered and Gideon had only given a token argument each time.

With Hotch already committed to the burn unit, that left Gideon to go to the Cutler house. Now he needed to decide who each was going to take with him. It shouldn't have been a difficult decision but it was one he didn't want to make. Ultimately he made the strategic yet practical decision.

JJ and Reid had been assigned to the station to make introductions and get started. That left either Morgan or Prentiss. He decided to bring Prentiss with him to the hospital for two reasons. One, he had not missed the tense meeting that Prentiss and Gideon had had a few days earlier nor that they had been avoiding each other since then. And two, today he anticipated needing someone with her compartmentalization skills in order to get through this interview.

 **####**

When they reached San Francisco, Reid climbed into the SUV with JJ so they could head to the station to set up. Reid had been assigned to continue working on victimology that the team started on the jet while JJ was going to find out where the locals were with the media and then work on a media strategy that they would discuss when the others returned.

On the car ride over to the station, Reid grew frustrated at a veiled comment JJ made about spending time away from Emily. Emily had done so much to help him that he wanted to defend her but didn't know what to say.

And he knew it wasn't just JJ. Although Emily had said very little about the heated meeting in Gideon's office a few days earlier, he could tell by the look on her face when he ask, that he was somehow involved. All she had told him was not to worry about it.

Then there was Hotch who had spoken up in support of them against the report from HR. But ever since then he had been watching them carefully. Then a few times Spencer was stunned at the unspoken annoyance rolling off their boss.

He wanted to tell them all that Emily wasn't hurting him but had been helping him. He knew Emily would tell him it was unnecessary. That she expected the reactions but he wasn't comfortable with it.

 **####**

Emily stepped outside of the hospital and took a deep and cleansing breath. The pictures had not done justice for the devastating burns on Charlotte Cutler's body. Shaking her head, she takes her phone out of her pocket and looks at it. Hotch had said to call Morgan and Gideon. Protocol was as the senior agent at that scene, the call should go to Gideon. However after that meeting a few days earlier, she had no desire to speak to him. Looking down at her phone, she pushes the button for Morgan.

 **####**

After leaving the burn unit, Hotch looking in the waiting room for Emily. Not seeing her there, he walked towards the front entrance as he pulled out his phone to send her a message. He skipped over several messages from Haley and pulled up Emily on his text list. Just before he sends the message, he walked out the door and saw her sitting on a bench picking at her fingernails. Putting his phone back into his pocket, he walked over to her.

"You OK." he asks as he sits down next to her.

Emily nods as she answers, "yeah, I just hate hospitals. I called Morgan and Gideon and let them know what we found out."

"Good." Hotch said as he nodded before asking "did they find anything?"

Emily shook her head before saying, "they were just starting at the scene. It doesn't appear to be a first responder. There was only one first responder, a firefighter that responded to both fires. They are certain it's not him."

They sat quiet for a couple of minutes before Hotch stood and gestured for her to follow. Once they climbed into the SUV, he turned and said, "for a difficult interview, you did well in there. It seems compartmentalization does have it advantages."

At his statement Emily could feel her face flush as her anger rose. Looking over at him, she hissed, "so what you decided to test if something would affect me?"

Hotch sighed realized how poorly worded what he just said had been. He waited until she was looking at him before he said calmly, "I did bring you because you are able to put your personal feelings in a box and keep them there during a case. But it's not for the reason you think."

"Then what is the reason?" Emily asked, upset that he had confirmed what she suspected but also confused at the last part of what he said.

Hotch turned and looked out the front of the SUV before turning back to her and saying, "this was never going to be easy but we needed to get that interview. Of the 7 victims, she was the only one that made it to the hospital. As we heard on the jet, her doctors weren't sure if she would even make it until we got here. I anticipated that we would have one chance to learn if she knew anything that would help us build the profile. And she did." He again paused as he too had been affected by Charlotte Cutler horrific burns before continuing, "I don't know about you but I've done these type of interviews before. I needed someone in there who was going to be able to look past her physical condition and focus on the interview. And most importantly, stay calm despite her condition. If she saw us reacting, we risked that she would have become unstable and we would have lost our chance to talk with her."

Emily nodded at his explanation while metaphorically kicking herself for the overreaction. As he spoke, she could see the windows of emotion that showed her that this had been an extremely challenging interview for him as well. "That's why you lied about her son" she said quietly.

Hotch took a deep breath and nodded before he looked at her and said, "yes. I know how conflicted you were about it and as your Unit Chief, I'm glad to see that it isn't a line you are willing to cross readily. I did, however, because with the profile of an arsonist we needed to keep her calm so she could tell us what happened. Even with that I wouldn't have lied if the doctor hadn't of said what she did when we arrived." He then put the key into the ignition and turned on the car.

Emily nodded at the reason as she could understand his rationale. Confused as to why he was starting the car, she asking, "are you going to try to talk to her again before we head to the station?"

Hotch looked down and shook his head, "No, it's time to go." He pulled out of the parking space and started towards the exit before he sighed and said quietly, "she died 10 minutes ago. As I said, we were only expected to have one chance with her."

 **####**

When they reached the station, Hotch turned off the SUV and looked over at Emily who had not moved. Before she realized that he had turned he could see the vulnerability in her face. As soon as she noticed that he was observing her, her expression became impassive however Hotch could see that she was still working through her feelings. Taking a deep breath, he placed his hand on her arm as she had her other hand on the latch to open the door. Surprised, she turned and looked at him.

Now that he had her attention, Hotch said, "If you are ready, we can go in there but if you need more time, there is an errand that I need to be done soon."

Emily really wasn't ready to face the team or this case. She did need a few more minutes to put her feelings away. She hadn't been expecting Hotch to say that Charlotte Cutler had died. Although she knew that it was going to happen and soon, the reality of it happening just minutes after she was in the room with her had unexpectedly shook her. As she looked over, she remembered that he had stayed with her and could see that it was affecting him as well. She asked quietly, "what errand?"

He nodded before saying, "I need for someone to go to the hotel and check us in and pick up the keys. JJ or I generally handles it but right now she is working on the media strategy and will probably be doing a news conference soon. I need to see what the rest of the team has found and see if we are ready to give the profile. If you don't want to, it's fine and I'll go in bit but it would help."

Emily nodded as it did sound like it would give her time and she'd be doing better emotionally given some more time. It sounded like he had a lot that needed his attention so she said, "I can do it. Where am I going?"

Hotch took out his phone and forwarded the email confirmation of the reservation before looking back at her and answering, "I just forwarded the email with all the details that you should need. All six rooms should be together but if they need to split the block, we should still have at least four rooms together. You get to assign the rooms. If they needed to split them, the rooms not with the group go to either Morgan and/or Gideon. Check through each room and make sure there aren't any obvious issues. Any problem, call me."

Emily nodded as she undid her seatbelt before saying, "OK. I'll be back as soon as I can. Thank you." Opening her door, she walked around to the driver's side that he was just stepping back from. After climbing into the car, she watched him enter the station before driving away.

 **####**

When the team, except for Emily who was Hotch had sent on an errand, was presenting the profile, an opportunity presented itself to Spencer when the detective sitting next to him asked why the UNSUB used fire. This was his chance to put out there that Emily had been helping him without having to come out and say it. He took a deep breath and then said quietly while looking only at her:

 _He's like a drug addict.- Only fire's his drug. - Each time an addict needs a fix, they need more of the drug to get off. - So his crimes most likely get much worse. - It would be almost impossible for him to quit without help._

As he finishes he turns and sees Morgan looking at him strangely but when he sees Gideon their eyes lock on each other briefly before Reid looked down. He did not miss the concerned look on Hotch's face before he had quickly dismissed the meeting, not wanting to draw any added attention to what had just been said by the team's youngest member.

Spencer stayed in his seat after people had walked away feeling as if a weight had been lifted off of him. From the looks he had gotten he was certain that Hotch and Gideon were considering his words and starting to put the pieces together. He was less sure if Morgan understood what was behind the words he just said. He was hopeful that they would understand the veiled comment. That they would understand what he was saying. Realize what Emily's support had met to him over the last few weeks. Now he just had to hope she wasn't upset that he had essentially outed both of them without telling her first.

 **####**

The next day, Emily found herself back in a car with Hotch doing surveillance on Evan Abby. It was strange because the day before was the first time that they had been partnered together since she joined the team. Now here they were for a second day sitting alone in a car.

Though it could have been challenging given how much friction that had been between them since she joined the team, they were both mostly successful at remaining professional for which she was grateful.

Though it was awkward with the number of texts and phone calls Haley had made. She wanted nothing more than to disappear during a tense call between Hotch and Haley but due to their current assignment, that wasn't possible. She wasn't sure if Haley blowing up his phone was a normal thing or if something specific was going on. From the conversation she overheard, Haley was asking when he was coming home.

As the day had gone on she had gotten the impression that this was not atypical for when Hotch travelled with the team. Something about that made her sad.

 **####**

As Hotch sat in the car for a second day of surveillance on Evan Abby, he had three main issues occupying his thought - one case related, one personal, and one administrative related.

For the case, the more he watched Evan Abby and after their tense conversation at his house the night before, Hotch was certain that he was not a willing participant in the deadly arson fires. He had his own issues and if Hotch was right, limited time to solidify his legacy.

Issues that they considered were on a collision course with their UNSUB which was why they were following him for a second day. They had profiled that soon one or both would make a move especially after the UNSUB firebombed an innocent bystander shortly after leaving Abby's meeting the night before.

In his personal life, Haley was pissed that he was travelling and may not be home by Saturday evening. This was her college reunion weekend and she wanted him to accompany her while she showed him off and pictures of Jack to her sorority sisters and other friends.

He knew that this was important to her and that he had told her he would try to go but he couldn't walk away from this case. He didn't know how to tell her that calling and texting constantly wasn't going to get him home any quicker. If anything, it could slow down his progress. That and taking her phone calls while stuck in a car with Emily was awkward for both of them.

And his thoughts about Emily are what brought him to the third issue that was occupying his thoughts. After Reid's statement during the profile briefing, Hotch had needed to put his thoughts about it aside as he needed to focus on the case. While they were doing surveillance the day before, he noticed her sending and receiving text messages as well. As she also was today.

After they had gotten back to the hotel last night, he had some time to mull over what he had observed in Reid since Georgia along with the statement he made. They all found out during their investigation while Reid was kidnapped that Henkel used Dilaudid cut with a psychedelic.

Reid didn't mention in his debrief that he had been given drugs. But if he was trying to hide that fact, he wouldn't have said anything as he knew Bureau policy for agents with substance abuse issues. He would have been pulled from the BAU and most likely it would have been over a year before he could even reapply though it was unlikely that Strauss would allow him back on the team even after treatment.

But when considering addiction, the pieces of the puzzle of Reid's behavior since his kidnapping made sense. It also explains what had been going on with Reid and Emily for the last few weeks if she had indeed been helping him. But he had gone to bed with more questions than answers.

Were they doing it on their own or had Reid gotten professional help as well?

When had he done detox since he had only taken a few days off?

Was he completely off the Dilaudid or gradually reducing how much he was taking?

Now as he sat next to Emily, he wondered if he asked, if she would tell him what he needed to know. Or should he just wait and talk to Reid once the case was over? Looking over, he could see Emily sending another text message which gave him an opening.

Looking straight ahead, he said, "Spencer seems to be doing well."

Emily looked up from her phone and over at him before sighing. She anticipated that a talk like this could come up after what Spencer had told her last night what he had said but she wasn't expecting it now, during a case.

In one way she was annoyed at Spencer for not letting her know he was going to make even the vague observation that he did before he did so she could be prepared. But she couldn't stay upset for long when he explained why he did it. She had already told him it was unnecessary but she appreciated him looking out for her. Additionally Dr Nelson had been encouraging him for weeks to build up his support system when Spencer declined to attend a group such as NA as he had gotten better. This was his first attempt at trying to expand his support system and she didn't want to discourage that..

Looking back down at her phone, Emily shrugged before she said, "yeah he seems to be doing well."

Hotch rolled his eyes realizing that she wasn't going to talk about this subject willingly without some prodding so he continued, "how long have you been helping him?"

Emily grimaced. He was asking a direct question. She couldn't lie to him. Thankfully when she spoke to Spencer last night, he had said that he was OK with her answering questions privately if they asked, "for about four and a half weeks. Since we got back from New Orleans."

Hotch turned on the car and closed the car windows before double checking the police radio wasn't transmitting their conversation. He didn't want this next part of their conversation to have any witnesses.

He took a few deep breaths before asking, "has it just been the two of you or is he getting professional help?"

Emily felt slightly on edge since he closed the windows unsure how this conversation was going to go. She looked ahead of her as she answered, "he is seeing someone professionally and has been since the beginning. I have just been supporting him."

"What have you been doing to support him?" Hotch asked.

Emily sighed and became very interested in a thread on her shirt as she said, "Mostly it was just to be there for him. He stayed in the guest room of my apartment for over three weeks. I made sure he made it to his therapy appointments. Everything we said we did to HR we did do, it just wasn't everything."

Hotch nodded as he replied, "I guessed that was the case from how you both reacted. Those sessions at the range helped because I did pass his qualifications yesterday."

Emily looked over at him and smiled for the first time as she said, "he told me. He was worried about losing his gun again." She then looked back down unsure where else this conversation was going to go.

Hotch stayed quiet before several minutes as he looked out the windshield. Suddenly aware of his surrounding and the job that all of them do, he started, "What if … what if…."

Emily could see the waves of concern coming off of him. She knew what he was trying to ask. She had had the concerns as well at the beginning. She reached over and placed her hand on his arm and waited her him to look at her before she said, "one of the conditions I had from the beginning was that if he started using again or wasn't following through with his therapy that I would need to tell you. He understood it would be a risk to everyone for him to be in the field in those circumstances."

Hotch let out the breath he hadn't realized he was holding before saying, "you realize how much risk you put yourself in by doing it this way without telling me?" If found out she would have at the least been fired while if anything had happened and it was discovered she knew about his addiction, she could have potentially faced criminal charges.

Emily nodded as she had considered it several times before she answered, "yes. But to be honest at the beginning I thought you and Gideon knew."

Hotch looked over to her with a shocked look on his face as he said too loudly for the enclosed space,"What! No! Why would you think that?"

Emily explained, "when we were in New Orleans I started to say something to Gideon and he barked back at me that he knew something was up with Reid and stalked off. Now I don't know if he knew exactly what was going on with him or if it was just something. I didn't know what was going on for sure until Reid told me when we got back. I just assumed if Gideon knew then so did you."

Hotch sighed and looked back straight in front of him as he said, "I didn't know."

Emily nodded as she replied, "I know that now."

The car was silent for several minutes as they just observed their surrounding as was typical when doing surveillance. Emily relaxed slightly as she thought that maybe they were done with this conversation when Hotch asked without moving, "Will he pass a drug test?"

"Yes." Emily replied with certainty.

"That's good." Hotch replied at knowing that the random drug screens that the team frequently had done wouldn't show any evidence. The last set they had done were two months ago, ironically shortly before they went to Georgia, so they could be called for one at any time now.

Emily could see he was still concerned but she didn't know what else to tell him before she said, "look Hotch, I can see you are worried. When this case is over, talk to him. I would prefer that Spencer share any details he wants with you. I have his trust now and I don't want to lose it by sharing too much when he capable of talking to you. I promise to come to you if I notice he is having issues."

Hotch nodded as he looked at her and answered, "OK. Just one more question - is he OK enough at this point that you can work apart? With the HR report, I can't have you working together all the time…"

"...and he need to be able to rely on the rest of you." Emily replied nodding

"Yes" Hotch said as he needed to know the best way to safely go forward.

Emily was quiet for a couple of minutes while she thought before saying, "he's Spencer. He's been doing great and is past the point in his recovery that he needs me with him all the time. We have talked about working separately and he has agreed that he is ready for it. We do check in frequently with each other. You do what you need to do for the team."

Hotch nodded while making plans to talk to Spencer once they got back to Virginia.


	13. Tangled Webs

**AN: Thanks to everyone who is commenting, favorited, and followed on this story. I appreciate the feedback. Here is the next chapter. Hope you enjoy it.**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Elizabeth Prentiss slams the door of her car and walks past her driver without a word. As she entered the house, she instructed her assistant that she wanted no interruptions before closing her office door. Walking over to her desk, she sat heavily on her seat.

When she had received the frantic call from the Chernus family that morning, she felt this was an opportunity to get her name back out there. As the saying went 'Out of sight, out of mind' and Elizabeth didn't want to be out of mind.

For several months now, she had been without an assignment of her own. Her contact at the State Department had encouraged her to be patient as there were openings coming. However, it had been long enough that her patience was running thin.

When she decided to go to Emily's team, she hadn't considered her daughter at all only that Emily was an in with the FBI, an unsuspecting in but one nonetheless. An in who was assigned to a unit in the FBI that mandate includes kidnappings.

As much as she was disappointed that her daughter had chosen to become an FBI agent instead of the path she had envisioned for her, Elizabeth was pleased that Emily at least was now assigned to one of the elite units within the Bureau.

She had arrived with the Chernus family with the plan of using her connection to Emily to pressure Emily's supervisor to open an investigation without taking into account that Emily may suffer from the fallout for the breach of protocol. But she could not concern herself with that. Emily was an adult who had frequently told her mother that she could take care of herself. And if it turned out that she couldn't well then hopefully she would finally be able to steer Emily onto the path Elizabeth had always planned for her.

And perhap a different path would be best for Emily after a recent conversation with her friend Congresswoman Karen Steyer. When they spoke the Congresswoman had lamented about the deleterious effect to the legislation she had been proposing because of the actions of Emily's Unit Chief. Elizabeth's ears had perked up when the Congresswoman had mentioned that her supervisor had Emily involved in confronting her with prostitutes. Elizabeth couldn't help but be angry that her daughter had been involved in disrespecting her friend.

So when Elizabeth had arrived at the BAU, she already had a negative impression of Emily's supervisor. But with everything she had learned from Karen Steyer about Emily's Unit Chief, what she suddenly realized when he walked out of the conference room was she had never found out his name.

She immediately recognized Aaron Hotchner. The same Aaron Hotchner that was assigned to her to do security clearances 12 years ago. The same Aaron Hotchner that she and her husband had discovered was involved with Emily that same summer. The same Aaron Hotchner who Edward set up to hear a bogus explanation for Emily's sudden unplanned absence when she was with her ill grandfather in France. And the same Aaron Hotchner that they then arranged to be offered his dream assignment while she was gone.

Flashback-

" _Where is Agent Hotchner? I thought he was staying until we left at the end of the summer."_

" _I took advantage of Emily being out of the country to have him reassigned."_

" _I know we talked about this but I don't know if now was the best time."_

" _If not now, then when Liz. There are only a few weeks until we leave. He and Emily have only been getting closer. He needed to be gone from her life before your assignment starts."_

" _Yes but like you said, it is only a few weeks until his work here would have been done and then he would have been reassigned anyway. Before that Emily would have been heading back to Yale."_

" _Yes but I learned that he had requested his next assignment be at either the New Haven or New York City field offices._

" _What?"_

" _Yes, this infatuation wasn't going to end when your daughter headed back to school. It had to come to an end now. She will be over him before she graduates next year. By then she will hopefully be more inclined to accept invitations from the young men in our social circle. She has generated much interest. Just last week, Philip Stanworth asked after her again. His son James who I understand went to school with Emily in Rome is planning to run for Congress in a couple of years and looking for a wife."_

" _I'm not sure if Stanworth is the right choice."_

" _Maybe not but she needs to start seriously thinking about her future. So far she has refused all of the young men we have tried to introduce her and has taken up with someone completely unsuitable for her."_

" _What did you tell Agent Hotchner?"_

" _I didn't tell him anything. He overheard Rose and Kathleen speaking about Emily transferring to Brown to be with her fiance."_

" _And he didn't say anything to you about it."_

" _No. Though I will say it seems like the infatuation was more on Emily's side. He was offered and accepted the JTF transfer two days later and was on a plane by the end of that week."_

 _End Flashback_

Now Elizabeth wasn't sure how to approach the revelation as the stories they were both told were suppose to keep them from ever seeking each other out. From how each of them greeted her, Elizabeth was certain that they hadn't discussed what had happened that summer much if at all. Based on what happened, it wouldn't be too large of leap for either or both of them to deduce who engineered the confusion.

Emily's reaction to learning the truth was only be part of her concern. Aaron Hotchner was an unknown at this point. He was no longer a fresh graduate from the FBI Academy, eager to promptly and completely finish the necessary checks for her new assignment.

Now he was an Unit Chief in an elite team who name was being floated as a possible future director of the FBI. He could potentially cause trouble for them if he found out the truth of what they did.

She had tried to get in touch with Edward on the car ride home however he as expected he wasn't answering as he was suppose to be in meetings all day. She needed to make him aware of this development.

 **####**

By the time her assistant announced that Emily had just buzzed in at the gate, Elizabeth felt uncertain about what had brought Emily to her house but more in control as she had had time to process what she had learned that morning.

When Emily arrived in her office, Elizabeth relaxed in a way she hadn't been able to until that moment. She could tell by Emily's focus on the case that she hadn't put the pieces of what happened that summer.

As they began talking, the questions ended up being more interrogatory than intended as Elizabeth tried to ascertain why Emily had chosen the BAU without asking the question she really wanted - did you make the choice because of Aaron Hotchner - without opening Pandora's box.

It was fortuitous timing when Gregor, the person she had planned to get the banking information from called back as Emily was starting to shut down. Unfortunately he was unable or unwilling to provide the needed information. She was frustrated that Emily was there to witness her embarrassment at the example of her diminished influence.

 **####**

When she arrived back at the BAU after receiving the breadcrumb information, Elizabeth stopped just outside the bullpen door and observed her daughter talking to Aaron Hotchner. She could see some stress however there was a level of familiarity they had with each other.

Elizabeth had seen a connection between Emily and Agent Hotchner from the first time she saw them together. She didn't know how they could have possibly known each other before that day but something in how they looked at each other made it appear as if they had known each other for years as they exchanged greetings before Emily left in a hurry.

It was watching them dance together at a ball weeks later that convinced her and Edward that they needed to separate them permanently.

Even after everything she couldn't deny that they looked good together even if it would only ever be in a professional setting.

A couple of sources she had spoken to that morning as she waited for Gregor to return her call had confirmed that Aaron Hotchner was married and had a child. She had seen a picture on his desk earlier that morning as well as a wedding ring.

While Elizabeth didn't agree with many of the aspects of how Emily lived her life, she was certain that her daughter would not pursue or become involved with a married man. Elizabeth's assessment of Hotchner was that he wouldn't cheat either. If the truth were to be found out, neither one of them would benefit but Elizabeth knew she would lose the final fragile strands of a relationship with her daughter.

Stepping into the bullpen, she walked over to Emily after Aaron Hotchner stepped away as he headed back to his office. Emily immediately caught on to the concerned look on her mother's face and step forward to meet her and explained the latest development with the case. Elizabeth cringed when Emily asked rhetorically if she still thought Emily enjoyed it.

After handing the Emily the breadcrumb information that had brought her back to the BAU, Elizabeth easily lied through her teeth even at Emily's suspicious expression about where she got the information. For a minute as Emily looked at her, she was unsure if her daughter who profiles for a living had caught her lie.

Elizabeth wanted this case to reference her in a positive light. Giving up after being denied by the first person who she called would not have given her the accolades that she was looking for. After Emily had left the house an idea came to Elizabeth about how she could obtain the information needed.

While she hated to call and make nice with this person whom she preferred to avoid interacting with, it was her only option left. But she knew if she ask him, he would get her the information if he was able. So she did what she had learned as a politician to do and made the call.

However with choosing this route, she couldn't tell Emily from whom she received the information. As she had gotten older Emily had figured out what he had been trying to do with her when she was a child and would not understand that Elizabeth was still on cordial terms with him.

Elizabeth felt somewhat guilty after Emily had thanked her before taking the sheet containing the bank codes and walking quickly out of the bullpen towards Garcia's office.

 **####**

As she again walked into her house, Elizabeth felt conflicted. On her way back to the house, Edward had called and she had told him what she had learned. While she had been looking for support and reassurance, he had offered little of either. His final comment before they hung up was even if everything did come out, they had done what they thought was right for Emily.

As she thought back to that summer, she remember the doubts she had had about what they had done after Emily came home. Elizabeth had expected Emily to take her grandfather's death hard. He had adored her from the day she was born and the two had become even closer after Sebastian died.

But she hadn't expected Emily to walk around for weeks as if the world was falling down around her. She had seen Emily sad many times over the years however this time it was different. There were several days that Emily's grief made her want to sit down and tell her daughter what they had done about Aaron Hotchner however she never did.

Edward had reassured her that they did the right thing and Emily just needed some time. That by the following summer they would put the next part of their plan in motion.

But things hadn't gone as planned. The following summer they didn't make it back from her assignment and Emily had stayed in New Haven. As they planned holiday events that year, Emily repeatedly refused their attempts to set her up with eligible young men whom they approved which had resulted in a blow up between Emily and Edward before she headed back to Yale.

Edward had angrily told Elizabeth to talk some sense into her headstrong daughter and get her under control. He complained that her repeated refusal to even meet with these men was adversely affecting his business.

They had very little contact over the next year as Emily shut down any attempt Elizabeth made to talk with her daughter about her personal life. When they met up again at the holidays, Edward and Elizabeth were stunned when Emily announced that she had just graduated from the FBI Academy and starting in January, she was moving to St Louis for her first assignment.

An argument quickly ensued as neither of them knew that Emily was interested in the FBI. Now she was telling them that not only had she applied but that she had spent the last few months training at the Academy.

In response to their accusations, Emily explained that she had done it for herself as she had her own goals for her life and if that meant never marrying, then so be it.

In response to their tirades, Emily angrily responded to their arguments that night that she had no intention of being a bored socialite and/or the trophy wife that the men they want for her were looking for before storming out.

Over the years since doubts in what they had done would creep up in Elizabeth from time to time. Doubts in her fundamental belief that she had been doing the right thing for her daughter.

While she could see the focus Emily had put into her career, Elizabeth worried that, in part, because of her actions that is all that Emily had in her life. Not that Elizabeth could really fault her for that as Elizabeth had done that too, particularly after Benjamin then Sebastian had died.

And now as Elizabeth waited at home not sure if her days as a diplomat were over, she worries that Emily will fall into the same trap. Unfortunately with the inherent danger within Emily's career choice, the longevity in her field may come to a close much earlier than Elizabeth's seemed to be.

 **####**

When Emily was again announced as a visitor at the house later that afternoon, Elizabeth didn't know what to expect. She didn't see her daughter that often and now here she was at the house twice in one day. As she waited for Emily to come over to her office she could feel her stress rise. Had Emily found out about who she called to get the information? Or did she figure out Elizabeth's role in breaking up Emily and Hotch all those years ago?

It turned out Emily just wanted to let her mother know the case was over. They were able to get Mr Chernus back.

Emily had come to the house to deliver the news instead of calling after noticing through the day that her mother was acting strangely. When she hadn't gotten much of a response to the news, Emily shook her head and started to excuse herself to go home. It seemed that there was more than to the usual awkwardness between the two women.

Just as she was turning to leave, Emily was shocked to hear an uncharacteristic comment from her mother about feeling useful. When asked, Elizabeth just mentioned her concerns about her career being currently being on hold. Elizabeth's career has always been a sticky point between the two women for several reasons. Bringing up that as a concern, Elizabeth was hoping it would shut down Emily asking any more questions.

Instead, Emily expanded her questions. Elizabeth also let slip about doubting herself. Superficially it seemed that it only had to do with work. And for now that's what she needed Emily to believe.

Emily looked surprised at the answer and said she had never seen her mother doubt herself before. While Elizabeth was sure that it was true that Emily hadn't seen it before, it overwhelmed her at times about how many things she had doubts about. Especially when it came to Emily and her relationship with her daughter.

She is actually surprised that Emily asks about going out to eat. Elizabeth realized that tonight maybe the last time she'd socialize with her daughter. She was certain now that she and Aaron Hotchner worked together, it was only a matter of time before one or both of them start putting the pieces together. She needed to do what she could to try and avoid that from happening.

 **####**

As he is packing up his briefcase for the evening, Hotch looks into the bullpen. It is late and he notices that no one was there. He had stayed at the office to work tonight. Haley had plans to take Jack to her sister's house for dinner. Instead of going home to an empty house, he was working a report for his meeting with Strauss the following morning.

But now, it was time to go home. Haley and Jack would be home soon and he wanted to be there for bath and bedtime.

After picking up his briefcase and getting ready to walk out his office door, he notices Emily opening the glass doors and walking into the bullpen. She is carrying a bag though it wasn't her go bag.

This stops him in his tracks. She had sent a text message earlier that she was having dinner with her mother and that she would come in early the next morning to complete her reports.

He watches as she walks over to her desk and turns on her computer. His eyes then follow her as she walks to the break room and pours herself a cup of coffee. Once back at her desk, she opens the top file on her desk.

Hotch notices that her hair looks different than it was earlier. He takes a second look and it's wavy now compared to straight. 'Huh, it must have started raining.' Hotch walks over to the closet and takes out his umbrella.

Emily was startled when she hears Hotch's office door open and he walks out. It was late and she expected that everyone would have already have gone home at this point in the evening. She was not in the mood to talk to anyone tonight.

The dinner with her mother had been a bust. The interrogation from earlier in the day about Emily's decision to join the BAU had continued in the car. That line of questioning had only ended when Emily refused to answer anymore questions on the subject.

When they arrived at the restaurant, the questions about her personal life started. Was she dating anyone? Offers to set her up with men who would be "perfect" for her. How did Emily expect to have a relationship with the hours her job now required? Her mother knew Emily's personal life had been off limits for years now. She wasn't sure why her mother was suddenly and forcefully delving into these off limits topics.

Then shortly after they placed their orders while their conversation was at a standstill, the Ambassador received a phone call and left the table to answer it.

About ten minutes later, Emily received a series of text messages from her mother. She had been called to attend an urgent meeting at the State Department. She knew Emily would understand after their conversation earlier in the day about her worries about the lack of recent assignments.

Then her parting shot had been Emily had been avoiding conversation all evening so she didn't think Emily would mind an early end to the evening.

The final message Emily received was one that she had received before that the Ambassador would try and catch up with Emily later. Emily knew from experience that this message was more polite than an actual plan.

So Emily suddenly found herself alone in a restaurant with two entrees on the table. Stuck with the check. Just when she thought that their relationship couldn't get more challenging, something like this happened.

Why did she let herself think that something may have changed? Because her mother showed some sign of being human? Emily wants to kick herself. Why does she continue to set herself up for being let down?

After settling the bill as the server packed up her dinner, Emily was out of the restaurant five minutes later. It was still early. Too early to go home for the day. Too many people with too many potential questions at work. The team would still all be there.

As she walked back to her car, a thought popped into her head- the Bureau gym. She needed to work off some frustration. Then after the time that everyone generally had gone home for the night, she would head back to her desk and do her reports. It wasn't like she was going to sleep tonight.

Hotch notices Emily stiffen as he walks out of his office and down the stairs. As he walks closer to her desk, he noticed that the file in front of her was taking a great deal her focus as she attempted to avoid talking to him.

Hotch stopped at her desk and immediately noticed the bag she had walked in with was her gym bag. He sighed as he knew that was what she did when she was stressed. He waited for her to reluctantly look up at him before he said, "I wasn't expecting you back tonight. How was dinner?"

He immediately noticed that she started to work her jaw so maybe dinner wasn't the best topic with which to ask her.

She sighed and sat back in her seat before saying gloomily as she avoided his question, "just thought I'd get some of this paperwork done. The quicker I finish my reports for this last case, the better." She paused and looked at him briefly before continuing, "you're here later than usual." Hotch immediately notices the change in subject as well as that she wasn't making eye contact.

Hotch nodded before saying, "Haley and Jack were having dinner at Jessica's tonight. I'm heading out now." He glanced at his watch and realized that he needs to leave now or he is going to miss Jack's bedtime. He sighs. It is obvious something happened and it is equally obvious that Emily didn't want to talk about it right now. The best thing for him to do is to go be with his son. And to give Emily her space.

"Goodnight, sir." Emily says in a crisp and formal voice as she sat back up in her chair and looked back at her paperwork.

'Crap' Hotch thought, 'I thought she was past the 'sir' addresses.' Then he realizes what she is doing. She is creating distance so she can work through whatever happened. She is pushing him away. Tonight he needed let her.

He lowers his voice and says calmly "goodnight, Emily" as he picked up his bags and walks out the doors to the elevators.

 **####**

Hotch walked into his office, dropped a stack of paperwork on his desk and plops down in his chair. What a morning! It was fortunate that he has stayed late the evening before to prepare for his meeting with Strauss. Three hours later and the meeting is finally over.

He looks out his window into the bullpen. He rolled his eyes at Morgan and Garcia once again flirting in the break room while Reid and Prentiss are talking at their desks. He noticed that while she was smiling at whatever Reid was saying, the smile didn't reach her eyes.

Emily seems tired this morning and he wonders how late she stayed after he left last evening. He was greeted with a significant pile of completed paperwork from her when he arrived this morning so it wasn't an insignificant amount of time.

He turns back to contemplate the piles of paperwork on his desk. He needs to sort through all these files or tonight he was going to be the one here extremely late. He looked up at the clock and noticed he has 90 minutes until the daily briefing that was delayed today because of his extended meeting with Strauss.

 **####**

Hotch caught himself as he looked down into the bullpen at Emily for the fourth time in less than an hour. There was just something in her demeanor that her assurances of being fine weren't satisfying today. He was worried about her but knew there wasn't anything he could do. Emily wasn't going to talk about it until she wanted and unless it affected her job performance, he couldn't push her. Most likely it had to do with the text he received from her last night that she wouldn't be back because she was having dinner with her mother.

He hadn't been prepared to see Ambassador Prentiss again. Early in her time with the BAU, Emily had asked him since he knew her mother, did he like the type of person she was. He had sidestepped the question then and answered vaguely that her mother was an impressive person. At that point he was still apprehensive about her intentions and he didn't feel comfortable saying anything to her that could come back and bite him in the ass.

But now months later, he thought back to Emily's initial question - did he like the type of person she was. And to be honest, no. When he was assigned to her, he was there to do a job and he hadn't delved too much into personal opinions. However he had been relieved that his assignment was time-limited as she was not someone who he would have wanted to work for long-term.

Back then when he and Emily were alone together, she had shared stories of experiences she had growing up. From those stories, he knew that the women had had a tense relationship for years. It had always struck him that the shrewd and unforgiving diplomat persona that she elucidated in the office also extended into her relationship with her daughter.

Now as a parent himself, Hotch considered what he wanted to be to his son. He had once told Elle on the jet that he delineated his life so he was Agent Hotchner at work and Aaron/Daddy at home. He wasn't always sure how successful he was because no matter how hard he tried he couldn't make Haley happy. But he still pushed forward because he wanted more of Jack's memories of him to be of daddy than of Agent Hotchner.

From his previous experience, the lack of familiarity between the two women while they had been discussing the case the previous day didn't surprise him though it had with just about every other member of the team.

It hadn't taken him long to surmise that the Ambassador was using her relationship with Emily as a means to an end to get her foot in the door in order to twist his arm to take the case. It was clear she knew where Emily worked and knew enough about the team's mandate to pressure him. This was not the type of case the BAU generally handled.

What had been most perplexing was the Ambassador's reaction when Emily introduced him as her supervisor. There was a several seconds look of shock. Then her mask was quickly back in place and then it was back to business.

He had a good record when he worked for the Ambassador so he was unsure about what the initial reaction was all about. After that he wasn't sure if it was the case or the time that had past but she seemed nervous while they discussed how to proceed before taking the first opportunity to leave to go back to her house once he agreed the team would take the case.

When she had offered to make phone calls, he welcomed the help as she had contacts they did not. However he did not expect her to leave. Taking off and leaving the wife and daughter of the victim that she had brought with her in the BAU's hands.

Leaving with excuse of making a phone call which due to the time sensitive nature of the case, would have worked better if it was from their office. They could have even have found her a private office with a secure line if that is what she needed. Not that he was expecting her to act like a field agent but her departure was abrupt.

As Hotch was mulling over the details of the bizarre case as he went through the team's reports, his office phone rang. He answers the phone and responds to her greeting, "Hello Ambassador."

 **####**

It had been two hours since Hotch finished his phone call with the Ambassador and he was still unsettled. The call had started pleasant enough with her thanking him personally for the assistance of the BAU on the case.

However, he knew from a conversation with Emily earlier that morning that the Ambassador had sent her thanks to him with Emily so he wasn't buying that as the primary reason for the call. He didn't have to wait long for the real reason for her call.

After exchanging pleasantries, the Ambassador mentioned that she had "misspoken" when she told Emily from whom she had gotten the bank code information that Garcia had used to hack into the Russian bank account they were tracking. After apologizing, she gave Hotch the correct name.

For the case report, Emily would have completed that section since the information came to her. Hotch mentioned this and offered to transfer the call down to Emily's desk.

What happened next was strange and left him unnerved. As he answered, the Ambassador was flustered. Hotch had worked for the Ambassador for months and he dealt with politicians and diplomats on a regular basis. In his experience, they didn't get flustered easily.

Then suddenly she blurts out that it would be painful for Emily to hear the name which immediately had the hair on his neck standing up.

After pausing for a few seconds, she had started to explain, trying to backtrack and said that he and Emily had a misunderstanding when the Ambassador was posted to the Ukraine. It was obvious to him that the Ambassador said more than she had intended. After Hotch said he would take care of it, they hung up.

Shaking his head, Hotch pulled out Emily's report on the Chernus case before calling down and asked Emily to come up to his office. It seems it is up to him to clarify the name but it should be a quick fix for the report.

After a couple of minutes, he said when he heard the knock on the door, "Come in."

"You asked to see me, Hotch." Emily said as she walked into his office nervously, closed the door behind her before continuing into the office and stopping in front of his desk.

He nodded and gestured towards file in front of him and said, "yes, it's about your Chernus report. There is a change that needs to be made." He paused and looked at her confused expression before continuing, "your mother called me and mentioned that she misspoke when she provided the name of the person who gave her the breadcrumb information."

Emily looked at him and said unable to keep that annoyance she was feeling towards her mother out of her voice, "Oh, OK. That should be a quick fix. Did she happen to give you the correct name? I'll make the change and get it right back to you."

Hotch nodded before he said, "yes, it's Anton Melnik." After stating the name, he focused on Emily and what he saw surprised him.

For the first time since she joined the team she did something that had just mentioned a few weeks ago Emily had never done, she blinked. It was quick and he would have missed it if not looking at her in that moment.

Then though her mask was back up, she was looking at wall in front of her over his head. When she didn't say anything, he said, "Prentiss"

When she didn't reply, he said again a bit louder, "Prentiss" which she responded to by shaking her head before saying without looking at him, "I'm sorry...I'll make the change and have the file back to you as soon as possible." She then quickly turns and walks over to the door.

As she reaches for the door knob to open it, Hotch says, "Emily, are you OK?" as he stood up looking at her worriedly.

Emily opens the door and says without look back, "fine, sir."

Hotch watches as Emily walks down to her desk and drops the file onto her desk on her way out of the bullpen.

Now even two hours later, Hotch still saw red flags.

The question was what was he going to do about it. Should he research and try to find out what the connection was to his agent? Could this person now pose a threat to Emily or the team now that the Ambassador had made contact with him? Is that why the Ambassador slipped when she spoke to him? Was she trying to put him on guard?

Or did he need to let it go?

He doesn't want to cause Emily anymore pain but as they recently found out with Derek, secrets can have unintended consequences.

He couldn't let it go… yet. According to demographic information he was able to pull up himself, the person the Ambassador named was mid to late 50s and a mid level Ukrainian diplomat. There wasn't much else on him that Hotch could find.

Looking back over Emily's Bureau application, he noticed that the only posting that Ambassador Prentiss had in the Ukraine was from '78 to '80. Emily was listed as having a tutor while there. Though, Emily left the Ukraine in '79 and went to live in France and attended a village school there until the Ambassador changed postings in '80.

So that left him with what possible "misunderstanding" could a man in 30s have had with an 8-9yo?

 **AN: In the next chapter JJ and Emily will talk. Chapter 15 will go back to Hotch and Emily when one of them realizes what happened between them.**


	14. Girl Talk

Emily walked down the hall towards JJ office. In the daily briefing earlier that morning, the team discussed a case that they had been consulting on for over a week. As they discussed it, JJ reported that the local sheriff had called her that morning about a young woman who fit their victimology was seen at a local hospital.

The issue that arose was that there was a language barrier in getting the woman's statement. She only spoke Italian and the small town did not have anyone who could translate. Spanish yes but not Italian. As JJ explained the situation, Emily could feel the eyes on the looking over at her. Looking up at the table, she quickly agreed to speak to the woman via video conference.

That had been a couple of hours earlier. She was now heading to JJ office as the media liaison had just called her that they were ready on the other end for the interview. Emily was somewhat nervous about doing the interview in JJ's office though not as much as she would have even been a couple of weeks earlier.

After they came back from San Francisco, JJ has noticeably thawed out toward Emily. She had started to include Emily when she brought coffee. They had started to both go to lunch with other members of the team however they had not talked one on one yet.

There was less tension between them now than since Emily joined the team. However at this point, Emily wasn't sure how and if she should approach JJ to talk about their differences.

As much as she wanted to get everything out in the open so they could see if they could work through it, Emily was worried. When they did talk and if she mishandled it, she risked losing the fragile connection that she seemed to finally be making with JJ as well as possibly the friendship that she had been working on with other members of the team.

When she reached JJ office, Emily knocked on the partially open door and entered when JJ waved her into the office. JJ was just completing a phone call. Emily close the door behind her and took a couple of steps towards the chairs.

Before she could sit in one of the guest seats in the room, JJ gestured for her to sit at the desk explaining that she wanted to be over by the door while Emily was doing the interview to intervene if anyone came to the door. Switching spots, JJ introduced Emily over the video conference to the sheriff and the victim advocate who would be supporting the woman that Emily was interviewing.

After that, the sheriff excused himself and Emily introduced herself to the young woman before easing into the questions. The team had given her a few questions to include but Hotch had given her control of the interview since she was familiar with factors they needed to evaluate to determine if it was the same UNSUB.

An hour later, JJ disconnected the video link after Emily completed the interview. It had only taken 10 minutes for Emily to see the wisdom of JJ sitting over by the door when a knock was heard at the door. Since then JJ had stepped out a half dozen times to address various agents that needed to speak to her.

As JJ closed down the connection, Emily quickly wrote down some notes for herself about what she had learned as she still needed to brief the team. The interview had been recorded so she could translate the entire interview later for the official record.

As she stood up to move away from the desk, JJ asked, "what do you think? Is it the same guy?"

Emily sighed and nodded her head before saying, "yeah, I think so. She described the same shade of eyes and well as him cutting a piece of her hair. Since we had the sheriff hold the cutting of the hair part of the signature back, it seems like it is. I need to let Hotch know so I can brief the rest of the team this afternoon. Thanks for setting up the interview JJ."

Emily took a couple of more steps towards the door before she stopped and looked back at JJ when she said, "Emily can we talk?"

Slowly turning around, Emily looked at the nervous demeanor of the younger woman before nodding as she said, "sure JJ."

Emily hadn't been surprised by the request as she had noticed several times over the last week that JJ had looked like she was going to say something to her before stopping herself at the last minute.

While she was hoping that this talk would result in them coming to an understanding, Emily didn't say anything. She wanted to let JJ lead the conversation since she was initiating it.

Smiling at Emily, JJ gestured for her to sit in one of the visitor chairs in her office while she took the other one. They both awkwardly sat there quietly until JJ said, "Emily, I need to apologize to you. I've said and done some things about you that I'm not proud of."

Emily let out a breath she had been holding before responding, "thanks. But why JJ? Did I do or say something wrong?"

JJ slowly shook her head before saying, "it's not that. Over the last couple of weeks, I've been asking myself that same question. I think primarily it was unintentionally fallout from what happened with Elle. Agent Greenaway."

"I don't understand though I've only heard bits and pieces about her." Emily said.

JJ nodded and explained about Elle's attack and then what happened when she came back from leave focusing mostly on the last case where she shot a suspect. JJ then explained what she knew about what happened after that until Elle left the team.

Emily sighed as she saw the numerous emotions cross the younger agent's face as she put into words what happened before Emily joined the team. After JJ sat back, Emily said, "you felt betrayed by a friend…"

JJ shook her head before interrupting, "...no that's just it. We weren't friends. In the office, she stuck with the other profilers and mostly ignored Pen and I except when she needed us to do something which is fine, that's why we are here. She wasn't interested in socializing outside the office with anyone other than Morgan."

JJ paused and took a few deep breaths before looking back over at Emily and continuing, "for me it was what happened on that last case. My job centers on acting as a link between the team and the outside world. Various police departments and other agencies as well as the press.

After what happened in Dayton, I was fielding calls from other police departments and various reporters. I spent weeks making reiterating the official story while making sure what happened didn't compromise all the work that this team does and all that we have accomplished."

Emily nodded at what JJ had said having seen over the last few months how seriously JJ took her role in supporting and protecting the team.

"After Elle quit, we all needed time to get past what happened. I guess I needed more time than most." JJ said quietly before looking down.

Emily took a deep breath before saying, "from what you said JJ, what happened impacted you job responsibilities more than anyone else. Well except for Hotch. How you felt is understandable given what happened."

JJ smiled and nodded at Emily understanding before saying, "that's true. I know Hotch and Gideon were discussing new interview questions. But Strauss took that opportunity away from them..." JJ paused when looked over at Emily's brief change in expression before biting her lip realizing she had just delved into a sensitive topic.

When JJ trailed off, Emily sighed before saying, "JJ, I didn't know any of this history when I started. I applied for the opening when I saw it was available and Strauss offered me the job. It wasn't until that first day that I found out she wasn't the Unit Chief since she placed the opening and hired me."

JJ tilted her her and looked at Emily quizzically as she said, "really that is strange. She is generally by the book." She paused before she said thoughtfully, "but that would explain the tension with Hotch."

Emily nodded before she said, "yeah, he was surprised when she sent me over to his office. He didn't know she had hired anyone until I showed up with completed paperwork."

There was no way she could tell JJ that she had considered their feelings about their past relationship the main source of stress between her and Hotch. While in recent weeks they had come to a silent understanding that had reduced the tension as they attempted to find balance in their working relationship, she still felt the less people that knew, the better.

JJ's eyes widened before blurting out, "wow. He hates those type of surprises. No wonder he was upset since he and Gideon had already been discussing not being ready to hiring someone. Did you say you just showed up in his office? By yourself?", she asked as she looked at Emily questioningly.

Emily looked at her confused by the question before asking, "yeah, Strauss sent me over after we met. Why?"

JJ shook her head as she answered, "that is just completely not like her. She always walks over with new agents even when Hotch and/or Gideon had hired them. That and they always had notice beforehand when it was going to be and they let the rest of us know."

Emily frowned as she took in what JJ had just said before putting the unusual behavior of the Section Chief aside for later consideration. Looking back over at JJ, Emily responded, "she said she had a meeting with the Director that morning and just gave me directions to his office."

JJ shrugged and then answered not quite convinced, "I guess. It's just strange that when all of the agents they knew about came over escorted with notice and the one they didn't know about came over with just paperwork without notice." She paused and sighed before saying, "it would explain Hotch's reaction to you. I took his wariness of you as evidence that he sensed something was off. In actuality it was probably just needing to learn details after you started that would he would have normally learned in the interview process."

"Did he say something to you?" Emily asked curiously. From her assessment of team dynamics, she had noticed that, because of her job description, JJ had a different relationship with Hotch than the rest of the team. If he was going to mention anything to someone, it would be JJ.

JJ shook her head to Emily's relief as she said, "no but we could all sense it. And you had come in, always seemed so together and seemingly had no problems with the work despite having come from desk position while I had back to back difficult cases that I was having to work through the paperwork with locals and that was even before Georgia." JJ sat quietly after that admission.

Emily sensing JJ's discomfort asked, "how are you doing after Georgia? You went through something horrible on top of Reid being kidnapped, with those dogs."

In the aftermath of Georgia, most of the team's focus had been on what Reid's experience as well as sorting out their own feelings about what happened. However Emily had been one of the first agents to find JJ in the barn as they arrived at the Henkel house and remembered how distressed JJ had been by the experience.

JJ gave her a nervous smile before saying, "thanks for asking. Also thanks for requesting the necropsies on the dogs. I'm doing better. It was hard for a while even after we got back but I'm doing better now."

Emily briefly smiled before responding, "good to hear and you're welcome, JJ."

JJ glanced over at Emily before saying, "Emily, I'm sorry for what happened in Georgia. In the bathroom. I shouldn't have confronted you. I just wished that I could handle the work like you do."

Emily sighed and shook her head as she said, "you don't want to be me JJ."

JJ looked at her carefully before asking, "what do you mean?"

As she saw JJ intrigued attention, Emily picked at her nails as she considered how much to share with her.

Did she tell her about what happened in her childhood that made her push people away?

About how she had a hard time not constantly looking over her shoulder?

About the reason why she always wore the same belt was there was a small knife hidden in it?

About how she had seen the same therapist on and off for over 20 years?

No, she couldn't. Maybe one day but now, their relationship wasn't strong enough for those disclosures. For now she needed to come up with a different answer.

Emily sighed before saying, "because JJ who you are is why you are so good at your job. And you don't characterize it as compartmentalization but you do it as well. Just in your own way. I've seen you do it."

"But you make it look so easy." JJ answered quietly

Emily rubbed her hands together before looking at JJ and saying, "this job is never easy." Emily paused, her eyes down before looking up at JJ and saying, "do you know why I asked for my first assignment out of the Academy to be with Crimes Against Children?"

"No" JJ said as she shook her head.

Emily sighed before saying, "I have wanted to be in the BAU since before I went to the Academy. I knew cases involving kids were going to be hardest for me. I chose to start with Crimes Against Children because I knew I needed to find a way to handle those cases before I felt I could come here.

I learned to compartmentalize from that work. One of my Unit Chiefs explained it as if you are focused on your own emotions, you can't be who your victims need you to be and the case can suffer. It takes practice and it is still a work in progress for me even years later."

JJ nodded as Emily's gaze came to the large stacks of files on shelves behind JJ's desk before she continued, "JJ, you have one of the hardest jobs on this team and considering what we do, that is saying something. I just see the consults that come to me. You see all the consults and all the cases in addition to all the inquiries that don't become consults or cases. Plus you communicate with everyone outside the team and that has get to be challenging."

JJ nodded before saying "yeah."

Emily responded, "then just do the best you can. It has worked so far. And besides, it's all any of us can do."

 **####**

Hotch walked into his office and stand down at his desk. He had just come back from checking on Emily's progress however when he arrived at JJ's office, the video conference was through and he overheard part of the women's conversation. Realizing they meant for it to be a private conversation despite the partially open door, he walked away before either of them noticed he was there.

As he thought about what he had overheard, he agreed with JJ's assessment about Strauss' behavior around Emily start with the team.

But he wasn't sure what Strauss' plan was but his suspicions were again raised that she had one. Except for multiple meetings after they returned from Georgia, she had mostly been quiet.

However he expected that to change as the time for his eligibility for promotion got closer. He shook his head and hoped that whatever the plan was didn't derail his chances for promotion. Haley was getting more impatient everytime he needed to travel with the team or even had a late meeting.

But what plan did she have that involved,in his opinion, an unwitting Emily?

 **####**

Emily stood up as they finished talking. It had been a good conversation. As she put her hand on the door knob, JJ said, "hey Emily." JJ asked when Emily turned back around, "would you like to join Pen and I for girls' night next week? We talked about going out for drinks."

Emily smiled back at her and answered, "sure, sounds great." before turning back around and out the door heading back to the bullpen.


	15. I'm Not That Girl

**AN: Here is the next chapter. I've included some flashbacks. The title of the chapter and part of the chapter was influenced by the song in Wicked by the same name. I hope you enjoy it.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, Wicked, or I'm not that Girl.**

Emily entered her apartment and slams the door. Walking into the living room, she walked over to the bar and herself a drink. After downing it in one gulp she refilled her glass and walked across the room into her kitchen. Picking up a remote, she turning on the music from her playlist before walking over to the couch. Sitting down, she swirled the liquid in her glass as she tried to come to terms with what she had learned earlier that evening. It was so much worse that what she had expected when she went to her parent's house.

Since Hotch had told her about the call from her mother about the bank information, Emily had been furious with her mother. She had lied to Emily during the case when she told Emily where she had gotten the information.

A part of Emily could tell by the glimpse of a guilty look on her mother's face that day that she hadn't been telling the truth about the origin of the information. But she hadn't expected that she had gone to HIM for help. Emily hadn't pressed then because they were under a time crunch on the case so she wanted to get the information to Garcia ASAP. She also knew her mother. The Ambassador would not have responded well to being challenged in public.

Her mother knew Anton Melnik was a no go for Emily now that she fully understood what he was did and trying to do when she was a child. As a young child, she hadn't understood the concept of grooming. She hadn't understood the heated reaction from her nanny or the unusual concern of her mother.

Then without explanation she found herself in France with her grandparents. Their presence and home had, as always, been comforting. After the confusing experience, she had quickly stopped asking questions and enjoyed her time with them.

It wasn't until later, much later when she was in college, that she started to put together what happened. At first she hadn't understood why she started to feel anxious about going to one of her psychology classes at Georgetown.

Then after a series of nightmares, she was able to work through after several session with Alicia what the trigger had been. Confused by the memories, Alicia had suggested talking to her mother and/or others she knew at that time.

Knowing she was unlikely to get answers from her mother, Emily dismissed starting with her. She first contacted Alix, the woman who had been her nanny when Emily was with her mother until they moved to Rome.

Alix's excitement at seeing Emily came to a halt when Emily mentioned her memories. After a couple of attempted diversions, Alix had reluctantly shared with Emily what she had walked in on as well as the Ambassador's reaction.

Unsettled, Emily stopped in France before going home to talk to her grandfather. Once she mentioned the memories and nightmares, he explained to her what he remembered about that time which he admitted wasn't much.

He shared that he knew there was more to the story when Elizabeth had suddenly called and asked if he could take Emily for an indeterminate amount of time. He had quickly agreed though his suspicions were raised further at the vague explanation when Emily was dropped off by her nanny instead of her mother.

Armed with this information, Emily had confronted her mother when she returned home. After initially downplaying what Emily had and was still experiencing, her mother finally shared his name with Emily as well as his current position.

But even knowing all that not only had the Ambassador called on Melnik for a favor but then she had called Emily's boss with the correction instead of Emily herself. To give the name that they needed for the official report. Emily's now very suspicious boss.

Since then she was not only upset that her mother had contacted Melnik but furious that she had involved one of the best profilers who's attention had now been peaked. If she was going to tell Hotch what happened, she wanted it to be on her terms, not like this.

After giving herself a couple of days to cool down, Emily had called the staff at the house to check her mother's schedule in the evenings that week. And that is what had lead to the confrontation at the house earlier than evening.

 _FLASHBACK_

 _Emily paced around the living room at her parent's house as her mother said, "you weren't supposed to find out, Emily."_

 _Emily rolled her eyes before turning towards her mother and saying, "Obviously, but why…" she was interrupted when she heard someone clearing their throat across the room._

 _Both women turned and saw Emily's stepfather, Edward Carmichael, standing in the doorway. He looked back and forth between then as he said, "pardon the interruption" before he paused and glanced over at his wife saying, "Elizabeth, there is a courier from the State Department here with paperwork for your assignment. He needs to you to sign for it."_

 _The ambassador's eyes lit up as he spoke and she said, "excuse me" as she walked out of the room, her discussion with Emily unilaterally tabled._

 _There was an uneasy silence for a few minutes. Emily continued pacing as she waited for her mother to return so they could continue their conversation. Her thoughts were interrupted when her stepfather said, "what we did. It was for the best."_

 _Emily huffed as she stopped pacing. Looking at him with her arms crossing her chest, she said "really?"._

 _As she thought about it, she really wanted an answer to the question as to why her mother was still in contact with Anton Melnik. And what her stepfather's role in it was since as far as she knew her mother didn't even know him when the incident happened._

 _Her stepfather shook his head at her and responded, "he wasn't right for you, Emily."_

 _Wasn't right for her?_

 _Who was he talking about?_

 _What did he think they had been talking about?_

 _Emily quickly masked her confusion from the career diplomat. If she wanted answers to her questions, she needed to proceed carefully. It seemed that he was talking about something else entirely. Another secret about her that they were keeping from her._

 _Emily stopped and cross her arms as she narrowed her eyes as she asked harshly, "what do you mean?"_

 _He took another sip from his glass as he watched her before saying, "Aaron Hotchner was a distraction. He…."_

 _Emily froze. She could tell he was still talking but she couldn't hear what he was saying. He knew about her past relationship with Aaron. Apparently they both knew._

 _A distraction. What did that mean? A distraction from what?_

 _All of the sudden Emily was pulled out of her thoughts when she heard her mother's voice "...Edward" Looking up, Emily could see her mother paled, looking rapidly between the two of them. She had heard the end of their conversation and knew that Emily now knew._

 _Walking up until she was standing in front of her mother, Emily asked, "what did you do?" annunciating each word._

 _It had just gone downhill from there as her mother gave excuses as she tried to justify their actions. Her stepfather was unapologetic and explained in detail what he had done while she had been in France that summer._

 _END FLASHBACK_

Now that she was back at her apartment, the impact of what she had learned was starting to hit her. The lie that she had been angry about for days was not nearly as significant as manipulation that she found out about this evening. Manipulation not only of her but of Aaron as well.

Placing her glass down on the table, she stood up and walked over to the closet. Pulling out a small box, she walked back to the couch and sat back down. After opening the box, she looked down at the items she had packed up after she came home and found out that Aaron had left seemingly without a word. Items that she had fully intended to get rid of. In fact, her plan had been to take it out to the fire pit at her parent's house and burn everything in it.

But she hadn't been able to do it and that had upset her even more. Not being able to look at the box, she had put it in her closet at her room here.

But now that she knew the truth of why he left, she wanted to open it again. She pulled each item out. An FBI Academy t-shirt. A single sock. A toothbrush. A comb. A CD single of their song. A couple of movie ticket stubs. A CD of the Beatles White Album. A stub for a music concert they went to together. Some pictures of them together. The last thing she pulled out was a bookmark from a local bookstore. The bookstore where they met.

 _FLASHBACK_

 _March 1994_

 _Emily walked around the bookstore looking at other titles after picking up the just published Max Ryan's book that had brought her to the store that day. She was home for a week on Spring Break from Yale. Her plan had been to stay on campus to do some research on her dissertation. However her mother insisted that she come home after she hadn't come home at Winter Break. She had chosen to go to France to visit her grandfather for Christmas._

 _Now she was home and her mother had been called away less than two days after she arrived. As she walked around the bookstore dejected, Emily considered driving back to Yale that afternoon hoping that she could salvage some time to make progress on her research._

 _Looking at the shelves as she turned the corner, Emily dropped all of her books as she walked into what felt like a wall. Looking up she met his eyes and was unable to find her voice. She was brought out of her head when he put his hand on her shoulder and said, "are you ok?"_

 _Emily blushed, embarrassed that this cute guy first impression of her was as a klutz. She nodded her head and nervously tucked her hair behind her ear before she said, "yeah, sorry about walking into you."_

 _Aaron smiled as he said, "it's fine." They just looked at each other before he cleared his throat and said, "here let me help you pick up your books." before they both crouched down as he helped Emily gather her books. He paused as he picked up Max Ryan's book having just heard him lecture at the Academy._

 _Emily gather the stack of books in her arms and they both stood up. Adjusting the pile, she put out her hand and said, "thanks. I'm Emily." She felt an energy pass between them as their hands touched._

 _Aaron smiled as he also felt the sensation on his hand as he replied, "I'm Aaron."_

 _Emily stepped back and gave an awkward wave before saying, "well, sorry again about bumping into you. It was nice to meet you Aaron." before she turned and started to walk away._

 _Aaron panicked as he saw her slowly moving away from him. There was just something about this woman that made him want to learn more about her. Looking up, he blurted out, "Emily". He waited until she turns before he took the few steps to be standing right in front of her. She cocked her head looks at him curiously as he said, "would you like to have lunch with me?"_

 _Emily smiled back at him before she said, "I'd like that."_

 _END FLASHBACK_

They had spent hours that afternoon talking in the small restaurant they found near the bookstore as conversation flowed easily between them. After that they spent as much time together as possible that week working around Aaron's commitments at the FBI Academy.

As the end of the week came, they could feel their time together coming to an end. After dinner on Friday evening, they went to apartment she now lived in and things had heated up between them before they both pulled back.

They needed to talk first since it was impossible for them to be together anytime soon. Emily was heading back to Yale and still had a couple of years to finish her degree. Meanwhile Aaron still had a few weeks left at the FBI Academy and he didn't know where they would assign him when he finished.

The next morning, Emily was thrilled that Aaron was still there in bed with her. She had prepared herself for him to be gone when she woke up. Given the circumstances, it would have been easier for him to leave before she woke up.

He had greeted her with coffee and the suggestion of trying a long distance relationship. He said he would request an assignment in the northeast or at least on the East coast. After thinking about it, Emily agreed especially since she only had another year of classwork before her schedule became more flexible when she was solely focused on her dissertation.

They celebrated their decision by spending most of the day in bed together getting up only to eat. The next morning they showered together before parting happy with their understanding but unsure of when they would see each other in person again.

Emily headed back to her parent's house to pick up her stuff before making the journey back to Yale while Aaron returned to his dorm room at the FBI Academy.

Over the following weeks they spoke on the phone intermittently however they found that they talked to each others' answering machines more often than not.

They were both thrilled a couple of weeks before she came home for the summer when he called to let her know that his assignment was in DC for the summer. He promised to tell her more when she arrived. For once, she was counting the days until she drove back to DC.

Little did she know of the surprise her and Aaron were going to get when she arrived.

 _FLASHBACK_

 _May 1994_

 _Emily rushed around her room at her parent's house before heading out to run some errands. She had just arrived the previous evening after driving down from Yale. She already had plans to see Aaron that evening at the restaurant where they had had lunch the day they met._

 _Grabbing her purse and a sweater, she hurried out of her room and down the stairs hoping to make it out the door without running into her mother. She didn't have time this morning for an interrogation._

 _As she was almost at the bottom of the stairs, she saw her mother talking to a man in a suit in the living room. Before Emily got to the bottom, her mother called out to her. Rolling her eyes, Emily turned at the bottom of the stairs to walk into the living room hoping that this wasn't one of the men her mother had mentioned wanting to introduce her to._

 _As she walked into the room, her mother walked over to her as she said, "Emily, this is the FBI agent who will be performing the security checks…."_

 _Emily didn't hear anything past that as it was then that Aaron turned around and she saw who was going to be working for her mother. He looked as surprised as she was when he realized who was standing in front of him. She was hoping he wasn't going to be upset with the unexpected situation since she hadn't told him what her last name was._

 _She felt her heart leap as she saw him standing in front of her for the first time in two months. But she quickly schooled her expression, not wanting her mother to become suspicious. That would not have been good for either one of them._

 _Aaron stepped forward and put out his hand as he said, "Ms Prentiss." As she took his hand, there was the same energy there as they touched._

 _Emily responded, "Agent." before reluctantly letting go of his hand as her mother started to explain what Aaron would be doing to prepare for assignment that she would be starting that fall._

 _After several minutes when her mother turned to pick something up from the table, Emily winked at Aaron and said, "Mother, I'm going to head out. I have several errands to run. I won't be home until late. It was nice to meet you Agent," before she turned and walked out of the room and out the front door before her mother could stop her. It had been overwhelming to be standing near him without being able to acknowledge that they knew each other._

 _END FLASHBACK_

As expected their conversation over dinner that evening revolved around them deciding how to handle the situation they now found themselves in.

Although it was not what either of them wanted, they agreed to keep their relationship under wraps until after he had completed his current assignment. Emily didn't care if he parents knew who she was dating. If anything, she would hope it would get them to stop bombarding her with men they wanted her to meet.

However with this being his first assignment as an FBI agent, any negative reports could adversely affect his career as well as make it unlike he would be assigned to where he requested next. In this case, he was going to request the New Haven or New York City field offices to be closer to Emily while she finished school.

That decided, they spent the rest of the night reconnecting with Aaron leaving her in his bed the next morning because he didn't want to wake her. They also couldn't show up at her parent's house at the same time without arousing suspicions. He had been working in his makeshift office for about an hour when he heard her arguing with her mother about where she had been all night.

And for the next couple of months, they spent evenings, nights and weekends together either at the apartment he was subletting or her family's apartment in DC while making all reasonable efforts to actively avoid each other at the house. They rarely went out locally concerned that word would get back to her parents though they did get away for a couple of weekends.

They had just come back from one of their weekends away when the housekeeper woke her in the middle of the night. It was one of the few nights she had spent at the house to let her know her grandfather had taken ill and her mother had booked her on the next flight which was leaving in a few hours.

After quickly getting ready and hastily packing her bags she debated calling Aaron v leaving him a letter to let him know where she was going and why. Given the time, she decided to write a letter and leave it in the office he was using at the house. It was a choice she now regretted after her stepfather had admitted earlier in the evening to removing the letter and destroying it before Aaron came in the next morning.

Of course he had needed to get rid of it. If Aaron had seen her letter, he wouldn't have believed the lies her stepfather had made sure he overheard about her leaving with a fiance and switching schools.

Or at least she would like to believe that he wouldn't have believed it. But he had and because of it he hadn't contacted her again.

Emily had tried to contact him once she came home however he had already moved and he phone had been disconnected. Her stepfather had admitted Aaron left a letter for her at the apartment but he had removed that as well.

With everything she learned, Emily wished she had just called him that night before she had gotten on that plane. However, her focus that night had been on getting to France as quickly as possible to see the one person that had always been there for her.

But would it have really made a difference?

Would her parents have just come up with something else to separate them?

If this plan of theirs had failed, would her parents have instead done something to jeopardized Aaron's career? An outcome that they had both been trying to avoid.

Emily was dismayed that her mother of all people had gone along all these years with a plan that would make someone, regardless of who it was, believe that she was not only a liar but a cheater as well.

How could she have stood by without saying anything as she watched how upset Emily was in those weeks after she returned from France?

They weren't close and had certainly had their issues over the years but this betrayal crossed a line that even Emily didn't think her mother would cross.

As she took another gulp of her drink, the song changed on her playlist. She had heard the song many times. She had gotten the entire soundtrack after seeing Wicked on Broadway. But right now, this song was speaking to her. And not in an encouraging way.

As she listened to the lyrics, she felt more conflicted about what had happened. Yes what her parents had done separated them. But no one had anyway of knowing if they would have stayed together without that interference no matter how much she wanted to believe they would have.

But being apart had put them on two separate paths. For herself, she was certain that many of her choices would have been different. Choices that she couldn't change now. Some choices that she couldn't even let him know that she even made. Some choices that she wasn't sure he would accept.

If she remembered nothing else about Aaron is was how important he considered truthfulness. Since she had joined the team, while she had not outright lied to him, she also hadn't been completely honest because he didn't have the clearance to know her complete job history.

 _She who's winsome, she wins him. Gold hair with a gentle curl. That's the girl he chose._

And for him. Well for him, he chose to get married.

To Haley.

She had met Haley. As far as she knew they were happy. They had a child. He had moved on with a woman he had been dating on and off since high school.

 _He could be that boy. But I'm not that girl_

Time had past. He may be the man she hadn't been able to get past. Be the man she had wanted to be with. But she was no longer the college student that he knew back then and wanted to be with.

As the song finished, Emily's feelings bubbled over. She stood up and started pacing around the room before turning and throwing her glass against the wall. The strength of the impact shattered the glass with a satisfying crunch. Emily sat back down and leaned forward resting her forearms on her legs and looked down at the floor.

Right now she felt worse than her first day at the BAU. When she saw Aaron again after 12 years. It had been difficult to see him that day but the culmination of her anger with him had been her primary emotion where he was concerned.

But now she knows he was not at fault for them losing touch. If anything, he was manipulated more than she was by what her mother and stepfather had done.

As she thought about it it was no wonder he was opposed to her joining his team. He thought that she lied to him about being single and had been cheating on her fiance the whole time they knew each other. He had put his career in jeopardy by continuing to see her while assigned to her mother. Then he was led to believe that she had just taken off without explanation with this supposed fiance and switched schools after he had made plans to take a position at a field office close to Yale so they could be together.

She couldn't really blame him for believing the stories when he couldn't find her and she had suddenly become unreachable.

But it still hurt. It hurt that he didn't trust her enough to question what he was hearing. That he never had sought her out to confront her.

But, she sighed, she hadn't sought him out either even after joining the FBI and having access to his current assignment.

That is when she realized that that was why each of them were told what they were. Her parents were counting on the nature of what they thought the other did would affect each of them in such a way that they would not seek each other out.

Standing up, Emily went over and started to deal with the remnants of the broken glass. As she was cleaning it up, she cut her finger. Cursing, she walked into the kitchen and washed it off in the sink relieved that it wasn't too deep. After wrapping the finger with a paper towel, she opening the drawer where she kept bandaids noticing that there were none there.

Keeping pressure on the cut, she walked up the stairs hoping that there were some bandaids in her bathroom.

After walking into the bathroom, she started to look through drawer for her stash of bandaids. As she opened one of the drawers, she froze. Sitting there alone in that drawer was her razor blade. The one she had been using when she last cut.

Looking down, Emily reached out for it with her uninjured hand. With all of the stress of the day, she knew that a few cuts would make her feel better. Picking it up, the cut on her other hand was forgotten.

She picked it up and observed the sharp blade before her eyes found her reflection in the mirror just past the blade. As she looked back at herself, she remembered the discussion she had with Spencer after he figured out about the cutting.

She hadn't cut since that day and been working hard with Alicia on her other coping strategies. And as she thought back over those conversations, she dropped in the razor on the counter. She wasn't going to undo the progress she had made.

Quickly finding a bandaid in another drawer, she walked out of the bathroom, waited until she was back downstairs to put it on her hand. But downstairs wasn't far enough.

Looking around, it hit her that this was her parents apartment.

Much of her relationship with Aaron had happened in this apartment.

She couldn't be in this apartment right now. And she didn't want to be tempted to go back up to the bathroom. Grabbing her purse and bag, she walked out of the door without looking back.

####

Aaron Hotchner sat at his desk looking down at the bullpen. Though she had been going through the motions today, Hotch knew something was off with Emily.

His first indication was she was in the office that morning before him. And he had even arrived earlier than usual to prepare for a meeting. He had walked in on her in the break room as he arrived.

He had immediately noticed that her hands were all bruised. She had waved off the concern as she had forgotten to tape them in the gym.

But what he found most striking that morning was as they were talking, she had allowed her walls to completely drop. She looked at him as she hadn't since they were together. He was able to see her as he hadn't since their relationship ended. And what he saw behind those walls. Fear. Regret. Anger. Sorrow.

She also appeared to be struggling as it appeared she was trying to tell him something. But he never found out what it was because after a thud as another agent came through the bullpen her walls quickly fell back into place and the moment had passed.

But even now, part of him was intrigued about what she seemed to want to tell him as well as the reason for how open she had allowed herself to be around him all the sudden.

As he observed her since then, he recognized that she was quieter than usual and mostly keeping to herself. Reid seemed to be the only other member of the team that had seen through her explanation to realize there was something going on under the surface.

Hotch sighed and shook his head as he thought back that she had been somewhat off since he had spoken to her about the strange phone call from her mother after that bizarre case the previous week. But today, it appeared amplified. Or maybe he was just more sensitive to it because of her reaction when he saw her that morning.

Either way, he would keep an eye on her and hope that she would share with him what she was going to say that morning when she was ready.

####

Spencer Reid had been covertly observing Emily most of the day. He had noticed early that morning that she was struggling.

Since the weeks that he was staying with her, he had a better understanding of the range of her tells and micro-expressions. Which as far as he could tell the rest of the team hadn't picked up on completely yet.

As the others noticed her bruised and swollen knuckles, they had just accepted her explanation.

Except for Hotch.

Reid had noticed the Unit Chief repeatedly glancing at her when they met for case review as well through his window during the day.

As the day went on, Spencer was worried that something was seriously wrong. However, he also knew whatever it was his friend wasn't going to talk about it in the office. But he wanted to be there for her as she had been there for him.

As the afternoon progressed, an idea came to him. After walking out of the bullpen, he walked down the hall until he found an empty interview room.

Pulling out his phone, he dialed a familiar number. After a couple of rings, a deep voice answered, "Dr Nelson."

Spencer cleared his throat before saying, "Hello Doctor this is Spencer Reid."

"Spencer, it is good to hear from you. What can I do for you today? Do you need to come in?" Dr Nelson asked, an edge of worry noticeable in his voice.

"Um, I'm doing OK. That's not why calling. My friend Emily who came with me. I know she sees someone in your office." Spencer replied rambling.

Dr Nelson sighed before replying, "I'm sorry Spencer. As you know I can't speak to you about that."

Spencer nodded before continuing, "yes I know Dr Nelson. She seems to be having a bad day. I wanted to see if the therapist she sees has time today."

Dr Nelson sighed and paused before he said, "hold on a minute Spencer." Spencer paced as he listened to the music playing while he was on hold until Dr Nelson came back on the line saying, "Spencer, can you come with her at 6?"

"Yes, doctor. Thank you." Spencer answered before hanging up the call and walking back towards the bullpen considering now that he had the appointment how was he going to get her there?

####

Emily sighed as she drove away from Quantico with Spencer. She had been worried since he pulled her aside a couple of hours earlier and said he wanted her to come with him to Dr Nelson's office. She hadn't noticed him struggling that day however she had been in her own head since the night before.

After leaving her apartment, she had gone to the gym at the FBI Academy. She swam countless laps before switching to the workout room. It wasn't until later that she realized she was so distracted that she hadn't taped her hands.

Once she finished her workout, she was still wound up. Unable to get what her mother and stepfather had said out of her head. After getting cleaned up in the locker room, she went to do target practice.

It was early when she reached the bullpen. Very early. Earlier than Hotch.

He had surprised her in the break room when he arrived. All of the preparation she done overnight was forgotten when he walked into the room. For a few seconds, all she could see in the room with her was the Aaron she had known in the past and not the skeptical Agent Hotchner she had known since she started at the BAU.

She wanted to explain everything to him but thankfully she couldn't get the words out. She couldn't throw all that she had learned at him until she had processed the information herself. She had tried to avoid him the rest of the day but several times had felt his eyes on her.

After pulling into the parking lot, Emily turned to Spencer and said, "we're here." She paused and shook her head before quietly saying, "I sorry I didn't notice you were struggling. Thanks for coming to me."

Spencer shook his head. He really hoped she wasn't going to be too angry with him. He looked at her and said calmly, "Emily, I'm doing OK. We aren't here for me. We are here for you."

Emily opened her mouth to say something before closing it and looking forward before turning back to him and saying, "Reid, I'm fine."

Spencer shook his head before he replied, "No you're not. You've been off since shortly after your mother brought us that case. But today, you are struggling. You don't looking like you slept. You didn't tape your hands in the gym. You have been quiet and trying to isolate yourself all day. I'm worried."

Emily sighed and nodded at each point that he made though she wasn't sure how she felt about how well he had been reading her. Looking over at his concerned expression, she said, "I'll be OK. I kept my promise to you. How did you know?" She was curious how he knew about Alicia since it was a topic that they had never discussed.

Spencer nodded before replying, "I saw you come out of an office a couple of times. I still don't know who you see. I made the appointment through Dr Nelson."

Emily sighed and said as she reached for the door handle, "are you sure you want to stay? I may be here a while."

Spencer nodded and they walked into the building.

####

Alicia walked over to her chair and sat down as she carefully observed Emily as she also sat down in her typical chair.

Alicia's concern had been peaked earlier in the afternoon when Dr Nelson had stopped by her office to inform her about the phone call he had just received. After checking her schedule, she was relieved that she did indeed have an opening that evening.

Now with Emily in front of her, Alicia could see signs of what led Spencer to call her. The fatigue was evident on her face and Alicia wondered when was the last time she slept.

However the largest red flag were the bruised knuckles and fingers. Working out in the gym was one of the coping strategies that Alicia knew Emily employed when stressed. That wasn't the concern. That was a good sign that she was utilizing one of her positive coping strategies.

The red flag is that whatever had her upset to use it distracted her enough that she didn't tape her hands and then didn't notice while she was working out.

Now that they were both seated, Alicia looked over and asked, "so Emily, what is going on?"

Emily took a deep breath and before she could say anything, she could feel a tear and then another one fall down her cheek. She shook her head as she wiped her cheek with the back of her hand.

Taking another deep breath, Emily remembered that Alicia knew of the difficult relationship she had with her mother. Over the years, she had shared various stories.

Alicia also knew about her relationship with Aaron. She had encouraged Emily's desire to know why he left though Emily had always refused to seek him out.

As she sat across from her, Emily realized that if anyone was going to understand how she was feeling right now, it would be Alicia. And as that thought passed over her, the dam broke and the tears flowed down her face as she broke down.

After taking the offered tissue, she looked at Alicia and said, "it is their fault that he left." before slowing explaining to the older woman everything she had learned over the last few days.

 **AN: Unfortunately, I probably won't be updating this story again until mid-July as I'm going to be travelling for the next few weeks. Next chapter: Girl's night. Someone from Emily's past wants information and has her questioning herself. And after a moment of openness, Emily realizes that she revealed a closely guarded secret.**


	16. Rock Meet Hard Place

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

As Emily finished up her paperwork, she couldn't help but be excited. After work, she was going out with Garcia and JJ for Girls' Night.

She had been looking forward to going out with them since JJ had mentioned it a few weeks earlier. Their first attempt had been thwarted by a case but today no cases had come up and they were planning on heading out right after work.

The timing couldn't have been better for a night out. It had been almost two weeks since she had discovered the truth about her parents' role in her breakup with Aaron years earlier.

Since the day that Spencer had taken her to Alicia's office, she had been processing through everything with the older woman with frequent sessions. She knew at some point her and Hotch would need to have a conversation even with it being just to clear the air in their professional roles. He had the right to know what happened just as she did.

She suspected that the misconceptions caused by what her parents had done had colored his expectations of her when she started at the BAU just as it had affected her interactions with him. At this point, she just wanted the whole story out in the open between them so they could determine if it was possible to continue working together.

Alicia had shared with Emily several times over the years that she suspected there was more to Aaron leaving the way he did. However even with that mindset, she expressed shock at the level of manipulation that had occurred. That night at her parents' house had indeed been eye opening for Emily as she realized how far her parents were willing to go to control her life.

Since that night, Emily had sent all of the numerous calls she had received from her mother to straight to voicemail, not ready to talk to her. The messages were mostly the same, focusing on regrets on how Emily found out while still maintaining that things wouldn't have worked between her and Aaron.

Now Emily had to consider if her relationship with her mother have a future? Until she had better clarity about that, she didn't want to talk.

With Hotch also at the office and having no idea how much he knew, Emily felt mostly confident that her mother wouldn't show up there again unannounced.

However, Emily groaned as she realized that she was on borrowed time until her mother would show up at the apartment. It belonged to the family so her mother had a key. It also meant that regardless of her feelings about the apartment, she should probably start looking for a new place.

Even if she was somehow able to get past what she had just learned, she now knew she needed to have clearer delineation lines between her parents' influence and her personal life. And moving to her own place again would be a good first step.

But for tonight, all of that drama was on the back burner. She wanted to enjoy this first night out with her new-ish coworkers.

####

After parking, Emily notices that she was the first one there. JJ and Garcia had left the office earlier than her but were making a stop first. As Emily walked through the parking lot, she began to feel as if someone was watching her. Looking around, no one stood out.

Shaking her head, Emily turned and continued walking towards the entrance, when she saw someone come around the corner from the other way and cross over to the sidewalk before stopping. She was surprised by who she saw standing in front of her.

He smiled and said with an accent, "hello Emily. You have proven to be a difficult person to get in touch with."

####

As JJ sat next to Garcia at a table while Emily was in line at the bar getting them all drinks, she thought about the strange encounter they witnessed outside when they arrived. As she walked up with Garcia, they saw Emily deep in conversation with a tall dark haired man. Their conversation quickly stopped before her and Garcia had been close enough to hear what they were saying.

After quick greetings, the man, who introduced himself as Jeremy, quietly whispered to Emily though JJ had been close enough to hear to let them know if she could think of anything. What did he mean by 'them'?

The more JJ thought about it, the more she wonder what that was about. It certainly didn't seem like they had just met.

JJ then shook her head. Maybe she had been working with profilers for too long that she was seeing things that weren't there. This outing was the next big step after the talk she and Emily had to getting past the friction that had been happening between them since Emily joined the team. If she started questioning Emily, especially since it was just a feeling without any proof, she could lose the fragile progress they had made.

Sighing, JJ thought as they sat there about how little she did know about Emily compared to the others on the team.

Morgan, of all people with his trust issues, had quickly formed a bond with Emily which JJ had chalked up to Emily's strong desire to prove herself thus earning his respect.

Garcia had commented that her and Emily had had lunch a few times and had been encouraging JJ to give her a chance.

While Hotch had been suspicious of Emily from the beginning, in recent weeks he had come around to seeing her value to the team. But even with the friction between them, JJ could sense there was a level of familiarity between the two of them. However that did not make sense with limited timeframe Emily had been with the team.

On the other hand, Gideon had been an early supporter of Emily's skills as an agent. However for some unknown reason a couple of months ago, he became suspicious of her. That suspicion peaked during a tense meeting between the two of them around the same time Emily and Spencer started spending time together. To JJ it felt like there was something more involved with the conflict between them but she could never put her finger on what as both were incredibly tight-lipped and overall difficult to read by her. Whatever it was Gideon seemed to have gotten past it in just the last couple of weeks.

Then there was Spencer.

As JJ thought back, she remembered how she was confused and apprehensive when after New Orleans Emily and Spencer had become inseparable. With Spencer struggling since his kidnapping, she had been worried about Emily's intentions. JJ also recalled that she hadn't been the only one as they whole team had witnessed a tense meeting between Gideon and Emily.

However, JJ soon found her concerns about Emily and Spencer were unfounded. During that time, Spencer became less pale and anxious as well as slowly returning to the Spence they all knew and loved.

No JJ wanted to learn more about her enigmatic colleague and questioning her wasn't going to accomplish that. Looking up, JJ saw Emily waiting for their drinks at the bar while conversing with yet another guy. Hmm, she wondered, was this what always happened when Emily went to a bar. The only other time Emily had gone out with the team was for the Superbowl.

That night, though, Emily had stayed with the group during the game. But then JJ remembered that she wouldn't have known what Emily did after the game that evening because as soon after the game was over, JJ had gone off to play darts with some cute single guys around the same time Spencer had gone off to do trivia and Morgan had been pulled onto the dance floor.

And, she shuddered at the memory, with what happened on the case that they went on later that night, there hadn't been much talk since about what happened after JJ had gone to play darts. All she had heard about after she left the table that night was grumbling from Garcia about Haley Hotchner.

Haley's presence at the bar that night was one of the reasons JJ was so willing to leave to team to play darts though she did enjoy beating unsuspecting guys. JJ had had multiple negative run ins with Haley and really didn't want to stay in her presence any longer than necessary during her personal time.

During Haley's pregnancy, JJ had agreed when Hotch asked if he could give Haley her cell number in case of an emergency and Haley was unable to contact him. Since then Haley had discovered that JJ could reach her husband quickly even when Haley herself was unable to contact him. That had led to Haley calling JJ to reach Hotch several times regardless of the reason. On a couple of occasions she had become angry with JJ because he wasn't answering his phone. JJ shook her head as she knew at some point she needed to address it with Hotch because none of these calls fell into the emergency category to which she had agreed.

Looking down at her watch before looking back at Emily, JJ noticed she was holding all 3 beers while playing close attention to what the guy was saying. As JJ started to wonder if she should go and get her and Garcia's beers from Emily, JJ noticed that while Emily was smiling and engaging in conversation with this guy, she also had an almost irritated look just below the surface.

After catching Emily's eye briefly, JJ saw her walk back to the table with the guy she had been talking to at the bar in tow. As she reached the table, JJ could see the glint in her eye. Before she could process why Emily was inviting some random guy she just met at the bar to girls' night, she heard Emily say as she reached the table,

" _Ladies, this is Brad a real FBI agent."_

Hearing the tone of the statement as well as the smug look on Brad's face, the pieces of what JJ had observed since Emily was waiting for the drinks at the bar were suddenly fitting together. This guy was using the fake agent ruse as a pick up line and Emily had given him just enough time and interest to figuratively back himself into a corner.

And by his confident stance, the poor schmuck believed that it had worked. And he thought he was going to get the chance to dupe two more attractive women with it.

Not sure what Emily had planned for this guy other than she wanted her and Garcia to help, after taking her beer, JJ looks down at the table and said, "no way" after Garcia said "really". Looking briefly over at Emily who visibly relaxes at the recognition that JJ and Garcia understood what she is doing as Garcia then posed a question to him.

It was only a couple of minutes later that Brad realized he picked the wrong woman at the bar to use that ruse with when all three women flashed their FBI credentials.

#####

Emily was flustered as she walked away from Jeremy and joined JJ and Garcia inside the bar.

She never wanted that part of her past.

That team.

And especially that case … to intersect with her current life.

Though, she sighed, she should have known Clyde would up the ante at some point when she had been avoiding all of his phone calls over the last couple of weeks. He knew better than to come himself though she wouldn't have put it past the arrogant ass. Jeremy wasn't much better. She didn't trust either one of them.

As JJ and Garcia got settled at the table, Emily asked what they wanted to drink and quickly left the table to head to the bar. She needed a couple of minutes to calm herself after that unplanned encounter. She hadn't missed the questioning looks from JJ and Garcia when they walked up and saw her talking to Jeremy nor had she missed the look of confusion at Jeremy's request that had, she suspected, intentionally been said loud enough for them to hear.

Given that it was a girls' night, she had no doubt that questions would be asked when she returned to the table about who the hot guy with the sexy accent was. It would be no surprise for them to ask given that neither of them had seen him before 'and hopefully never again." she thought coldly.

She could tell that at least JJ had deduced that they hadn't just met and wasn't going to insult them by outright stating that if asked. Blatant lies would unravel the work that all of them had done to get to this point.

Besides, all that would accomplish is that Garcia would just go and do what she did best and search for Jeremy online. That would bring its own questions based on what she suspected could be found. No, she needed to handle it directly. But what could she tell them that would satisfy them but not reveal too much about the true extent of their connection?

And once she got past them, Emily needed to process what Clyde's message had been that had brought Jeremy to come to talk to her.

Before she let her mind wander too far into what Jeremy wanted to solicit from her, some guy bumped into her as she waited to place her order with the bartender. As she shifted closer to the bar as the line moved, the same guy attempted to engage her in conversation. She smiled politely at him while trying to ignore him.

Getting hit on was not in the least what she needed right now. No she needed to get these beers, go back and enjoy time with JJ and Garcia before going home and trying to decide what she was going to do about this update on the Doyle case.

But this guy was not catching on that she wasn't interested. When he said he was an FBI agent, Emily turned and scrutinized him from head to foot before turning back around and rolling her eyes. There was no chance that 'Brad' was an FBI agent. Brad, however, took her sudden attention to the declaration as interest so he continued to try and engage her.

Emily could feel the annoyance in her rising. All she wanted to do was to have a long awaited outing with the other women on the team but here was another person screwing with her- Clyde, Jeremy, her mother and stepfather, Gideon.

OK fine, this guy wants her attention, he's going to have it. But when she is done, he is going to wish he had taken her ignoring him as a hint. Taking a deep breath, Emily smiled before turning and introducing herself.

While Brad focused his attention on trying to win her over, Emily used all of the skills she had learned over the years at embassy events to appear interested in what he was saying while revealing very little about herself. And Brad seemed to think that he really had her fooled.

After the bartender handed her the drinks, Emily was ready to call Brad out on his lies. Just before she said anything to him, her eyes landed on the table where she saw JJ and Garcia looking bored as they awaited her return with their drinks. Emily smiled back at him for real as a brilliant idea came to her as she invited him back to the table with her. He had taken up part of their girls' night time, it was only right that all three of them should have a role in taking him down.

Besides, it was one thing to be called out on lying about being an FBI agent by one woman, it would be completely embarrassing to be called out by three female agents. Garcia had a badge so he didn't need to know she wasn't a field agent like her and JJ. This was going to be so good.

####

Hotch walked out of his office and down into the break room. He had called the team back in to review a strange case in the Boise National Forest. He expected them to be leaving later that night so they would be onsite at first light the following day.

As he walked into the room, he went over and started the coffee maker so a pot was ready when the rest of the team arrived. Reid and Gideon had still been at the BAU playing chess when Hotch got the call. However, Derek had been out on a date, the women of the team had been having girls' night at a bar. Morgan and JJ had sounded sober in the short conversations he had with them but he wanted to be prepared if any of them had already had some drinks before he called.

Standing in the breakroom, he could hear the three women before he saw them. It certainly sounded like they had a good time in their abbreviated evening out as he heard laughter after JJ said something he couldn't hear.

When they saw him, they stopped and quietly walked over to where he was standing. He summarized the case and his current plan. He gestured towards the coffee pot before letting them know they would meet in the conference room after Derek arrived which he was expecting in the next few minutes.

He started to walk back to his office after they nodded and started walking further into the breakroom. He had only taken a few steps when he heard Garcia say something that sounded like 'kicking criminal ass'. He stopped and turned to look at the three of them laughing at the coffee pot with their back to him.

Shaking his head, he continued on his path back to his office deciding he had misheard what she said. It had to be. He had never heard that term before from anyone on the team. Besides why would Garcia say that when she didn't work in the field?

####

When they were a couple of hours into their flight, Hotch indicated to the rest of the team that he wanted to discuss the case. Garcia had forwarded some additional information that they needed to review. In addition to discussing the case, there were some decisions the team need to make before they arrived.

As they discussed the case, Morgan made the observation, "the offenders are more comfortable in the woods, something like a second home."

" _My grandfather retired to the French Alps. There was a good ten year stretch that he didn't come down off the mountain. He had no running water, no electricity and his food and supplies everything came from the land._ " Emily shared nostalgically.

Her grandfather was never far from her thoughts however over the last couple of weeks she had found herself thinking of him more often, wishing he was there to help her, advise her on how to proceed. She had always welcomed his insight on her complicated relationship with her mother, his daughter. And given what she had recently learned about her mother, it was insight that she would welcome right now.

As she looked up, she noticed that the discussion on the case had stopped. Emily was immediately embarrassed when she noticed the eyes of everyone on the team was on her. Quickly glancing down at her lap, Emily began to internally berate herself for the personal comment when the team was discussing a case.

However, her thoughts were quickly interrupted when JJ asked, " _you spent a lot of time up there?_ " Emily looked at JJ who was turned around and looking over the back of her seat, genuinely interested in learning as much as her usually very private colleague was willing to share.

Noticing that the rest of the team also appeared interested instead of upset about the tangent, Emily nodded before responding, " _yeah, whenever we were in France, which was a lot._ "

Before JJ could reply, Morgan asked, "does he still live there?"

As she thought about the question, Emily recalled that it had been when she was in France during her grandfather's illness and funeral that her mother and stepfather had manipulated her relationship with Aaron which resulted in it falling apart.

Once she got over the shock of the truth she had learned two weeks earlier, she had been trying to find a way to somehow broach the subject of what appeared to have happened that summer wasn't what it seemed with her now married boss without luck. Given how angry he had been the first few weeks she was with the team, she was hoping that he would be receptive to a personal conversation with her at some point so they could clear the air.

Now an opportunity to drop some breadcrumbs on the topic was essentially being handed to her by Derek.

Emily sighed and shook her head before looking forward at no one in particular. Se couldn't look at Hotch when she answered this question, "no, he passed away the second summer that I was at Yale. I went to go stay with him as soon as I found out he was in the hospital. There was nothing they could do."

The jet was silent as she finished. The team had been excited to learn more about her however did not know how to proceed after the sad turn the conversation had taken. Before the silence could become too uncomfortable, there was a beep indicating that Garcia was on a video call with more information about the case.

Emily could still feel Hotch's eyes on her. She had briefly glanced over at him just before Garcia had popped up on the screen. She could see the confusion on his face as he started to put together the pieces of what she had said.

As they ended the call with Garcia, the whole team knew that they were going to be splitting up between the Boise National Forest and Spokane. Before she could speculate too much on which location she was going to be assigned, Gideon said from the other end of the jet, " _woods is like your second home right Prentiss?"_

She sighed before looking over at him and answering nervously, " _yes sir._ " Although it made sense from an operational standpoint, she was stunned that Gideon had asked her to go with him. Things had remained strained between the two of them since that meeting in his office weeks earlier when he questioned her motives.

Gideon had hit a nerve when he had suggested that she was working with Bruno Hawks to hurt the BAU. She had been frustrated with herself after that meeting. She had not been prepared for that line of questioning though it shouldn't have shocked her that it hadn't just been her who had seen through Bruno's machinations particular when the BAU had been there when he was arrested. That fact that she had been right about him was little comfort.

After the debriefing from the Doyle case and she had some time to really process what had happened before and during that case, she surmised that he had a role in what happened. As she prepared to return to work after the Doyle case, Bruno had approached her again, trying to pull her back into his web.

When they separated that day she has reached three conclusions. One, he knew more than he was letting on about what had happened behind the scenes during her time with JTF-12. Two, he was somehow involved in the breakdown of her team during the Doyle case. And third, she couldn't trust him.

A couple of weeks later she was on her way to Chicago having taken a position with the FBI. It wasn't in a department she wanted and certainly wasn't the BAU. But it gave her the distance she needed from Bruno and the CIA.

Recently she had hypothesized that given some of the looks Gideon sent her way that he had followed through on obtaining her CIA file and the report from the Doyle mission. In retrospect, she regretted suggesting he read it as she didn't want that part of her past to collide with the present.

Before she could get to far into her head, he heard Derek suggest that Reid go with Hotch and JJ to Spokane while he would go with her and Gideon.

This request quickly improved her mood as it would have her frequent partner with her in the field in addition to or, she hoped, instead of Gideon. She wasn't sure with the tension between them if being partnered on a case was the best idea. No knowing if he would attempt it but Emily certainly didn't want to discuss that part of her past during a case.

####

Shortly before they landed in Idaho, Emily is looking out the window at the trees in the forest below when a thought caused her to panic.

What had she been thinking?

Or had she been thinking at all?

Why had she shared with the team about her grandfather's cabin in the French Alps? It was the location of most of her best memories from childhood. But more importantly, it was her secret safe place.

She sighed as she thought about what had been in her mind when she made the comment - how much she missed him and wished he was here to help with the latest challenge in her relationship with her mother.

Her grandfather had left it to her when he died. No one knew she owned it, not even her mother. The Ambassador believed that Emily had listened to her when she encouraged her to sell it.

But Emily hadn't. She had made some improvements and made sure it was stocked with supplies so it was ready when she needed to get away.

But now there were five people who knew there was a cabin that was special to her. She had, thankfully, been very vague on the location but that didn't make her feel much better. But she had answered additional questions on the topic making it more likely that the team would remember the details that she had shared.

She wanted to trust these people. They hadn't given her any reason to think she couldn't. Even with the tension with her and Gideon, she didn't suspect that he would betray her. But at one point she also thought she could trust her JTF-12 teammates and she knew how that had turned out.

With her assignment to JTF-12, she had been assigned a bolt hole along with all the documentation she would need to assume a different identity if she should ever need it. There was also a bank account to get her started if she needed to use that identity.

With the betrayal of someone yet unknown on her team during the Doyle case, she no longer trusted that she could count on her bolt hole to keep herself safe. There were people within those relevant agencies who knew all of that restricted information.

The cabin is where she had gone when she went off the grid after the Doyle case. While there she had made some additions that she had hoped to never see there - security features and weapons. If her past ever caught up with her, it is where she planned to go. And fight if needed.

Although the conversation hadn't started with her reveal to Hotch at least she had gotten a chance to put out there what happened that summer. But, she considered, was it worth the potential cost of her future safety?

####

Once they landed in Idaho, Gideon took one SUV to go into town while Morgan and Emily took the other to head into the forest to meet up with a park ranger and her team at one of the crime scenes. Morgan could see that Emily was still distracted and he felt somewhat guilty for his role in bringing up a sensitive topic on the jet.

As they were stopped to fix a flat tire he remembered something that Garcia mentioned before the team left. As they continued up the mountain after the tire was changed, he broke the silence with, "hey Prentiss."

"Yes, Derek." Emily said without taking her eyes off the road in front of them.

Derek quickly looked over at her in the passenger seat before saying, "based on something I learned last night, I have an important question for you?"

Emily shrugged, not knowing where he was going with this line of questions, "OK, what is your question?"

Derek smirks as he asks nonchalantly, "So who's Brad?"

Emily quickly turns her head to look at him, her mouth opened in the shape of an 'O'. He peeked over at her and laughed at her expression. Looking back at the windshield, Emily groans as she realized how he learned of the encounter at the bar with Brad. She chuckled before responding, "well unlike the rest of us, Brad is a real FBI agent." She rolled her eyes when he glanced over at her before continuing, "but he can't show anyone his badge because it's classified."

####

Gideon, Derek and Emily joined Hotch, JJ and Spencer on the jet for the return trip to Quantico. They had found the missing woman, Bobbie Baird, deep in the forest however during their search, six people had died - four innocent bystanders whose only crime was camping at the wrong place at the wrong time and then the two suspects.

But that had unfortunately only been the tip of the iceberg as in Spokane they found evidence at the car lot owned by the UNSUB brothers about the length of this family's crimes as well as the number of people they and their uncle before them had killed over the years.

As they settled in for the long flight, Emily sat by herself next to a window, looking out deep in thought. It wasn't long after the plane had gotten to cruise altitude that Derek came over at sat across from her. The gesture didn't surprise her as she had felt him watching her since they had come down from the mountain.

When she met his eye, Derek said, " _you OK?_ " before pausing before he said, " _I've never seen you so…"_

"... _quiet."_ Emily interrupted before quickly looking away and then back to him.

With Emily not forthcoming, he continued, " _what's up?"_

Emily sighed before nodding. He had been on that mountain too. Looking over at him, she said quietly, " _Bobbie Baird asked me a question and it's sticking with me."_

He nodded before asking, " _what was it?_ "

Emily already had plans to talk to Alicia about it but decided that having been there, Derek may have some insight. Raising her eyes, she said, " _she asked me how they could do it. How those men could hunt and kill people in the woods."_

Derek nodded. It had been one of those cases where the actions of the UNSUB or in this case UNSUBs was so heinous that it was difficult to contemplate to mindset that would justify how someone could do that to another person. But Emily was an experienced agent and profiler, there had to be more to the exchange to have her this far off kilter. Hoping to gain insight on that, he asked open endedly, " _what did you tell her?_ "

Emily studied the colleague sitting across from her as she wondered how much she wanted to say on the subject. Recalling that Derek had mentioned having worked undercover, she decided to go further than she may have with another member of the team, hoping he would understand so she said, " _that they don't think like we do. But the truth is we do think like them."_

She stopped and let that statement sit between them as she waited for him to respond. It wasn't long before he responded, " _yeah, we do because it's our job. We need to know how it feels."_

Emily could feel her stomach drop at his response. While she could recognize his thought process, she had been hoping a different perspective. Though, she sighed, for her the conflict wasn't just about the current case. Derek didn't know she had been undercover or what had happened during that time.

He also didn't know about the visit she had received from Jeremy or what he(and Clyde) had wanted from her. Deciding to end this conversation, Emily said, " _we hunt these people every day. The question is how different are we - us and them."_

She noticed that Derek looked at her perplexed as he wasn't sure how to respond to that statement. He continued to sit across from Emily watching her look at the window for a couple of minutes before returning to his original seat and putting his headphones back on.

After Derek moved away, Emily considered again the last statement she had made to him - how different are they? The answer to that would determine to direction she would go.

The topic that had Clyde trying to reach her by phone for two weeks as well as why he sent Jeremy to find her was the interrogators who were questioning Doyle had reported they had hit a wall. As the agent who had been undercover on that case, they wanted to know if she had anything, know anything, that would get him talking.

At the bar she hadn't given Jeremy anything except asking if they had referred to the statement she gave during her debriefing. She needed to think before she considered whether to divulge anything else.

A part of her was also apprehensive with the request. During the conversation with Jeremy it came across to her as if he was fishing. Was the request for more information official? Or did they already know the Declan was Doyle's son and were attempting to gain his location? Or were one of them involved with a competitor of Doyle's that would harm Declan because of his lineage?

If she could determine that the request was official, it would present her with a moral quandary about what to do. In her role as a CIA and JTF-12 agent, the mission was of the highest priority.

When JTF-12 accepted the Doyle mission, the goal was to take down Valhalla network. Others had tried but she had been the first one to collect enough evidence for Doyle to be arrested. In order to accomplish the mission of taking down Doyle's network, they needed leverage and if she knew of leverage, then she was obligated to share what she knew. Given her extended proximity to Doyle, they were counting on her to give some pieces of information that would affect him.

But from the core of her being, she knew outing Declan as Doyle's son was wrong. She did not want him to come to any harm. Whether he was handed over to interrogators or a rival, it would traumatize him, a young child who had no role in the sins of his father.

Even if Doyle discovered that the interrogator had Declan there was no guarantee that they would get the result that they were hoping for considering Doyle was a psychopath and wouldn't react to stressors the same way as most people. From what Emily had seen, Declan had no role in Doyle's business and had been isolated by Louise. His relationship to Doyle a closely guarded secret to keep him safe.

When she asked if they had spoken to Tsia and Sean, she became uneasy when he responded yes to both. The Doyle case originally had Tsia being the undercover however an illness and subsequent hospital stay just days before they were set to make contact had the team scrambling to come up with an alternate plan. That plan after much debate ended up as Emily going undercover. But given the timing, Tsia had been mostly done her preparation research which may have an angle on a different topic that they could pass on to the interrogators.

When she had been rescued from Doyle's compound, Sean had been the first one from her team that she spoke to. He was also the only one who she had told about Declan. He had been the one to bring to the Doyle case to the team. He and Emily were also the only ones to be cleared of wrongdoing after the debriefing. That is why she trusted him with what she had learned about Declan. JJ and Garcia had walked up interrupting her conversation with Jeremy before she had gotten the chance to ask if Sean had offered anything.

Since the end of that case, Sean and Emily had a colleague that they both trusted keeping an eye on Louise and Declan not only to keep them safe but to determine if there was any interaction with members of Doyle's crew. Sean had also advised her to refrain from approaching them as her real identity unless necessary until they could determine Louise's loyalties, not wanting any of Doyle's goons to be able to track her down.

But that they had spoken to Sean and he had not contacted her yet was a surprise. If Sean knew that they wanted more leverage and hadn't contact Emily himself, then there had to be a reason. She was just hoping the reason wasn't that he had outed Declan true identity as Doyle's son.

So she was back to what she said to Derek - how different are they from the UNSUBs? Could she do it and walk away? And if she didn't tell them about Declan what did she need to do to keep him safe going forward? Could she really live with the decision to sacrifice an innocent child for the sake of a mission? Would she really be that different from one of their UNSUBs if she did?

####

Gideon was lying down on the jet couch trying to sleep when he had overheard the conversation between Morgan and Prentiss. He had noticed that she had been off since they came off the mountain after handing the case off to the local sheriff and park rangers.

Once they joined the rest of the team on the jet, she had sat quietly by herself focusing on looking at the window. Hotch, JJ and Reid had all look over at her with concern as well as questioning looks to him and Morgan, silently asking what happened. Questions that neither of them could answer not knowing what part of that horrific case was troubling her.

It was the polar opposite to the openness she had started to show the team on the plane ride out. Though that had been abbreviated when questions revealed the death of her grandfather who it was apparent she had been very close. He sighed as he thought at least now he knew what had happened to his mentor.

There had also been some different weird energy between Hotch and Prentiss during that conversation. However it couldn't put his finger on what was said that triggered it.

It hadn't taken long for Morgan to approach her. Being her partner on the case as well as her friend, it made the most sense.

As he shamelessly eavesdropped on their conversation, Gideon sighed as he heard what she shared with a somewhat puzzled Morgan.

After Morgan's attempt to reassure her fell short, Gideon heard him move back to his seat while Prentiss quietly went back to staring out the window.

Unlike Morgan, Gideon knew what her previous work entailed. That knowledge made all the difference in understanding from where he suspected her internal conflict was coming. While Morgan had done undercover work, the case he worked on, while extended, was not nearly as complex as the JTF-12 cases. Or was he held against his will while needing to maintain his cover while members of his team dropped the ball on providing external support during the mission.

It had been a couple weeks since he had read through the file for the Doyle case. It had been a difficult read even for the experienced profiler.

Hearing what she just said to Morgan, Gideon wondered what about the Doyle case had been triggered by Bobbie Baird question. It could be something else that had her asking the questions but he didn't think so. Or as he thought about the concerns he had stated in her CIA psych evaluation it could just be difficulty in reintegrating after being undercover.

But even with being the only one on the team to know about her full work history, he knew that his attention would not be welcomed by her. And it was his own damn fault. Sighing, he could kick himself now that he had looked at that case file.

As a profiler, it didn't happen often that he read situation incorrectly however, with Prentiss, he had completely misinterpreted her connection with Bruno Hawks. Then he had confronted her without all the facts. And given what he had read as well as what was unsaid in the report about the dysfunction in JTF-12 he couldn't have used a worse approach.

For now all he had was regret. If he could take it back, he would. Unfortunately life doesn't work that way. He would need to talk to her soon and explain why he suspected what he did and hope that she would understand his mindset at that time. He also wanted the opportunity to regain her trust.

He also wanted to share with her the research he had done about the agents under Bruno's command. Her joining the team had prompted the start of Gideon's investigation followed quickly by what he had learned the previous year about Olivia Hopkins' work history with the CTU of the CIA. Since then he had found more agents whose interactions with Bruno and that unit had followed a similar pattern. He wasn't done with his research but from what he had found so far about what all of these agents had experienced was concerning.

For now he was going to try and get some sleep before they got back to Quantico.


	17. Crossroads

**AN: This chapter will set up what will happen in the next 5-6 chapters. I'm in the process of writing those and they will at least touch on all of the canon events through In Name and Blood. I'm also working on the last three chapters of Suspicions and Consequences of Cases Past.**

 **Also I did decide to write the sequel to the Good Daughter. I have it outlined but wanted to get past the next few chapters of this story before I delve too far into it. What I will say about it is it picks up about a year after the epilogue and it will be a lot of drama.**

No one else was in the bullpen when Gideon arrived in the darkened bullpen very early one morning carrying a large box with his film projector and a few reels of film. After walking into his office, he placed the box on the small table in the corner that generally held his chess board.

Once he started a pot of coffee, he went back over to the box and removed the projector. After he had it set up on his desk, he began to thread the first roll of film onto it. Over the years, he had seen his grandfather and later his father set up this same projector to watch the films his grandfather had obtained over his career including the Chaplin ones Gideon had brought today.

While organizing his apartment in preparation for his friend Sarah's visit, he had come across the projector and reels tucked away in a box in his closet. From early in his career, he had used these movies or similar comedies to de-stress from the harsh realities of his work as a profiler.

However after Boston he had put the box away after a disastrous attempt to watch them a few weeks afterwards. Instead of having the calming effect that the Chaplin film generally elicited in him, that day he found himself becoming agitated and anxious at the comedy. He had paced around his apartment until he couldn't take it anymore and yanked the cord out of the wall before storming out to go for a walk. Later when he got home and was calmer, he was relieved that he hadn't inadvertently damaged the projector. It was then that he had packed it into the box and put it into the closet discouraged that his long time relaxation trick was no longer working.

However as he discovered recently, it was working for him again. Taking a page from his own experience, he was focusing a lecture for his class at the Academy on finding ways to cope with the stresses of the job. So along with examples of other positive coping strategies, he was going to do a screening of Chaplin in his class today.

But he had not just brought it in to show his class. No he was going to show it to the team as well.

That decision came after he had been walking through the bullpen one day and heard laughing between JJ and Morgan which had him momentarily stopping in his tracks. It was then that he realized that it had been a while since the team had unwound enough to laugh. Until he heard the laughter that day, he had forgotten this method of stress relief.

As he looked at it, they all needed an opportunity to laugh and de-stress. Their caseload over the last few months had been brutal for the team with the last few weeks being particularly trying. Even by BAU standards, the teams recent cases had been difficult.

First it was someone using fire as a weapon. A weapon to destroy families. Men. Woman. Children.

Then there was the case that had brought him face to face with Elizabeth Prentiss again though she seemed distracted and did not appear to recognize him. The superficial facts of that case were gruesome enough but as they had peeled back the layers with the help of Agent Cramer, they saw the true horror.

There was the one adult child whose father refused to acknowledge his existence because of a code. That man was committing crimes that would make it impossible for his father to ignore him while lining his pockets with his father's money.

Then there was a woman who they later found out was working with him. A woman who had her own arduous relationship with the parents she felt invisible to after the deaths of her brothers years earlier.

And the couple got what they wanted. Unfortunately for them, it wasn't in the form that they had been planning. They were no longer ignored however it resulted in their deaths. The kidnapping that led to the team's involvement was resolved with the release of the man but even that wasn't a complete victory for the team.

Then there was the case they just returned from in Idaho. Since they returned, Gideon hadn't been able to get the image of the young man who died in front of him out of his head.

As he thought about it, that young man well both of the UNSUBs really never really have a chance once their parents died. It wasn't even a nature v nurture argument as both were stacked against them. Starting when they were toddlers they went to live with an uncle who the team had discovered had also hunted people in those same woods for years with little outside socialization. However, as sad as how the case ended was, they needed to be stopped before anymore innocent people were hurt.

But since their return there had been a welcome lull in cases but how long that lasted was anyone's guess. They were all still doing long hours in the BAU catching up on paperwork and a neverending cycle of consults. At this point he noticed that most of the team had made a significant dent in their work so he was going to talk to Hotch this morning about screening the film for the team after work tonight.

However in the world of best laid plans as he was preparing to go over to the Academy, the team was reviewing a potential case with a detective from Kansas. Either way he wanted to do the screening with the team. Hotch's reaction when he had stopped by his office earlier in the day had only reinforced for Gideon that Chaplin was something the team desperately needed right now.

 **####**

Hotch sat at his desk looking at the wall in front of him. He had come into the office early to make progress on the mountain of paperwork on his desk.

As he walked into the bullpen he realized he wasn't the only one getting an early start this morning as he noticed Gideon's office light.

After getting himself a cup of coffee from the breakroom, he had headed for his office having not seen Gideon though it wasn't unusual for the veteran profiler to stay shut up in his office if he was working on a project.

As the morning progressed, the members of his team had trickled into the bullpen to start their day. Thankfully he hadn't had too many interruptions and the consults that JJ had arrived with were all quickly triaged with instructions on who on the team each consult should be assigned.

Looking back down at his desk he took in the piles of files he still needed to go through. Even as quickly as he worked on it, the pile seemed to be growing at a rapid rate.

Over the last month, Strauss had markedly been increasing his workload. As the time grew near for him to be eligible for promotion, he suspected she was attempting to sabotage his chances by being able to document that he was negligent in completing required paperwork on time. Unfortunately for Strauss, he was completing the additional paperwork on time though it was causing him to be in the office for extended hours.

And if he was being honest it was a promotion that he was both welcoming and dreading. As much as he anticipated that the change would improve his home life, he did not want to leave the BAU. Even with the heartbreak situations they found themselves investigating to dealing with Strauss to even the occasional friction on the team, he felt that the BAU is where he belonged. Where he was meant to be at this point in his career.

Even before college, it had been expected that he would follow in his father's footsteps and become a lawyer in an exclusive firm. He would first put in his dues for a few years and then at some point become a partner.

That expectation which was thrust upon him was dashed when during law school he chose to take a job after graduation in the prosecutor's office. That position had long hours and the pay was nowhere near what he would have made in a firm though he found the work was more fulfilling.

But after a while he felt that that there was still more he wanted to do in getting criminals off the streets before they hurt people instead of being involved until after the fact.

After much soul searching after helping prepare a particularly gruesome case for trial, Hotch had applied to the FBI Academy. Very quickly at the Academy, he found himself excelling in multiple areas and it was noticed by his instructors there and later by his superiors at various assignments.

The acknowledgement of his skills opened opportunities to further branch out his skill set. Crisis negotiation. Weapons training. Interrogation. Hostage rescue. With success in each, his reputation within the FBI had improved and over time more doors opened for him.

After working as an agent for a couple years, he had been asked about taking the profiling courses back at the Academy, Hotch had initially been conflicted. Profiling reminded him of Emily and given what happened with their relationship... Or he corrected himself what he was led to believe happened. Since she had joined the team several pieces of information had come up that had him questioning the whole basis of what he thought he knew about what happened that summer.

But he quickly accepted the invitation to take the profiling courses, deciding that he wasn't going to let that connection hold him back. Having knowledge in behavioral analysis was a beneficial competence to add to his skill set that would looked at favorably as he advanced his career, regardless of department.

His first direct contact with the BAU was with Dave Rossi. Hotch was the primary agent on a case in Seattle where the MO matched an UNSUB that the BAU and Rossi specifically had been following. A couple of months later he received a call from Rossi offering him a transfer to the BAU.

Given his reluctance to even take the profiling courses, he never planned on going to the BAU. But during the case he worked on with Rossi, he was intrigued with the process of using profiling to link cases and follow an UNSUB. Or what Rossi was trying to do and use the pattern of behavior to get ahead of and arrest the UNSUB before he could hurt anymore women. Seeing profiling in practice had him decide to take the position because that was a main goal of his for joining the FBI in the first place.

The team that he joined was vastly different than the team he was now leading both in composition and function. Gideon was the lone team member that had been there longer than him. The rest had all been part of the team for less than four years.

From a functional standpoint, the team no longer work semi autonomously as they had for years. Gideon had started the process when he was Unit Chief after a close call in the field which ultimately led to the profiler transferring out.

When Hotch became Unit Chief he strengthened the team approach by, in most circumstances, he assigned tasks so it was rare that anyone was in the field by themselves. With the type of UNSUBs this team pursued, he didn't want to risk someone being caught in a compromised situation alone.

It was after his move back to Virginia that he ran into Haley again. After meeting early in high school before he was sent to boarding school, they had dated off and on until he went to law school out of state. Haley was very close to her family, refused to move away from them and wasn't interested in a long distance relationship. When he came back to Virginia for the FBI Academy and they met up she had repeatedly questioned his decision about moving away from law. The conflict had driven a wedge between them as Hotch was certain that the FBI was the right place for him to continue his career.

With his assignment now back in Virginia they met up as friends before dating on and off again. Just when he was beginning to wonder if she was ever going to be ready to move their relationship to the next stage, Haley came to him and agreed to become engaged.

Unconsciously he knew he should consider more closely what had prompted the sudden change. He later found out that she had overheard at a gala she had accompanied him to that he was going places in the FBI and mention of him possibly being director.

Shortly after their wedding, Haley began to encourage him to start looking outside the BAU for a promotion. That conversation had been put on hold when he was approached to head a second BAU team. A short time later the explosion in Boston and Gideon's subsequent breakdown had the plans for a second BAU team put on hold. With his seniority in the BAU, he was asked to head the current BAU team instead while the FBI brass evaluated whether Gideon should and/or wanted to resume his role as leader of the team.

The next few months were a blur. The team was busier than ever while he was adjusting to leading the team and the new dynamics and expectations that came with that role. Alongside that was them finding out Haley was pregnant and a few months later, Jack's birth.

Haley had been pushing him about him seeking a promotion as soon as he was eligible. She seemed focused on the "normal" hours she expected he would then have.

While he had agreed that he wouldn't travel nearly as much as a Section Chief than he was in the BAU, that the 9-5 Monday to Friday work week that she was fixated on was not realistic. However, he found that she was mostly ignoring what he was explaining. She just wanted him promoted so he would finally be getting away from the BAU.

As much as he understood that this was the next step on the career ladder, he was feeling somewhat conflicted about leaving the BAU. He felt challenged by the work in that the work allowed him to be directly involved in cases that had brought him to the FBI.

While he was motivated to look at the possibility of promotion because of his family, that wasn't the only reason. He had been asked to take over the Unit Chief position because Gideon was unable to function in the role after Boston. However, recently, Gideon had seemingly been doing better, stronger and taking a more active role with the team.

If the day came that the brass decided to reinstate Gideon as Unit Chief, Hotch would then have two options - back to his second in command role in the BAU, essentially a demotion or a promotion. The second team was no longer being considered as the Bureau felt there weren't no longer enough experienced profilers to staff two teams adequately. If he voluntarily sought the promotion soon he was anticipating greater flexibility in where he would be assigned than if he waited.

Even with him working towards what Haley had been stating she wanted him to do with his job, he was uncertain how to characterize her recent actions. As a profiler, that didn't happen very often. There were days when she was overly affectionate more so than he had ever known her to be to the point of being clingy at times. Then there were the days that she was quiet and distant focusing all her attention on Jack or leaving Jack with him while she was out. Whatever the issue was he hoped that the promotion she was pushing for would stabilize their home life.

Before he could go onto the next file, there was a knock on his door. After JJ slowly opened it, she asked if he could come and talk to a detective from Kansas City who was a walk in to her office that morning. Sighing, Hotch stood up and followed her out of the office, hoping that there would be a quick resolution to whatever case he was bringing them.

 **####**

It was late in the evening when Erin Strauss was passing by the bullpen when she noticed the BAU team was gathered in their conference room in a seemingly upbeat mood. She could see through the window that Aaron Hotchner was speaking to the group.

It annoyed her to no end how successfully he drew in whatever group he was speaking to whether it was the FBI brass, a class at the Academy, locals that his team was consulting on a case or last be not least, his own team.

There was no doubt that it had been a difficult year for his BAU team. A year that would have broken most teams. But here was Hotch and his team meeting late in the evening when they had just gotten back from an out of state case. She could see the respect for him on each of their faces. and all of them paid close attention to whatever it was he was saying.

There was only a month left before the day she had been dreading for over a year, that he would be at the threshold for being eligible for promotion. And from what she was hearing, he had already been putting out feelers about a couple of departments that would have vacancies at the Section Chief level in the coming months. And she sighed she was no closer to finding cause damage his career.

Even her decision to hire Emily Prentiss had not produced the results she had been expecting. With what she had heard about their personal history, she had been expecting tension with the unexpected addition to the team however that outcome had not come to fruition. Aside from tension and confusion when Hotchner not taking her on the case the team travelled for on what was her first day. Though given the circumstances, he had been following protocol and Strauss knew she would have thrown the book at him if he had taken her on that case with the team.

The complaint that she had made to HR through a third person about Hotchner's lack of reaction to apparent fraternization between Agents Prentiss and Reid was immediately dismissed for lack of evidence after HR met with the three of them. A close examination of their recent cases had shown that Hotchner had them in a completely different locations on the last couple of cases with no compromise to the success of the team. Furthermore as she observed the team the close relationships seemed to be how this team interacted.

But with Emily Prentiss, she still had a card to play. She had been the one to hire her into the BAU. It had been several months and now that Prentiss was settled into her role on the team it was time to remind this agent of that fact. She would offer a bit of persuasion in the form of a possible promotion to sweeten the deal. Then she would have the evidence she needed to get Aaron Hotchner out of contention for promotion hopefully by getting him out of the FBI entirely or at least get him demoted to a department such as White Collar Crime or Internal Affairs where it would be much harder to gain promotions.

But Strauss also needed to make sure that whatever promotion she needed to offer Prentiss was not permanent. She had noticed promise and dedication in the young woman over the last few months. Promise that had been noted during the years she worked with Crimes Against Children though contrary to what was noted during her time in Chicago.

Though not as far into her career, Emily Prentiss was as much of a potential threat to Strauss for advancement within the Bureau. She was not going to remove a potential roadblock to her progression only to create a separate one that could become an issue in the future. No Aaron Hotchner needed to go but so did Emily Prentiss.

As she reached her office, Strauss pulled out a document and started to fill it out. Once submitted, it would prompt a review of the BAU team. It had only been six months since the annual review but having the personnel files in hand would make it easier to verify anything she could get out of Emily Prentiss when she spoke to her. Now she just needed to find a way to get the younger agent to talk.


	18. Two Discussions

After work, Emily and Spencer picked up takeout before going to her apartment to catch up over dinner. Since he had stayed with her after he came to her about using Dilaudid months earlier, they still tried to get together one on one frequently outside of the BAU.

With Emily the only one on the team that knew about his struggles with Dilaudid, it gave him the opportunity to talk openly about it with less risk of interruptions. She had approached him about dinner after noticing how nervous he was when the team was called for their routine random drug screens the day after they arrived back from Kansas City.

It had been the first one for him since he was held by Henkel. Theoretically he knew that based on when he last had Dilaudid that he test should come back negative.

Should.

But this was a make or break moment for him in that if it came back positive all the hard work he had done with Dr Nelson would be compromised. And the risk wasn't just to him. The risk also existed for Emily. Hotch. Gideon. While all of them could deny knowing about his struggles, he knew none of them would. The anxiety would be there until he knew the results of his test.

Sensing that he needed to take his mind off the results, Emily had suggested dinner and then a game of his choice. After agreeing, he chose poker.

After the finished their food, Spencer helped Emily clean up before they sat back down at her table to start their poker game After dividing up an assortment of candy and snacks they were using, Spencer dealt the cards.

As they played, it quickly became clear to both that they were closely matched in terms of skills. After five hands, Emily was up by one though by the time they had gotten to ten, they were evenly split.

Spencer looked at her surprised, "where did you learn how to play?" It wasn't very often that he played against someone who had a similar skill to him. And as a distraction tactic it was working as he was having to focus more than he generally would on the game.

Emily smirked as she looked back at him as she said, "my grandfather taught me how to play when I was about seven. We would play every time I saw him as long as my mother wasn't around. He said it was a good way to learn to read people."

Spencer looked at her thoughtfully before saying, "it's true." before pausing for a minute then he continued, "have you ever played by counting cards?"

Emily groaned before responding, "yup. Was even unfortunately enough to be kicked out of a casino when I was caught." That had not been one of her better moments.

Spencer looked up at her surprised before saying, "me too. I'm banned from Las Vegas, Laughlin, and Pahrump because of it. Where for you?"

"Monte Carlo. Spring Break during my first year in college." Emily responded.

"I was 13 at spring break during my first year of college." Reid answered as he shuffled the cards suddenly feeling awkward.

Emily looked over at him as he was looking down at the cards he was shuffling. She could make a sarcastic comment but she had observed several times the hurt that quickly crossed his face when someone, usually Derek, would make a smart aleck comment when Spencer was being sincere.

The goal of today was help him relax and take his mind off the upcoming test results. After rearranging the snacks in front of her for another minute, she said, "then I guess that means you did something else for spring break that year."

Spencer looked up at her surprised and after briefly thinking about it, he started to tell her about rare books room at his university where he had spent most of that week when he was 13. Seeing his animated response, Emily sat back and listened to his account of his finds in the rare books room years earlier.

 **####**

As they took a break from poker, Emily said, "Spencer, I want to thank you again for your help on my thesis."

Spencer smiled back at her and said, "I was happy to. Oh, you presented your thesis last week. How did it go?"

Emily let out a big sigh and smiled before responding, "it went well. They had some questions and comments but nothing major. I passed and now cleared to get my degree."

"That's great." Spencer said before pausing before continuing, "I know we made the list to have if anyone asked about why we were spending time together but do you want to collaborate on publishing a paper?"

"Sure."

 **####**

As they were starting to play again there was a knock on the door. When Spencer stopped what he was saying and looked at her, Emily shook her head and said, "it's fine. Let's keep playing."

Emily wasn't concerned because she almost certain she knew who it was. Ever since she had stormed out of her parents house weeks earlier, she had expected that her mother would show up at her apartment at some point. She had been ignoring calls, voicemail and emails since that night, not wanting to talk to her mother. Not yet. Maybe not ever again.

While over the last few weeks, the shock of the revelation had diminished, the betrayal she felt remained. Until she had her feelings figured out, it was better to wait to talk to her mother.

Unfortunately for her, the Ambassador seemed to be done waiting for Emily to respond to her attempts at contact. A second more persistent knock on the door was then heard. A minute later, they heard keys jiggling at the door.

Emily stood up and Spencer walked around and was standing next to her when the door opened and her mother walked into the apartment.

"Emily,'' the Ambassador said as she walked into the apartment and shut the door.

Emily crossed her arms as she replied sternly, "Mother."

The Ambassador looked around the apartment before her eyes rested on Spencer before she said, "why didn't you answer the door?"

Emily could feel the fear coming off of Spencer as her mother stared at him. Stepping forward to put her between them she said, "I have a guest. Since I wasn't expecting anyone I chose to ignore it."

The Ambassador huffed before responding, "you would have known I was coming by if you had answered your phone or checked your voicemail."

Emily narrowed her eyes and said, "what do you want Mother?"

The Ambassador took a step forward as she said, "we need to talk Emily. It's time for your friend to leave."

Emily cursed to herself wishing that she had suggested Spencer leave when her mother first arrived. Now that her mother had essentially demanded he leave, she would be going into their talk in a weaker position if she acquiesced now.

However this was not the way she wanted Spencer to find out about her previous relationship with Hotch. She was certain that her mother was going to push that topic given what she found out last time they spoke.

Additionally given the reason that he came over that evening, she did not want to ask him to leave like this as she wanted to check in with him before he went home.

Looking at her mother, Emily responded angrily, "excuse me. This is my home. You can't just arrive her unannounced and demand my friend leave."

The Ambassador shook her head and said irritatedly, "if that is what you prefer. Let's go to the office and talk then." before walking out of the room and up the stairs heading towards the office fully expecting Emily to follow her.

She shook her head and she watched her mother ascend the stairs before turning back to Reid. She squeezed his shoulder and said, "don't leave. I'll be back as soon as I can."

She waited until he nodded and then climbed the stairs.

 **####**

"Why are you here?" Emily exclaimed as she walked into the office and closed the door behind her.

"You haven't been returning my calls since you walked out on Edward and I weeks ago." her mother answered.

Emily shook her and said, "I'm aware. I wasn't ready to talk to you. Still not ready. Do you have any idea how much it hurt to hear what you and Edward did?"

The Ambassador sighed and then said matter of fact, "it was what needed to be done. He was an unsuitable match for you. Just like the young man you are entertaining downstairs."

Emily looked over at her shocked. Not only did she not have any regrets for what happened years earlier but her mother was still trying to interfere in her life. Walking towards her mother, she said indignantly, "what in the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean. You have known since you were a child what was expected from you in terms of who you would marry." the Ambassador replied sternly.

Emily crossed her arms and replied, "while you had expectations, I have my own. For your information Dr Reid is one of my colleagues at the BAU. We were discussing collaborating on publishing a paper as well as play poker."

She really hadn't wanted to explain who Spencer was and it really wasn't any of her mother's business who she chose to socialize with. However, given that the Bureau had already questioned her and Spencer about a possible relationship, she felt she needed to clarify to protect Spencer. She wouldn't have put it past her mother to ask questions that if well placed could cause issues for both of them.

"Doctor?" her mother questioned.

"Yes"

"That is certainly impressive for the young man." her mother said before shaking her head before she continued, "however it doesn't change anything. Emily now that you know I think you can agree that you should not be working with Aaron Hotchner."

"Excuse me."

"Emily it is improper. What if someone finds out. He's married and has a child. It could be a scandal. We had already arranged for you to be given consideration for a position at the State Department. All you need to do is take the Foreign Service Exam." Her mother stated.

Emily laughed mirthlessly before she said, "that's all?" before pausing before she said fiercely, "I'm going to say this one more time. I am not quitting my job. Stop interfering in my career."

Elizabeth Prentiss sighed before standing straight and walking up to stand in front of Emily, "at least think about it. And come by for dinner on Sunday. We will have a very nice young man there for you to meet? You're not getting any younger, Emily."

"No. No I will not think about it. No I will not be at dinner on Sunday or meet any more of the men you keep throwing at me. Stay out of my career and stay out of my personal life. If and when I decide to marry, it will be on my terms."

"That is unacceptable." the Ambassador replied angrily.

"No that is reality." Emily said before pausing before continuing as she looked around her office, "also Mother, I am moving out of this apartment sometime in the next 6 weeks. I will leave the key with security downstairs once I've gotten all my things out."

"You don't need to move," her mother responded worriedly as she could feel the hold she had on her daughter continuing to get weaker.

Emily laughed and shook her head before saying, "yes I do. You showing up here tonight and letting yourself in to interrupt one of the rare evenings I have to socialize clearly illustrated to me that you have no respect for accepted boundaries. I have been paying you rent for this apartment and I deserve to be shown the respect that any tenant should receive at the very least. Just because you had a key didn't mean you were entitled to just come in to force me to talk to you."

Her mother huffed saying, "make sure you send Anna your new address." as she walked to the door.

"No, you have my cell number. If you need to talk to me call and leave a message." Emily responded and held the glare her mother shot at her determined not to be the one to look away first. After a couple of minutes, the Ambassador looked away before walking out of the office, down the stairs and out of the apartment.


	19. Chapter 19

**AN: Thanks to all of you for your support. Here is the next chapter. Hope you enjoy it. I do want to answer a couple of questions that have been made in the comments:**

 **rmpcmfan(ch 17)- I do agree about Strauss attitude with the team. I'm planning to make this mostly canon-ish or canon compliant for a while before going fully AU but I will say the time will come that her treatment of the team will come back to bite her.**

 **functionderivatives(ch 18)- no Spencer did not hear the topics of their conversation, only that they were having a heated one and the Ambassador left annoyed.**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Hotch shook his head after hanging up with Gideon.

Button mums.

Gideon had gotten his date, a date he was clearly late for, button mums. He had known Jason for a long time but nothing spoke more to no matter how gifted he was as a profiler he was clueless about women than buying button mums for a date. As he had said to Gideon on the phone, they were flowers you gave your mother.

Or, Hotch considered, maybe knowing that flowers had specific meanings was a rarity today. He had been taught about flowers as a child by his mother. For as long as he could remember, she had done volunteer work with the local Botanical Gardens. One of his oldest memories had been of her working on flower arrangements as well as in the gardens themselves.

As he thought back about Gideon's excitement over this evening, he hoped his date wouldn't be offended by the choice.

In the last few weeks Gideon had been more at ease than he had since the Fisher King case a year earlier. While he could still be overly gruff, he was also engaging more with the team as well as his students at the Academy. Their impromptu viewing of the Charlie Chaplin film after the last case had improved morale amongst the team and from what he had heard was a big hit with the cadets.

As he looked forward, Hotch was encouraged as he was planning his move away from the BAU. If Gideon was doing as well as he appeared, then the transition would be smoother for the team when he left. In fact, depending on Gideon's comfort level, he may even be ready to resume his position as Unit Chief. Because if he was being honest Hotch didn't know who would take over for him otherwise.

He was almost certain that, if she could justify it, Strauss would bring someone new in to run the unit. Someone loyalties were to her before the team as well as someone who she didn't consider competition. And if Gideon wasn't willing or was deemed unfit to resume the position, Hotch was certain that is what would happen. In his opinion, no one else from the team was ready to be Unit Chief.

JJ and Garcia weren't profilers and therefore not eligible to lead the unit.

Reid didn't have the age, experience, or temperament for the job. That wasn't even considering the significant trauma he was still working to recover from after Georgia.

Morgan's trust issues were the largest factor in Hotch ruling him out as being ready for the position. Being Unit Chief required a good deal of delegation and to be an effective delegator, you need to have a willingness to trust those working with you.

Morgan also was still working through with a Bureau psychologist what came to light during the case they worked in Chicago a few months earlier. Maybe in a year or two but he wasn't ready now.

And then there was Prentiss. On paper, she was the best choice of the group but he didn't feel she was there yet. Over the last few weeks, she had made tremendous progress with the team after what was a rocky start. She had worked hard to earn respect from each member of the team, though there were times he could see her overcompensating.

But he still noticed that her insecurities were holding her back from allowing herself to fully integrate with the team. Insecurities that he unfortunately played a significant part in creating the environment for since she had joined the team. And she couldn't effective in a leadership role for the team if she didn't see herself as part of it.

Looking down at the memo that had crossed his desk that afternoon, Hotch recalled his call with Gideon had started because of the upcoming team reviews. While it had been an eventful year for the team, the FBI had already investigated the circumstances of the Fisher King case including the attack on Elle, Morgan's arrest and his expunged record, Reid's kidnapping in Georgia as well as closely monitoring Gideon reaction to being back in the field.

He was more confident with those areas since they had already been investigated. However there were topics that could lead to more questions or issues for the team.

A closer review of what happened to Reid in Georgia could be problematic. It was a situation that if someone looked close enough and asked the right questions, the truth could come out.

When they had returned, the review that had been done mainly focused on the team's actions up until Reid's kidnapping.

While the locals had highlighted in their part of the report that though Henkel had a history of drug use, the vials of Dilaudid were unaccounted for after they processed the scenes. The review board hadn't even suspected that Reid had been injected with it by Henkel and it wasn't on the videos. While the rest of the team had their suspicions, Hotch knew that only he, Gideon and Emily knew for sure about the Dilaudid even after Reid's statement in San Francisco a few weeks ago.

In fact, the FBI had done an additional drug screen on Emily during the investigation. It was SOP since she had been the member of the team who stayed on site with the locals to process the scenes where there had been a missing controlled substance. And now he was relieved to have received a copy of the report that the whole team had just passed each of their routine random drug screen done just after they returned from Idaho.

Reid had been cleared by both medical and psych for weeks now. It was unlikely that someone would know what question to ask however if they did, it could blow up in all their faces.

Then there was why Elle left the team While at the time the FBI had accepted the locals' determination that the man Elle killed was self defense and a good shot, they could revisit that determination. Given the proximity of that case and the psych referral Hotch made for Elle, it wouldn't take a giant leap to put the pieces together and make an issue of it.

Ultimately he didn't see the conclusion changing as the only one alive that knew what happened in the parking lot that night was Elle and she hadn't been willing to talk about it with anyone.

But he also knew these investigations could take on a momentum of their own and potentially could adversely affect the BAU as the FBI was looking at budget cuts. He just wished he had Gideon's optimistic outlook on the process.

Shaking his head, he packed up some files that he was taking home before organizing what was left on his desk. Walking out of his office, he went into the bullpen and handed a stack of completed files to one of the SAs to be taken to Strauss' office.

As he reentered his office and walked over to his desk, he winced when he saw the time. Coming home this late was only going to further infuriate Haley.

As he was walking towards the door, the phone on his desk started to ring. He groaned and looked up at the ceiling, briefly wondering if he could get out without answering it. Shaking his head, he thought better of it as whoever the caller was would only then call his cell while he was attempting to drive home.

Walking back over to his desk, he put his briefcase on one of the visitor chairs as he picked up the phone. His eyes widened as soon as the detective on the other end began to explain why he was calling.

He had just spoken to Gideon. What had happened in that short time? He didn't know anything except there was no way that Gideon was responsible for the death of his friend.

After agreeing to meet the detective at Gideon's apartment, he hung up. Walking out of his office, he saw JJ in the break room. After explaining the situation to her, she sent a message to the rest of the team to meet at Gideon's apartment while Hotch spoke the FBI's legal department on the phone about the situation as they headed out of the bullpen.

 **####**

Hotch looked anxiously around Gideon's apartment as the team trickled into the main room. From the time he received the call he knew with the very fiber of his being that Gideon had nothing to do with his friend's death despite what the initial witness statements were leading the locals with their investigation.

For now, he knew his suggestion for Gideon to lie low was the right one. Though the decision could come back to bite him in the ass personally as well as the rest of the team. It was less than an hour ago that he was worrying about how all of them would weather the upcoming review.

But this was too important. The FBI had ordered them to stay off the case and initially he was just going to have them profile the room to gain any kind of insight into who had been targeting Gideon. Ever since the CIA case the previous year and learning that for some still unspecified time Gideon had worked with CIA CTU as well as his job as a profiler, Hotch had wondered if that was the only secret Gideon had been keeping from the team.

But the observations they were making quickly became unsettling as they all realized who they were looking for wasn't some unnamed person. The method of death as well as the rib bone that was in Sarah's hand told them all they needed to know about who had killed her - Frank. And with that determination, they all knew that they had bigger issues that investigating the savage murder of the woman in front of them or the FBI review.

Gently put as horrible as the scene was, there wasn't anything they could do for Sarah now. They along with Gideon could mourn her in the coming days. But right now, they needed to quickly find out why Frank was in DC and what caused him to suddenly go after Gideon. And if they didn't get on top of this soon, then they all were going to be following an even longer path rib bones from the bodies of murdered women.

Their suspicions were confirmed when they spoke to Gideon. He recounted his confusion at who he thought was Jane as he walked away from the flower kiosk. That the eyewitnesses that had spoken to the police who had seen him covered in blood was as he was chasing Frank, trying to catch him.

Having that additional information, Hotch knew that they needed to be able to have Gideon available to them as they worked to determine why Frank was in DC and what did he want. They couldn't do that if he was locked up in an interrogation room at DC Metro being questioned about Sarah's death. There wasn't time to fully catch the locals up.

They also needed to find out how Jane fit into this. And to do that they had to find her. Hoping that it had been her that Gideon had seen and she wasn't now another of his victims.

 **####**

Emily was stunned as she walked out of Strauss' office and towards the bullpen. She had been surprised when Anderson had approached her in the empty bullpen that Strauss wanted to see her. In the months since Strauss hired her, Emily had not sat down and spoken to her again. She had only seen her around the office with occasional greetings exchanged.

But today, Emily had been back in Strauss' office and this time the tone of the meeting was strikingly different. Everything that Strauss had told her months earlier about why she had chosen her for the open position was a lie. She hadn't earned her position in the BAU as she had been led to believe that first day. Looking back, it made the confusion with her arrival and paperwork on the first day made more sense.

Strauss had put her into the BAU with the goal of using Emily for her own purposes. Even with how Emily felt about Hotch back then if she had known what Strauss' goal was, she would have declined the position and walked out. And what Strauss was now telling her is she wanted Emily to help get Hotch out of not only the BAU but out of the FBI. It was a goal that Emily knew before she even left Strauss' office that there was no way she would help her achieve it.

Is this what her life was going to be? Going from from assignment to assignment with the only way to advance her own career was to hurt someone else. If it was then she needed to seriously reevaluate her career goals because that wasn't who she was.

Emily was almost back to the bullpen when JJ flew through the glass door and walked quickly over when she saw her.

Stopping in front of her, JJ said, "Emily, Hotch wanted you to go to Metro lockup. They are holding a woman there that sounds a lot like Jane. If it is he wants you to bring her back here."

Emily nodded and responded distractly, "yeah, OK."

Before Emily had taken more than a couple of steps, JJ asked concerned, "are you OK?"

Emily turned and smiled at the media liaison before responding, "Yes, I'll be fine. Forward me the information you have and I'll go check it out."

She didn't want to share with JJ about her meeting right now but even with the decision she knew she needed to make after the ultimatum that Strauss gave her, she knew she would be fine… eventually.

JJ looked at her skeptically for a few seconds before looking back down at her phone before she said, "OK, sent. I need to get back. He's targeting children." as she quickly walked away, heading towards her office.

Emily gulped as she heard the disgust in JJ's words. The reaction made her remember she still needed to make a plan of what to do to protect Declan.

 **####**

Emily stopped after walking up to the door of the interview room. The relief at finally seeing Jane again in the police station had been immeasurable. She had frequently thought about Jane after that evening in Nevada when she arrived with the rest of the team and LEOs to have Gideon tell them that Jane had disappeared with Frank after telling him where to find the children from the lost bus.

Today, as soon as Jane had seen her and Reid at the police station, she had immediately asked to speak to Gideon and anxiously went with them. But right now Jane couldn't talk to Gideon as he was still secluded with Garcia trying to find something they use to get the upper hand on Frank before he could kill anyone else.

They needed to find out as quickly as possible if she knew where Frank was. Or any other information that would help them find him. Not finding him wasn't an option.

Frank was already targeting the team. Specifically Gideon. But an attack on any member of the team put them all on notice. A few minutes difference and they could have been standing over the dead body of their colleague as well as his friend. That was a frightening prospect for all of them.

With Gideon unavailable, Hotch had asked her to take the lead with Jane. The stakes were high as Jane was the key to more information including what had happened over the last few months and why she was no longer with Frank. Emily was hoping the older woman would talk to her. They had started to build a rapport in Nevada but would that translated to today with how agitated Jane was.

JJ had gone to wait for Metro to drop off the bag Jane had with her when she was arrested. Jane had been fixated on this bag since they arrived at the BAU. They didn't anticipate her being forthcoming with any information they could use until she had it back. When Emily entered the interview room, she sat quietly across the table from where Jane was pacing and ranting about her bag. As she listened to what Jane was saying, she worked on staying calm and quiet in an effort that Jane would follow suit.

It wasn't until JJ returned with her bag that Jane's rambling turning into information that help them piece together what was happening. When talking to her, Emily kept her questions open ended more trying to guide Jane's ramblings. In her experience with Jane, back to back direct questions didn't produce the quick results they needed.

Though while Emily was still lead on the interview, Hotch had come in shortly after JJ and they both were standing on the side of the room. For the most part Hotch and JJ were quietly observing though both had asked clarifying questions of Jane. Some she answered while others she ignored and continued on with her story.

" _Is it wrong to love Frank?"_ Jane asked Emily imploringly as she looks to the other woman across the table for something that will help her make sense of what she was feeling.

" _You don't control who you fall in love with."_ Emily responded calmly while looking straight ahead at Jane as she ignored the other two people in the room.

The response had been out of her mouth before she put together that one of the people she was speaking about was in the same room. She knew if she looked over towards them her feelings for Hotch would be obvious and that wouldn't be good for either of them. She was also afraid that Hotch would be able to see through her if he saw her face. But, the answer was the reassurance that Jane needed.

As Jane continued pacing, Emily considered the question and her response further.

Falling in love had been the last thing on her mind the day she had gone to the bookstore and subsequently met Aaron. But it hadn't mattered. It had just happened.

And while over the next few months she thought they had navigated every obstacle they had to them being together, it wasn't until recently that she realized that there were more obstacles than either of them had known at the time.

The months she had been with him were some of the happiest of her life. The feelings she had only got stronger as time when on.

Her love for him was why him being gone when she returned from France was so devastating. Why she hadn't been able to move on with someone else since then as she hadn't found anyone close. None of the guys she dated made her feel even close to the same way.

As she told Morgan weeks before, her dating history was filled with a lot of short interactions. She couldn't even bring herself to call any of them relationships.

And just a couple of hours ago, she was given an ultimatum - give dirt to Strauss on the man she fell in love all those years ago or lose her position as a profiler.

But as important as this position was to her, she had already made her decision. It had been made before she even walked out of Strauss' office. No matter what she would not sell Aaron or anyone else on the team out even if it adversely affected her career.

Then there was Declan though her love for him was very different than the romantic love she felt for Aaron.

She still remembered the day she met him when he was introduced as the housekeeper's son. Wild blond curls. Bright blue eyes. Gentle soul. Inquisitive mind. Running around the garden chasing after a butterfly. Having had extensive experience with children, she easily interacted with him. She noticed a look pass over Doyle's face that day however didn't realize until later what it would mean for her.

Over time, Declan had become the only light in what was otherwise a stressful undercover experience. Emily had used the time she was spending with Declan to ground herself while in her undercover role.

This was particularly helpful for her once the mission went off script and she was trapped at Doyle's villa. What hadn't occurred to her and came as a shock was that Declan was actually Doyle's son. The son that he had been closely watching her interact with. The son that Doyle wanted her to help raise into his family business and he became violent when she expressed reluctance in following that path.

During her debriefing after being exfiltrated, she went with the narrative that she had been told until recently - that Declan was Louise's son. While she hated almost everything about Doyle, she did have to admit that the rationale for keeping that piece of information secret was sound.

With Louise not being seen as a threat, she was one of the few present that day who was quickly released after questioning. It wasn't until later that Emily with Sean's help arranged for Louise and Declan to be protected.

And after that, Emily thought that she had done all she needed to do to make sure Declan was safe. However the inquiry by Jeremy on Clyde's behalf now has her questioning what steps she will need to do next to keep him safe. And what will the personal cost to her end up being?

Sighing, Emily knew she needed to put her dilemma about Declan aside because right now she had an urgent situation in front of her. They needed a lead.

 **####**

Hotch followed JJ into the interview room where Emily was with Jane. He stood on the side of the room away from the table where Emily was sitting and Jane was pacing in front of. After Jane snatched her bag away from JJ, JJ came and stood next to him. They listened as Jane spoke about Frank while she repeatedly rummaged through her bag with it unclear what she was actually looking for in it.

As Jane talked, Hotch intermittently asked clarifying questions. It was a strategy he and Emily had worked out before she went into the room.

Since Emily was the agent Jane had shown she was most comfortable with, she would be at the table with Jane and try to keep the focus on Frank while asking broad questions. He would interject as needed. As expected, Jane gave very short answers to the questions he posed before refocusing on Emily.

It quickly became clear that JJ was growing frustrated at the indirect questions and Jane's limited responses to the questions. But every piece of information that Jane shared with them could end up being helpful in finding not only Frank but where he was hiding Tracey Belle.

And Hotch suspected that Tracey Belle was a significant factor for JJ. While cases with kids were difficult for all of them, it had been JJ and Gideon who had rescued Tracey the first time and that connection was making this all the more personal for JJ.

It didn't surprise him when Jane stiffened when he asked about if Frank had killed anyone while they were together. When she ignored the question, Emily posed the question again. This was a question that they really needed an answer for.

Hotch couldn't consider the question Jane then posed to Emily about was it wrong to love Frank before Emily answered quickly though hesitantly that you don't control who you fall in love with?

Was she talking from experience? She had told him when they were together that she loved him. Did she regret it then and/or was she regretting it now? Was there another person in her life that she had loved since?

Or had she just been giving Jane a supportive answer as she knew that there was a long and complicated history between Frank and Jane. That Jane needed to know that people were going to listen to her non judgemental way before she would really open up after being written off as crazy in her hometown for years. While they knew as a psychopath Frank wasn't capable of love, that didn't mean that Jane wasn't.

Whatever Emily had intended with the statement he would need to put aside. Later he could revisit it but right now he needed to focus on the case. He stated to Jane what all of them had expected had happened after she left with him. What Gideon had told her was going to happen.

But after considering what both of them said, Jane quietly admitted that Frank had tried to kill her and that is what made her leave him. Jane shut down a short time later when she learned that he had started to kill women again and said he would continue until she came back to him.

A call from Garcia shortly after to let them know that Gideon had a call from Frank and then left. She then read the note he had given her for Hotch. With that information, he sent JJ and Reid to the apartment in NYC hoping that they would find Tracey Belle there and thus removing the hold Frank had on them with threatening to harm a child. With that done all the rest of them could do was wait for the next morning when Frank said he would meet them at the train station.

 **####**

It was late and Emily had just arrived back at her apartment. After they finished their part of the crime scene at the train station, most of the team had gone back to the BAU while Gideon had disappeared after talking to Tracey Belle on the phone while still at the train station. JJ and Reid had joined them in the bullpen after reuniting Tracey with her parents at the airport as they arrived back from NYC.

Emily tried to push everything that was going on around her aside so she had worked on her report for the case. She wanted to hand it in and be done with this case as quickly as possible.

She had wondered for months what had happened to Jane after she disappeared with Frank. But now knowing what happened…then and today...

Though they knew they needed to expect the unexpected with Jane, Emily had been caught off guard today when Jane not only approached Frank but had seemingly fallen under his spell again. Then before any of them could stop it, they jumped in front of a train, killing both of them.

Later as she sat on the couch with a glass of wine, Emily wondered if Jane had been doomed since that fateful night when she was 19 and Frank had abducted her. Yes she had survived. The only woman they knew of who survived Frank but had she ever really escaped him?

In Nevada, Frank had told Gideon and Morgan that he had felt a connection to Jane so he let her go. After he released her instead of killing her, Frank had kept tabs on Jane, viewing her as a possession. Visiting. Making and delivering the rib windchimes. Attempting to involve himself as much in her life as he could but staying at a distance.

A possession that he had acted out about when he was denied access to her. Both times Jane had run away from him and was being protected by the police/FBI, Frank had put multiple children in danger, kidnapped and killed as well threatened to keep causing havoc until he got what he wanted - her. He felt entitled to have her regardless of what Jane wanted. Though Jane had agreed to go with him both times, the decision to even go talk to him had not been a cut and dry either times as the lives of others hung in the balance.

After her JTF12 mission, Emily had come to terms with that Ian Doyle had viewed her and Declan as possessions. Even from their early meetings he had stated that there was something different about her. She hadn't taken the comments to seriously at the time given he was a womanizer in addition to a weapons dealer.

Before the mission started, she had looked at the pictures of the long list of women who were linked to him that they knew about. She was certain from the research they did that it wasn't an exhaustive list. Like all the women on the list, she fit his type but then again so had Tsia which is why she had originally been the one who was supposed to go undercover on that case.

Maybe his comments should have given her pause but there was so much about the case that was off. Given his long list of conquests, it probably was different and set her apart to not fall at his feet and into his bed.

But that was her assignment. Given how quickly Doyle went from woman to woman, her mission had been flirt and try to attract him but not to sleep with him.

Previously when another agency was targeting Doyle, the mission was over and all of the work that team have invested in it was lost when Doyle suddenly broke things off with the undercover to move on to another woman. She hadn't been undercover long enough for that team to have sufficient evidence for an arrest.

By keeping just outside of Doyle's grasp, JTF-12 was anticipating it would keep him interested long enough for Emily undercover as Lauren to get the weapons they needed into his network. The goal was once the weapons were in the network they would be able to trace them. This would allow the network to be identified and eventually brought down as a whole as those involved were arrested.

But Doyle had other plans, he wanted her. She had been able to sidestep his advances until one day when she was delivering a weapons shipment, things changed drastically. Doyle and one of his top crew questioned her intentions in front of her.

Before she knew it, she had to make a decision - stick to the mission and most likely end up on the side of the road with a bullet in her head as one of the previous women who went undercover on Doyle had ended up. Or go deeper and give in and make him believe she wasn't working against him, trusting her team would pull her out shortly.

Even with how things turned out Emily still believed that the decision she made that day was the only reason she was still alive. Once she was at his compound, it quickly clear he was not letting her out of his sight or at the very least she was no longer free to come and go. He repeatedly told her she was his and reacted explosively and physically whenever she refused his wishes such as when she wouldn't accept his marriage proposal and balked at his demand of giving him another child who he was adamant would be another son.

Unable to freely leave, she was forced to wait on being extracted however that didn't happen when it should have based on when she missed check-ins. Then he moved them along with Declan to another compound that her team hadn't even discussed.

Doyle viewed Declan as a possession as well. When talking about him, he never called the child by name but it was always "my son" once he admitted to her that he was indeed his child and not the child of his housekeeper as she had initially been told.

The day that Interpol and the Italian police had raided the villa, he saw Emily escorted off separately. Even from a prison cell, he had been able to put a target on the four agents that had been assigned to her. All four were kidnapped and tortured before being killed for taking her away from him.

Emily's decision to go off the grid and hide out in her grandfather cabin instead of the planned safehouse after her debriefing had saved her life. No one had been able to explain how but the safehouse location had been compromised.

Concerned about these attacks, the decision was made while Emily was away to kill the Lauren Reynolds cover. Once they were sure word had gotten back to Doyle, they had him moved to prevent him from orchestrating any more plots before being sent to prison in Russia for further questioning.

Though as far as she could tell from her short conversation with Jeremy, Doyle was still being held and questioned. Most of his crew were either arrested or killed though there were a couple that got away. So by all appearance she had escaped the psychopath who saw her as a possession. Was that really the case or like Jane was she doomed as soon as Doyle first saw her?

Putting the wine down on the table and walking over to the window, Emily shook her head.

While she refused to consider doomed, she did acknowledge that she didn't escape the experience unscathed. She still carried the scars both from her time with Doyle but also from the breach of trust from being let down by her team.

Having lived through a breach of trust, she wasn't going that person to her team. If she couldn't figure out a way to work around Strauss' demands for information then she would just take herself out of the equation.


	20. Dysfunction

Aaron Hotchner hung up his office phone and before he stood up he pulled his go bag out from under his desk before standing up and walking out of his office. With the door opening, those in bullpen looked up and immediately stood up and looked at him as they noticed his expression and the go bag.

"What is it?" Morgan asks before he leans over and pulls his bag out and placed it on his desk.

Standing on the catwalk, Hotch replied, "Spree killings on a college campus in Flagstaff. We'll brief on the plane. I'm going to go tell Gideon."

The team nodded and scrambled around the desks as they prepared to leave quickly. Hotch walked over to Gideon's door and paused briefly before knocking.

It had been five days since Sarah had been murdered by Frank. Gideon had been quietly residing in his office since coming back from her funeral a couple of days earlier. While his apartment was no longer a crime scene, the brutality of what happened there prevented him from returning.

When Hotch stepped into the office, he noticed that Gideon hadn't moved from that last time he had stopped by this office.

Without looking up, Gideon said, "what's up Hotch?"

"The team has a case." Hotch replies.

Gideon looks up and his eyes widen as he sees Hotch already holding his go bag. Looking past him, he noticed the rapid movement in the bullpen as the team finished their preparations to leave.

Sitting up straighter he asked, "what is it?"

"A college campus in Flagstaff has a spree killer." Hotch responded.

Gideon said as he stood up and walked over to pick up his bag, "when are we leaving?"

Hotch sighed before saying, "you can sit this one out if you need to Jason." not wanting the older profiler to feel that he needed to go it he wasn't ready. He had only come to tell Gideon to keep him in the loop.

Gideon shook his head and walked over to stand in front of Hotch and said sincerely, "I need to get back to work. You're not benching me."

Hotch nodded and walked back out of the office as he said, "OK, we are leaving as soon as everyone is ready."

"Let's go." Gideon replied before he followed Hotch out of his office.

 **####**

Emily leaned forward and rested her forehead on the steering wheel. She was just leaving the ME's office, an assignment that she was relieved she was doing alone today so she wouldn't have had to explain the phone call she just received. When she had walked out of the building, she answered her phone only to find that it was Strauss on the other end. Asking about the case. Asking if there was any information that Emily needed to share with her.

Sitting back in the seat, Emily considered that the time had come. As if it wasn't bad enough that Strauss had checked in several times while the team was in Quantico, now she was calling for information while they were out on a case.

It had been the fifth time since her meeting with Strauss that the Section Chief had called her to 'check in' and see if she had anything to report. Didn't she realize that everyone's head needs to be on the case, especially on this one with them trying to catch a spree killer!

At this point Emily just wanted to finish this case with the team. Once the team returned to the BAU, she planned to meet with Hotch to give him her resignation as well as giving him a heads up on what Strauss was planning.

Before she could consider that meeting too much her cell phone rang again. She groaned before reaching over to pick it up from the passenger seat where she had thrown it after Strauss called. Hoping it wasn't her again, Emily looked at the caller ID on the screen, noticing it was Hotch. After answering his questions about what she learned at from the ME, she let him know she was heading back to the station.

She shook her head as she placed her phone in her pocket. It was time to get back and fill the rest of the team in. They needed to find this UNSUB.

 **####**

Hotch sat at the table on the jet working on his report as the team headed back to Quantico. He didn't think any of them could be happy with how the team had functioned on this case. He had already received a message that Strauss wanted to see him after the team arrived back.

He was used to getting push back from the locals. That wasn't all that unusual as profiler approach cases different that how the majority of law enforcement approached cases. They looked at evidence a different way. And this case was no different.

The case had been frustrating for all involved. The school decided to close and send all the students home in an effort to stop the murders. However this action put the BAU on a clock to find the UNSUB beforehand. Otherwise they risked that the school would be closed indefinitely until they caught him or the chance that as soon as they reopened that the killing would resume.

Then they were able to identify a potential suspect. Though the evidence they found was largely circumstantial, they had arrested UNSUBs on less in other cases. The most damning was him being in a car with a young woman terrified by the encounter when the team along with locals went to arrest Tubbs though the rationale he gave them was plausible.

But they felt they had the right guy. From the nature of the evidence they had to his behavior since his arrest, they were confident they had the right suspect.

However the head detective was continually wavering as Tubbs' attorney was questioning the arrest. They were initially able to hold him off while they cleared the campus and searched for more concrete evidence. But as word got out about the arrest, people started to relax their guard both among law enforcement and the campus community. And it should have been safe and life should have been able to resume. To allow the young women on campus to try to find a new normal as they process the assault on the campus community by someone whose job description was to help keep them safe.

But the change in atmosphere quickly came to an end when another student was found murdered on campus. The BAU immediately saw the difference between this victim and the previous women which, to them, clearly indicated a copycat since the unrevealed aspects of the signature were not found on this victim.

The detective, however, only saw another young woman murdered on campus. Murdered after they had someone in custody that the BAU had pressured him to hold on only circumstantial evidence. In frustration, he had quickly started to lash out at them at the crime scene about not only another victim but their explanation about why they considered it to be a copycat.

And that was only the beginning. Once they got back to the station, the defense attorney was back in earnest about getting his client released citing the new victim while Tubbs was in custody along with a note found at the scene that Tubbs was innocent. They worked on holding the lawyer off until they could finalize plans for surveillance of the campus before releasing Tubbs since he was still considered their best suspect.

However as Hotch found when he reached their workroom, not everyone agreed with holding Tubbs. Morgan was venting as he spoke out about releasing him since they all they had was circumstantial evidence along with the profile. As he'd expect JJ was arguing against him that they should hold him for the allotted time they were permitted without filing charges to allow the campus to be cleared.

Unfortunately, the disagreement occurred in the crowded police station were the officers were already not sure what to make of the whole situation. The BAU team was in their workroom however the door was open and anyone nearby could overhear the nature of their conversation. Word quickly spread through the station.

The locals had ultimately decided to release Tubbs early against the repeated advice of the BAU. The college was still in the process of closing when he walked out of the police station with his lawyer.

Luckily the locals had completed the installation of surveillance cameras earlier that day. Profiling told them that Tubbs and the copycat would meet at some point. If they could record that conversation, then they could arrest both of them.

And they had been right, the two met up when the young copycat approached Tubbs. However, their conversation in a secluded location where the team could hear what was being said through surveillance, though no one could physically get to them before the young woman stabbed both of them. They both later died at the hospital.

As he looked back on the horrible ending to the case, Hotch couldn't get past how the team functioned during it.

Gideon had a questionable presence on this case. Hotch had felt it was too soon after the death of his friend. But Gideon had engaged on the case as early as the plane trip to Flagstaff.

However at times Hotch could see him getting lost in his own head and seemingly being somewhere else.

The most unnerving part was Gideon questioning before they headed home about what if they had been wrong. That doubt about profiling, about their work as a team from one of the founders of the BAU was demoralizing. Because if they lose that then where does that leave them?

Morgan's attitude during parts of this case wasn't surprising as it hadn't even been a year since Morgan was arrested and falsely accused of crimes but was frustrating nonetheless. The disagreement with JJ about whether or not to release Tubbs was classic for him. It also however touched on the same tone of doubt as Gideon.

Doubt in their process. Doubt in their work as a team. Doubt in the validity of profiling itself.

With Morgan the reason was his issues with trust and how damaged his already fragile trust was after what happened months earlier in Chicago. He had been arrested because of a profile written by a member of his own team. A member of the team who he admired.

And to a certain level, he had a point that there were similarities in the cases but there were also stark differences that he couldn't get past to see. At some point he would need to sit down and have an honest conversation even if it was just by himself about whether he could be effective any more as a profiler if he couldn't trust the process.

Thinking like that from him could spread the doubt to the rest of the team undermining their confidence as well as other agencies belief in what they do. Profiling was still not fully accepted.

Throughout the case Hotch had noticed Reid struggling at times. He had been the room with Morgan and JJ and had seemed lost when Hotch walked in as he watched two of his best friends arguing. At the time he, like Emily, had said anything but he stayed close to JJ for the rest of the case.

Then there was JJ. Her argument of since they could legally hold Tubbs until the students left was what he expected from JJ. He had found in the time he had been working with her that within her job she not only saw all of the cases but when personal appeals were made from locals or family, it came to her.

And on this case, things got very personal for her with a few of the students, one of whom was later killed by the copycat which they could all see JJ took hard when confronted by another student at the scene. However, it was JJ that a student went to with concerns about the behavior of a different girl in her dorm who they later confirmed as the copycat.

As he thought about Emily, he couldn't help but think about how she closely she resembled their victimology in this case. If he was being honest, it was a little too close to how he remembered her appearing years earlier.

And it was clear she noticed the similarity as well as Tubbs did. Each interaction they had Tubbs giving her eerie looks which Emily had responded to by staring him down. Each time letting him know that she wasn't going to be intimidated by him. Given that he had ambushed all of his victims, as expected, each time Tubbs would look away first, unable to confront a woman face-to-face.

The information Garcia had found on his ex-wife backed up Emily's guess that she was a brunette. However on closer examination, he could see that she also resembled Emily in age and appearance. The college girls were most likely just the population that he had the greatest access to.

Another frustration for him was despite her reaction to Tubbs, Emily had shied away from speaking out went Derek was venting. She and Reid were both in the same room Derek and JJ so the opportunity had been there.

It wasn't that she didn't have an opinion or wasn't familiar with the evidence. It had been Emily who had linked the burn marks on the bodies with a Taser. She had also been the one who had assembled all of the evidence they had.

But she had also been the one who had lead them to security guards based on that information. Among the security guards, Tubbs had the background and then they went looking for him after noticing how many times he was on scene when the bodies were discovered.

But in that room she was uncharacteristically quiet. Had something been said to her privately? Was she internalizing what Morgan was venting about given her role in identifying Tubbs? Or was she still doubting her position on the team?

Hotch sat back in his seat and sighed. It was only a couple of weeks ago that he thought everything was looking positive for the team. Gideon had been doing better. Reid was looking stronger everyday after his ordeal in Georgia. Emily seemed to have fully integrated onto the team. The team had been looking stronger as a whole. He felt that they would be able to continue to function well when he moved to his new assignment.

But then Frank came back into their lives. And now he just didn't know.

After they got on the plane, Gideon mentioned he was taking some time off when they got back to Quantico. Hotch didn't disagree however as he watched Gideon during the flight, he wondered if Gideon was going to be able to make it back another time or if the job had just taken too many pieces from him.

For now he needed to finish his report and prepare for the meeting with Strauss.

 **####**

Erin Strauss still looking bewildered as she watched Aaron Hotchner walk out of her office. Bewildered at what he said as he profiled her and what he shared about the other members of the BAU team.

That feeling quickly diminished as she smirked as she thought about him as he headed to HR to complete paperwork concerning his suspension. Her eyes fell to his badge which now sat on her desk.

She got what she wanted and she didn't even need to do anything to get it. The spin she could put on the BAU team's actions on this last case had given her sufficient ammunition to suspend Hotchner. And with that suspension, he was no longer eligible for promotion in the coming weeks. He would need to wait for another year.

However, she wasn't going to take a chance. What he said and what he knew about her was one of the reasons he needed to go. While he didn't mentioned it, she couldn't take a chance that he knew her secrets. And if she had her way he wouldn't be an FBI agent in a year. No if she had her way, he would be gone before his suspension was up.

Now that the first part of her plan was done, she needed to put more pressure on Emily Prentiss to get enough evidence for part two.

As she stood up she knew the perfect way to get this reluctant agent to talk. Walking out of her office, she made her way towards the bullpen.

 **AN: News on upcoming chapters- the next two chapters will cover what happened during the two weeks Hotch was suspended. One focusing on Emily and the team while the other focuses on Hotch. Both will lead up to the following chapter which will be set around episode In Name and Blood. That chapter is turning out to be very long so I may end up splitting it.**


	21. Two Weeks, Part 1

**AN: This will be the first part covering the time while Hotch was suspended. The second part will be the next chapter and will focus on Hotch. Hope you enjoy this chapter.**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

The bullpen was quiet as Morgan, Reid and Emily worked on paperwork at their desks. When they arrived back from Flagstaff earlier that day, they had finished their reports and handed them into Hotch before starting on their other paperwork.

It had been over an hour since Hotch left the bullpen saying he was going to his meeting with Strauss.

They all turned to look when they heard the glass door to the bullpen open. An uneasy feeling passed over the bullpen as they saw Strauss walk into the bullpen alone.

As she approached their desks, she said, "there will be a meeting in the conference room in five minutes. Please inform Agent Jareau and your technical analyst." before she walked away.

As they looked at each other, Reid stated, "that doesn't sound good."

Morgan shook his head before saying, "no it doesn't. I'm calling Babygirl. Can you get JJ?"

Spencer nodded as he picked up the phone before having a brief conversation. When he hung up the phone, he said, "she's coming."

Emily listened to what they were saying as the dread grew inside of her. Where was Hotch? And what was Strauss up to?

 **####**

They all sat on the edge of their seats as Strauss stood before them talking for the last 15 minutes without coming to the point that she had them there. It still wasn't clear where Hotch was.

All of their attention was piqued when she shifted to the complaints she had received from Flagstaff. All of them glanced over at Morgan as she mentioned that the officials there had reported that even the team haven't agreed with how the case was being handled.

When Morgan starts to interrupt, Strauss stops him by saying, "after meeting with him, given this information and reports all of you submitted, Agent Hotchner has been suspended for two weeks. During that time, Agent Prentiss will serve as Acting Unit Chief.

There were various looks and exclamations of surprise from around the table at the declaration. Before Strauss could continue, Morgan angrily asked, "what about Gideon?"

Strauss nodded before responding, "Agent Gideon requested some time off. And given his role in the breakdown during this last case, we will be taking a closer look at him as well. Now you all are dismissed. Agent Prentiss, please remain."

As the others got up from the table to leave the conference room giving her looks ranging from concern to suspicious to wary. Through the window, Emily saw the rest of the team gathered at the trio of desks observing them through the window.

After closing both doors, Strauss came around and stood in front of her, blocking them from prying eyes in the bullpen.

Before Strauss could say anything, Emily says, "what was that? You didn't even ask me."

Strauss grasped her hands in front of her before responding, "well Agent Prentiss if you don't want to act as Unit Chief then I can bring someone in to lead this unit."

Emily shook her head. Bringing in someone else to lead the BAU would be a disaster. Given that they did their work as a team it was going to be challenging enough without Hotch and Gideon. Adding a new person into the dynamic, particularly a Strauss appointee would impede their work.

Additionally Strauss had already been clear that she wanted Hotch out of the BAU and her bringing in someone would make it that much more difficult for Hotch to reclaim his position in two weeks. "No I'll do it. I just would have preferred to have had a heads up before this meeting. To have been asked before an announcement was made."

"Think of this as a trial run Agent Prentiss. As we have discussed previously, I want information on Aaron Hotchner. You have been here for several months now and must have something you can report.

If I get what I need then I will consider making this ascent permanent. However, if you continue to hold out, then in two weeks you will find yourself being transferred. But rest assured, Aaron Hotchner's career will come to an end either way."

"I've already told you I don't know anything like that." Emily responded. She did feel ready to take on a leadership position within the FBI. But she wasn't going to do it this way. If she was going to be promoted, it would be because of her abilities, not by allowing herself to be a pawn in Strauss' political games.

Strauss frowned and then said sternly, "think harder. Your decision is your future Agent. Now some guidelines. At this point, you are the ACTING Unit Chief. All potential cases MUST be cleared with me before you can accept them. Keep your team in line and complete your paperwork on time. I will be checking in with you frequently. Any questions, come see me."

Strauss then turned and opened the door before walked out onto the catwalk with Emily a few steps behind as she was heading for her desk. Before she reached the stairs, Hotch walked out of his office holding his briefcase having returned from HR while Emily and Strauss were meeting in the conference room.

When she saw him, Strauss smiled as she walked to him and said, "Agent Hotchner, Agent Prentiss will be taking over as Unit Chief for the BAU."

Although he has also identified Emily as the best option to take a senior position in the BAU, however for him it was in anticipation for after his promotion that now wasn't going to happen, something wasn't right. He took in the smug look on Strauss' face as well as the impassive one of Emily's.

Why was Strauss acting so smug? She had been serious in her office when they were meeting. It felt like she knew something he didn't as he remembered her words when she took his badge about if she had her way he won't get them back.

Had he been right the whole time about Emily being there to spy on him and the team?

He had believed her eventually when she had denied it but had he been right?

Had he let go of what happened in the past between them too soon?

If this was the case then he was done in the FBI. There were several areas that could call his judgement into question. A couple of which Emily Prentiss know enough about to give Strauss the ammunition she needed to remove him from his position.

The largest and most damaging would be how he handled what happened the Reid. The guidelines with substance abuse was very specific and he had not followed those guidelines. And Emily, as the person who had helped Reid as well as the person who reported it to him, would be ideally placed to report his failure to follow the guidelines.

But he didn't want to believe it.

He would expect a power play such as this to come from the Ambassador but never from Emily.

When he heard Emily say, "Hotch", he looked up at her and noticed that Strauss was no longer there. He saw the remorse on her face which he mistook for guilt. He could feel his anger rise as he interrupted what he anticipated was an apology for talking to Strauss.

He took a deep breath and tamped down his anger before saying, "good luck" before turning any walking out of the bullpen, not trusting himself to say anymore.

As he waited for the elevator, he thought of the last words he said to Strauss earlier that day:

 _And if you think that you can find a better person for the job, good luck._

He sighed as he realized with as much time as he invested into his work how quickly he had been replaced.

 **####**

 **Day 1 of 14**

Emily sighed as she packed up to go home for the night. She hoped that the next two weeks didn't continue how today had gone.

Strauss had come through the bullpen two more times over the course of the day to check in while continued to push for what she expected from Emily.

But that wasn't what her so troubled as she walked out to the elevator. No it was that she hadn't been able to get the look Hotch gave her when Strauss announced that Emily was acting as Unit Chief. The various emotions that crossed his face - anger, betrayal, fear before he had masked his features.

After Strauss had walked away Emily had tried to talk to him. Explain that she was surprised by the announcement as well. That she had his back. But it must have been too soon as he had cut her off before walking out of the bullpen

She couldn't really blame him. She had been in Flagstaff and the rationale Strauss gave for the whole suspension was BS.

While the case hadn't ended well, she had heard Gideon and Hotch go up against the locals about Tubbs, the last murder being done by a copycat and they still decided to release him.

Then from what Strauss had said earlier now the locals were putting the entire blame for what happened on the BAU refusing to take responsibility for their own role in how the case played out.

And instead of Strauss supporting the BAU, she had essentially accepted that the team was at fault. Why? Because it allowed her sanction Hotch who she had already made clear to Emily she was trying to have removed from his position.

After Hotch had left as he did, the others on the team keep looking at her as they attempted to figure out what had just happened and what was going to happen over the next couple of weeks.

As she reached her car, Emily thought maybe she should call or send Hotch a message. To let him know she wasn't helping Strauss and wouldn't stand in his way of coming back.

She had been planning to talk to him about what happened between them 13 years earlier since she had learned what really happened. But now she didn't know if she would have to opportunity. And even if she did would he even be respective. Only time would tell.

Before she left the parking lot she sent him a text message and just hoped that he would read it.

 **####**

 **Day 3 of 14**

Emily sat in the conference room working on paperwork. Over Strauss' insistence, she had been avoiding using Hotch's office. She was willing to do the work to keep the BAU functioning however she was making it clear that she wasn't taking over Hotch's job.

Not surprisingly, the gesture had helped smooth things over with some of the team. The first couple of days had been challenging and she suddenly felt as if she was having to prove herself all over again.

Like the rest of the team, Reid didn't know what was happening but he had trusted Emily's intentions from the first day. He had gone as far as to defend her a couple of times when Derek started pushing too hard about why Hotch was suspended and why she was in charge.

Surprisingly, JJ had been the second team member to make it known that she was throwing her support behind Emily. The next time they were alone reviewing files that she said that she had doubted Emily long enough and wasn't going to do it again without reason. Then commented that she couldn't wait for Hotch to come back.

As Emily looked at her, she understood the veiled message in what JJ said. That she was trusting that Emily wasn't there to hurt the team and that she wasn't doing anything to prevent Hotch from returning.

Emily sighed and looked down before responding sadly that she was looking forward to him returning to the team as well, even though it would be marking her own departure.

She hadn't heard back from him about the tet message she sent however it did appear that he had read it. Now she just hoped that he trusted her enough to believe it.

 **####**

 **Day 5 of 14**

As Emily was walking back towards the bullpen after a meeting, she turned a corner and ran into Garcia.

Of everyone on the team, she had been most disheartened by the lack of usual warmth in her interactions with Penelope. Emily hadn't realized how much she counted on Garcia's typical bubbliness until it had been diminished over the last few days.

And Emily couldn't say she was surprised given the distance between her and Derek since Hotch was suspended. She knew how close Garcia and Derek were. She had even benefitted from their closeness a few months earlier when Derek had challenged Garcia about gossip about Emily.

But at the same time for the last day to day and a half, she had begun to see Garcia waiver. More than once she had caught Garcia looking at her with sad eyes, torn between discord between two of her good friends.

But she had held back from approaching Garcia. She didn't want to cause any tension between Derek and Garcia. She would accept contact but won't initiate it.

After a polite greeting, she had only taken a couple steps when Garcia called out to her. Turning around, Emily gave her a small smile and waited to see what Garcia would say.

Coming up to her, Garcia started gushing at her excitement about her new office space with it's new map that she had spent the morning moving into.

When she started to thank Emily for it, Emily stopped her to say that her thanks was misplaced. While she was pleased that Garcia loved her new office and looked forward to coming and seeing it, she had had no role in it. She let her know that Garcia should direct her thanks to Hotch when he returned.

At with that, Garcia just stopped and looked at her for was starting to become an uncomfortably long time. Emily could see the various thoughts and emotions going across her face before Garcia grasped her arm and pulled her into a tight hug.

After she profusely apologized to Emily for the strain between them, Garcia invited her to lunch. With wanting to smooth things over with her friend, Emily agreed.

 **####**

 **Day 9 of 14**

As she walked out of Strauss' office, Emily could feel her anger rise. While she didn't relish an additional interaction with a person who had been making her life miserable over the last few weeks, there was information about a potential case that she had wanted to discuss with the Section Chief.

After collecting the information she had into a file folder, Emily had walked down the Strauss' office. It appeared to her that Milwaukee had a serial killer. Women were being found dumped with the trash after having their hearts cut out.

The sticky point was that so far Milwaukee hadn't requested their help with the case. Before Emily went to Strauss, she had doubled checked with JJ on that point.

And while she understood that in order to be involved, the team needed to be invited, she had gone to discuss with Strauss about contacted Milwaukee to offer help and see if an invitation came from that.

Strauss had completely dismissed Emily's request to contact Milwaukee PD and refused to look at the information that Emily had collected and brought with her. She stated that the team had enough work without having to go look for more. She then dismissed her.

Unlike Hotch, Emily didn't have the flexibility to just make the call because according to the guidelines Strauss had given her, approval for all case needed to be made by Strauss. And as frustrating as that had been given that everyone on the team had more experience in choosing cases than Strauss, that was where they were at.

So far, no case that indicated an onsite consult had come to JJ since Hotch was suspended. There were a couple of cases where they had done phone consults but overall they had just been working on written consults.

But at some point, that would change. The team rarely went more than a week without being called out for a case. Now the question was if they were invited in on this case or a different one, would Strauss allow them to take it and go into the field?

 **####**

 **Day 11 of 14**

Emily sighed as she walked towards Strauss' office after being summoned.

Meeting with Strauss had been occurring multiple times a day since she started covering the Unit Chief position for Hotch. And each of these meetings no matter what the originating reason included Strauss pressing her for damaging information about Hotch.

And as time went on Strauss was becoming more forceful on her pressure to Emily. It would be just a three more days before Hotch was back in the BAU. She just needed to make it through that time and then she would give him her letter of resignation. The same letter that she had written up and prepared to give him when they arrived back from Flagstaff.

And she was waiting for him to come back before resigning. It wasn't only because she didn't want to leave the team without a leader though as she came to realize she was only a figurehead as it was.

No, she needed to give her resignation to Hotch as a clear sign that she still recognized him as her supervisor. After everything that happened 13 years earlier to what Strauss was trying to do now, the gesture was the least she could do before she walked away from the FBI.

When she reached Strauss' office, her assistant had Emily wait for a few minutes before letting her know that Strauss was waiting for her.

As Emily walked into the office, Strauss gestured for her to sit before she said, "Agent Prentiss, over the last several weeks I have given you many many chances to share information about the dysfunction on your team as a result of poor leadership. You have refused all of these opportunities.

I had faith in you. I brought you into the BAU over objections. A position that you were very determined to get. Then I had enough faith in you to put you in a leadership position for your team with consideration of it being permanent.

And even with all of that you refuse to follow through on a simple request. Do you have anything to say?"

"No ma'am."

"Very well. Agent Hotchner will be returning from his suspension in three days' time. That morning at 11 we will meet for the last time. You will either give me the information I need or you will be transferred before the end of that day. I already have your transfer papers ready. Take a look." Strauss held out the papers which Emily took and her eyes widened as she noticed the receiving unit: OPR in New York City. This was worse than what she expected.

"Since you are reluctant to do the right thing and identify poor practices on your team, your new role will be investigating your fellow FBI agents. Maybe that experience will have you understand why what I have been trying to do here is so important."

Strauss hid the smirk as she saw the reaction of the agent in front of her. She had dummied up the papers the night before hoping it would be enough pressure to finally get the information she needed to get Aaron Hotchner out of the BAU.

In actuality, Strauss couldn't send her to OPR at least not long term.

There had been requests from Counterterrorism since Prentiss came to the BAU for her to transfer given her skill set. Requests that Prentiss had steadfastly refused each time. If Prentiss was going to transfer out of the BAU, the higher ups wouldn't agree to her going to OPR, citing it as a poor use of her skills. No as soon as the transfer was in the system the Unit Chief of CTU would be calling the Deputy Director to have her transferred there instead. And he would be successful.

But Prentiss didn't know that now and in the next three days, Strauss hoped that all of her planning would come to fruition.

 **####**

 **Day 11 of 14**

Spencer Reid was nervous as he walked off the elevator and down the hall to Emily's apartment. He had noticed that she appeared somewhat shaken when she arrived back in the bullpen after a meeting with Strauss earlier that day.

The next time he went to the break room he had been surprised when she had pulled him aside and asked if he would stop by that evening. He had quickly agreed to her request wondering what had happened.

It had been 11 days since Hotch was suspended. He was supposed to be back in three days' time. In that time, Gideon had also not been in the office as he was still taking time grieve his friend. Spencer had finally been successful in his attempts to reach him. They were planning to play chess the evening before Hotch returned.

The absence of both team leader had been difficult on the whole team. Emily's efforts lead the team had been affected by both the subtle suspicion from members of the team about why she had been chosen given her short tenure with the team. That had all resolved in the last few days with Derek having been the last holdout. Additionally Strauss was keeping close tabs on her and the team including wanting to be briefed on all the cases referred to the team.

He had noticed especially over the last few days, Emily's stress levels were increasing. He wasn't completely surprised that she asked to talk to him, though he hoped that she wasn't cutting again.

Hotch's suspension couldn't end soon enough so that the team could go back to normal.

He knocked when he reached the door and it was quickly opened by his brunette colleague. As he entered her apartment, he stomach dropped as he noticed a packing boxes with books in the living room.

Turning to her he stated, "you're moving."

Emily nodded before saying, "yes. That is part of what I need to talk to you about tonight" before she led him into the living room and they settled on the couch.

As soon as he was seated, Spencer continued, "tell me what Emily? Hotch should be back in a few days. Gideon should be back by then as well. The team can go back to normal after that. Why are you leaving?"

"I was going to leave this apartment regardless. It belongs to my parents and I can't be here anymore, especially with what my mother did the last time you were here." Emily responded.

Spencer nodded and took a deep breath before he said, "OK, I thought you were going to say you were leaving the team."

Emily sighed as she had been dreading this conversation with Spencer for weeks. She had been hoping to have more of a plan beforehand but she hadn't had too much time to focus on her next steps yet. Looking at him she answered sadly, "I am Spencer. I need to. I'm going to give my notice as soon as Hotch gets back."

Spencer quickly stood up before responding loudly, "Why Emily? I know things have been stressful since you have been acting unit chief but you don't need to leave."

Emily remained seated and quiet until he sat back down next to her. Once he did, she took his hand and said, "yes I do. Strauss came to me the day after Gideon's friend Sarah was killed. She made it clear that she was the one that hired me for the team. Now it is pay back time and if I want to keep my position on the team, I need to give her information that will damage Hotch's position and status in the Bureau."

Spencer considered what she had said before asking, "did you know about this earlier?"

Emily shook her head and answered forcefully, "no, of course not. I thought I had earned my position on the team but that obviously isn't true."

Spencer took in the sudden look of sadness and he considered what Emily had just revealed. He didn't have any doubts that she belonged on the team. He hated that Strauss had put that doubt back into her mind as she had grown to be a strong member of the team.

"Can you just tell her that you don't know of anything?" he asked.

But they both knew that there were things she did know. Information that would not only damage Hotch's career but could ruin Spencer's as well. It wasn't just Hotch she was protecting.

Emily shook her before responding, "I've tried but she keeps pushing."

They sat there in silence before Spencer said quietly, "I don't want you to go Emily."

Emily sighed before answering, "I don't want to leave either. For years I've wanted to work in the BAU but I won't further my career by destroying someone else's."

"Further your career?" Spencer questioned.

Emily nodded before answering, "yeah, she has hinted that depending on the information I provide, I could remain as Unit Chief of the BAU. But even that I'm not sure about since she has been very non committal about it. But it's a moot point because I won't do it."

"So it's a no win for you either way." he answered

"Yeah."

As he looked around her apartment, Spencer asked, "so what are your plans?"

Emily gave a small chuckle before answering seriously, "I don't know yet. I'm moving out of this apartment in 10 days. That was planned before any of this happened. I'm still working out where I'll go."

"Are you staying local?" Spencer asked.

Emily sighed before saying, "I don't know. That is one of the reasons why I wanted to talk to you personally. I was hoping to have more of a plan at this point. But regardless, I wanted you to know the why of my leaving.

I also wanted to have some time to build up your support system for your recovery. Regardless of where I go, I will do my best to be available to you at least by phone but you should have someone local as well."

"It won't be the same." Spencer said sadly.

Emily nodded in agreement before responding, "no it won't. But at this point, it for the best."

 **####**

 **Day 12 of 14**

Emily was once again sitting in the conference room trying to make it through all of the paperwork in front of her after she sent the rest of the team home. With what she had in front of her, she was going to be there until the wee hours of the morning.

Hotch was scheduled to return to the BAU in a couple of days. Since one of the first things he was going to be greeted with was her resignation, she wanted to have all the team's paperwork up to date. She didn't want him greeted with piles of unfinished files to be signed off.

After working for a while and making a significant dent in the piles, there was a knock on the door. When the door opened, she was surprised to see the haggard looking man on the other side. Standing up, she said, "Gideon" softly as she gestured for him to come sit down.


	22. Two Weeks, Part 2

On the drive home, Hotch worked to calm himself. He didn't want to take this anger home. It wasn't fair to Haley or Jack. He didn't want to be the husband or father that came into the house enraged, making everyone feel as if they needed to tiptoe around him to evade his wrath. Hotch had grown up in a house like that wanted things to be different in his household.

He had returned from Flagstaff earlier that day after traveling with the team. He was looking forward to seeing Haley and Jack after being away for a few days.

He was planning on waiting until Jack was in bed before talking to Haley about the suspension and the resultant consequences.

She had been pushing for his promotion for months expecting that not only would it be the next rung on the ladder but also would have him travelling less. But now the possibility for promotion was gone for now.

He knew she was going to have questions and react strongly when as he explained. He didn't think Jack needed to be awake for that dreaded conversation.

He would be home for two weeks and was planning to spend as much time as possible with them during that time but then he would be returning to the BAU.

He hoped.

He hoped since Strauss hadn't held back that she was going to do everything she could to prevent that.

And as much as he wanted to trust her right now Emily role in Strauss' plan was an enormous unknown.

As he considered the suspension it had been surprising though not unexpected given Strauss' feelings about his potential advancement. A promotion that now would not happen in the coming weeks as he had expected. A permanent stain on his record.

From the moment he walked into Strauss' office, he had a bad feeling about how the meeting was going to go. And as the meeting progressed, that did not change.

He knew the case hadn't gone well. She had jumped on the poor outcome and capitalized on it. And while most of the points that Strauss used to justify the suspension weren't made by him, he was the Unit Chief and therefore ultimately responsible.

Though when they were both back, he and Gideon were going to need to talk out what happened and whether Gideon's comment at the airstrip questioning their work was a weak moment or if his outlook had shifted.

He was also upset with himself at giving that profile of her. He stood by everything that he said however it hadn't helped in the context of that meeting. She wasn't questioning his skills as a profiler but of his leadership. If anything his skills as a profiler was one of the topics that she found threatening.

He sighed and shook his head as he stopped in the garage. Time to go in and see his family.

 **####**

 **Day 1 of 14**

When Hotch had gone inside, the house was empty. It was not unexpected as he knew from their conversations that as Jack had gotten older, Haley had been seeking out more activities outside of the house as well as taking advantage of the spring weather.

He didn't text her that he was home because hadn't wanted or expected her to change her plans for the day only because he was home early. He would have plenty of time to spend with them over the coming days.

After changing out of his suit and repacking most of his go-bag, he had made himself a late lunch before wandering around the house as he attempted to find something to do. Having free time was almost unheard of him as there was generally always paperwork he could do.

Not finding anything, he sat on the couch and turned on the TV. He flipped through a lot of unappealing daytime television before he got to a baseball game with the Nationals starting in an afternoon game. As he watched, he couldn't remember the last time he had been able to watch an afternoon game during the week.

The game was just ending when he heard Haley pull into the driveway. He met her at the door and when she saw him, she looked shocked. She was carrying a sleeping Jack on her shoulder.

She walked completely into the house and closed the door before saying, "Aaron, you're home. I didn't get a message you were back yet." as she took out her phone and looked at the screen.

Hotch explained, "we flew back earlier today. I didn't want you to change your plans because I was home." He walked up in front of her and smooth Jack's hair as he asked, "how has he been?"

Haley smiled and rubbed Jack's back as she answered, "good. Just a busy day. Can you take him? I still have a couple of things I need to get out of the car."

Hotch shook his head as he stepped back and over to the door as he replied, "I can go get them."

"NO" Haley blurted out forcefully surprising both of them. She paused and then said, "no Aaron, I've got it. I'll go. You haven't seen him in a few days. It's past his bedtime." She walked over to him and helped shift Jack into his arms without waking the sleeping toddler.

"OK, if you're sure." Hotch answered before walking to the stairs.

In Jack's room he could not hear the hushed voices outside the house working through a change in plans.

When Hotch walked back downstairs, Haley was in the living room rearranging items in her bags.

Once she was at a stopping point, he asked her to come sit with him. He then explained about his suspension and that he would be home for the next two weeks.

Initially Haley reacted favorably to the news that he would be home for two weeks particularly when he mentioned that he would not be called in like he had when it was vacation the previous year.

She then rattled off several activities that her and Jack had that she didn't want to miss or reschedule. He continued that he wasn't asking her to completely change her schedule though he did want to spend some time with her and Jack before he went back to work.

When the subject of him going back to work came up, she became somewhat annoyed. Her mood accelerated into agitation once he told her that he was no longer eligible for promotion soon. She ranted for several minutes about his job before storming upstairs to their bedroom.

Hotch waited a while before also going up to bed to give her some space having been expecting that reaction.

 **####**

 **Day 2 of 14**

Hotch found himself alone in the house again as Haley and Jack were out with friends. Not used to unscheduled time in his day, he was quickly getting bored. It didn't seem right to ask Haley to completely rearrange her and Jack's routine because he was suspended.

As he sat in the living room, he again looked at the text message that Emily had sent him the evening before. He hadn't seen it until this morning as he had put his phone away when he was talking to Haley. He was relieved to get the message and felt somewhat more certain that he would be able to return to the BAU in a couple of weeks.

However, he still was considering the question of how Emily fit into the situation. Had she backed out of spying on the team for Strauss? Or had she been an unwitting pawn until recently? Or had Strauss just been trying to get under his skin yesterday?

He thought he knew why Emily was in the BAU but as he thought back to what Strauss was saying and doing around when Emily was hired in the context of what was going on now, he was questioning everything again.

But for now he couldn't do anything. He could only trust that Emily was sincere in what she said in the text message and would keep the team safe. He planned on having a conversation with her as well to get answers to the questions this situation had brought forward.

But for now, he was home. He sighed and decided to go and find something to do in his home office- research, a cold case that he usually had little time to delve into, or… or…

As he sat at his desk, he opened the desk drawer and was greeted by a list. Pulling it out, he looked at the extensive list and suddenly realized it was the 'honey-do list' that Haley had started when he was supposed to have two weeks off the previous year. Unfortunately that vacation was reduced to 36 hours when Randall Gardner threatened the team.

As he reviewed the list, he could feel some of the tension leave him. He had been excited last year to work on it. Working through this list would hopefully smooth things over with Haley. After making some notes and a list for the hardware store, he headed out to his car.

A couple of hours later, he had just finished repairing a section of moulding when he look again at the list confused.

When he had returned from the hardware store, he had found several of the projects on the list already repaired. However, Haley never mentioned hiring a handyman and there wasn't a withdrawal from their account for the supplies.

But he shrugged, he wasn't going to ask and upset her further. She knew how cautious he was about people coming into the house, particular since Jack was born so he didn't expect it was she hired someone without letting him know. Most likely, her father was over and she used cash for the supplies.

Either way, he expected that he would get through most if not all of it before he returned to work. If he couldn't get everything done, he would talk to Haley about finding a handyman and after Garcia gave a green light, hire them to finish any remaining items. If all went well they keep them in mind for future projects.

But for now, the next task he was going to tackle was fixing the light in the hall coat closet. Opening the door, he tried the switch and immediately noticed that the light was indeed still not working. He noted that in order to reach the casing around the lightbulb, he needed to take everything out of the closet.

For the next few minutes, he relocated all of the containers and baskets before going on to the coats. The process for actually fixing the light then took less time than unloading the closet had.

As he was putting the last few coats back into the closet, he saw a jacket he didn't recognize as his. Holding it up, it was definitely a men's jacket. This observation was reinforced by the whiff of cologne he smelled on it. It was also not the cologne that he remembered Roy wearing though as he held up the jacket, the size was wrong for Roy as well. He didn't recall Haley mentioning Jessica having a boyfriend.

Before he could think anymore about it, he heard Jack crying as the door from the garage opened immediately followed by Haley calling his name. Quickly putting the jackets into the closet, he closed the door and called out to her that he was coming as he walked away.

 **####**

 **Day 4 of 14**

Hotch gathered needed supplies from the garage before stopping in the kitchen where Haley was cooking and Jack was having a snack in his highchair.

When he walked in Haley looked up and asked, "what are you working on now?"

Still holding the supplies, he said, "I'm going to work on the guest bathroom. After that I'm going to work on the trim in the dining room. Wish me luck." before he walked out of the kitchen.

He had no sooner walked into the guest ensuite and put everything down on the counter when Haley rushed in holding Jack. From her rapid breathing, he knew that she had run up the stairs after him.

Walking away from the supplies, he stopped in front of her, putting his hands on her arms before asking apprehensively, "what's wrong?"

Haley shook her head and responded as her eyes rapidly glanced around the room, "nothing is wrong, at least not in a bad way. I wanted to stop you before you started here. Jack is going down for a nap soon. I don't want you to be mid project and have to stop."

Hotch looked at her nervous demeanor not sure what to think. He had been starting now so that he would be done before the time that Haley had been putting Jack down for his nap in the days that he had been home.

But he also knew that depending on the specifics of the day, Haley would adjust his nap earlier or later. He just didn't remember her mentioning anything going on today.

Besides Jack's room was on the other side of the second floor of their house and this task wasn't noisy.

But if she thought Jack was almost ready for a nap, he wasn't in a position to argue. And he hated having to stop mid-project so he would just postpone this task. Hotch knew that if he continued working while Jack was down for his nap and he woke up for any reason, he would never hear the end of it.. There were plenty of other items on the list to work on today.

Before he could say anything, Haley remarked, "I did want to ask if you could take a look at the hose in the backyard. It seemed to be leaking when we were watering plants this morning."

Hotch's attention was peaked at the observation. They had just been discussing a few nights earlier that their water usage had been abnormally high for the last few months. He had inquired if she had noticed any drips or anything leaking.

Nodding, he answered, "let me go check on that now. Thanks for letting me know" before turning back to the supplies he had brought up to work on the bathroom.

Haley shook her head and answered, "I'll put this stuff away before I put Jack down for his nap. You go on and check on what is going on outside."

Hotch smiled at her, picked up his tools and headed back downstairs.

An hour later, Hotch was sure that this wasn't the leak that was causing the increase in water usage. While the spicket was off when he first went outside with no leaks evident the hose started leaking as soon as he turned it on. However even with it on, the leakage was only a small amount that stopped when the hose was completely tightened. To be sure he had taken the time to check each connection to assure there wasn't another area that Haley had been alluding to however everything else checked out.

After washing up in the mudroom, he was frustrated. He had to postpone one project for seemingly no reason as he could hear Jack still awake and in the playroom while he had just spent an hour on a wild goose chase.

The guest bathroom would need to wait because Jack would most certainly be taking his nap shortly. He sighed before returning to the garage to get what he needed for the dining room.

 **####**

 **Day 7 of 14**

Hotch was sitting at the desk in his home office looking over a cold case. This had been one of the few times he had done research since he had been home. Haley had taken Jack out for a playgroup. His impression was that it was the same group as the previous week.

As he reached a deadend on the file with the information he had, he stood up and stretched. Now that he was done with the distraction, he decided to go back to his chore list.

Since Haley had Jack out of the house, he decided to go back to the guest bathroom to work on what he was planning before Haley interrupted him a few days earlier.

Walking out of the office, he went down to the garage to get the tools that he would need. When he went into the bathroom, he noticed that the supplies weren't on the shelf that he expected. It was the only spot in the guest bedroom and ensuite that was out of Jack's reach.

As he walked back into the hallway, he opened the closet across the hall where they store all the supplies and linens for that guest room. After looking through the entire closet without finding what he needed, he returned to his home office to get his cell phone to send Haley a text asking where she had put the supplies.

After a few minutes, he noticed that she saw the message however there was no reply. After 20 minutes of waiting, he decided to go onto another task on his list, remembering from the previous week that as soon as they arrived home, Jack would be going down for the night. He had missed his window to get it completed while they were out and that frustrated him.

When Haley arrived home almost an hour after he sent the message with an asleep toddler, Hotch took him to put him in the crib. Haley joined them in Jack's room as he was putting on Jack's pajamas after changing his diaper.

After they walked out of the room after Jack was in his crib, Hotch asked Haley about the location of the supplies.

Confused about her sudden nervousness, he waits until she turns towards a linen closet by Jack's room. Once the door was open, she handed him a pile of towels while she pulled the supplies out of the back of the closet. It was a location where he wouldn't have found them.

After showing Hotch, she walked away heading back downstairs, leaving him baffled while still holding the pile of towels.

 **####**

 **Day 9 of 14**

Hotch was annoyed as he drove Haley, Jack and himself home after having dinner with Haley's parents. Having known Haley since high school, he had had many interactions with her family over the years. Unlike the family he grew up in, Haley's was very close.

Unfortunately as time went on he had found that there was very little that Haley didn't share with her mother. That extended to even details about him and their relationship that he wished would remain between them. On more than one occasion he had expressed to Haley his discomfort on intimate details of their marriage being shared however this was not an opinion that Haley shared and refused to adjust.

When they had arrived for dinner initially everything had been fine as Hotch and Roy supervised Jack while Haley went to help her mother and sister in the kitchen.

However, once they reached the table, conversation quickly changed to his suspension. After only offering some basic details that he was sure that Haley had already shared with them he explained that he was spending the time working on various repairs around the house and spending time with Jack and Haley.

At his answer, Roy then began to vent about his job which Hotch found frustrating. When he and Haley had reconnected after he moved back to Virginia after being assigned to Seattle, he was already an FBI agent assigned to the BAU. When he had gone to Roy to ask for his blessing before he proposed to Haley they had spoken about his work with the BAU and that he planned to continue as a profiler.

As Roy was venting, Haley's mother interrupted. She then brought up that since he was no longer eligible for promotion they wanted him to consider leaving the FBI and taking over their store now that they were looking towards retiring. That the change was more conducive to the family life that Haley wanted she said as she gave Haley a pointed look. However the request was obvious a surprise to Haley as well Hotch as she loudly protested.

The distraction as Haley debated the idea with her parents gave him time to think. He knew how important the store was to the Brook's family. It should be considered an honor for them to ask him. They had started the business shortly after they were married and had spent almost 40 years growing the business along with their family. From the time that he had known the family, he recalled that the store had given them the flexibility since they had a few employees.

He didn't foresee that he would be successful as a storekeeper. He did not share the same outgoing personality that had made Roy so outstanding in the role. If anything he felt his personality and tendency to be suspicious would make him less successful.

BUT, he really had no interest in business. Or owning a store with a cafe. His brother Sean maybe though he was enjoying working at the restaurant he had moved to NYC but running a store held no appeal for Hotch.

His focus in law school had been criminal law. He had only take the business law course required to graduate never as an elective because he knew that wouldn't be his focus.

Hotch had declined to follow in his own father's footsteps as a criminal defense attorney because he wanted to forge his own path. While the suspension had been a hiccup, he wasn't ready to give up his work at the FBI.

Before he could say anything, he was surprised how quickly Haley put a kibosh on the idea. When her mother first mentioned it his first thought had been that it was going to be a difficult discussion with Haley before he even got to speaking to her family. So he felt some measure of relief that she was squashing the idea immediately.

Was Haley finally accepted his role in the FBI? He shook his head as he considering her reaction to his suspension and the delay on a promotion because of it.

Or was she acknowledging how far outside his comfort zone and experience the change would be, leading to her to push her parents for a better solution for their life's work?

Or was there another reason?

 **####**

 **Day 11 of 14**

Hotch had just hung up the phone suddenly feeling better about his prospects with the team. Haley was out with friends and he had put Jack to bed a couple of hours earlier. As he was sitting at the desk in his home office, his cell phone had rung. He was pleasantly surprised to see 'JJ' pop up on the caller ID.

After checking in on him, JJ had filled him in on how the team was doing. She had told him about Strauss haunting the bullpen and keeping close tabs on Emily as Unit Chief. Hotch wasn't at all surprised to hear that Strauss was only having them work on consults. He was concerned that there Strauss wasn't allowing Emily to make contact about a case to see if they could be invited though JJ hadn't shared any of the particulars about the situation.

Hotch listened closely when JJ explained the various reactions his suspension and Emily's temporary position as team leader. As she explained, he felt his guilt rise that he was partially responsible that she was once against struggling with trust issues by some members of the team. He wasn't really surprised at how JJ described how everyone was coping. He knew that once he was back, he would need to talk to Emily and apologize for being short with her the day he was suspended.

While he had JJ on the phone, he asked her if she could have Garcia do a check on the house landline. Since he had been home, he had had more than a couple hangup calls and was beginning to become apprehensive. Fear for his family because of his job that had only increased after the Fisher King case last year. Randall Gardner using his personal demographic information to have someone walk up to his front door and deliver something to Haley had deeply shaken him.

He was hoping to have a better idea of who was making them either before he went back to work or within the first day or so after he got back. He needed to make sure his family wasn't in danger.

After taking down some of the times and dates Hotch remembered that the calls had come, JJ said she would talk to Garcia the following morning. If there was anything immediately worrisome, one of them would call him back as soon as possible.

With that taken care of, Hotch thanked JJ for the call and told her he would see the team in a few days.

 **####**

 **Day 13 of 14**

Hotch went into his home office and closed the door. Unable to keep still, he started to pace in the small space. He and Haley had just had an argument about his job. It had been brewing for days and as he had been preparing his go bag to go back the next day, the argument had flared up.

Haley had again repeated that she wanted him to be done with the BAU. She had shouted at him that he had several other offers outside of the FBI and he kept refusing them. That he kept insisting on staying at the place that kept him away from his family and constantly in danger. That she had been willing to pull extra at home as he waited for the last few months to be promoted but she didn't think she could or even wanted to do it for another year.

As she was talking, Hotch listened to what she was saying. He had no doubt that his long hours at the BAU made things difficult for her particularly with a young child. And he had already been planning to move away from the BAU in the coming months.

He sighed and offered a compromise. He wasn't prepared to take any of the positions outside of the FBI as none of them really interested him at this point. However when he went in the next morning, he would talk to Strauss about his options for a lateral transfer within the FBI.

He had had interest from other departments especially as Unit Chief for the last couple of years. A couple of those departments were worth giving a second look as the hours were generally better and had a comparable position in the FBI as the BAU so the promotion timetable would be similar.

Haley had initially been stunned that he had agreed to transfer however after a couple of questions she was again insisting that he look outside the FBI at positions he knew existed.

At that point he fired back that he was willing to compromise but he wasn't prepared to look outside the FBI unless nothing reasonable could be found. That he had 14 years of his career invested in the FBI and wasn't ready to just walk away. Not unless he had a well thought out plan in place.

At that point, Haley had grabbed her purse and walked out the front door, slamming it behind her. Hotch had then gone up to his office not quite sure what had just happened.

 **AN: The next chapter(s) will covered around In Name and Blood. I will be pulling the pieces together from the last few chapters. I'm excited about it and expect it to be very long so it may end up being split. I have been working on it and will post as soon as it is ready.**


	23. Highs and Lows, Part 1

**AN: As anticipated, I'm going to break of this section of the story in several parts. So far I have over 14K words written for it and I'm nowhere near done yet. This is only the first part. The next part is mostly done and I will try to get that up by the end of the week.**

 **Thanks so much to everyone reading this story as well those who have left comments, follows and favorite. It means so much. I don't want to give too much away by addressing comments directly but those interested in what happens between Haley and Hotch look for parts 3 and 7. For the talk between Emily and Hotch look for part 4.**

 **Hope you enjoy it.**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing. Actual dialogue from the show is in italics**

After parking his car once he reached the parking lot, Hotch climbed out and grabbed his briefcase before heading into the FBI building. It was the first time that he had followed what had until two weeks ago been his usual routine. Generally he was optimistic about coming to work as well as pride in the work of his team.

But optimism wasn't where he was today. No, today he was meeting with Strauss about transferring out of the BAU. He had a couple of departments that he was interested in being considered for open positions. And today he would also need to tell the team that they would need to continue the work of the BAU without him.

He was doing it primarily for his family. While Haley still wasn't on board with him staying in the FBI, once his transfer was settled he was counting on her accepting that he was serious about his promise to be home more than he had been in the BAU. The tension in his marriage had been growing for months and if this was a step that would lessen it, than transferring is what he needed to do.

While his compromise with Haley was the main reason for his request to transfer, that wasn't what he would be telling the team because it wasn't the only reason.

After the meeting with Strauss that led to his suspension, there was no question that Strauss had a grudge against him. The suspension for dubious reasons and promises of further investigation derailing his planned promotion had clearly illustrated that point.

After he walked into the building and passed the security checks, he took the elevator up to the floor where HR was located. He noted that it was busier now than in the early morning when he generally arrived.

However today his arrival was determined by his appointment with HR since he needed to meet with them before returning to the BAU.

When he finished meeting with the representative in HR and was cleared to return to full duty, he headed up to the 6th floor. He used the brief time in the elevator to prepare himself for the upcoming interactions with members of the team. Fellow agents, most of whom he had worked with for a few years now and had established positive working relationships.

He had only taken a few steps off the elevator when he ran into Morgan who walked over and started to fill him in about the case they were taking.

Hotch quickly grew annoyed when Morgan then mentioned about things 'being shaky' while he was out. From what he heard from JJ, HR and a couple of other unit chiefs he had run into while waiting for HR, Emily had done a good job covering the team while he was out.

The biggest issue, other than Strauss keeping close tabs on the team, was push back from the members of the team with Morgan being the main offender. So for him now to comment that things were shaky was disingenuous given his role in it.

As Hotch was getting ready to step away from the BAU, he needed to know he was leaving it in good hands. Given what he had been told it was in Emily's hands that he wanted to leave the team.

He hadn't been sure two weeks ago but now he was confident that she could handle it. She had stepped up with no preparation and done good work. However if it was putting her at odds with Morgan, a permanent transition would be harder for the team.

After hearing Morgan out and saying goodbye, Hotch excused himself and went up to his office. As he entered his office, he noticed a large pile of files on his desk. He sighed as he considered that he needed to work on this pile or at least delegate each file before he left.

Sitting down at his desk, he looked through each files, surprised that most of the files were completed by Emily and he could pass them onto Strauss when she came by for their meeting.

There was a smaller pile that were all new consults that appeared to have been dropped off by JJ that morning. It seemed as if Emily hadn't had an opportunity to delegated them before the team was called to conference on the case Morgan mentioned.

As he closed the last file, there was a knock on the door and Strauss walked into the office. As she did, Hotch handed her the stack of completed files. Strauss nodded as she took the files.

They took the next few minutes discussing Hotch's plans now that he was returning to duty.

" _I was hoping you'd do the right thing. Have you given any thought to what department you'll request?"_ Strauss stated as she stood across from him.

Hotch looked at her intently before answering cautiously, " _I was under the impression that if I left the BAU I'd have my choice of posts."_ If he wasn't going to have a significant say in where he transferred to then he was going to have to reconsider his plans.

Strauss gave him a small smirk before as she was walking around his office said, " _well, I'll consider it after I fully complete my investigation."_ before pausing as she stopped and looked back at him and stated, " _you were a prosecutor."_

Hotch nods as he critically assessed Strauss, not liking where this conversation was going before Strauss continued, " _what about heading up a white collar crime task force? That'll get you home at night at a reasonable hour."_

With that statement, Hotch could feel his stomach drop. White collar crime would have been one of his last choices. Yes it would give him the hours Haley wanted but the work was tedious and repetitive. It was certainly necessary work and the evidence discovered by these task forces by creating paper trails that were instrumental in presenting cases to juries but …

His thoughts were interrupted when there was a knock on his door frame. When he looked over, he saw Emily standing there.

He had been planning to talk to her this morning. From what Morgan had shared, it looked like this would be the only opportunity he would have with the team preparing to leave on a case. He just wished that Strauss wasn't in the room with them.

Before he could say anything, Emily had taken a few steps into his office as she said, " _sorry to interrupt."_

He saw her take a deep breath before she took another step forward as she continued, " _sir, I've decided to resign from the FBI, effective immediately."_ as she placed her credentials, badge and gun on his desk along with a folded piece of paper which he expected was her letter of resignation.

Hotch watched as she placed each of the items on his desk and then murmured, " _I don't understand."_

The room was quiet and Hotch could feel the rising tension in the room. He silently noted that Strauss was yet to say anything about the resignation.

Not a word to this agent who she had unilaterally assigned to the BAU months earlier.

Not a word to this agent that she had appointed acting Unit Chief of the BAU two weeks ago.

Not a word to this agent that from all reports had done well in the position.

Not a word to this agent who would have been expected to lead the team on the case they were preparing for at the moment.

Not a word to a veteran agent that had been with the FBI for over 10 years.

Before he could process the unusual reaction, Emily stunned him with the next thing she said,

" _I'm taking the foreign service exam. With my connections, I stand a good chance of landing in the State Department."_

OK now he was positive that something was amiss. Emily in the State Department. No way. At least not by her choice.

He remembered Emily's unequivocal declaration when they were dating that she would never follow in her parents' footsteps. Since joining the team she had made statements about politics that made him doubt that her mindset had changed much on the topic over the years.

No there was something else going on here. And Strauss was somehow involved.

But he did not know what that was and since he and Emily weren't alone he wasn't going to call her out on it, at least not directly.

But he was going to try a different tactic as he tried to elicit a better explanation. Looking at her right in the eye, he said, " _Prentiss, I think that's a mistake._ "

He couldn't say what he wanted to.

That he was transferring and wanted her to stay.

Needed her to stay.

To continue to lead the team if she wanted.

Or at the very least work with them.

If Strauss heard that he wanted Emily to continue to lead the team with how Strauss felt about him, he had been concerned that she would refuse Emily the promotion on those grounds alone.

Or if he was sensing the energy in the room correctly, there was already something going on between the two women. He didn't miss the glances they kept making to each other as they each gauge the other's reactions.

As his eyes rested on Emily again he could see the deep sadness behind the unshed tears in her eyes. She gave a quick shake of her head before saying, " _well, don't try to talk me out of it. Garcia saw my name on the list and she already tried. If she can't talk someone out of doing something, no one can."_

Damn now he knew that this was serious. Garcia wasn't one to give in easily, particularly in type of situation.

Before he could say anything, she continued, " _sorry for the interruption_ " before taking a few steps back. He watches her as she moved towards the door and out of his life once again.

However before she reached the door, she looked at him and then over to Strauss and held her glaze for several seconds before saying as she turned back to him, "but, sir, it's good to see you back. The team needs you. Ma'am." before she nodded toward Strauss and then walked out of his office, down the stairs and quickly out of the bullpen.

He turned back to Strauss as she said resigned, " _I'll be overseeing this case until I can assign your replacement."_ She stood up from where she had been sitting on the couch.

Hotch internally shook his head. While she may be Section Chief, Strauss was not a profiler or even a field agent. Except for micromanaging the team, he didn't know what advantage her traveling with the team would be. But now he had even less say than usual given the current uncertainty with his position. No matter what he said she would go with the team if she wanted.

Though he did decide to question her, " _you don't have any field experience, do you?_

Strauss huffed at him before shaking her head and saying dismissively, " _my job is to protect the Bureau. If I have to hold the team's hand for one case, so be it."_

" _Ma'am, in order to function effectively, this team needs stability."_ Hotch pointed out. Going into the field for a case was not the time to reshuffle how the BAU was run.

With him transferring and Emily resigning, he was now attempting to make the case for Gideon to run point on this case if he was available. While the elder profiler had been struggling particularly since his friend Sarah's death, he did have a wealth of knowledge that Morgan and Reid would need.

However, that hope was also crushed when Strauss came back with, " _the BAU has some very talented people and they're Bureau assets. And I believe it's time that they were out from underneath you and Jason Gideon."_

The situation was worse than he thought. Not only was Strauss trying to separate him from the BAU but she was also attempting the same with Gideon.

Gideon.

One of the founders of the BAU and an internationally recognized expert in behavioral analysis. What was Strauss trying to accomplish? Why was she pushing out those that had the most experience? No matter where she looked, she wasn't going to be able to adequately fill the void she was attempting to create. And that was a victory for the type of criminals the BAU chased.

After Strauss quickly excused herself to meet up with the team, Hotch reflected the meeting that had just happened. In the span of 15 minutes the expectations of how he would step away from his position had been shot to hell. Strauss was trying to micromanage his next assignment. Emily had resigned. Gideon's future in the BAU now also seemed uncertain.

While he hadn't expected Strauss to completely go along with what he thought would be best for the BAU, he thought that most of what he wanted was logical and assured the easiest transition for the remaining members of the team.

As he continued to pack his office, the level of shortsightedness in Strauss' approach was glaring. The BAU was certainly a Bureau asset as was each agent that work with the team.

However, the strength of the team and the secret to their success was each of them coming together to solve cases. Each of them had strengths as well as weaknesses and those factors along with their shared experiences is why departments across the country sought them out. Or as Aristotle first put it 'the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.'

Removing three profilers from their team, particularly the two senior agents would permanently change team dynamics. And she wanted to make the changes all at the same time.

As he considered the remaining members of the team, Hotch focused on Strauss' characterization about them being Bureau assets and wanting them out from under him and Gideon.

As instrumental as JJ and Garcia were for the success of the team, they weren't profilers. While he and the rest of the team considered them part of the BAU, the Bureau did not in the same way as the profilers.

Both of their roles were considered support which meant that Strauss or one of the higher ups could reassign them at any time as needed away from the BAU and he would have had less pull to stop it than if it had been one of the profilers on his team.

And with Strauss' identification of them as 'assets' instead of people, Hotch didn't know what that indicated for their future with the BAU. Other departments had sought out both as various times. If Strauss found herself in a situation where it would be beneficial for her politically to transfer either or both of them, he anticipated that she wouldn't hesitate.

Then there was Morgan and Reid. Both of whom were considered assets though for different reasons. Morgan had extensive field experience both at the local level in Chicago as well as with SWAT and the BAU in addition to being a guest field skills instructor at the Academy within the FBI. He was also an accepted expert within the Bureau on obsessional crimes.

The Bureau considered Reid's greatest asset his intellect. That his published works were valuable examples of the work of the FBI. His abilities are what led him to be referred to Gideon when Reid was in college. Though over time, the team found that while his intellect was an important part of who Spencer Reid was, there was so much more to the man than that which made him a valuable member of the team.

As Hotch recalled what he shared about each member of the team with Strauss before his suspension. And as he thought about it, the way she was proceeding indicated that she hadn't heard anything he said.

As he had pointed out Morgan had trust issues. Hotch had worked with Morgan in various capacities for four years now and he was certain that Morgan still didn't completely trust him. And while Hotch was aware that Morgan has great respect for Gideon, two years earlier, he won't even go into the field with him on a bomber case, still having concerns about what happened with Gideon in Boston.

If Strauss now planned on bringing in several new people for the team, Hotch was confident that she would have Morgan's resignation or transfer request as well. If Garcia was still assigned to the team, hers wouldn't be far behind given how close those two were. Because if Hotch had learned anything about Morgan it was that Garcia was one of the few people who had gained his trust.

And it wasn't that Morgan didn't have other options both within and outside the FBI. It wouldn't surprise anyone that if he would leave the BAU that Morgan would head to Chicago to be closer to family. With Carl Buford arrested and years of misunderstandings cleared up with the local police, it would be a more favorable location than it was even a year ago.

Then there was Reid. As Hotch had shared with Strauss, while the Bureau considered his intellect an asset, for Reid, it was still under repair after a difficult few months.

Like Morgan, Reid had multiple opportunities outside the BAU in other areas of the FBI, other federal agencies, various universities and well as the private sector.

While he found the work interesting, he had commented on more than one occasion that he liked working with this team. After Boston when Gideon's future with the BAU was unknown, Hotch recalled even with him, Garcia, Morgan and JJ still there, Reid waffled about whether he was going to stay for weeks.

After many discussions and encouragement from all of them, he had decided to stay. However Reid didn't like change and he liked people leaving even less. With the starkly different team that Strauss was planning, Hotch could foresee the BAU losing Reid as well either before or at the same time as Morgan.

But Hotch thought as he sat at his desk for maybe the last time as he finished packing his boxes, there wasn't much he could do about it at this point. And as much as he hated the feeling of not being able to fix it, he didn't see how he could. He was transferring to another department. And ultimately, as Section Chief, Strauss was able to make these changes.


	24. Highs and Lows, Part 2

Emily walked into her apartment and sighed as she closed the door. After taking off her boots and placing them in the front hall closet, she walked up the stairs to her bedroom.

As she took off her suit jacket, she walked up to her dresser picking out a pair of yoga pants and a t-shirt. Tossing them on the bed, she walked over to her gun safe and opened it as she did everyday when arriving home from work. As she reached down to take her gun off her waistband, she was greeted with the feeling of an empty holster.

It was then that it hit her what she had just done. She had handed in her gun and badge today. Roughly shutting the gun safe, she quickly finished changing out of her work suit before walking back down the stairs.

Looking around the room, her eyes fell on the bar at the side of the room. After the morning she just had, she really needed a drink.

A quick look at her watch showed that it was 10:36AM. Early yet so much had already happened that morning that it felt later.

She sighed and shook her head before walking into the kitchen, noticing a bottle of champagne sitting on the counter.

It was then that her eyes widened as a thought came to her.

Mimosas.

She would make herself a mimosa.

Or several.

It's not like she had anywhere to go now. She no longer needed to worry about the team being called out on a case at any moment.

Pivoting, she opened the fridge to see if she had the orange juice she would need for the mimosas. She found that not only did she have an almost full bottle of orange juice but she also noticed that she had the right ingredients to make an omelet.

After joining the BAU, she had quickly learned to limit the perishable foods she kept in her apartment after coming home several times to spoiled food.

But a few days earlier on an emergency grocery run she had picked up extra items including perishables knowing that her time in the BAU was coming to an end.

After preparing her first mimosa, she chopped and prepped the filling for her omelet before starting to cook the eggs. After it was done, she took her plate and drink to the table. As she ate, she thought back to what happened when she was at the office.

Her plan had been to say goodbye to the whole team. As part of her parents' careers, she had said goodbye many times over the course of her life from staff at various postings to acquaintances at numerous schools. Once she joined the FBI it was work colleagues as she changed assignments.

It was always draining and as much as most people promised to stay in touch in her experience it usually didn't extend past a few months.

As she was preparing to go in this morning, she was thankful that she had already spoken to Spencer. With him, it was going to be a difficult conversation either way. They had become close friends over the last couple months. With as nervous as she was she didn't think the conversation they needed to have would have gone as smoothly as it had a few nights earlier.

Almost immediately she was derailed when she couldn't find JJ. As she was looking for her she did run into Garcia.

What she hadn't been expecting was the depth of sadness in Garcia's reaction to her resignation. It had only been around a week since Garcia started to trust again that Emily wasn't trying to hurt the team. Garcia's tearful inquiries and pleas for Emily to reconsider and stay had deeply affected her because when it came down to it, she didn't want to leave either.

Unfortunately, she couldn't explain why she was leaving. That it was best for the team. That either way she was out of the BAU due to Strauss' demands and her stubborn refusal to be a puppet. That leaving this way gave her back control of her own future.

That interaction with Garcia probably wouldn't have been as difficult if it hadn't been for Emily's unexpected discussion with Gideon a couple of days earlier when he showed up at the BAU while she had been completing some files after the rest of the team had left. Since that evening, she felt as if a raw nerve had been exposed that she had worked hard over the last couple of years to cover.

As soon as he walked into the room, the look in his eyes as well as the heaviness that filled the room revealed that he had taken her suggestion of looking at her JTF-12 file as well as the file from the Doyle mission. A suggestion in retrospect she wished she hadn't made.

They had talked about why he had felt the need to investigate due to her connection with Bruno Hawks. Once they delved into what he had read in files, she could feel the wall she had spent two years building up starting to crack as he already knew much of what was behind the wall.

And while it had been a difficult conversation, she had felt marginally better after having talked to an empathetic person about the experience. She hadn't really understood when Alicia had told her over the years that the more she talked out difficult experiences, the easier it would be afterwards. Though because of the Doyle mission's classification, the body of people she could talk to was small.

But in some ways the classification of that mission along with the backstop in her job history helped her avoid having the topic unexpectedly broached with her. She had never wanted anyone to know about that time particularly not someone with whom she was working. Someone who she was going to see every day. She didn't want anyone's pity or to be treated differently.

Now that Gideon knew, it was probably a good thing that she was already planning on leaving. Would he ever look at her the same again? Is that why he treated her with kid gloves during the case in Flagstaff?

She had thought it was because it was his first case back after Sarah was killed however now she wasn't sure. Given they worked with profilers, it wouldn't take long for someone to notice a change in their interactions and start asking questions.

However with how she was feeling and what she needed to accomplish today, she did not want to bump into Gideon in the office, at least not until after she had spoken to Hotch.

But as she had finished with Garcia and was still unable to find JJ, Emily took a deep breath as she readied herself to enter the bullpen to go to Hotch's office. Given that his office was next to Gideon's, it would be the most likely place for her to run into him.

Because she had still needed to talk to Hotch, she entered the bullpen and quickly headed for Hotch's office. The reason she had waited this long to resign was so that she could talk to him. She couldn't walk away and not follow through now.

She had noticed as she approached that he was there. It wasn't until after she had entered that she observed Strauss over on the couch.

Strauss' presence in his office when she arrived had been both a blessing and a curse. She was giving her resignation to Hotch with Strauss in the same room. While her plans to explain everything that had happened to Hotch was thwarted by Strauss' presence, it had given Emily the opportunity to push one of Strauss' buttons.

She had mentioned that her plan was to apply to the State Department. She regretted lying to Hotch since he had been the one to whom she was speaking. However she did wonder if he would pick up on the lie given the opinions she had shared with him in the past about that type of work.

On the other hand, Strauss was all about politics. It would get under her skin to find out her manipulations had resulted in Emily working at the State Department.

Additionally if Strauss checked, as Emily anticipated she would, Strauss would hear positive feedback about the intention since the Ambassador had said she was trying to set up a position for her there. Given that Strauss had tried to extract information from Emily, she predicted that the unexpected action would give Strauss pause. Maybe enough pause to back off Hotch and the team for a while.

While in Hotch's office, she hadn't been prepared for him to push back about her resignation given how her tenure with the team had gone. She certainly hadn't expected him to go as far as calling it a mistake.

In her mind as she thought about the meeting beforehand, she thought he may give token resistance but overall be happy that the agent he had a history with and hadn't wanted on his team from the beginning was leaving.

Given the look he had given her two weeks earlier when Strauss announced that she was acting unit chief, she somewhat expected him to be relieved. She didn't know what to make of his reaction.

Although it was unexpected, there was a benefit of Strauss being in the room. Though she didn't come out and say anything, Emily knew that she had made it clear to both her and Hotch that she respected him and recognized him as the Unit Chief of the BAU. That had been her goal in going in today and she had accomplished at least that on her way out.

But as expected the conversation had been emotional as she was walking away from a wanted job. Though she had been able to temper her feelings until she had reached her car.

After finishing her omelet and cleaning up the kitchen, Emily poured her third mimosa as she started to feel the effects of the alcohol. Carrying her glass with her, she walked over to the living room planning to continue her packing.

 **####**

Emily groaned as she woke up the next morning as the sun streaming into her bedroom through the curtain she hadn't closed as she usually did before bed. Sitting up she held her head while squinting at the time.

Seeing that it was still early she got out of bed and went into the bathroom to take some ibuprofen for her hangover before going through her morning routine.

As she walked down the stairs, she was horrified at the mess she had left in the living room and kitchen. Some of the mess was to be expected at this point in the packing process but that wasn't the part she was focusing on right now. No, she was looking at the empty bottles as well a mess from food preparation on the kitchen counters. A mess that she generally never left.

As she sat on a stool at the counter looking into the kitchen, she immediately recognized the similarities between this and those first few weeks after she came off the Doyle mission.

It wasn't that she didn't enjoy having a glass of wine after work or to go out with friends for an evening at a bar. She had been drunk many times in her life but this was different.

This was getting very drunk while being alone. With it happened just once she felt she could push past it but given the similarities she was noticing she needed to nip it in the bud now or she was going to have bigger problems.

This type of drinking was something that she had spoken in depth about with Alicia. After the Doyle mission, she had used alcohol as a way to cope with what had happened to her. Right now there was uncertainty in several areas of her life but there was no way she was going back down that rabbit hole.

Standing up, she walked over and picked up her personal cell phone and called Alicia's office. Once she had the older woman on the phone, she requested an appointment as soon as possible. Luckily for her, she hung up the call with an appointment in a few hours.

With that done, she walked around to the fridge to make some breakfast before tackling the mess that was her kitchen.

 **####**

When Emily returned to her apartment after her extended appointment with Alicia, she was feeling somewhat more at ease. While her therapist had also recognized the similarities, she was encouraged that Emily had also seen them and immediately came in for a session.

The session had gone smoothly as in previous sessions Emily had already described all of the current stressors in both her personal and professional life. Given the circumstances and how Emily initially chose to cope with all the uncertainty, Alicia had recommended not drinking alone in her apartment at all until she had a better handle on the next steps in her life. With the topic being coping strategies, Alicia had questioned her about cutting though they had quickly moved on when Emily explained that it wasn't currently an issue.

They reviewed the healthy coping strategies that Emily had started utilizing after the Doyle mission. Alicia had encouraged her to focus on them at the moment by using the gym and/or pool in her apartment building or researching a nearby public gun range where she could do target practice. Do the things that Emily knew helped her and made her feel better about herself. Along with that they agreed that Emily should increase her sessions for the foreseeable future while she sorted out her future plans.

After agreeing to come back in a couple of days and to call before if she needed to, Emily headed home and changed into athletic shorts and a tshirt for heading down to the building gym. After a lengthy workout, she returned to her apartment tired but with an improved outlook on at least her immediate future.

After showering and getting dressed, she came back downstairs and turned on some music before sitting in front of her laptop and starting to research options. Options for work. Options for new apartments.

Before she got too far in her research her thoughts flipped back to Declan. At some point she was going to need to determine a more permanent solution to keep him safe. Perhaps her current situation made this a good time to make that move. If only she what to do.

She was pulled out of her thoughts by an unexpected knocking on her front door.

 **AN: The next part will be Hotch and Haley at home before Hotch leaves for Milwaukee. I'm still working on it but expect to be able to post during the first half of next week.**


	25. Highs and Lows, Part 3

**AN: This is the first Hotch/Haley section. The other part that will be about them is part 7 though they will not be interacting there. I hope you enjoy it.**

 **Dialogue from the episode is in italics.**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing but my imagination.**

Hotch walked into the house after returning home from the BAU. After he entered, he climbed the stairs. When he reached the second floor, he put his briefcase in his home office before going into his bedroom and changing out of his suit.

With Haley out with Jack, he went back to his office. Sitting at his desk he thought about everything that happened at the office that morning. Things certainly didn't go how he wanted or expected.

When he left to head home, Gideon still wasn't there and no one had heard from him.

Strauss was continuing her investigation of him which precluded him transferring until it was complete. So he still essentially without a position.

Aside from that, her intention of what department she planned on him going to was a nonstarter for him. If needed he would appeal it when he was cleared to transfer though he wasn't telling Strauss that now. As much as White Collar Crime would give him the hours Haley wanted him to be working, he couldn't see himself there.

The disappointment from Morgan and then later Reid when they discovered he wasn't traveling with them to Milwaukee as well as he plans to transfer.

Garcia thanking him for her updated office space. Her role on the team had grown tremendously since he took over as Unit Chief and he felt a larger and updated space was warranted given the expectations of the team. It sadden him he wouldn't be there as the team benefited as she utilized the upgrades to her workspace.

JJ tearfully hugging him at the news of his transfer before needing to rush off when she got a phone call.

Then, he sighed, was Emily's unexpected resignation. He had been planning, counting on her to stay with the team as he moved on. He had never shared those thoughts with her but now he didn't know what was going to happen with the team.

While Emily was in his office he knew there was so much more going on than what she was expressing through her words. He wished that he had been alone when she arrived. That she would have explained her decision. And that he would have had the opportunity to change her mind.

The more he thought about it, the more he felt that Strauss had a significant role in Emily's decision. It hadn't just been what Emily said in his office or even how she reacted as they spoke. No it was Strauss' demeanor as well as tells of hers that he had picked up on over the years.

As he went over his conversations with both women today, he noted that Emily's resignation had been a surprise to Strauss too. From the tone when they spoke before Emily arrived, it appeared that Strauss was expecting Emily to travel with the team to Milwaukee.

After Emily left, that changed. Then Strauss not only stated resignedly her intention of traveling with the team but mentions of her investigation of him had unexpectedly softened.

As he thought over the sequence of events during the last few weeks, he could only come up with one explanation that made sense. Strauss was pressuring Emily for dirt on the team and him specifically.

It made sense starting with the unexpected review of members of the team that he mentioned to Gideon the evening that Frank and Jane crashed back into their lives.

Emily had been off since that case but each of them had been affected by what happened in some way so he hadn't thought too much of it.

Then there was Strauss' decision to appoint her acting Unit Chief. As he thought back to that day he recalled the mixed emotions on her face when he walked out of his office before he headed home. Along with Strauss' preening, he had taken Emily's reaction as guilt. But now he wasn't so sure. At least not guilt for what he had thought that day.

Then there was his phone call with JJ while he was suspended. During the call, JJ had mentioned in passing that Emily had genuinely seemed surprised at the news that she was acting Unit Chief which had confused her. Additionally, she had commented about Strauss' tight control of the unit while he had been out as well as check ins multiple times a day with Emily.

From that information combined with his interaction today with Strauss he was fairly certain that Strauss had been pressuring Emily for information. Information, that before Emily had walked into his office, Strauss thought she would have for her investigation. Information that Emily seemingly chose to resign instead of giving Strauss.

Before he could go any further down this train of thought, he wanted to confirm his theory with Emily. However as he tried to contact her again, the call once again went to voicemail.

His frustration rose as he thought that the meeting in his office was going to be how things ended between them. He hadn't wanted her on his team when she walked into his office months earlier but now he regretted that they had never made peace over their past.

 **####**

After working in his office for a couple of hours, Hotch continued to focus on work.

He thought about the statements Haley had made over the last couple of weeks. She kept pushing that they deserved to have a happy life as well as wanting their home life to be normal.

As he considered it, his thoughts kept coming back to what he remembered what John Blackwolf telling him when the team worked on a case in New Mexico a year and a half earlier.

 _There are many paths to the same place_.

At the time he had dismissively commented that the other man sounded like a fortune cookie.

However, since he had returned home after they finished that case, he had come to accept the wisdom of those words as they had rung true in many different areas.

Initially this mindset had helped him to make peace with his brother Sean. To accept that Sean was on a different path than the one that had been envisioned for him. Envisioned not by him though.

Sean had no desire to be a lawyer. No drive to do that type of work. And once Hotch sat down and really thought about it having worked as a lawyer, he accepted it.

No, Sean had determined that his path to happiness was to go a different route. Since their talk at the diner Sean had worked in, he had moved to New York City and by all accounts had found his calling in the culinary world.

And Hotch couldn't be prouder of him. Not only for what he was accomplishing but also for pushing against the flow to forge his own path. He couldn't have been happier that he had been wrong.

As he was considering it Hotch saw that he had made a similar choice though not nearly as dramatic. It had been anticipated that he would follow in his father's footsteps as a defense attorney. He had an associate spot at his father's old firm waiting for him when he finished law school. However, after interning there, when he graduated, he couldn't accept the position.

Instead he took a position in the prosecutor's office. Working instead to keep criminals off the street by trying them in a court of law. While that was better suited for him, it wasn't enough. That is what led him to the FBI Academy and working towards becoming a Special Agent.

Being on the front lines. Working to solve crimes. Creating procedures to educate other agents on what to do in challenging situation is where he found his niche.

Then in the BAU is where he found his fulfillment. Where he was respected. He had found his calling in profiling.

He preferred working with his team and finding the pieces of what most times was a complicated puzzles which allowed them to get UNSUBs off the street. He took pride in the ability to read people and use that ask probing questions, gather information and ultimately get a confession once they made an arrest. He didn't have a list the same way that Gideon did but for each person they saved, it was worth it.

He was being told that he needed to give up his professional happiness by his personal happiness. His wife. Who stated it was best for their family.

He may be able to find another assignment where he would be content though he still didn't think it would be enough for Haley. She didn't like anything about his job.

Despite Haley's declarations that leaving the BAU and starting a position with a 9 to 5 schedule would allow them to have a 'happy life' he didn't think so, at least not for him because of the type of positions that offered that kind of schedule.

He cynically wondered how long it would take for her to find fault with his new assignment since it would bring with it a whole set of new challenges.

While Haley's statement of it being a no brainer was her opinion. While he respected that this White Collar task force was necessary and vital to the work of the FBI but it wasn't the right option for him.

Spending eight to nine hours a day going through paperwork trying to make a paper trail would not make him happy. He could go in and do his best and maybe even be successful in providing evidence needed for case but at the end of the day it would not make him happy. And he did not want to take those feelings home.

Strauss knew too that it wasn't the right fit for him. That it was an underutilization of his skills. But she didn't care. She had made no secret that she wanted him out of the BAU. That she wanted to compromise his career. And that assignment would do that. He would no longer be seen as a contender for promotion despite his years on the job after that transfer.

Then at some point the task force would be disbanded and he would end up in another position with no potential for advancement or he would grow frustrated and leave.

But that is what Strauss was counting on. So far she hadn't been able to get evidence of his perceived wrongdoing which would allow her to fire him. Making him miserable in a position with little advancement so he would quit would be the next best step.

As he reflected on the subject and their different perspectives, would they actually end up with a happy life? Did their paths lead them to the same place in their search for happiness? Or were both of them unhappy because there were deeper issues that transferring away from the BAU wouldn't fix?

Then he thought about her other criteria - normal. As he did, he considered that normal was also a byproduct of perception. As time went on he was picking up on what Haley considered normal however that perception wasn't the universal definition of normal.

As he did, he thought about Tony, one of his roommates in law school who was from a large Italian family in Chicago. He had been the first one in his family to not only go to college but also to law school.

Most of Tony's family were either police officers and firefighters. Hotch recalled him wondering at times how his schedule as a lawyer would match up with the various schedules of 8,12 and 24 hours shifts of his family members.

When he continued to question whether becoming a lawyer was really the right path for him, several members of Tony's family had driven to see him. They convinced him that becoming a lawyer was the right path for him. That he was where he needed to be. They also assured him that they would make sure he stayed close with the family.

While Haley would not consider all of the rotating shifts as normal, it was for Tony's family and they made it work. At one point, Hotch joined him in Chicago and witnessed a family happy to see one another. Boisterous in their interactions and love for one another. Proud of their role in keeping their community safe.

Additionally, he thought about the thousands of law enforcement officers who the team had met while on cases as well as the thousands of officers throughout the country that they hadn't met yet because they had been fortunate enough to not have a monster comes after the citizens that they were there to protect.

Police officer who some weeks had a consistent schedule however any number of circumstances could result in them having to work doubles or around the clock to keep their communities safe.

In addition to law enforcement, other first responders such as fire and paramedics do the same.

But it wasn't just with first responders.

Hospital staff, nurses and doctors also worked varying hours in shifts.

So did law. When he started in the prosecutor's office, he was consistently working 16 hours days. Time in court was only a small percentage of their time. They also needed to do interviews, research, meet with other attorneys, etc…

There were countless other professions with various schedules that didn't fit into a 9 to 5 schedule.

And that wasn't even considering the military.

When he thought of his own family, for all outward appearances, Hotch had grown up in a normal family at the time. His father was a lawyer at a prestigious firm while his mother was a housewife who was part of the area's social circles and volunteered on all the right committees. And he was an honor student who played soccer while Sean went out of his way to be the perfect child.

But behind closed doors, life was very different. His father was also a heavy drinker who had a number of affairs. It wasn't unusual for him to come home drunk and hit Hotch and/or his mother. Perception and appearance were so important that his mother never made the effort to find a way out from the beatings of her and her sons.

The perception of normal had been so important that his father never got help for his drinking which led first to cirrhosis and later to liver cancer which killed him when Hotch was in high school. It also resulted in Hotch and Sean to be sent to boarding school after what he found out later was his father's cancer diagnosis because his father didn't want them to see him struggling.

That only lasted for so long. After a few treatments, Hotch could see during a visit the changes in his father though no one would admit until later that something was seriously wrong.

Given this, the idea of forcing a narrow definition of normal wasn't as compelling as it may have been for someone else. Living what was considered a normal life in his community hadn't been a pleasant experience for him.

He agreed that his work at the BAU had a large time commitment and unusual hours. But as he mulled over the hours and schedule that Haley was pushing for, he concluded that a strict 40 hours week wasn't typical or normal, particularly in the DC area.

He knew very few people whose schedule was even close to those parameters. From other agents to people on other government agencies to nonprofits to attorneys. The list went on…

 **####**

Hotch sat in his living room with the file for the case the team is working in Milwaukee. He closed the file and slammed it down on the table in front of him. Her had been staying in touch with team through Morgan and offering suggestions about the case since the team had arrived the day before. Just a few minutes earlier Haley had walked in the room after putting Jack down for his nap and flipped when she saw him with the case file.

As they were arguing about it, the house phone began to ring. He had it sitting next to him since he hadn't hung the cordless unit up since talking to Morgan earlier. Already annoyed because of their argument, he answered the call only to be greeted by another hangup.

His frustration rose at the ongoing issue of these calls. Before he could say anything else to Haley, her cell phone rang on top of her bag. They both stared at it as it rang out and went to voicemail.

When Hotch glanced at his wife, he could see the fear, apprehension and guilt across her face. It had been telling that she hadn't walked over to answer it, even to let whoever it was know she would call them back. The significance of her letting the call go to voicemail was not lost on him as she rarely let that happen unless she was busy in another room with Jack.

While he was processing what he had just witnessed, Haley, instead on addressing the elephant in the room, had immediately switched back to her issues with his job and what the status of his transfer was. Having heard what she wanted to hear from him, she gave a last barb before she grabbed her bag and stormed out of the house.

With how she left, he knew not to expect her back for a while. After waiting a couple of minutes to listen for if the slamming door had woken Jack, Hotch walked over and picked up his laptop. Switching to his email, he pulled up the message from Garcia that he had noticed earlier though had not had an opportunity to review it yet.

He read the summary that Garcia had written about the number that correspond to the days and times that he had given JJ. She had found all of the calls had come from the same number. She also noted that calls from that number had been calling the house for almost a year as she included the initial date which was just weeks after his aborted vacation when the Randall Gardner had targeted the team.

He clicked on the attachment that contained the call history for his home phone over the same time frame. Initially the calls had been infrequent and short however a few months ago that changed to some longer calls and in more frequent intervals. And this was just their home phone.

He sighed as he closed that attachment to open the next one which Garcia had mentioned in her note was the face page of the guy who was listed with that number. When the attachment popped up and he saw who it was, he was irate. Thomas Hannon.

Thomas Hannon had gone to high school with Hotch and Haley though he had been a year ahead of them. He had been a jock who had targeted Hotch, who felt more comfortable with the nerdy crowd. The bullying had intensified when Thomas had noticed Hotch's interest in Haley.

After Hotch was sent to boarding school, he had discovered while on break that Haley was dating Thomas though they were no longer together by the time Haley graduated. As far as Hotch knew, they had also seriously dated another time after Hotch had moved back to VA but before he and Haley became engaged.

A few months after their wedding, Hotch remembered hearing Thomas' name mentioned when he had taken over the family business which was import/export of luxury goods including foods when he father retired.

As he considered everything, Hotch was now wondering how much this new piece of information factored into the discussion at the Brooks' home about Hotch taking over their store and Haley's argument against it. Even now, Hotch still felt that taking over their store wasn't the right fit for him.

Hotch now also wondered how much Haley's family knew. In his experience, Haley held back very little from her family. However, Hotch did not see her parents reacting well to finding out she was having an affair or as they would phrase it, 'an improper relationship' if that is what it turned out to be.

Whatever was going on had no doubt that Jessica knew all the details. He didn't see Haley being able to work out the logistics for this long without input from her sister. In this context, he also wondered how much her mother knew as the looks at dinner when the subject of the store arose were unusual for her and at the time had intrigued him.

Was Haley trying to arrange for Hannon to get control of the store? It would complement Hannon's business well. In fact, that was how the families initially met.

Could it be that this issue was the main reason they had revived their friendship? That it was strictly a business association. But if that was the case why wouldn't she say anything about him for months when she had mentioned updates of several other people with whom they had gone to high school. And why would Hannon repeatedly hang up when he answered instead of just asking to speak to Haley?

As angry as he was it wasn't just pointed at Haley and Hannon. He was angry at himself too. He had sensed for months that there was a change in their relationship. That Haley had been more distant, more secretive. She had never really liked his job, asking why he didn't stay in practice as a lawyer. Her discontent had risen after Jack was born and then again after the Fisher King case. But this had been different.

In recent months he had been getting mixed messages from her, not sure at any given time what attitude she was going to be in. As much as she didn't like that he was in the BAU, Haley had been pushing for him to advance his career in the FBI and was pushing for him to apply for a promotion. This was in contrast to other times that she wanted him to be out of the BAU immediately. To go back to practicing law. To find a job with a 40 hour work week.

This dichotomy expanded to how she treated the members of his team. She insisted that they attend an annual Christmas party and overall the party went well each year. However she was hostile to them to the point that he needed to speak to her about it several times. Gideon and JJ seemed to be her primary targets however no one on the team had completely escaped her wrath. Whenever he brought up the topic her go-to reason was that she didn't like the BAU ignoring that he chose to be there. That she was taken out her anger at him on his teammates.

He also was no longer sure when he was home how their interactions were going to be. There were days that she was cold and distant. Only speaking to him when necessary or to project the illusion of that there were no issues between them if someone happened to stop by. Whenever they did talk discussion quickly devolved into fights and more times that not would have her storming out of the house.

That contrasted with other times where she was almost clingy and insincerely affectionate. She would constantly try to engage him in discussion and household activities.

He found this aspect of their interactions a lot the previous week as his suspension drew to a close. She had commented multiple times a day how nice it was that they were all home. That they deserved a normal life and lectured him continuously about his need to transfer.

The mixed messages were only part of what he noticed though all he had were assumptions and conjecture. There had been no hard evidence. Until today.

But even today the evidence he had was that she had been receiving frequent calls from a former classmate and boyfriend. One that worked in the same area as her parent's store. The store that they were planning to retire soon and were planning on who would take it over.

Given her demeanor in the same timeframe, he was more certain than he was before that she was indeed having an affair with Hannon. It would explain not only their interactions but Haley's strange behavior in other areas including what he had noticed over the last couple of weeks such as storming off and disappearing for houses, frequent visits to unnamed friends, the repairs completed with no record, the excess water usage he still couldn't explain as well as the jacket in the hall closet.

He had never inquired too hard with Haley because without real evidence the question wouldn't go anywhere. While his gut was telling him that he was right, without proof, an accusation would cause more problems for him even if ultimately he turned out to be right. He knew Haley. She would deny it and throw accusations back at him about his job and the hours.

And when it came down to it, he didn't want it to be true. He had known her since high school. Yes they had been on and off again for years. They had both dated other people during the times they weren't together. But when they got married three years ago, he thought others were behind them and they were going to go forward together.

Additionally marital affairs were a sore spot for him after the actions of his father. Before they were engaged, he had an honest discussion with her on the subject and thought that she understood, It was a hard pill to swallow about how wrong that could be.

But for now all he had was phone records that she had been having multiple phone calls with an old boyfriend and never mentioned it to him. But even that wasn't evidence of an affair, at least not a physical one.

He sighed as he thought about how this situation remind him of what happened with Emily years earlier though he had handled it differently.

He trusted what he was told about why she wasn't home. No evidence just overheard statements. Based on that he made decisions about not only his life but his career.

But he had never given her the same benefit of the doubt that he was currently giving Haley. Hell he hadn't stayed around long enough to talk to her and hear her side. For years he was angry with her over the perceived betrayal.

When she walked into his office months earlier, his anger had swell back and he had only accepted her presence on the team because he was forced to.

But since then he had learned information that flew right in the face of what he had been told back then. Actual evidence that she stayed in New Haven and graduated from Yale. That she never married.

Then there was her musing on the jet a few weeks earlier than gave a possible alternate to why she disappeared. The information Emily had mentioned that day indicated that she had been in France with her dying grandfather and not taking off with some imaginary fiance.

Since that day on the jet he had been hoping that they could sit down and talk to at least clear the air. But then Frank return, Gideon lost his friend, the complicated case in Flagstaff followed by his suspension.

Now he was transferring and Emily quit. He had been trying to reach her since she left yesterday and all the calls kept going straight to voicemail. As frustrating as he found it there was nothing he could do. He couldn't force her to answer her phone or even talk to him. This time he wanted to hear her side and he again couldn't reach her to do it.

 **####**

Haley was still out when Jack woke up from his nap. After lifting the toddler out of his crib, Hotch changed his diaper and clothes before taking him over to the chair in the corner of the room. Once settled in the chair, Hotch started to read to him, knowing that with what he had planned, he wasn't going to be home that evening at bedtime.

Since Jack was born Hotch had tried to make the most of his time at home with his family knowing that he could be called away at any point. There were times that his irregular schedule at home made it difficult to bond with Jack particularly when he was an infant.

Over the last couple of weeks, spending time with his son was the one aspect of being home with no possible interruptions from work that he had enjoyed. He relished in spending time with him and learning how Jack's personality was developing.

At the end of the second book Jack started to get restless in the chair so after placing the book back in the book basket, he picked him up and they went downstairs to get a sippy cup before heading to the playroom.

That is where Haley found them playing with blocks when she got home. After filling her in on when Jack had woken up and what had happened since then, Hotch kissed son and handed him what he had learned was Jack's favorite car before standing and walking out of the room.

As he was walking to his room he sent a message to Garcia asking for information on commercial flights to Milwaukee. That done he changed into the suit he had set out before Jack woke up. When he was done, he pulled his go bag out of the closet. As he was double checking the contents, Haley stormed into the room.

After critically observing him and what he was doing, she yelled at him, " _What the hell are you doing?"_

Hotch glanced up from his bag and responded calmly, " _Keep your voice down. Gideon didn't show in Milwaukee and the team needs me."_

Haley placed her hand on her forehead and shook her head before she mumbled, " _I don't believe this."_

Hotch sighed as he had expected a strong reaction from her before he said reassuringly, " _don't worry, it won't affect my transfer. I'll be working on an existing case."_

Haley stomped in front of him and said angrily, " _you're not working on this case."_

Hotch's head shot up at her declaration. While he understood that she was upset that he was going on one last case with the BAU, she couldn't dictate the specifics of his job. It is not something that she would have tolerated in her workplace from him. He expected the same respect from her.

Too angry to address what she had just said directly without saying something that he feared he would regret, he answered, " _I can't just switch off my loyalty, Haley."_

Haley shook her head and paced before stopping in front of him and saying emphatically, " _they suspended you for two weeks. Who are you being loyal to?"_

Hotch looked at her and answered without hesitation, " _the team needs me."_

If he had gotten anything from the multiple phone calls, updates and questions it was that the team was struggling and needed him on the ground in Milwaukee to working with them to solve this case, preferably before any more women were killed.

" _No, they need Gideon."_ Haley challenged.

And if Gideon were there, then it was true that Hotch wouldn't need to go. But he wasn't. He had disappeared after the last case after saying he needed some time off. As far as Hotch knew no one had seen him since nor did they know when he would return.

At this point Hotch didn't know where Gideon was or what head space he was in. And the team and this case couldn't wait for Hotch to figure it out.

Noticing that the conversation was going nowhere, Hotch changed tactics, " _Do you know what this guy's doing to women in Milwaukee?"_

Haley shook her head before answering, " _I don't want to know."_

" _He's using his son to lure them. He's holding them and then he's cutting their hearts out."_ Hotch explained, hoping she would understand why he felt the overwhelming need to rejoin the team in Milwaukee to stop this UNSUB.

Haley cried out before tearfully continuing, " _Aaron, stop! Don't make me the monster here. I feel sick about these women but when this case is over, there will be another one and another one and another one. It is never going to stop."_

" _This is who I am."_ Hotch uttered unconsciously.

He paused and thought about what he just said. The work he did in the BAU was who he was. The work he was meant to do at this point in his life. It gave him the professional fulfillment that his work as a prosecutor just hadn't.

He had been somewhat reluctant to leave for a promotion for months. He had been struggling for the last couple of weeks as he was looking at other options to make Haley happy. He had been deeply affected when he returned to the BAU yesterday and had to tell the team he was leaving. He could see that Haley didn't understand but he needed to go.

" _No this is what you do."_ Haley answered pleadingly.

Hotch sighed before answering, " _I'm trying to do the right thing. Here and there and I would really appreciate a little support."_

But he knew before the words had finished coming out of his mouth that support for his career was something that he would never get from Haley. At least not for the career he wanted.

But he caught him before he said anything else. Before he shared that he knew about Thomas Hannon. About his suspicions about her current relationship with him.

No this was not the time for that discussion.

" _Oh that's right. 'Cause you always need to be the hero."_ Haley responded bitterly.

Hotch sighed and answered quietly, " _Don't give me that."_

He didn't add that what he and the BAU team did had nothing to do with wanting to be heroes. The BAU was the best at what they because they were trained to approach crimes in a different way.

When a police department had an UNSUB terrorizing their community and were unable to solve it, they sought out the BAU. Inevitably, when they arrived, they were handed a puzzle that was the case. Some had a good deal of pieces in place however there were significant hole in crucial parts. Sometimes there were very few pieces in places. And then there were times that the pieces were misplaced and thus giving the LEOs the wrong picture.

Each case was different but the goal was always the same - to get enough pieces in place to give them enough perspective to identify the correct UNSUB and then make an arrest.

" _No. Obviously a happy life isn't enough for you."_ Haley spit out before pausing before he continued more calmly. " _Aaron, I need you here."_

Hotch stood up and picked up his bags and said and he walked towards the door, " _and I will be here. As soon as this case Is over."_

" _Yeah, well, make sure you give your son a kiss before you leave."_ Haley spit out bitterly.

Hotch shook his head as he walked out of the room, heading towards the playroom. After lifting Jack, he gave him a kiss and told him he would see him soon. Putting Jack down and getting him resettled with his toys, he walked back over to the door, picked up his bag and headed down the stairs.

Before he walked out the front door, he turned around to see Haley standing at the top of the stairs with a look of rage on her face. He sighed and said he would see her in a couple of days before walking out, pulling the door closed behind him.

As he got into his car, his phone beeped, indicating an incoming text message. He opened it to find three options for flights going to Milwaukee. After looking at the time, he discounted the first option. He started to send Garcia a message back and stopped as a thought popped into his head.

Would it work? Would she come?

He sighed knowing he wouldn't know unless he tried. Either way it gave him an excuse to stop by to talk since she still wasn't answering her cell phone.

With that settled, he finished responding to Garcia, letting he know what flight he wanted her to book. He requested that she buys two seats and use his credit card instead of the BAU account. Before he could pull out his wallet to give her the number, another beep. He looked at the return message from Garcia 'done'.

Hotch rolled his eyes having realized that the team's tech genius would have found a way to find out his credit card information. A bit of information that he would need to have a conversation with her about later.

Just as he was starting to pull out of the driveway, another message beep from Garcia, 'go get our girl, sir.' Putting down his phone, he drove off towards the address in Emily's personnel file.

When he reached the address, he got out of the car and stared at the building. This was not what he had been expecting. He hadn't recalled the address but he certainly remembered the building. It was in the apartment in this building that part of his earlier relationship with Emily took place. The relationship that he still had no idea why it ended.

As he thought back back to that part of his life as he was also trying to process what he had just learned about his wife he became disheartened.

Maybe stopping here to talk to Emily was a mistake. Maybe he would be intruding on her with her current boyfriend. It would sting to find her together with someone else in what had been their special place. She had walked away and wasn't answering her phone.

It was evident that she was done with the BAU. But… he wasn't done with her. They needed to talk.

The team needed them in Milwaukee if they were going to solve this case. As much as it was going to be risking more pain and rejection, he needed to at least try.

With that he walked into the building on the familiar path to her door.

 **AN: The next part will be Hotch and Emily talking. It is started and I will post as soon as it's done though that will most likely be next week.**


	26. Highs and Lows, Part 4

**AN: Here is the next part where Emily and Hotch talk. I am somewhat nervous to post this part after rewriting it a few times. I hope you enjoy it. Please let me know what you think.**

 **Dialogue from the episode is in italics.**

Emily groaned as she walked towards her front door. She wasn't expecting anyone. Most people who knew her wouldn't try to find her at home in the middle of the day during the week because generally she would be at work. That and anyone who knew her also would know better than to just show up at her door without calling first either.

Just then a thought popped into her head and she paused briefly.

What if it was her mother? Given the security in the building someone couldn't just walk up without being announced first unless they lived here or were cleared as a visitor on someone' list. However as one of the owners of this apartment, her mother didn't need to stop at security or be announced.

What if it had already gotten back to her that Emily had resigned from the FBI?

What if she knew that Emily had told Hotch(and Strauss) that the reason was she was planning on going to the State Department?

If she had found out, the Ambassador would be pleased though Emily would be pissed. She didn't want the improved mood from her workout to be destroyed by an unexpected visit from her mother.

Deciding not to delay the inevitable, Emily made her way to the door. Stopping to check the peephole, she pulled back completely surprised. It wasn't her mother on the other side of the door. It was her boss, err her former boss. And he didn't look very happy. Crap.

Emily took a deep breath and let it out before opening the door to an irritated Hotch. They both stood there looking at each other for several seconds before Hotch asked, " _Can I come in?_ '

Emily nodded and stood to the side, gesturing for him to enter. As he walks into her apartment, her eyes widened as she took a quick appraisal of her kitchen.

She had cleaned it earlier before her appointment with Alicia and taken taken out all of the trash and recycling. But you don't invite one of the best profilers in the country into your apartment the day after a drinking binge and not having at least some apprehension.

And this one also knew her well. She wasn't sure exactly why he was here but he didn't need to know about her drinking last night.

Not sure why she cared since they no longer worked together but she did…

As she was thinking he moved into the apartment and slowly started to pace in her kitchen. She was brought out of thoughts when he said, " _the team needs us. They're working a case in Milwaukee. Gideon hasn't shown up, and don't tell me you quit or I put in for a transfer."_

Emily looked over at him confused as she processed what he just said. Gideon didn't show up. That didn't make sense. Or did it… He had just been in the office a few evenings earlier when he stopped by when she was working late in the office. Was he….

It was then that the other part of Hotch's statement registered in her. She looked up at him as she questioned, " _you put in for a transfer?_ " as she observed him carefully.

She hadn't been expecting that at all. Though the team being on a case without the three of them would explain why Hotch was saying that the two of them were needed.

At the news, she was dismayed given the significant role that keeping him in the BAU had been for her decision to resign. Regardless, she didn't regret not giving Strauss information. The knowledge of him applying for a transfer would not have changed her decision.

Then she heard him say, " _they're both still hung up in the system, so technically we're in dereliction of duty by not being there."_

At that Emily gave a mirthless laugh and shook her head. Even with everything that was happening he was by the book. If that is what he wanted, he could go but she was done. She had made a clean break.

Leaving yesterday had been hard enough as the rest of the day had illustrated. Today, she had needed a session with Alicia and a workup to get back at this point. She didn't know if she had it in her again so soon. Could she pick the pieces of herself up again when the case was over and she was again moving away from the BAU?

Taking a deep breath and letting it out, Emily turned to him and said firmly, " _I'm sorry, I can't go._ "

He was immediately concerned that things were worse than he thought when she had refused when he called upon her sense of duty. As he assessed her tone and stance, Hotch noticed that she was putting up walls, digging in.

He had hypothesized that in his moment of uncertainty the day he was suspended he had hurt her deeply. That pressure that JJ had mentioned Strauss putting on her had resulted in her now wariness.

If he kept pushing, her inner stubborn nature would take over. No he needed to change his approach. He needed to get her curious. But he also knew what he was planning was risky.

So he shook his head as he hoped that what he said next wouldn't blow up in his face. If he got out the door without her stopping him he feared that on some level they would both regret it, both personally and professionally. Looking at her, he said, " _right, sorry I barged in."_ before slowly turning towards the door and taking a couple of steps.

Emily looks at him shocked. What had just happened? He had driven over a half hour to get here. Now they had talked for three minutes and he folded as her first hesitation.

Did he really want her on this case?

Or did Strauss pressure him to come and now that he had made a token attempt, he could report back that she refused?

Something wasn't right here and she was starting to feel as if she was being played.

Looking at his departing figure, she called out, " _wait. Wait. Can I ask?"_ Emily paused and waited as he turned around and looked back at her. Once he was facing her, she crossed her arms over her chest and asked while keeping eye contact, " _why are you really here?"_ so she could carefully observed his reaction. If she saw what she feared, she would be kicking him out shortly.

Hotch let out a breath he didn't realize he had been holding when she stopped him. However he did not relax when he turned around and saw her stiff posture and suspicious expression.

Buying himself some time, he walked back away from the door. As expected, her curiosity had her questioning his presence. Good.

But he still needed to work past the skepticism that was front and center. He needed to be careful as the next few minutes would determine whether he would gain her trust or be shown to the door.

Turning back to her, he started, " _I told you"_ though it did not take a profiler to see that the look she was now shooting him was preceding him being thrown out of her apartment. To end up heading to Milwaukee by himself.

Taking a deep breath, he continued, " _I think Strauss came to you and asked for dirt on me."_ He saw a look of shock cross her face before turning angry though he was encouraged that he was on the right track when at the same time her posture relaxed slightly.

However he knew he wasn't all the way there yet when with her arms still across her chest, she asked dispassionately yet bitingly, " _why would she do that?"_

He sighed and nodded as he looked at her before saying, " _I think if you have your eyes on top leadership at the FBI, you want to know who might stand in your way."_ As he spoke, he saw her nodding at his words.

She looked at him, uncertainty flowing off of her before challenging, " _and what could I have told her?"_

As he looked back to her, Hotch could tell that Emily wanted to believe him. Wanted to hear that he understood what had happened. But she needed for him to go all the way in saying the words.

Verbalize what they both knew that she had avoided reporting that he had knowledge of things happening on the team.

She had just sacrificed her career. The least he could do was to give her the words she needed to hear.

So he took a deep breath and said, " _that one of my agents might have murdered a suspect in cold blood. Or another might have a serious drug problem which I didn't report and if Strauss had any evidence, my career would be over."_

He paused having gotten out the two most significant factors that could be used against him. He noticed that she looked away as he spoke but also continued to nod at his words.

Pleased that he appeared to be getting through to her, Hotch continued, " _I think she put you on our team and expected something in return."_

He watched as she suddenly looked up at him and froze. Her appointment to the team had been questioned by him several times in the early months after she started. Each time she had been emphatic that she wanted to be a profiler and wasn't there to hurt the team. Over time, he has started to believe that it was true.

But today, he trusted that she had been telling the truth the whole time. While Strauss had hired her for a reason, he could clearly see now that Emily hadn't been informed of those reasons. If anything she had been actually hurt by them more than anyone as the risk to him had only been unrealized potential for Strauss as she still didn't have evidence against him.

Given his previous accusations, he knew he needed to clear up this aspect of what happened.

That he put the pieces together.

That he knew that she had been telling him the truth the whole time.

That he knew she hadn't been part of what Strauss had been planning all these months.

That she hadn't taken the easy or beneficial path when Strauss pressured her for information.

So he looked back up at her and responded softly, " _and to your credit, you quit rather than whisper in her ear."_ And with those words, their eyes met and they both nodded as what happened had been completely unraveled.

Emily then said softly with unshed tears in her eyes, " _I told you. I hate politics."_

And that was it.

She had told him that 13 years ago when she explained her career goals.

She had told him that in his office when he challenged her about knowing Congresswoman Steyers that she hated politics and why.

He had heard her opinions on the topic in passing more than once.

And politics was exactly what Strauss had been attempting from trying to get damaging information on him to promises of a promotion for her if she did as asked. But instead Emily had stayed true to herself and done what Strauss had least expected. She had taken the high road, refused to play Strauss' political games and quit.

As he watched as the tension in her posture dissipated, he knew he was still on the right track to talking her into coming with him to Milwaukee. He took a step closer before imploring, " _come to Milwaukee. I'll make you a deal."_

He stopped as she looked at him curiously before continuing, " _if your ready bag isn't here, packed, I won't bug you anymore. If it is, I want you on that plane with me."_ He paused as they looked at each other, each trying to read the other's thoughts before he took another step towards her as he quietly uttered, " _one more case."_

He watched as she assessed what he just said before she came back with while shrugging, " _I already turned in my badge and my gun."_ At that point he internalized his smirk. If that was her best argument against it, than he was optimistic that he could get her the last few steps to going with him.

Hotch shrugged back as he answered, " _that's just hardware."_

Emily looked at him before turning and walking over into the living room, focusing out the large windows on that end of the room.

As he watched her standing across the room, Hotch wasn't sure what had just happened. And as a profiler, he hated that feeling. Though he had found with Emily the unexpected happened more often than with anyone else.

Right now, he didn't even know if the sudden change had more to do with personal or professional issues.

As he looked into the living room his gut clenched as he saw the moving boxes. He knew that she had quit but it still surprised him that she was packing up and leaving too quickly.

Since she had joined the team, Hotch had learned how much of what he had been told 13 years earlier just wasn't true. He had been planning to talk to her about it after they came back from Kansas City but Gideon had arranged a movie night for the team. He had wanted to clean the air between them before he moved on from the BAU. But that seemed so long ago with everything that had happened since though it had only been a few weeks.

Or was there still something else that happened in the BAU that he didn't know about. Something that was giving her pause to go back.

As he considered the question, a possible idea came to him as he thought about her time with the team. Walking so that he was closer to her. When he was even with her though a few steps to the side, he said, "Em."

Without looking over at him, she replied, "Yes."

For now accepting it as a victory, Hotch took a deep breath before saying, "I need to apologize to you. Since you walked into my office several months ago, there have been times that I've been a complete jerk to you."

He paused when she looked over at him before continuing, "you were honestly the last person that expected to come to the team. But since then, you have done good work and have been a team player even when the rest of us struggled with it at times.

I was wrong. You do deserve to be in the BAU. So I'm asking you, even if it just for this one case will you come back to the team that you earned the right to be a part of?"

He watched a stray tear fell down her cheek. This is what she had needed to hear. What he speculated she had been questioning since Strauss sprung on her why she had been hired.

Turning slightly towards him, Emily whispered, "are you sure this is what you want, Aaron?"

Hotch looked at her surprised. This was only the second time since she had joined the team that she had called him Aaron. He nodded and responded softly, "yes."

Emily looked forward again and quietly looked out the window briefly before turning back to him and asking, "did you say Milwaukee?"

"Yes." Hotch answered.

Emily's face grew annoyed as she asked, "case with women having their hearts cut out and being wrapped and dumped?"

Hotch looked at her surprised before asking, "how did you know?"

Emily sighed and shook her head before explaining, "I saw reports of the murders. Because I needed to clear all my decision as acting Unit Chief through her, I went to Strauss last week to ask if I could contact the head detective in Milwaukee to offer assistance. It wouldn't have looked good if I called and offered support only for Strauss to say no after the fact."

Hotch saw where this was going and stated, "so she said no. Did she even look at the file?"

Emily shrugged as she answered, "well, she glanced at it. Her position was the team had enough work to do without going and looking for more. It was frustrating that I couldn't do anymore at the time. I let the file for Garcia asking her to pass it onto you hoping that since you didn't have the same restrictions you could do what I hadn't been allowed."

"She did give it to me but didn't say that you had sent it." Hotch replied.

"Yeah, sorry that was my bad." Emily said.

They were quiet again. As he saw the time on the clock on the wall, Hotch realized that he needed an answer. Looking over at her, he asked, "so will you come with me and see this case though?"

Emily took a deep breath and let it out before slowly nodding as she said, "just let me get my stuff." She may end up regretting it when she was back here in a couple of days adjusting to her second break from the team but she would need to deal with it then. And then Emily stepped away and started jogging up the stairs.

Hotch started to watch her go but as he saw her climb the stairs in her tight jeans he groaned and looked away. He couldn't do this now. Things were complicated at home and things were complicated at work. He didn't need to make things any more complicated in other parts of his life. It wouldn't be fair to Emily.

A few minutes later Hotch looked at his watch relieved that they still had time to get to the airport. The check in process would take longer than usual because they were flying commercial, and without her credentials, Emily would need to go through the normal security screening process.

Just as he was considering calling up to her, he heard a thump shortly before a crash coming from the upstairs part of the apartment. Walking over to the bottom of the stairs, he looked up. When he didn't see or hear her, Hotch called out, "Emily."

When she didn't answer, Hotch jogged up the stairs to see if she was OK.

At the top of the stairs, he walked over to what he remembered was her bedroom. A room that at one point in time they had spent a lot of time in together.

As he walked through the open doorway, he was surprised by the lack of personal touches currently in the room.

He was pulled out of his thoughts when he heard a surprised gasp behind him. He turned to see Emily standing in the hallway outside the room holding a dustpan and brush.

Taking a couple of steps closer to her, he said, "I came up to check on you after hearing a crash. Are you OK?"

Emily looked up at him, it being surreal to have him standing here again after all these years.

After she didn't say anything for a minute, Hotch took a step closer and put his hand on her shoulder and asked again, "are you OK?"

The gesture brought her back to the present. She shook her head and step back before saying, "yeah, I just dropped something in the office and it broke a glass." as she gestured towards the dustpan and brush that she was holding before continuing, "let me just get the rest of my stuff and we can go."

Hotch noticed that after putting the dustpan and brush into the hall closet, she walked into a different bedroom that he recalled her mentioning years earlier was a guest bedroom. He walked over to the doorway and immediately recognized that this was the bedroom she was using now despite it being smaller.

He was saddened to see boxes in this room as well. He had also seen the boxes downstairs. Now that Emily had left the BAU, he had no idea what she was planning next. But whatever it was, it did not appear to be in DC.

As he watched her look through her bag, he asked, "where are you headed?"

Emily looked over at him confused as she answered questioningly, "Milwaukee?"

He smiled before clarifying, "no, it looks like you are packing to move. Where are you going?"

Emily shook her head before looking back down at her bag as she answered, "um, I'm not sure yet. A lot is still up in the air right now. All I do know is that I'm moving out of this apartment."

"I thought you liked this apartment?" Hotch said, recalling her relaying during one of their earlier conversations how much she enjoyed the view.

Emily sighed and stood up before shaking her head as she answered, "I do. Or I did. There are a lot of memories here as you know." He nodded at the inference to their previous relationship and the memories he had from just being here.

"Is that the reason you are moving out?" Hotch asked cautiously.

While things had improved between them in the office over several months, it was still far different than what they had previously had. He had been affected in the short time he had been here today while she had lived here for several months.

Emily looked away after shaking her head as she answered, "not primarily. When I got my transfer to the BAU I asked my parents if I could rent it. I didn't really have time to tour and vet a bunch of apartments as I was finishing up in Chicago. I knew that this one was in a secure building that was in a safe area. It's a bit further than I'd have liked from the office but it worked."

Hotch nodded having remembered his thoughts when he first saw her address in her file that it would be a tough commute. He refocused back on her when she continued, "but recently I've been having issues with my parents. My mother is having boundary issues though I shouldn't be surprised as it's nothing new. Since they own this apartment I thought it best that I move on and find a place of my own. It was planned before any of the stuff with Strauss started."

As she had explained Hotch could see her posture stiffening. It wasn't any secret to him about the overreach Ambassador Prentiss made in her daughter's life. Interference from her parents had been the primary motivation for keeping their relationship secret until he finished his assignment with her mother.

Looking back at Emily he asked, "what do you mean by boundary issues? Was it her bringing that case to us a few months back?"

Emily sighed and shook her head as she remembered that completely bizarre case. However for her that case had only been the start of the complications.

The interrupted dinner with her mother.

Hotch mentioning the phone call he received from her mother along with a name she had hoped to never hear again.

The confrontation at her parents' house and learning the truth about what they had done to her and Aaron.

A truth that she had contemplated sharing with him ever since as he had as much right to know as she had.

A truth to which she had no idea how he would reaction.

A truth she should tell him now not knowing if she would see him again after this case

Decision made, she answered, "no though that was weird and in a way it started the sequence of events." She paused before looking at him and saying seriously, "we need to talk Aaron. Do we have time before the flight?"

Hotch nodded as he looked at her concerned, not sure what she was going to say. In his experience, the 'we need to talk' phrase never came with good news. However his curiosity took over as he wanted to hear her out.

He replied, "yes we have some time though I don't want to cut it too close since you have to go through the normal security line."

Emily nodded before looking around the room all the sudden uncertain.

She didn't want to have the conversation in this room. Memories of Aaron were already through most of the apartment other than this room. She didn't want to have the memories of a potentially anger confrontation in this room.

Gesturing out the door she stepped out and pointed towards the other end of the hall as she said, "OK. Um, let's go into the office."

She started walking in that direction him following. After walking into the office, he sat in one of the chairs opposite her. Once they were settled, he looked over at her and asked, "OK Emily what do you need to tell me?"

Emily sighed and then said, "first off if after hearing what I have to say if you don't want me to come, just tell me. I'll understand."

At her words and serious expression, Hotch could feel his stomach drop. What was she going to tell him? Is it what he had been suspecting or was there something else? Nodding, he answered, "OK but now you are concerning me."

Emily took a deep breath and then started, "it's about the summer we were together Aaron. We spent a lot of it in this apartment. When I moved back here I could immediately remember our time here. It's why I changed bedrooms."

Hotch nodded before he answered, "I remember the building as soon as I pulled up outside today."

Looking away from him she continued, "I had no idea until ten minutes before I walked into your office that day that you were going to be my supervisor. I don't know if I would have come if I had known. But I wanted to be in the BAU and honestly you brushing me off that day just pissed me off."

Hotch gave a small chuckle before saying, "I didn't know you or anyone was being assigned to the team. But as I later found out I didn't have a choice about you staying. I didn't get the paperwork until I got back from St Louis."

"She must have been planning it from the beginning." Emily murmured.

Hotch nodded as that is also the conclusion he had reached as difficult as it had been to admit. But as he looked over at Emily he saw a far away look. Suddenly he realized that they were no longer talking about Strauss and her first days in the BAU.

No, she was referring to something or someone else. And it was because of that person that they were now talking. Looking at her, he said quietly, "yes but I don't think we are talking about Strauss right now."

Emily nodded as she was both looking forward to getting everything out in the open and dreading telling him. Her comfort right now was they were at her apartment and if things started to get too heated, she could just tell him to leave.

After taking a few deep breaths, Emily turned to him and said, "no, you're right. Yeah things were tense with us at the beginning but we were gradually working through it. I had been angry with you for 12 years and it took some time to let that go."

Hotch looked shocked before saying loudly as he stood up, "angry. Why were you angry with me?"

If anyone should be angry about what happened between them, it was him after what she did. But what did she really do? He knew from reviewing her record most of what he had been told and acted upon was false.

He shook his head before sitting back down and saying, "we were together and then we weren't and I still don't know what happened. What did I do for you to leave?"

Emily looked at him and saw the sadness in his eyes. She nodded and then said softly, "I know. I can't tell you how many times I asked myself that same question. But at least now I have a better idea of what happened. That is where I'm getting to. Since it directly affected you, you have the right to know as well"

Emily paused and took a deep breath before continuing, "after that case that my mother brought to us, I was at the house arguing with her about something else. Edward walked in and she left the room. While she was gone, he misunderstood what we had been arguing about and let everything slip..."

Emily trailed off and when she didn't continue, Hotch said, "I don't understand."

Emily took another deep breath and then blurted out, "they conspired to break us up. I don't know how they found out but they did."

Hotch jumped up out of his seat again and looked at her, carefully assessing her expression as he said loudly, "what? How?" before he paused. He could see that she was telling the truth. Taking a deep breath, he sat back down and turned to her before saying, "start from the beginning. Please"

Emily nodded and then explained, "I was at home that night. It was one of the few nights that I was there and not with you. The housekeeper came in during the night and woke me. My grandfather was sick and in the hospital in France. I was on an early flight that morning."

Hotch nodded having already had the thought after her comment on the jet that her grandfather may have been involved in her sudden disappearance. Looking at her, he asked sadly, "why didn't you call me? I would have driven you to the airport."

Emily shook her head then shrugging before saying, "I don't know. I was still in the mindset of we had to keep us a secret until you finished your assignment with my mother. I left you a note in your office at the house before I left." She paused when she saw that he was about it object before continuing, "I know you never received it but I swear to you I did leave you a note."

Hotch nodded relieved that she had no questions about that he had never seen her letter before he said, "no I didn't. But how do you that now?"

Emily gave a humorless laugh as she looked away from him to stare at the wall as she said, "because Edward told me. That night a few weeks ago he told me all that they did to make sure that we never talked again. He also mentioned that you left a note for me here that I never saw."

Hotch nodded at her words suddenly remembering the letter he had left for her right before he left for London. He had let his anger take over and the letter had been full of vitriol.

Looking at her profile he said, "yeah I did before I left for my next assignment. But given what you just said about what happened I'm glad you never did read it. I was upset about you leaving suddenly without a word. Then I overheard that you went away with a fiance and were transferring to Brown to finish grad school to live with him."

Emily looked down at her lap, feeling tears starting to go down her face was she whispered, "there never was a fiance. Or husband."

Hotch sat back in his seat and looked up at the ceiling before he said, "I know that now." He paused when she looked over at him before continuing sheepishly, "it was in your file."

Emily nodded before leaning forward resting her forearms on her legs as she looked down at her lap. Hotch wasn't sure what he could say to her right now. Lies told years earlier had upset both of their lives. It wasn't until now as they learned about these lies that they both recognized how messed up everything was.

Just as he was going to say something, Emily said while still looking down, "so I came back three weeks later shortly after his funeral and you were just gone. You had moved out of your apartment and your number was disconnected. The agent that took over your position said you had gone to London on assignment."

She paused and looked over at him before continuing, "I knew that it was the type of position that you wanted so I didn't blame you for taking it. It just hurt that you had just left without saying a word. Like I hadn't matter. I just kind of floated through the rest of the summer before going back to Yale."

Hotch could feel his heart sink at the pain in her words. He sighed knowing he needed to explain where he had been coming from when he made the decision so he said, "I did take that position but I thought that you had cheated on me and/or cheat with me. When I heard it, I didn't want to believe it. But you were just gone. I had just been offered a great position and it didn't seem like going to New Haven was the move I needed to make anymore because you weren't going to be there."

Emily sighed and nodded as she sat back in her seat. Looking over at him, she said, "yeah I can understand that now. I remember how much you wanted to work on an international task force."

They were quiet for a couple of minutes before Hotch asked, "I did but I would have waited for you to finish school first." before pausing before he continued, "why didn't you seek me once you joined the FBI? You would have had access to my current assignment."

Emily shrugged before answering, "at first I was just hurt that you left without saying anything. Over time that hurt turned to anger." She paused before continuing angrily, "but that was their goal. To tell each of us something that would make it less likely that we would seek each other out."

Hotch nodded as he hadn't sought her out either and became angry whenever he thought of something that reminded him of Emily, like their song before he responded, "that's true. Cheating is definitely a hot button for me." As he said it the irony of the word was not lost on him at his suspicions about what was going on with Haley.

Emily sat up and looked directly at him as she said sincerely, "I remember and I never would have done that to you Aaron."

"And I never would have just left when we had made plans without talking to you." Hotch responded with equal sincerity.

After looking at each other, Emily nodded. Recalling how the conversation started about her moving out of the apartment and the conflict with her parents, she said, "so since that night things have obviously been tense with my mother and Edward. They still don't think they did anything wrong. I haven't been able to get past that my mother was fine letting anyone, though it was you in this case, believe that I was a liar and cheater. We have had our problems over the years but I'm having a really hard time getting past that."

Hotch could see the pain as she shared that with him. It had never been a secret that the Prentiss women had issues even years earlier. But he too was shocked that her own mother had gone along with that false characterization of her daughter. He then stated, "So they admitted everything."

Emily nodded before saying, "yeah, once Edward started he just told the whole story even after he found out that wasn't what we had been talking about before he came. He already knew you were my boss. My mother called later trying to justify their actions but there is no justification. The proverbial straw was when she showed up here one night and let herself in when I didn't answer, interrupting me with a guest. It was that night that I told her I was moving out."

Hotch felt his gut clench at two things that she had just mentioned. The first was the timing of this interaction with parents. She mentioned it was after the case that her mother brought to them and she was arguing with her mother. He couldn't help but wonder if the strange phone call he had received from the Ambassador had anything to do with it after Emily's reactions when he mentioned the topic of the call. He was still investigating that subject.

The other was her mentioning about her mother interrupting when she had a guest over. While it could have been anyone he did wonder who it had been. He thought back to his musings when he arrived about her possibly spending time here with another man.

But he really didn't have cause to become upset. Regardless of the reason, their relationship had ended years ago. Additionally he himself had moved on and was married. He had no right to be upset with her if she wanted to be in a relationship with someone now.

Not wanting to add more drama to an already tense discussion, he asked, "but you don't know where you are going?"

Emily shook her head before responding, "no or what I'm going to do for work." She paused and sighed before continuing, "I'll figure it out. I was actually looking at options before you got here."

As much as Hotch hoped that now that they had cleared the air between them that they would still be in touch after this case, he wasn't sure. His plans weren't as up in the air as hers but they were both planning on moving onto new positions after this case. With this in mind, he looked at her and said, "I hope you know that you can always ask for a recommendation from me. I'm not sure where I will be going for my next assignment but just call or email and I'll write one for you."

Emily smiled and nodded before answering, "thanks, I'll let you know."

Hotch looked down at his watch and grimaced as he said, "I hate to stop here but we need to leave soon to catch that flight. I'm glad we finally talked out what happened."

They both stood up and moved closer as they came near the door. Their arms touched and then the next thing they knew they were in a tight hug.

Hotch rested his head on top of hers smelling her shampoo before whispering, "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you after your grandfather died. I remember how important he was to you." He felt Emily nod as he spoke.

As they stood there Emily was taking as much of his strength as she could from the hug after a tumultuous few weeks along with the knowledge that they may not see each other after this case. She inhaled the comforting scent of his aftershave as she answered, "I'm sorry that I'm the reason that my parents screwed with your career."

A few more seconds and they released the other from the hug. A peace finally reached and painful truths uncovered. After grabbing her bag they made their way downstairs and out of the apartment unsure of what would happen once they reached Milwaukee.

 **AN: The next part is almost done. I hope to have it up by Wednesday at the latest.**


	27. Highs and Lows, Part 5

After Joe Smith was escorted in cuffs out of the basement, Spencer rushed back in approaching Emily and JJ, holding a gauze bandage in his hand. When he was in front of her, he knelt down before reaching over and placing it over the profusely bleeding cut on Emily's forehead.

Once it was over the cut, Emily reached up to hold it in place as she says, "thanks Reid." before starting to stand up. Immediately a wave of dizziness flowed over her. Both JJ and Reid caught her before she could fall as she swayed. Once they reached the narrow staircase JJ held onto Emily as Reid walked behind her incase she lost her balance again.

As they walked out of the house, the ambulance JJ had called her pulled up in front of the house as well as more police and forensic teams.

Emily groans as they walked towards it before saying, "they can take a look at the school nurse first, I'm fine."

Reid came up next to her and said, "Emily you got dizzy when you stood up and you still aren't walking straight. You aren't fine. You may have a concussion and you will at least need at least an X-ray and stitches and probably a head CT."

Emily glared at him not liking any of the words he used to describe her condition. Head wounds always bleed a lot. She should know as this wasn't her first one. Surely Reid must be overreacting. It couldn't be that bad.

Looking over at him, she barked back, "I don't have a concussion and didn't break anything. The frontal bone is the strongest bone in the head and is thicker in women."

Reid looked at her in surprise at her statement about the frontal bone. While true, he had also seen the board on the floor and the cut on her head. He sputtered out in response, "he hit you with a 2x4 Emily. That can cause a fracture even to the frontal bone."

Emily groaned not wanting to argue with him with the headache that she now had but wasn't ready to admit defeat yet so she murmured, "he didn't hit me that hard."

JJ rolled her eyes at her friends before she decided to stop them before they went any further. She didn't want Emily to stubbornly refuse to be seen. If that happened then they would need to have Hotch come over to force it. That would not be good for any of them with Strauss lurking around somewhere.

JJ stepped in front of them, stopped their progress. She then looked at her friend's glassy eyes before saying calmly, "Emily, you are already bleeding through the gauze. You need to get that cut looked at."

Anyone who could see it would recommend an assessment of the cut with the amount of bleeding. JJ wanted to get Emily at least to agree to that point and let the paramedic go from there. She decided it would be best to just bypass the whole harder head argument her two friends were just having. The concussion assessment would be up to the medical professionals.

Emily adjusted her fingers over the bandage and could feel the wet stickiness of her blood on it. She sighed and grumbled before nodding as she walked with her colleagues to the waiting ambulance. On the whole walk over, she was hoping it wasn't as bad as Reid was making it out to be. That and the paramedic could treat it so she could avoid going to the hospital.

Once Emily was passed off to the waiting paramedic, JJ and Reid went over to check in with the rest of the team about what else needed to be done. JJ was asked to start preparing a statement that she would be making to the press before the team headed home.

Reid was assigned to go back to the station and interview David Smith once the child advocate arrived. Before they left, Hotch wanted the BAU to be able to make recommendations about placement or further areas of questioning for him before they left.

When JJ and Reid walked away from her, Emily sat on the end of the ambulance while a paramedic got out supplies. As she sat there, she noticed young David Smith sitting in a nearby police car.

From the little interaction she had had with him, she could see that he was craving human interaction, particularly from women. Whether that was from being abandoned by his mother, the mental state of his father or concerning psychological reasons remained to be seen.

They may have a starting point if Reid could get him to open up. Though she was the team's go to agent for children, she knew she wouldn't be in this case. For one, she wasn't currently an agent. Secondly, she had already had an interaction with him in the house. Third, she was injured. And last, Strauss would never allow it after he held a gun on her.

Though she would never admit it, she was a little shaken from David pointing a gun at her. Morgan's gun that she had brought into the house. The gun she had lost her hold of after his father had hit her. Her momentary confusion in those critical seconds after that point had nullified any advantage she would have had in talking to him before he fully accepted the weapon.

It wasn't the first time she had a gun pointed at her or even the first time she was in a situation with a child holding the gun. However, it had been the first time she didn't have her vest on when a child had a weapon. In her experience, children were prone to be particularly erratic in this type of situation.

And while she didn't have her vest, she did have this team. They had stuck to plan they had agreed upon out on the street before she went to the door and had her back. Before Joe Smith had even been able tie her hands to a rope attached to a grid on the ceiling, they had come crashing through the door and quickly assessing the situation.

Morgan had shielded her with his own body while Hotch had block the path of gun David Smith was holding. While talking David into handing it over, Hotch had slowly moving close enough to remove it from his hands if necessary. Then once the gun was secure, Hotch had carried the little boy out of a room that no child should ever see.

Then JJ and Reid had helped her out of that room as well and got her to where she needed to be even if she didn't want to be there.

And as she thought about it, she considered despite how rocky her time with the BAU had been, this team had her back as much as she had theirs. This wasn't like JTF-12.

When she needed them, the BAU was there for her. After what she had been through during the Doyle mission that was a good feeling even as her head was now throbbing. And in this moment at the realization, she felt a part of herself heal that had been broken by the betrayal of her JTF-12 teammates.

When Hotch walked over to check on her, she felt more at ease with him than she had since joining the BAU. Their talk in her apartment had been overdue while given then both context for what had happened 13 years earlier as well as what had been going on more recently. It had been reassuring going into this case even with Strauss there that he did trust her and wanted her on his team. Both had agreed on the plane to focus on the case while in Milwaukee. After that they would need to figure out when they would talk again.

As they talked, she noticed a brief small smile when she commented about wanting to go back to the team. He quickly agreed before he walked away to talk to Strauss .

Ugh, Strauss. She wasn't sure what was going to happen there as nothing had been resolved. All Emily did know was that she wasn't going to NYC or OPR. If she was going back to the FBI, it would be in the BAU or not at all.

As she thought about the reality of going back to the BAU, she really didn't know what was going to happen. As much as she wondered if it was a huge mistake to go back after what the last few days had been like, it just felt right.

Hotch said he was transferring though it sounded like he was talking to Strauss, he was perhaps reconsidering. He had come for this case since his transfer had not gone through yet. Even after her talk with Gideon with him not back yet, she was starting to wonder if he was coming back to the BAU. And then she still needed to talk to JJ and Morgan...

Before she could overanalyze too much, Strauss walked up to the ambulance. As she stopped next to Emily, Strauss questioned the paramedic about her condition. After the assessment was relayed, the paramedic stepped aside to report in to the site commander.

As they watched her walk away, Strauss said, "Agent Prentiss" then waited for Emily to look at her.

"Ma'am" responded before looking back down as the brightness of the sun was worsening her headache.

"Agent Hotchner has informed me that you would like to rejoin his team." Strauss stated.

"Yes, ma'am" Emily answered as she felt her stomach dropped, not sure where this was all going but could see the team close by so she didn't thing Strauss would be bringing out the threats that she had been keeping behind closed doors until now.

"Just be aware, Agent Prentiss, you will never advance within the Bureau" said sternly.

Emily gave a chuckle before answering, "that's fine with me. I applied to the BAU because I wanted to work in the BAU not as a stepping stone for my career. I'm happy where I am."

"OK agent, just be aware that…" Strauss started before Emily interrupted as she curled down holding her head..

"Ma'am, with all due respect is there anyway this lecture can wait until there a few less drummers performing in my head." Before Strauss could answer, the paramedic rushed over to them having seen the change in Emily's position as she had been walking back to the ambulance.

Strauss waited as the paramedic rechecked Emily's blood pressure and pulse before looking in her eyes with a flashlight and placing another bandage over the cut on her forehead.

After she taped the bandage on Emily's forehead, she said as she pulled off her gloves, "OK agent, we are going to take you into the hospital. The cut is going to need stitches and the doctors want to do a full concussion exam."

Emily shook her head. She really didn't want to go to the hospital. After her last experience, they just freaked her out a bit. "No I'm fine. I just need a bandaid for my forehead and I don't have a concussion, just a headache."

Emily stood up to move away from the ambulance, got dizzy and was caught by Morgan who had just walked over and the paramedic before she could fall to the ground.

Morgan held her while the paramedic took the gurney out of the ambulance. Once it was ready, he placed her on it before she could try to stand up again. After putting her down, Morgan leaned over and said, "Em, you are most definitely not fine. Give it up, girl."

Before she could answer Strauss cleared her throat and when Emily looked over at her, Strauss smirked as she said, "Agent Prentiss, now that you decided that you want to come back to the BAU, I do have control over you and you are going to the hospital NOW. No more arguments."

Emily glared at her as Strauss had just thrown her own words from before she went into the house back in her face. The paramedic and Morgan looked at each other, not sure how this was going to end though both hoped that Emily would go willingly to the hospital.

Emily leaned back with her arms crossed over her chest quietly before nodding as she said. "OK, OK. Fine I'll go but I would like Morgan to come with me." At that the paramedic quietly secured her to the gurney and got it into the ambulance, not wanting too much time to pass to give Emily an opportunity to change her mind.

"Very well, I'll let Agent Hotchner know" Strauss said before walking away and towards where JJ and Reid are standing.

"How is she doing?" JJ asked gesturing towards Emily as the gurney was being put in the ambulance.

"They are taking her in, she has asked for Agent Morgan to ride with her." Strauss replied before walking away.

"I should check if she needs anything before they leave." JJ said to Reid before walking toward the back of the ambulance.

JJ waited until she could see Emily before asking, "Em, do you need anything?"

Emily nodded before saying "Yeah, my bag. I'm going to need a new shirt." as she held out the shirt with her blood all over it.

JJ jogged over to the SUV and after taking Emily's go bag out, she jogged back over to the ambulance and handed it to Morgan.

####

Emily fidgeted and started to pick at her nails. It had just been a couple of minutes earlier that she had been wheeled into the ER and settled into semi private room though there was no one else in there right now. The staff had sent Morgan to the waiting room after they had helped her move from the stretcher to the bed.

Now she was waiting for the nurse to come back with hopefully a doctor so they could clear her and she could leave. She hated hospitals. Hopefully this would be a straightforward quick visit.

If nothing else, once they did their assessment, she wanted Derek to come back so they could talk. Since Hotch's suspension, things had been really strained between them. Feelings had thawed out over time but they needed to talk out what happened if she was truly going to come back to the team. She didn't want to keep being a source of discord on the team.

####

Emily waited for Derek to come into her room. The nurse had just left after doing an initial assessment. Now that it was out of the way, Derek could come back and keep her company.

It wasn't long before he pushed the curtain back and walked up next to her before asking, "how are you doing Princess?"

Emily grimaced before answering, "ah, ok. Mostly a headache. Hoping this goes quickly so I can get out of here. I really don't like hospitals."

Morgan nodded before a smile crossed his face as he relayed the message he had just received, "Hotch is sending Reid over with a car once we know when they are letting you go."

"He's letting Reid drive?" Emily asked not being able to hide the surprise in her voice.

Morgan nodded before he said, "yeah but only to get here. I'll get the three of us to the jet."

"OK."Emily said before pausing. She could feel her anxiety rising as she prepared to ask Morgan the question that had prompted her to request him join her at the hospital.

As much as things were seemingly fitting into place for her to come back to the BAU, she really needed to hear Morgan's opinion on the subject. As she sat there fidgeting, she blurted out "are you OK with me staying with the team? If you aren't, just tell me."

Morgan shook his head before responding imploringly, "Emily."

Emily shook her head and then said firmly, "no Derek. Just tell me. You have been off with me since Hotch was suspended. I need to know where we stand before I walk into the bullpen tomorrow."

Morgan rolled his eyes before saying, "you think Hotch is letting you back tomorrow?"

"Stop changing the subject." Emily barked back sternly.

Morgan sighed and ran his hand over his head before he looked at her and explained, "Emily I'm sorry. It's just in one meeting we had Hotch suspended and you taking over. We had all been talking about what was going on while Hotch was meeting with Strauss and you never said anything."

Emily shook her head and vented, "Derek that's because I didn't know then that she was going to appoint me was acting unit chief. I found out the same time as the rest of you."

Morgan looked over at her surprised and spurted out when he could see she was telling the truth, "what? She didn't talk to you about it before?"

"No."Emily answered before ranting, "when do you think she would have done that? That is why I stayed after that meeting. I was told I could either do it or she would bring someone else in to lead the team. I thought it would be easier for Hotch to come back if it wasn't someone from outside the team."

They were both quiet as they processed what had been said. Then Morgan looked over at her and asked hesitantly, "and you aren't going to challenge him for Unit Chief now? Because he also said today that he was planning to come back to the team."

Emily shook her head and groaned, "No! Derek. I'm glad that he is coming back. I want Hotch to be Unit Chief. All I want is to be part of the BAU. The spot I had before all this is just fine with me."

Morgan snickered as he asked, "if you want to be part of the BAU so much then why did you just quit then? You didn't even tell us. You just left."

Emily sighed as she took his tone as being hurt for the way she left before saying quietly, "I talked to Reid, Garcia and Hotch. I couldn't find JJ and was planning to call her. I didn't think that you would want to talk to me." She paused until he looked over at her before continuing, "you aren't the only one with trust issues."

Morgan sighed as he remembered the conversation they had had months ago in the bullpen. That day had been a turning point for their friendship. Now he was just hoping that they could salvage some piece of it.

Looking back over at her he responded, "yeah I remember. But Em seriously, please don't tell me I was the reason you quit."

As conflicted as he had been over the last couple of weeks, he hadn't wanted to hurt her or cause her to leave. He had been shocked when he heard on the plane as they headed to Milwaukee that she had quit.

Emily shook her head as she didn't want him to carry the guilt of that decision before she said, "no you weren't. I knew before Hotch was even suspended that I was going to quit. I was planning on giving him my notice that day when he came back from meeting with Strauss. I only stayed to help the team and that I needed to give Hotch my notice."

"What? Why were you leaving and what changed that you are you staying now? " Morgan responded loudly.

Emily sighed having already decided to share what really happened with the rest of the team as he said, "during the case when we were looking for Frank, Strauss called me into her office. She said it had been her decision to bring me into the BAU and now it was time to repay the favor. She wanted me to give her damaging information on Hotch. And no I didn't know any of this when I was hired or I wouldn't have accepted the position.

As for why I've asked to stay now it is because in that basement, all of you had my back, getting hurt aside. You can't know how much that means to me."

Morgan looked at her curiously because of the last statement that she made before asking, "did you tell her anything?"

Emily glared at him and responded bitterly, "no, of course not. I would have rather been off the team than to betray any of you."

"You quit." Morgan stated as he processed what she was saying,

Emily nodded as she said, "yes but I really didn't have a choice. If I didn't give her something by yesterday morning, I was going to be transferred to OPR. She showed me the transfer papers a few days ago. Besides, I didn't earn the spot I thought I had so I really didn't think I deserved to be there."

Morgan cringed, "OPR. Ouch."

Emily chuckled at his response before continuing, "yeah, I only stayed after that meeting because I needed to give Hotch my notice. I needed for Strauss to see me still recognizing him as my boss. I didn't know until Hotch asked me to come up here with him yesterday that he had put in for a transfer. But it wouldn't have mattered. I wouldn't have done it differently."

Morgan sighed and looked down at the floor before looking back over at her and saying sincerely, "I'm sorry I gave you a hard time. I'm not going to give you an excuse. But I will say that I do want you back on the team. And you do deserve to be there."

Emily nodded as she accepted his sincere response. She then smirked as she said, "OK, but just so you know we are going to the gym once I'm cleared."

Morgan groaned remembering their last visit to the gym but before he could say anything there was a knock and the nurse returned with a doctor.

####

Hotch, JJ and Strauss were waiting on the jet for Morgan, Reid and Prentiss to arrive from the hospital. It had been 45 minutes earlier as JJ was finishing the statement to the press that Morgan had called Hotch to let him know that Emily was almost done. As planned Hotch sent Reid to the hospital to pick them up and bring them to the airstrip for the team to head home.

As Hotch waited for them to arrive, he wishes he had been able to go with her to the hospital. Unfortunately, that hadn't been in the cards with the need to wrap up the case, talking a reluctant Strauss into keeping him as Unit Chief, and keep in mind that Strauss was at the scene.

If Gideon had been there, it wouldn't have been a problem however if Gideon had been there Hotch also wouldn't have felt to pull to join the team in the field for this case.

Even with her injury, he was pleased that Emily also asked to stay with the team. He hadn't been sure even after their talk in her apartment. Or if Strauss was going to allow it as an option. With her staying with the team, they still have a lot to talk about both personal and professional but at least they had made the important first steps.

Just then JJ interrupted his thoughts with an announcement that the SUV had arrived.

Reid arrives through the plane door first carrying all three go bags. As he stowed the bags, Morgan carefully walked onto the jet carrying a sleeping Emily.

After Morgan indicated what seat he wanted to place her in for take off, Reid went over and moved the seat belt out of the way and placed a pillow on the armrest.

As Morgan gently placed her in the seat, Strauss stepped forward and shrieked, "what is wrong with her? Should she be out of the hospital?" before turning and glaring at Hotch.

When Morgan didn't answer, Hotch said worriedly, "Morgan."

After stepping aside to let JJ, who was holding a blanket in, Morgan walked up and stopped in front of Hotch and Strauss. After what Emily had told him at the hospital, he was angry at Strauss for trying to break up the team so he had been in no rush to answer her.

However when he had looked up, he had also seen the look of concern of their boss' face and wanted to fill him about what had happened at the hospital.

He sighed and then said, "the doctor said she'll be OK. They put 4 stitches in her head as soon as she stopped arguing with them that they could just glue it and put a bandaid on it. They did X-rays and a full concussion exam. No concussion and no fractures. The doctor cleared her to fly."

"Then why, Agent Morgan is she now unconscious?" Strauss asked crossly with her arms crossed over her chest.

Morgan shook his head as he attempted to tamp down his anger before answering, "she's not, she's asleep. After they cleared her x-ray and did a concussion exam, they gave her a shot of pain medication."

He them paused and chuckled while rubbing his chin before continuing, "it seems that Prentiss here can't hold her pain medication. She fell asleep in the SUV on the way here. When we tried to wake her when we arrived she was groggy so I just carried her. She just needs to sleep it off."

Strauss shook her head before walking to the other end of the jet and taking the lone seat at that end and started to work on a tablet.

Meanwhile the rest of the team all settled into their seats as the plane was starting to move in preparation for takeoff. Reid and Hotch were sitting across the table from Morgan while JJ had taken the seat across the aisle from them with Emily seated on the other side of her.

After securing Emily's seatbelt and putting a blanket over still sleeping agent, JJ turned to Morgan and asked, "so she argued with the doctors?"

Morgan gave a full belly laugh before he replied, "Ha yes. Hurt Prentiss is crankier than Tired Prentiss." which got chuckles from the group before he continued, "initially she disagreed that she needed an X-ray because she told them she knew didn't break her forehead. The doctor finally got her to agree by telling her that it was either an X-ray or he was going to admit her overnight for observation that involved neuro checks every hour."

He paused as he remembered her finally reluctantly agreeing before continuing, "then after we got back from radiology the doctor came in to stitch her up. That led to a 15 minute conversation about glue v stitches for her forehead. The doctor said she wasn't a candidate for glue and then she grumbled the whole time he was doing the stitches. They had the radiology report as soon as the stitches were done and then she got a shot of pain medicine."

He paused and laughed again as he said, "I did have to stop her a couple of times from sharing her profiles of the medical staff with them. They weren't very nice.

By the time we were ready to leave, the doctor was mumbling about stubborn FBI agents and not being surprised there was no fractures as hard as her head was."

He stopped and looked at Hotch before saying, "she cleared to ride a desk in a couple of days though she thinks she is going tomorrow. They cleared her for the field once the stitches are removed in 10 days."

####

About 25 minutes before landing back in DC, JJ looked up from her book as she heard a groan from the seat next to her.

After a couple of minutes, she noticed Emily's eyes blinked a couple of times before opening. It was then that JJ realized that she wasn't the only one who noticed Emily waking up when Derek leaned over and chimed, "good morning, Sleepy Beauty."

Emily groaned and shifted in her seat before answering, "please stop yelling and why is there tape on my head" she asked as she reached up and touched her forehead before looking confused back at them and hissed, "and I feel like I was hit with a lead pipe."

Spencer looked around Derek and said, "it was actuall 4. The tape is covering the stitches."

Emily was still tapping the tape around the gauze on her head as she answered, "ugh, that wasn't a nightmare. How did I get here?" as she looked around at the interior of the jet.

"Morgan carried you on after you fell asleep in the SUV." JJ answered. Emily's eyes widened as she looked around at the others only to have the looks on their faces confirm what JJ just said.

Hotch looked at her concerned before asking, "seriously, how are you feeling? "

Emily shifted in her seat and they all observed as she tested various parts of her body before answering, "tired, a bit of a headache, thirsty"

With that Morgan went into the galley before walking back with a medication pack and a bottle of water and said as he handed it to her, "OK, well here's some acetaminophen and water."

"Thanks Derek."

"Need anything else, princess."

"No, I'm good," Emily responded sleepily before closing her eyes again.

Hotch nodded as he said, "we should be landing in about 20 minutes. Sit back and rest until we get there."

JJ reached out and grasped her hand. When Emily turned to her, JJ said, "I'm taking you home."

Emily sighed but nodded. She wasn't in a position to argue over it regardless. She had ridden with Hotch to the airport when they headed to Milwaukee so her car was back at her apartment. Additionally the pain shot she had received had come with the instructions that she shouldn't drive until the next day.

Given how she was currently feeling, she would gratefully accept JJ's offer tonight. However, she planned to ignore the instructions about taking a couple of days off. She fully intended on being at her desk in the morning now that she was back on the team.

####

Emily opened the door to her apartment after JJ walked her up at Hotch's insistence. She hadn't argued as she knew it would be pointless as she was still tired from a rough few days combined with residual groggy from the medicine given and a slight headache.

As she walked into the apartment she dropped her bag at the bottom of the stairs to take up with her to repack now that she was back with the team.

What a difference a couple of days made. When she had come home just two and a half days ago after resigning, she had felt like the walls were crashing down.

Then less than 36 hours ago, Aaron had arrived at her apartment asking her to come back for one case. In the short time he was there, they had been able to work through both past and present issues which had hopefully put them on firmer ground as they were both now heading back to the BAU.

Well, she would be heading back in a couple of days not the next day as she had planned. At the airport, Hotch informed her that she was to take the next two days off while he sorted out her status and got her credentials and gun back. He also wanted her to check in with her doctor for a wound check and schedule an appointment to have the stitches taken out the following week. As much as she wanted to she knew from his tone that objecting wasn't going to produce a different result so she had just nodded and left with JJ.

The days off also met that she wouldn't need to reschedule her next appointment with Alicia. And oh did she need that appointment. Her life had taken a complete turn around since the last time she was in a couple of days earlier.

Most of the changes were positive. Going back to the BAU, clearing the air with Hotch and finally sharing the truth and making peace with Aaron about what happened between them.

Now they just needed to find their way with their new normal. Now that everything was out in the open with them she hoped that they would be able to have a positive working relationship.

Only time would tell.


	28. Highs and Lows, Part 6

**AN: Here is the next part. I hope you enjoy it.**

 **To answer a question I received about Gideon. What happens with him will be mentioned in the 1st chapter or two after Highs and Lows is done. Like canon, he will have left. Unlike canon, I'm planning on him returning for a guest appearance later in the story though it isn't anytime soon.**

 **For those of you reading Suspicions and Consequences of Cases past, I haven't forgotten the story. With it being alined with this part of the storyline, I've been writing both parts together. There will be four more chapters to that story, one of which will be the conversation Emily and Gideon had when he showed up at the BAU during Two Weeks. I hope to get them up soonish.**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing but my imagination.**

Reaching her office, Erin Strauss dropped her bags and plopped down in her desk chair. As she sat there, she attempted to process not just what had happened on this case but also what she thought was a foolproof plan to destroy Aaron Hotchner.

Less than three years earlier, she had been thrilled at her promotion to Section Chief however honeymoon stage for the position was very short. Just weeks after taking over the position, the explosion in Boston happened.

Happened on her watch.

Six agents killed while more were injured. Agent Gideon who had been negotiating with the bomber. While reports came out during the investigation that he had tried to get the agents out before the bomb went off, he had been partially unsuccessful.

As Section Chief, her role came under scrutiny as well as everyone else's. Just after the investigation concluded, Gideon had a public meltdown and was removed from field duties while being evaluated.

Strauss had wanted him removed completely from the FBI or at least demoted after the unfavorable publicity. However the brass insisted that Gideon needed to have the option of returning once cleared by psych citing his years of valuable experience for both cadets and agents.

As if that wasn't enough, she was informed by the Assistant Director that Aaron Hotchner would be assuming the position of Unit Chief instead of the loyalist Strauss had nominated for the position.

Aaron Hotchner.

There was nothing in his unblemished record that she could argue against his promotion. He had been an agent in the BAU for several years, was well respected in the unit as well as the FBI. It had been determined that in the aftermath of what happened in Boston that the BAU needed routine and stability.

In the following weeks, Strauss repeated heard Aaron Hotchner's name floated as a future Director on the FBI including by influential people on the Hill as well as the Director himself. The final straw had been when she overheard Hotchner's pregnant wife discussing the topic at an interagency social event.

After hearing those statements about a man who had only been in his position for a couple of months, Strauss knew she needed to come up with a plan to halt his accession within the ranks. Director of the FBI was her dream.

It wasn't the first time Strauss had felt the need to come up with a plan to damage someone's career. Someone who she had felt threatened by.

During the Amerithrax case, there was a screw up. At her suggestion, the rest of the team had focused on reducing the fall out while Strauss herself worked on reducing her personal liability. During the subsequent investigation, she had been covered from consequences while at the conclusion of the investigation the others on her team either quit, were terminated or demoted.

Then there was the agent who had compromising information found out about him after he had accidentally found out about her drinking and offered help.

With neither of those approaches right for handling Aaron Hotchner, Strauss had spent weeks trying to decide how to handle the agent that was continuing to get accolades in his work as Unit Chief. It was then in passing as she was looking over application for those interested in being on a list for possible BAU openings that an idea started to form.

While reviewing the files of those agents, one of the agents who was assisting her mentioned in passing that they had heard that Emily Prentiss had had a previous relationship with Aaron Hotchner that didn't end well. Hearing that Strauss had put the file aside until she could look at it privately.

And when she did, Strauss thought she had the perfect plan for ruining Hotchner's position in the BAU though not questioning certain holes in her record as she generally would.

Then she just needed to wait for an opening on the team as Gideon had transitioned well back onto the team and Greenaway recovered from her injuries sustained during the Fisher King case.

Strauss couldn't get the smile off her face when she received word on Greenaway's resignation. Not only were there questionable circumstances around it that she could investigate. But even more exciting for her it meant that there was an opening on the team. An opening she was going to jump on before Gideon or Hotchner hired someone without consulting her as they had with Greenaway a year earlier. It was time to put her plan into motion.

A brief phone interview with Emily Prentiss. With an offer made Strauss counted the days until Prentiss started. Her reaction to Hotchner's name the day they first met in her office reinforced the rumors Strauss had heard about them previous being involved.

After sending Prentiss over to the bullpen and her later insistence with Hotchner that Prentiss was staying, Strauss had sat back and waited for the fireworks to start. But surprisingly there were none.

As she would go through the bullpen, there was certainly tension at times though that was hardly unusual given the cases that team dealt with everyday. Neither Hotchner nor Prentiss came to her with any issues about working together. As she closely examined reports from their cases in the field, she noted that Prentiss had been appropriate assigned to tasks during cases as well as working with various members of the team.

And Hotchner got closer to the date that he was eligible for promotion, it became clear that was exactly what he was planning to do. Other departments were showing interest as well as the brass. Even Hotchner himself had given indications that he was going to seek a promotion.

And Strauss had thought all hope for derailing him was lost until the angry phone call from Flagstaff. As she listened to their side of the what had happened during the case, it was clearly a case of them trying to cover their own asses.

When all was said and done she refused to allow them to push the blame onto the FBI. But she hadn't done it to protect Hotchner and Gideon or even the rest of the BAU. She had done it to protect the FBI.

And even with the charges being questionable, this was her chance to compromise Aaron Hotchner. So after meeting with him, he suspended him for two week thus eliminating his chance for promotion for at least the next year.

When she had tried to pull Prentiss on board weeks earlier, she had been surprised by her reluctance to provide damaging information on Hotchner. Given her upbringing and personal ambitions as well as a complicated history with Hotchner, Strauss had expected to have several pieces of information before Prentiss walked out of her office that day.

Not one to be easily pushed off, Strauss had started to check in several times with Prentiss about any information she wanted to share as well as updates on current cases. Maybe a big red flag that Prentiss wasn't going to help her should have been when Prentiss reported nothing from Flagstaff to prepare her for that phone call.

But instead Strauss had pushed further. She made Prentiss acting Unit Chief while Hotchner was suspended. Had even inferred about making it permanent for the right information. Though that wasn't going to happen. Strauss already knew who she was going to put in the Unit Chief position.

However that had also proven unfruitful. Prentiss had kept her head down, focusing on her team and the work of the BAU.

Her last attempt to gather information was the promise to transfer Prentiss away from the BAU unless Strauss got what she wanted. Prentiss had made it clear from the beginning that she wanted to work in the BAU.

Though from Hotchner's assessment had been Prentiss didn't feel as if she was part of the team, she closely protected the BAU as a whole as well as the team members. Strauss had anticipated the threat to remove her from the team would be the needed incentive to gain the information she needed. Though at that point, Strauss had already determined that Prentiss was being transferred off the team regardless.

But again, Prentiss did not come through with information. No, just as Strauss had finally made progress with Hotchner to transfer off the team, Prentiss had interrupted their meeting and resigned. To Hotchner. Not surprisingly, the energy in the room changed after that interaction.

Though Prentiss hadn't come out and said something, Hotchner knew something was up. Strauss was then left having to accompany the team on a case.

A case she had been planning to send Prentiss to lead before transferring her. Strauss hated being in the field. She much preferred the comforts of her office and the predictability of her meeting schedule.

The issues on the case had started as early as the jet. Distrust from the team. Thinly veiled hostility from Morgan. JJ questioning her in public. Inappropriate phone comments from Garcia. Reid quietly working on the case.

And the case wasn't as clear cut as Strauss had hoped. She had wanted a quick resolution so they could head back to Quantico. Her plans were then to avoid field cases until she had her new members of the team in place so she wouldn't need to travel with them again. If she had known Prentiss was going to resign she would have thought twice about accepting this one in the first place.

As time went on with the team making little progress to finding the UNSUB, Strauss knew she need to reduce her personal exposure. After finding an empty room, she called her assistant and instructed her to pull Prentiss' resignation and Hotchner's transfer request from the system.

If the BAU team couldn't solve this case, she would refuse to go down with them. Without their paperwork in the system, both Prentiss and Hotchner would be viewed as having been derelict in their duty to their team.

For Prentiss there is only so much that the Bureau could really do directly since she had resigned. However the accusation of dereliction of duty could affect her future in the State Department and compromise her ability to gain a needed security clearance.

However with Hotchner, he was planning to transfer. However with his request out of the system he was still assigned to the BAU. Being a no-show on a case resulted in additional civilian deaths would be investigated.

If she claimed no noticed and there was no paper trail as he told her in person, she could have him take the fall for the dysfunction and slow investigative work on this case. The most likely outcome would be the destruction of his FBI career that she sought. He would be lucky to even get a spot on that White Collar taskforce that he had looked down on when she mentioned it though any hope he had of leading it would be lost.

As time passed, there was increasing anxiety and frustration on the team as the clock ran down for the woman the UNSUB was currently holding with no big breaks to point them to his identity.

Then Strauss walked back into the room only to find Hotchner and Prentiss there with the team. Suddenly there was renewed energy within the group. Morale which had started to sink immediately rose. And Strauss watched as the team caught the two of them up on the case and then how they processed all of the information together with Hotchner leading the group.

They all had worked through the night but shortly after dawn, there was the call that they had all been dreading. The body of the missing woman was found. As the team surveyed the scene and pointed out the changes in MO, Strauss slipped and was rattled as she unintentionally touched the victim.

Given all the negative feelings she had caused for them, she was surprised as they gave her a safe place to pull herself together from the curious crowd of civilians. The person who calmly walked her through it was the person she had been trying to destroy for all these months, Aaron Hotchner.

As she now sat at her desk, she noticed the blood stain on her sweater that was the blood from that woman who they had been unable to save. And as she stared at the stain, she could stop thinking about if she could have done anything else to prevent the death.

Should she have called Hotchner herself earlier when she noticed that JJ, Morgan and Reid were struggling?

She wasn't a field agent or a profiler. She had been so out of her element on this case. It was much harder to be in the field and being in the case as the story was still being written instead of behind the desk and knowing how it ends and evaluating the process.

Had the potential cause for investigating Hotchner been worth it? Worth the loss to that family — to her husband, to her daughter and to her parents?

The break that ultimately lead to the UNSUB didn't end coming from Hotchner or Prentiss. It came from Dr Reid as he pointed out perhaps they were approaching the characteristics of the son the wrong way. It seemed that he was just more comfortable talking out the case with them there.

The scene at the house had been stressful, at least for her as the team debated the best approach to get into the house now that they had another missing woman.

She had stated they should waited however the team had pointed out that the UNSUB had broken pattern. While she wouldn't admit it to them, she understood the significance when that was mentioned as she had read enough cae reports since becoming Section Chief to know from a behavioral standpoint that was a dire sign.

Strauss had been against her going into the house. She couldn't support a move that risky. While she had objected to the approach, she didn't see another option either. As the decision maker all consequences for it would go down on Hotchner.

But it had been the right move for the woman who came out alive and was now home with her family. Those were the types of calls that Aaron Hotchner needed to make every day.

Unfortunately for Strauss, the takedown had mostly gone as expected though even Prentiss' injury turned out to be minor.

But now Strauss found herself back at square one or actually worse that square one. Hotchner and Prentiss were both back on the team. While Hotchner still couldn't be promoted, she couldn't keep him from resuming his position as Unit Chief given she had no evidence of wrongdoing on his part.

But that wasn't Strauss most significant problem now. No she now had a larger complication and this was one of her own making. As much as she had been trying over the last few hours to come up with a solution she had determined at this point, there wasn't one.

And her biggest issue now was Emily Prentiss.

Strauss had hoped that with Prentiss' resignation, all of her attempts to procure information about Aaron Hotcher and well as the reasons why would disappear with her.

However, her arrival with Hotchner had put any hope out that outcome to rest. He knew. He now knew what Prentiss knew.

Now Strauss didn't have an element of surprise. Now he knew pages from her playbook. Now he would know how far she was willing to go.

Then at Prentiss' request to rejoin the team, Strauss knew she had no cause to deny the request. And she didn't even attempt to find cause as Prentiss had plenty of cause to use against her at this point if she chose to push the issue. Cause that could easily call Strauss' way of operating as Section Chief into question.

Due to Strauss' own actions, the resignation wasn't even in the system so all Hotchner really needed to do was get her gun and credentials back to her.

So now instead of only having Hotchner to worry about, Strauss now had arguably a larger dilemma. She had created an enemy. An enemy who was powerful in her own right.

After Prentiss resigned, Strauss had checked with contacts in the State Department only to find out that Prentiss' name was being floated for a position there. And it was reported that several people including the Secretary were pleased with the potential addition.

Her mother and stepfather both had long and respected careers within the Department and thus additional contacts over what Prentiss had mentioned just a couple days earlier about her own connections.

With a stint in the State Department along with her experience in the FBI, in a couple of years she could easily challenge even Strauss for advancement. And she could do it on merit and not because she destroyed someone else's career.

For Prentiss to go to the State Department could be a disaster for Strauss. She was intelligent, ambitious, multilingual and had multiple advanced degrees. And as Strauss discovered when Prentiss was applying to the BAU, she was willing to work hard for what she wanted. Basically Emily Prentiss had check marks in most of the boxes that the brass looked for when evaluating for promotions.

And by pushing Prentiss the way she did to betray Aaron Hotchner, Erin Strauss had lost any chance of bonding with what could have been a powerful ally. But at least now that she was back on the BAU team as the adage goes 'keep your friends close and your enemies closer.'

Prentiss had shined a light into the dark corners Strauss was working from by the action of unexpectedly quitting. That move had raised questions from Hotchner as well as the rest of the BAU team. Questions that now had answers that made them all aware now of the power play that Strauss had attempted and subsequently lost.

If the last few days were a chess game, one could say that Emily Prentiss had been five moves ahead the whole time and completely outmaneuvered Strauss. And Strauss knew she had no one to blame for this change in events but herself.

For now, Strauss knew she needed to take a low profile with the team and let the dust settle. Prentiss was back on the team and if Hotchner's statement's in Milwaukee were any indication, he was back too. They had won this battle. But she wasn't through with them. And she would win the war.

 **AN: I'm still working on the next and last part of Highs and Lows. It is about Hotch and Haley though there isn't interaction between the two. It will be primarily Hotch. I hope to have it posted by mid next week.**


	29. Highs and Lows, Part 7

**AN: The is the last part of the Highs and Lows section of this story. Hope you enjoy it.**

Hotch sighed before climbing out of his car. He picked up his briefcase and go bag before walking up to the house. There had been a lot of friction between him and Haley right before he left though arguments about his work were nothing new. While he took responsibility for springing the trip to Milwaukee on her, her storming off earlier hadn't given him a lot of time to discuss it with her.

They needed to talk through what was going on between them. While he had been moving toward transferring to appease Haley, given what he had found in the logs for their home number, he wanted to know what was going on before he committed to undermining his career path.

While he had a fairly good idea of what was going on, he wanted to talk it through with Haley. If she could explain to his satisfaction why she had been communicating with an ex for over a year with not mentioning it to him than he would look at his work options again.

Either way, it seemed like it would be best if he was at home more often for a while if for no other reason than to spend time with Jack. He had seen in the two weeks he was home how quickly the little boy was growing and how much he was changing.

During the flight back, he had thought of a way to have better hours as well as stay in the BAU.

While he hadn't talked to either of them about it, he was going to ask Morgan and Prentiss to take on more administrative responsibilities. While he was suspended, Prentiss had demonstrated that she could handle additional responsibilities for the team.

Morgan was ambitious and had been with the team for several years. When they had talked before the team had left for Milwaukee, Morgan had been adamant that he wanted Hotch as leader of the team. He was counting on Morgan agreeing as a way to help make that happen. Additionally, he would benefit from having administrative experience should he wanted to advance within the Bureau in the future.

With him delegating some of his responsibilities, he could reduce his time in the office with the goal of being home for dinner on the nights the team wasn't on a case.

He also wanted to assure that that had a successor. While he told Strauss that he wanted to stay in the BAU, practically both he and the BAU needed a back up plan.

If for some reason in the future he wasn't able to be the Unit Chief, he wanted to make sure the BAU was left in capable hands. Furthermore, administrative responsibilities was an item he could add to each of their evaluations. Then they could use if at some point they wanted to apply for a promotion.

As much as Strauss boasting at the scene about none of them advancing, he knew from Bureau policy at this point she couldn't prevent it. At least not for the others. For him, he had a year. But for now it seems as all of them were going to stay.

Except for Gideon. And Gideon's recent erratic behavior was another reason he felt he needed to have Morgan and Prentiss take on a greater role in the running of the team. Either way it would take some pressure off the older profiler who had responsibilities at the Academy and CIA in addition to the BAU.

It was somewhat worrisome that he still hadn't returned from his time off. While in Milwaukee he found out that Gideon had missed a scheduled chess match with Reid. Because of that Reid was even more worried which had all of them on edge. At the airstrip after they landed in Quantico, Reid mentioned about checking out the cabin though none of them knew if Gideon had been there since Randall Gardner sent a head there. As far as Hotch knew, Gideon had been avoiding the cabin that then. But at least it was a place to start they all also knew he refused to step into his DC apartment after Frank killed his friend Sarah there.

As he walked through the front door, Hotch noticed that it was quiet. Only a couple of lights were on in the downstairs of the house. Checking his watch, he noted that while it was past Jack's bedtime, it was much earlier than when Haley went to bed.

Walking up the stairs, he went to see if Haley was still in Jack room after putting him to bed. After he opened the door slowly, he was surprised to find no one in the room.

Turning on the light, he noticed that Jack's favorite stuffed animal as well as his blanket were missing from the crib. Looking around the rest of the room, he was surprised by the uncharacteristic clutter in the room. Toys out of the floor, the book basket in disarray while clothes were hanging out of open drawers.

Walking back to the door, he turned off the light in his son's bedroom before closing the door as he stepped back into the hallway. Turning around, he walked down the hall to the master bedroom.

When he reached the room and turned on the light, he suddenly had a feeling of dread cross over him.

Here was a similar mess to what he had found in Jack's room. The bed was in disarray while the closet was open and hangers were all over the room. As he walked across the room he noticed a pile of clothes lying on the floor.

As he moved closer to the dresser that he saw a note written in what he noticed as Haley's handwriting. Picking it up, he began to read.

 **####**

As he finished the letter, he let it drop back onto the dresser. She had taken Jack and was staying with her sister. She wanted him to call so they could talk.

He sat down on the edge of the bed and sighed before running his hands over his face. Everything just got more complicated now that she had made the move to leave the house. He would call her tomorrow so they could set up a time to talk and so he could see Jack. But given her reaction before he left for Milwaukee and now this, it was clear that she would only accept his work if she was completely dictating the terms.

He hadn't spoken to her since talking to Strauss about staying with the BAU when they were in Milwaukee. He had been hoping that the changes he was planning would satisfy her eagerness for him to be home more.

If the transfer he had mentioned Strauss offering wasn't enough, there was no way she was going to go along with his plan of shuffling his workload in the BAU and stay on the team. Now he didn't know what his next step needed to be.

Looking over at the clock, he realized he had been up for 38 hours as the team had worked through the night after he and Emily arrived yesterday trying to identify the UNSUB.

Concluding that whatever was going to happen wasn't going to happen tonight, he took off his suit jacket and hung it on the rack in the bedroom where he kept clothes that needed to go to the dry cleaners. His tie was next off and that went into the bag that went to the dry cleaners as well. His shoes were put in their place in the shoe rack.

After taking off his socks, he walked over to the bathroom to put them in the laundry basket only to find a mess there was well. Walking back out of the bathroom, he went and got a plastic laundry basket to put the wet towels. He wanted to put them through the dryer before mildew formed on them. He knew Haley would be upset if anything happened to them as these were the luxury towels that had been given to them for their wedding.

Stepping back into the bathroom he groaned as cleaning up messes was the last thing he wanted to do tonight. Right now all he wanted to do was brush his teeth and go to bed and hope all of this was a bad dream when he woke in the morning.

As he set the basket down, he heard something dripping. Looking over he noticed that it was the faucet for their large jacuzzi tub. After he carefully stepped over several soggy towels on the floor, he turned the knobs until the drip stopped.

Standing up he shook his head and thought grimly perhaps leaving faucets dripping particularly when no one was home was why their water bill had been so high. Just as he was turning to step back over to the basket, something shiny on the floor caught his eye. Leaning over so he could get a closer look, he immediately recognized the shiny square wrapper as well as the company name written on it.

A condom wrapper.

Hotch could feel a wave of disgust come over him as he stood up and looked around the room again. The recently used tub. The towels used to absorb large amounts of water on the floor. The missing liner for the trashcan.

He turned and walked out of the bathroom, forgetting about the towels. As he reentered the bedroom, he started to pace. He could say with absolute conviction that it wasn't his or from him. While he and Haley had used condoms at various times during their years long on and off relationship, they hadn't used condoms since they had married. And they certainly never used them since moving into this house.

While he respected their purpose and usefulness, Hotch preferred not to use them. However, he had only gotten to the point of not using them in a handful of long term serious relationship once both had confirmed that they were clean and his partner was on birth control. With Haley, birth control hadn't even been a concern as they discussed when they got engaged that they wanted to try for a baby right away. After Jack was born Haley had gone back on the Pill.

So for him to come home to find a condom wrapper in their master bathroom could only mean one thing. The conclusion that he had been trying to avoid was confirmed. He could explain away hang up calls, the increase water bill, the unfamiliar jacket in the hall closet, the strange discussion with at her parents a week or two earlier, Haley's strange behavior and her unexplained outings with 'friends'.

Walking over, he sat on the end of the bed as he considered what he needed to do next. All of the sudden he realized where he was sitting and jumped up as if it was on fire. Their bed. Had Haley and her boyfriend had sex in the bed too? Is that why it was in disarray when Haley generally made it everyday? Walking up to the top of the bed, he took a deep breath and pulled back the sheets. Then he stared at the bed as he looked for anything that would answer his questions.

Suddenly, he looked away and quickly walked out of the room and down the stairs. Going through the kitchen, he roughly opened the back door and walked into the side yard. He was so intent of his target that he was not paying attention to small pebbles as he walked down the path in his bare feet. The trash can.

In the bathroom that the trash liner was missing without a replacement. The trash collection for their house would be early the next morning. Maybe he was a glutton for punishment but if the bathroom trash was in this can, he didn't want Haley to be able to get rid of it and the proof of her deceit that easily.

He paused before he opened the can and looked inside. He pulled out a couple of bags before he saw the clear bag that he was looking for. After placing it on the ground, he untied the top. And then when he opened it, he had his proof. Four used condoms in the bag along with three wrappers.

Angrily stepping away, he started to pace before walking up to the side of the house with a clenched fist. Before punching it, he stopped himself and took a couple of deep breaths. He couldn't do this. Punching the wall would not solve any problems. It may make him feel better momentarily but the possible damage could have him out of the field for weeks just as he had reclaimed his position as Unit Chief.

No. That was not how he needed to handle this.

What was the right path?

Call Haley? No that wouldn't do him any good.

Show up at Jessica's and have it out with Haley? No, as tempting as that would be it would scare Jack and probably end up with him being arrest. That wouldn't look good when they filed for divorce and were setting up custody. Not to mention problems it could cause with his job.

Divorce. He never wanted that. With how long they had known each other, he didn't consider that she would cheat on him particularly since she knew his feelings about his dad and his affairs.

With that, he thought back to his mother and how she didn't say anything about the affairs. How it had made him feel as a child growing up in that environment.

How much did Jack see of what Haley was doing?

Had he been home with them or already at Jessica's?

That would have to be a question for another day. What he did know was that he could not stay in this marriage if Haley was going to cheat on him. He didn't even know if he could get past it if they went through counseling given the length of time she had been concealing her contact with Thomas Hannon. But it would need to be something that he and Haley would need to talk about as he didn't know if she really even wanted to stay in their marriage given the condition she left their room and bathroom in when she went to Jessica's.

But for tonight as he looked back at the trash bag, he needed to bring out Agent Hotchner. It was not something that he normally did at home but these weren't normal circumstances.

He knew how Haley would react when confronted with that he knew about her affair. She would deny it and try to turn it back around on him. So he needed proof. And irrefutable proof was something that he had plenty of right now.

But to make the evidence collection proper, he couldn't do it himself. But who could he call? He did not want his team to know or to see this sickening betrayal by his wife. No, he needed to work with them everyday. At some point he would need to tell them something however they did not need to know these details.

That is when he remembered Sam Cooper, a former BAU agent who was now back with the FBI after during some work overseas. This request wasn't how he wanted to greet his long time friend however the jovial former profiler was known as a man who could find you anything. Tonight Hotch needed someone willing to come over to do evidence collection at this late hour.

After an uncomfortable conversation with Cooper, Hotch received a message 20 minutes later than someone would be by within the hour. As promised 45 minutes later, there was a knock on the door.

 **####**

Hours later, Hotch closed the door after thanking the evidence tech. Throughout his years in the FBI, he had seen evidence collection done countless times however this had been the first time that it had been at his home. And hopefully the last.

When Max, as he found out was this tech's name when he arrived, Hotch had summarized what he had found and in what locations as well what he suspected he happened. With that out of the way, he showed Max the yard as that is where the evidence tech wanted to start. After pointing out the trash can and the various bags, Hotch excused himself after mentioning he was going to have coffee in the kitchen.

In the kitchen, Hotch had sat at the kitchen table occasionally watching Max's work through the window as he drank his coffee.

When Max had finished outside, he had taken a bag with collected evidence out to his car to be stored as per procedure before coming into the kitchen for promised coffee. They spoke for a few minutes while drinking their coffee before Max gathered his supplies and they walked up the stairs so Hotch could show him the master bedroom and bathroom.

As they had reached the top of the stairs, Hotch stared at the guest room door.

The guest room that Haley had run up with Jack to when he was going to do work there.

The guest room that he had distracted him to get him out of.

The guest room where she deliberately hid his supplies so he couldn't do the work a few days later. He had remembered all this as he had been waiting in the kitchen.

So before they went into the master bedroom, Hotch walked over to the closed door and stopped. He asked Max to please check this room out as well explaining that it should be a rarely used guest room.

After Max stated he would after the master, Hotch walked him to the doorway as he hadn't wanted to look at his bedroom again right now. With Max set with his tasks, Hotch walked away and back downstairs to the kitchen.

It seemed like hours before Max came down and filled him in on what was found as well as what items he had taken for analysis.

Max nervously described what he had found in the guest room and bathroom. Multiple men's clothing and toiletry items. A pair of men's shoes in the closet. Questionable stains on the bedding. And a most empty box of condoms in the bedside table drawer. The photo that Max showed him of the receipt found in the bag with the condoms showed that they had been bought three months earlier, there had been two other boxes purchased at the same time and Haley had brought them used her credit card.

Before Max left, Hotch had him collect the jacket in the hall closet that he had noticed when he fixed the closet light.

Now that Max had left and after locking up downstairs, Hotch walked tiredly walked up the stairs. It was more than the physical fatigue from lack of sleep during the case. It was now also the emotional angst because over the last few hours, his worst fears had been confirmed in a horrible way. After today his whole world would change. But even worse Jack whole world would change.

He stepped into his room which now had the sheets stripped from the bed. He walked over to the dresser and pulled out a pair of pajama pants before changing out of the rest of his suit. As he walked over to the other side of the room, he saw the wet towels still lying on the floor in the bathroom. However from what he had learned over the last few hours, he could care less about the towels.

Walking into the hall, he pulled a set of sheets out of the cabinet for his bed. But as he reentered his room with the sheets in his hands, he just stared at the bed.

Walking over to the dresser, he placed the pile of sheets on top before walking out of the room. He couldn't stay in there. He couldn't sleep in that bed knowing what had occurred in the room and most likely also in that bed. Their bed.

He quickly shut down the profiler that started to wonder what Haley got out of having her boyfriend in their bed. If he went too far down that path he would never get the sleep he needed tonight.

But as he stood in the hall, he didn't know where to go. The guest room was also off limits given what Max had stated he found in the room. Jack's room only had a crib.

Just then he turned to his office door and made a decision. Going back to the cabinet, he pulled out a pillow and blankets before going over to the office door and unlocking it.

He had installed the lock shortly after Jack was born to assure that when he was older, Jack wouldn't be able to go into the room and see something no child should ever see. However, for tonight, the locked door had another advantage. This was the one room in the house that he was most confident that Haley and her boyfriend hadn't had sex.

Entering the room, he walked over to the couch and set it up before lying down, hoping he could get to sleep quickly before he would need to get up to go into the office.

Little did he know that his personal and professional chaos wasn't over.

 **AN: I plan on getting the next chapter out by the end of the week.**


	30. Poison Pill

When Aaron Hotchner woke up the next morning or err a few hours after he had finally been able to lie down he was initially confused with sleeping on the couch in his home office. As he sat up and looked around his office, the events of the evening before quickly came back to him.

He sighed and ran his hands over face as he sat there. The sleep he had gotten had done little to reduce his fatigue. But it was a new day and he needed to get up and head into the office. After showering in the hall bathroom near Jack's room and dressing, he, as a lawyer, considered what he wanted to do at the house before he left the house that morning not knowing when Haley planned on returning and for what purpose.

Given the reckless display he had walked in on the previous night, it didn't seem as if Haley cared what he knew. Knowing that, he didn't know what she would try next so he decided to do what he could legal to protect himself. He moved all of his work attire into the closet in his office and over packed his go bag. He also secured certain documents and legal paperwork in a lockbox in his office. Walking around the house, he collected a few items that didn't have much monetary value but were personally valuable to him and placed them in his office as well. He then left the house after locking the door to his office.

At the BAU after getting a needed cup of coffee, he started working on unpacking his office at least enough so he could move around easily. Thankful that Emily had caught up on the team paperwork before his return, the only outstanding items for him to address that morning were consults that he needed to delegate to the team as well as finish the case file from Milwaukee. So unless something came up that gave him plenty of time to finish unpacking his office and call Haley to set up a time to talk.

As the morning progressed, the team became increasingly nervous when Reid was uncharacteristically late. Their feelings of being on edge only increased with the knowledge that at the airstrip the evening before he had mentioned his plans of going to Gideon's cabin to find the elder profiler. Now both now unaccounted for by the team. Fortunately, before Morgan could paced a hole in the carpet, Reid arrived looking out of sorts and mumbled an apology before sitting at his desk, just staring at the files on it.

His quiet and distracted demeanor quickly concerned all of them as it was reminiscent of the first weeks after they returned from Georgia. He gave little in the way of explanation about why he was late and what he had found.

Just after lunch Hotch had called him into his office to talk. He was hopeful that Spencer would open up more in a private 1:1 meeting about what he had found at the cabin. It had taken some time for Spencer to explain all that found at the cabin. As he did, he shared the letter that Gideon had left as well as gave Hotch Gideon's badge and gun that had been left with the note.

After Spencer left his office and went down to his desk, Hotch tried to get back into his paperwork. However he couldn't get what he just learned about Gideon. He had worked with Gideon for a long time. Much longer than anyone else on the team.

He knew Boston had been a turning point for Gideon with the guilt he felt over the deaths and injuries of other agents. But he had worked his way back only to be put off balance by the violation of his safe place by Randall Gardner as well as Elle being shot in her home on the same case. Gideon had stumbled a little when Reid was kidnapped however he seemed better as did Reid over time.

Just a few weeks ago, Hotch was considering that Gideon may be ready to resume being Unit Chief when Hotch was still considering applying for a promotion. But walking into the gruesome murder scene in his apartment, another safe space compromised by his work, had deeply affected Gideon.

As Hotch had read the letter he left for Spencer, it was clear that Gideon had been more affected than any of them had realized. Then at some point during the case in Flagstaff, the final fragile strands holding him to the BAU had broken.

Hotch shook his head as he thought of his old friend. He had agreed to the promotion as Unit Chief and to observe Gideon two years earlier to support him so he could remain doing the work he was so skilled at. Hotch had tried to be a stronger support for Gideon and the team to lean on when needed but ultimately it hadn't been enough in the end. All any of them could hope for now was that he would find the peace he was looking for and that he would contact them to let all of them know he was OK.

Looking up from his musings, Hotch could see that Spencer still wasn't engaging with the work in front of him as he just stared at his desk. He considered what his thoughts had been a few days earlier about how the team would react to Strauss' plan to remove him and Gideon from the BAU along with Emily's resignation.

For now Hotch knew he was most certainly staying in his current position. He hadn't been completely sure before he got home last night but after what he found there, he wasn't going to allow Haley to dictate the path of his career any longer. He was also certain that Emily was serious about staying as well considering she asked as she was being treated for an injury sustained in the field.

How each would react and how it would shape the future of the team. Hotch hoped that Gideon leaving like this wasn't what would break Reid. After everything that the younger man had been through he didn't want him to walk away too. For the team to lose him now that his mentor had left unexpectedly.

He groaned as he felt the buzz of his phone in his pocket. Pulling it out, he smiled slightly. This was another reason he knew she was staying. It was the second text message he had received from Emily that day reporting that she was fine and bored out of her mind at home.

As he considered the situation an idea came to him. Hotch picked up his phone to call his injured agent.

Spencer and Emily had been friendly since she started with the team and had become close friends as well when Emily had helped Spencer with his addiction after Georgia. She had seen Spencer at his worst. Right now Hotch was hoping that that experience would help her get through to him. Get him talking. Encourage him to open up to the rest of them. Make sure he knew that the rest of them were still there for him.

Emily had quickly answered the phone but immediately halted her diatribe about being fine when she heard the tone of his voice. He then explained what Spencer had learned at Gideon's cabin and how he was behaving in the office today. They agreed after some debate that Emily would come to the office with the goal of having Spencer leave with her for the rest of the day.

About a half hour later Hotch noticed Emily tentatively walk into the bullpen and up to his office. As she walked into his office, Hotch was relieved to see that she wasn't as pale as the last time he had seen her. Except for the gauze bandage on her forehead, she didn't appear to have any lasting effects from her unfortunate encounter with the 2x4.

They talked for a few minutes before he handed her her credentials back. He ignored her grumbling when he informed her she would get her gun back the next day when she was cleared for desk duty. Even if the team was called out on a case for the foreseeable future, she wasn't going to be going into the field.

Before she left his office, he did let her know that if she and/or Reid needed the time tomorrow to just to let him know. She nodded and promised to keep him in the loop before slipping out of his office.

He watched from his window as Emily went down into the bullpen and started to engage with Spencer. After a few minutes, he noticed Spencer nod before gathering his jacket and bag then leaving with Emily.

After they left, Hotch called the rest of the team into the conference room and explained what he now knew about Gideon. Emotions ran high in the room at the ongoing upheaval in the BAU.

While Hotch and Emily had ultimately reversed course and were staying, from all appearances, Gideon was just gone. When they got off the plane from Flagstaff, he had only mentioned taking some time off not that none of them would see or hear him from him again. However at that time it must not have been Gideon's plan since Reid had mentioned that they were supposed to play chess in his office a few days earlier but Gideon hadn't showed.

Other than that the rest of them hadn't heard from him and Emily hadn't mentioned seeing him either in that time frame so Hotch was assuming that Gideon could really be anywhere considering when Spencer had spoken to him on the phone.

Once the meeting ended and the team went back to their workspaces to process the news about Gideon's sudden departure, Hotch took Gideon's gun and badge that Reid had left with him and went to talk to Strauss.

As he walked back to the bullpen after meeting with her, he remained surprised by Strauss' reaction to the news. She had been empathetic about Gideon's departure. Given they were now a team member down and Emily was not medically cleared for the field, Strauss informed him that she was putting the team on stand down.

As he sat back down at his desk, he shook his head as he looked at the clock. It was now late afternoon and he had yet to call Haley. Taking out his phone since delaying the inevitable wasn't going to help anyone, he dialed her number.

 **####**

The rest of the team was already in the office when Emily and Reid arrived together the next day.

He didn't appear to be as withdrawn as the day before, though he was still quiet. The rest of the team had closed ranks and worked to support Spencer as they all processed their own feelings.

Given the team's current state and his own personal distraction, Hotch was grateful about their current stand down. After assigning consults, Hotch worked in his office except for case briefing.

He was trying to mental prepare himself for his talk with Haley later that afternoon. After he had called and they had set it up the day before he was annoyed that she insisted on it being in the middle of his workday. Of most people's workday.

After the meeting was set up, he formed his plan. He determined quickly that it would be best to not mention that he knew anything about Thomas Hannon or her relationship with him or his suspicions about what he found at the house. It was too soon and he wanted the results from the evidence collection in his hands first.

For now he was going to meet with her and see what her intentions were. In the long run, he felt that approach would be most beneficial for him as they went forward. The only topic he wasn't going to compromise on was him getting to spend adequate time with Jack particularly since the team was on stand down.

 **####**

When it came time to leave to go meet Haley, Hotch gathered his briefcase and walked down into the bullpen. He dismissed the rest of the team as well since it had been a difficult week all around. They all looked at him curiously for a few seconds before deciding not to ask too many questions and enjoy an early end to the workday.

He arrived first at the place they had agreed to meet. Haley had wanted to meet to be at her sister's initially before trying to push it to be at their house. Something of how she was suggesting locations rubbed him wrong. After vetoing both, he suggested their current location. It was quiet, semi private and as he was not sure what the bad feeling was had video surveillance.

When Haley arrived, they both sat down.

 **####**

They had been talking for a few minutes when Haley stood up and yelled at him, "no Aaron. Nothing will change. I'm tired of your job taking over our lives."

Hotch took a deep breath as he worked hard to hold onto his patience. He looked over at her and reminded her calmly, "I had my transfer paper in and spoken to the Section Chief about other positions. You know that. The position she suggested had the hours you said you wanted."

Haley looked over him and huffed before venting, "yes, you did. But then the BAU called. Then they called again and again. And then you left to go help them with the case. It is never going to end. It doesn't matter where you are or what you are doing. They are going to keep trying to pull you back in."

Hotch sighed and shook his head before answering, "I told you before I left it was a preexisting case and my transfer hadn't gone through. It was a unique situation. Gideon had disappeared and wasn't reachable. Prentiss had quit. There were only 2 profilers there. They needed more eyes before anymore women were killed. I was back home less than 38 hours later and you were already gone."

Haley rolled her eyes at him before challenging, "what will be unique situation next time, Aaron? They are never going to take their claws out of you and you are never going to let them."

Hotch could feel himself tense up as he replied, "that's not fair Haley. You knew what was involved with the BAU when we got married. I explained it before we were even engaged."

Haley turned and glared at him as she yelled back bitterly, "no what's not fair is my husband never being home. That every time I plan something the phone rings."

Hotch took some deep breaths as he was starting to find it more difficult to keep his temper under control before responding, "that's the part that comes with being Unit Chief. I told you it was going to be longer hours and more work when they asked me to take over. You encouraged me to take the position."

"Yes, I did. As a stepping stone to the next level." Haley griped.

Hotch sighed as he answered, "And that was the plan. Advancement doesn't happen overnight. And it doesn't happen unless there is a position that opens up." He was careful how he responded as he wasn't ready for her to know that he had already committed to staying with the BAU. He still wanted to know what she was up to.

Haley's eyes narrowed as she spat, "but you're not going to advance, Aaron. You screwed up and got suspended."

Hotch shook his head as he had already explained the circumstances to her as he did again, "I did not screwed up. A case did not go as planned and as team leader I took the fall. I was suspended because the Section Chief sees me as competition for her own ambitions. That is why she suggested White Collar. There is little advancement out of there."

Haley looked at him carefully before asking, "has your transfer gone through yet or did you get sucked back into the BAU?"

 **####**

Realizing that they weren't getting anywhere as they just rehashed the same arguments, Hotch looked over at her and asked directly, "Haley, what do you want? You've wanted me in both in a position so I can advance and also in one with a strict 40 hour work week. That doesn't exist."

Haley sat back and gave a slight smirk before she said slowly and calmly, "OK Aaron, this is what I want. If you want me back, this is what you need to do. Quit the FBI. Not just the BAU but the Bureau. And then you need to cut contact with everyone in both. You're a lawyer. Go back to practicing law. Your dad's firm has offered you a position several times now. Take it."

Hotch looked back at her working hard to conceal his shock. He couldn't believe Haley had just suggested what she did. In the years that they had known each other, he and Haley had spoken many times about why he had followed the path he did for his career. She knew as much as he did about how unthinkable what she had just asked was for him.

When he was a practicing lawyer, Hotch had worked as a prosecutor because he wanted to make his own name as a lawyer. He had no desire to be a defense attorney as he father had been. But he had found even the work in the prosecutor's office was too close to his father's legacy.

The FBI had given him the potential to create his own legacy and reputation. And in the 13 years since he joined the Bureau, he had gradually been doing just that. Involvement in the formation of hostage negotiation protocols and writing the book that the FBI as a whole used. Serving on an international task force. Finding the logic behind profiling and having his insight noticed by one of the godfathers of the BAU during an important case when he was assigned to Seattle. Having that same SSA offer him a position in the BAU and act as his mentor ever since.

All of his professional contacts he had made for the last 13 years were linked with the FBI and/or the BAU. To sever all those connections would hinder his work regardless of where he when next.

Even if they didn't always see eye to eye, the team was important to him. He couldn't just walk away and never have contact with them again.

The most striking red flag was Haley's insistence on joining his father's old firm. She knew from conversations they had had over the years that it was a no go for him regardless of how many times they asked.

He had been asked repeatedly about being Nathan Hotchner's son. And the last thing Hotch wanted was to be compared to his father. The father who had abused him. Who had had affairs. Who had spent his career as an attorney who pulled out all the stops to get his clients off.

He had resolved early in law school that he wanted to spend his career fighting for justice for victims and putting criminals away. While he agreed that the accused deserved representation he could not condone the tactics he had witnessed his father's old partners using during cross examination of witnesses. He didn't want to become that person. That isn't the type of person he wanted his son to see him become.

His son. Jack. Hotch had suffered for years in the hands of his father. Both physical and emotional abuse. It only ended when his father became ill with cancer and Hotch was sent off to boarding school.

The statistics of adults who were abused as children becoming abusers themselves worried Hotch everyday. He didn't want to become his father, either professionally or personally. He was terrified to walk closer to that path now that he had a child himself. Hotch loved his son with his whole heart. He never wanted to hurt him.

This fear combined with losing his BAU support system troubled him. If nothing else since joining the BAU, he could always count on his colleagues to call him out when needed even if he didn't like it at the time. Rossi. Gideon. Cooper. Katie. Ryan. The dynamic was different now with being team leader but at times JJ, Emily and Morgan had all challenged him. No he couldn't give that up. He wouldn't give it up.

But as he looked at Haley as he considered it, he could see that she knew that too. At one point he was willing to transfer away from the BAU but not the FBI. It would irrecoverably damage his career to completely break off contact with everyone from the FBI if that was even possible considering how many cases he had worked on over the years.

No this was nothing less than a poison pill. Haley clearly didn't want to work things out with him. As he had learned a couple days earlier, she had moved on without telling him. She keep wanting to have him jump through hoops for her to stay when in reality it was clear she had no intention of staying. She wanted out of the marriage but didn't want to take responsibility or blame for it.

He was pulled out of his thoughts as Haley said, "you don't need to answer Aaron. I can see what your answer is." as she stood up and walked away.

Hotch watched her walk away wishing that he had what evidence he needed to confront her. But now he knew what she wanted and what she was planning. Now it was time for him to get what he needed to in order before she made her next move. And based on how this went, he wouldn't be waiting long.


	31. Fears

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my imagination.**

Emily tapped her foot as waited for the elevator to arrive. When the team arrived at the BAU that morning, Hotch updated them on a case that had come across JJ's desk overnight.

It had been almost a month since the BAU had been on a case other than Milwaukee. As they reviewed the details sent from the Portland police department, they agreed that it would be best for them to see the evidence on the ground.

After the team finished in the conference room, Hotch had gone over to Strauss' office with the case file to see if she would lift the stand down order. It had now been eight days since they had returned from Milwaukee. Strauss still had them on stand down and wasn't inclined to change that until at least Emily was cleared for the field. Something that couldn't happen until she got her stitches out the following evening after work.

Emily, like the rest of the team, didn't think Strauss would change her mind. Hotch hadn't either but had felt inclined to at least try. So while he was meeting with Strauss, she called down to the Bureau infirmary to see if they could see her that morning. Given an appointment in an hour, she was going to see if the doctor would remove the stitches early and clear her for field duty.

They could all tell as soon as Hotch returned that he hadn't been successful with Strauss. Shortly after he returned Emily left the bullpen to go down to the infirmary. Once there, she explained to the doctor the situation and asked about having the stitches out early.

After she assessed the healed cut on Emily's forehead, the doctor made the decision that the stitches could come out a day early and she could be cleared for full duty. However, Emily would need to keep steristrips over the wound for the next few days and avoid anything that would impact the area. Finally, the doctor stated she wanted to see Emily the day she came back after the case. Emily agreed as she was handed her clear for duty paperwork.

Once back in the bullpen, took her clearance form up to Hotch who looked at her questioningly as she explained what she had done. He sighed before informing her that he would only go along with it if she took it easy on the case. He also informed her she would not be involved in any takedowns or any field assignments that required her vest until after she saw the doctor when they returned. She quickly agreed before Hotch headed out of his office on his way to Strauss' office.

Once he returned with an affirmative response, the pace in the bullpen increased as everyone prepared to leave as soon as the jet was ready.

Once on the jet, they discussed the case along with new information that Garcia had found before sitting back as they each waited for the cross country flight to be over.

Now that she was cleared to be back fully with the team, Emily was breathing easier. From the day after they had arrived home from Milkwaukee she had been restless. She had woken up confused but quickly remembered the events of the day before.

After preparing for the day, she found that she couldn't focus on tasks around her apartment. A part of her was worried that after opening herself up to returning to the BAU that Strauss would still use her resignation as a way to keep her from returning. It wasn't until now that she was back on full duty that she felt secure that she really had her position back.

Looking across the aisle to Spencer, Emily was glad her younger friend was slowly doing better as the days went on. The last week and a half hadn't been easy, particularly for him.

The day she had been at home she knew from experience that the text messages to Hotch wouldn't change his mind about letting her come in but she couldn't help herself. When he had called and she saw his name on the caller ID, she quickly answered wondering if perhaps it had worked.

Her stomach dropped when she heard his voice initially thinking that what she had feared about Strauss not letting her come back for her position was true. However she had quickly comprehended that he was explaining about Gideon leaving and Reid's reaction that day. After some debate on what to do, she gathered her things and headed towards the BAU.

After talking to Hotch and getting her credentials back, she had gone down and slowly got Spencer to interact with her. It hadn't taken much effort to get him to leave with her after that.

Their first stop had been at the nearby diner that they both liked. If Emily had to guess, she would bet that he hadn't eaten anything since they left Milwaukee the day before.

The rest of the afternoon had them both going to see their respective therapists. Emily's appointment was scheduled while Spencer's was made after lunch and just happened to overlap.

Emily smiled to herself as she remembered Alicia's reaction when she came in that day. In all the years that she had known the older woman, she had never seen her quite so lost for words. During that session Emily had described all that had happened in the few days since she had last been there as well as the range of feelings she was having about all that had happened. Before she left, Alicia confirmed upcoming appointments. They both expected that even with Emily's return to the BAU and clearing the air with Aaron that Emily may need the opportunity to talk in the coming days and weeks.

For the rest of that evening, Emily and Spencer had dinner and socialized in her apartment similar to the way they had when he had been staying with her. Given his demeanor, Emily invited him to stay in her guest room as he had previously done assuring him he could stay as long as he needed.

After they both went to their respective rooms for the night, Emily sat in a chair in her room thinking about Gideon. She recalled their last conversation just a few evenings earlier.

As much as she could tell that he was conflicted, he hadn't let on that he was planning to resign and disappear. As much as she could see the effect on the team but particularly Spencer, she couldn't be upset with Gideon.

Her grandfather had made a similar move when he resigned from the CIA after not being able to get past her own father's death which he blamed on a policy decision that he had been unable to stop. Her grandparents had quickly moved out of DC and into France only to finally settled later in a cabin in the French Alps.

Over the years as she spoke to him about why, it began clear that he had just come to a breaking point that left him unable to process continuing to do the work that he had done his entire career. That he was then finding his fulfillment in getting back to the basis of life and using his hands to work the land.

Though there were different circumstances, she had disappeared to the same mountain cabin after the Doyle mission not telling anyone where she went. When she left she expected that it would be temporary as she tried to wrap her head around what had happened and what she learned after her debriefing about what had gone wrong.

Little did she know when she made the decision that it would save her life. The location of the safehouse she was scheduled to stay at was leaked. An attack occurred and the agents there securing it were all killed.

By the time she came back further arrests had been made of Doyle's network however even now there wasn't a conclusive answer about who had attacked.

Before she could consider it anymore, there was an announcement to prepare for landing. She along with the rest of the team started to clean up the dishes and stow bags that had been taken out during the long flight.

Once the jet was on the ground, the team exited the jet and headed off on their assignments.

 **####**

The plane ride home after the case was quiet. It seemed that a case were someone in a trusted position such as a psychiatrist using people's fears against them had all of them thinking.

For JJ, it was that she always avoided getting hurt. Her sister's death and father leaving shortly after that played into it. She knew she had a hard time opening up in relationships and that had adversely affected the ones she had in the past.

Now she was at a crossroads with Will, the detective she had met months earlier in New Orleans. There had been an instant attraction between the two. JJ acknowledged that she had even given him hope before she left New Orleans back then. But after months of sporadic phone calls and a few visits, Will had been mentioning about wanting to be exclusive and both of them making more of an effort to see each other on a regular basis. Was she ready to make that step? Did she want to be with Will? Or did she risk losing him because of her indecision?

Derek's greatest fear had almost come true just months earlier when he was falsely accused of murdering teen boys. The case had shone a light on a dark corner of his past that he hadn't wanted anyone to know about. Even now he was relieved to know from the team that only Hotch and Gideon knew the truth.

But he hadn't had a choice in revealing his secret once he determined that his former abuser was still abusing these boys. To cover up his crimes Buford was killing those he suspected of preparing to report him. While the conclusion of that case had started the healing process, the accusations had open a different cut that affected his willingness to trust.

Spencer's greatest fear was that everyone would keep leaving to the point that no one he could count on would be left in his life. Hotch and Emily's recent wavering about their positions on the team had worried him. Unlike Gideon, Emily had spoken to him about her reason and promised to still be available to him in some capacity. He hadn't processed Hotch's absence before he showed up in Milwaukee with Emily as he had been so worried about Gideon.

But for Spencer, Gideon was a larger than life figure that had him reconsider an academic field and encouraged him to join the FBI. In his time there Gideon had helped him navigate multiple areas of red tape in becoming a BAU agent. But now he was gone, leaving only a note behind to explain it all.

As Emily had suggested in Portland, he had reread the note. Thought about what what Gideon said in it again. He understood that, unlike with his father, he wasn't the reason Gideon left.

It kept coming back to his father leaving. Leaving him alone with his mother who as much as she loved him had not been able to fill a traditional parental role. If anything Spencer needed to nurture her and ultimately make the heart wrenching decision just as he past the cusp of adulthood to commit her involuntarily because he knew she would get the best care there. And she continued to get the day to day care she needed while frequently conversing with him.

But he didn't have any illusions that she would magically become completely better. He would need to continue to be the adult in their relationship as least unless he himself started to show symptoms of schizophrenia.

Over the last week he had started to worry about if the time would ever come that he needed help and no one would be there for him. People he met respected his intellect. He was in this job because of his intellect. What would happen if like his mother that intellect was compromised by mental illness?

For Hotch, he felt like he was currently living one of his greatest fears as his marriage was falling apart in front of him. While not yet official his marriage was over for all intents and purposes with no chance of reconciliation. That had been clear in his conversation with Haley.

Since then he had been doing what he could legally to protect himself. He was also making plans to make sure he could continue to be the best parent he could for Jack. He refused to compromise on being there for Jack.

But he couldn't argue what Stanley Howard said to him about his fear about not being able to save everyone. Now that he had returned to his position in the BAU, it is always in the back of his mind.

Just a few days earlier the team burst in to find Emily injured and in a precarious position while a seven year held a gun on her. While he didn't want her to be injured further, he also was concerned for everyone in that room while a scared child was holding a loaded gun. Thankfully he was able to get the gun away from the child without anyone else getting hurt.

And then there was Gideon. While he didn't know what exactly happened in the two weeks leading up to his disappearance, he did feel like there should have been more than he could have done. Though after Sarah's death, he didn't know what else they could have done. He tried to prevent Gideon from coming back too soon but he had the seniority to override Hotch's objections.

For now, Hotch needed to find a way to do right by his son as well as protect the team as well as he could. There was still healing that had to happen and as long as Strauss didn't interfere any further he was optimistic they could get to where they needed to be.

Emily sat back in her seat, knowing this case and the topic of fears would feature prominently in her next session with Alicia. Her greatest fear now that she was back with the team is that her past would put all of them in danger. If something, anything happened to any of her team, she would never be able to forgive herself. The worst part is that she couldn't even fill them in or warn them because of the classification level of the case.

Gideon knew what happened but he was gone now. However when she saw him last, he did encourage her to get back in touch with Sam Cooper who also knew some or most details about the Doyle case. Given what she knew of his history, he would have the necessary clearance level to get the entire file.

When she had been planning to resign, she had thought it would be best given the inquires she was getting first from Clyde then Jeremy and now the others from her JTF-12 team. At some point soon, she would need to make a decision about Declan.

She had already decided that she wasn't handing Declan over as, from experience, she didn't trust the loyalties of Clyde, Jeremy or Tsia. While Sean agreed that Delan needed to be safe, they disagreed on how that was best accomplished.

Another sign that something was up is that the agent with Louise and Declan had reported that Louise was acting strangely over the last couple of months without explanation. Was she worried about their safety or was she trying to get her and Declan away to rejoin the remnants of Doyle's network?

Sean had insisted and she had to agree that she personally needed to stay away until they could get a clear read of what was happening both within the other former JTF-12 members and with Louise given her role in that case. As far as Louise knew Lauren Reynolds was dead. If Emily was to reveal her true identity and Louise was actually communicating with what was left of Doyle's team, it could bring danger to BAU that she couldn't even warn them about.

But for now she needed to focus on the work of the BAU now that she was back. Her first stop when she got back was at the infirmary to get the final check up on her forehead. The healed cut looked good so she didn't anticipate any issues with that appointment.

Next she needed to get in contact with Sam Cooper and talk to him. She had promised Gideon and if things started to fall apart, she would need his help to keep the team safe.

 **AN: I have the next chapter started and will post as soon as it's ready. Up next- Emily's meeting with Sam Cooper doesn't go as planned. Also she relaxes her a guard and slightly opens up to Hotch.**


	32. Condoms and Kicks

Hotch was sitting at his desk early in the morning. He had left early the day before and was now working to catch up on paperwork before Strauss came over looking for it. His recent interactions with Strauss had him on edge.

Since Milwaukee she had been cordial and understanding about what was going on with the team. This, of course, was the Section Chief that not that long ago had tried to use one of his agents to reveal dirt on him and the team to have cause to destroy his career. Even with her adjusted attitude, he wasn't letting his guard down. He wasn't expecting that she would give up her attempts to damage his standing in the Bureau.

Nevertheless he was going to accept with caution what she was willing to offer as the team needed support right now. The initial shock over Gideon's departure had passed. While all of them were doing better and working to move forward, it was a process. Successfully solving the case in Portland without Gideon had boosted morale that at some point they would be OK without him.

Equally surprising to Hotch was Strauss asking for his input on the vacancy for the position left by Gideon's departure. It was particularly strange given that she didn't seek it from himself or Gideon before hiring Emily. Though given Strauss' intentions with that hire maybe this was a good sign.

His optimism had been short lived once he started to look through the files of the agents Strauss had brought him. None of them had the profiling experience that should be present for someone in a senior position in the BAU. He was dismayed to find that some only had the basic profiling that all FBI agents are given. He would need to think about how to approach her with his concerns.

There were so many moving parts happening in the BAU right now with filling of Gideon's position being just one of them. With the changes, there was more stress than normal.

His personal struggles were only adding to his stress level right now. Haley was being difficult about the time he wanted to spend with Jack however Hotch was not going to give in. He already had his lawyer working on separation papers as well as a temporary custody plan until the divorce process could start. Given what he had been through a few days earlier, he wasn't really feeling charitable to Haley right now.

It had taken a few days to think of it after what he had found in the house to acknowledge that he should have an STD test panel done. Though it appeared that they were using condoms there was no guarantee that they were each time. Hotch knew he and Haley certainly hadn't at any time during their marriage. So he felt having the tests done would be a prudent move to, if nothing else, give himself peace of mind.

So a few days earlier he had left the office early to go see his doctor. The visit was an awkward conversation followed by blood tests and the discomfort of having cultures taken from various parts of his body. His doctor had promised to send the results as soon as they were back.

For a few tests had the doctor had stated that even if negative they would need to repeat them in a few months to be certain they were indeed negative. And until then, the doctor had handed him a ribbon of condoms and stated that he should plan to use them for the foreseeable future. He had stuffed them into a pocket in his briefcase not wanting to deal with it at that point.

Looking up from his desk he glanced out his window to notice that the team was slowly coming into the bullpen to start the day. JJ had been in just a few minutes earlier with new consults but thankfully no cases at the moment.

Before he turned back to the work on his desk he noticed that Emily had arrived for the day. He immediately noticed that her body language is off and her shoulders are stiff. He shook his head as he hoped that her and Derek weren't arguing again.

As he looked, Hotch noticed that the way she sitting at her desk made it difficult to see her face. But what he could see was that she is wearing earbuds which is not something that she generally did unless she didn't want to be disturbed.

He shook his head deciding to see how the daily case briefing went before determining if he needed to check in with her.

 **####**

As the elevator slowly inched up, Emily stood in the back trying hard not to reach up and touch the bandage on her head. She rolled her eyes as she thought, 'there is no way this isn't going to start questions.' Just as they reached the sixth floor, she moved her hair closer to that side of her face just as the elevator opened.

After walking through the glass doors into the bullpen, she headed towards her desk while keeping her gaze down which resulted in her hair falling into her face. She left her coat and bags at her desk and headed for the break room for a much needed caffeine infusion. After a long wait in the ER the evening before, she was working on about four hours of sleep. Caffeine was desperately needed.

It wasn't that she thought she could hide the bruises or new bandage on her forehead. She knew it was only a matter of time before someone noticed and started to ask questions. But before that happened she wanted to have had some coffee. And to be completely awake.

After she had come back to work after Milwaukee, the team, particularly Derek and Garcia, were overly attentive about her injury to the point of being smothering at times. While she knew they meant well, she wasn't used to that level of concern from coworkers.

Another injury less than a week after she was fully cleared for the field would raise their concerns again. She knew it was going to happen and accepted that it would happen but before it did, she needed to get some caffeine into her so she didn't bite their heads off at their well meaning gestures.

By some miracle she made it back to her desk without anyone noticing her face. 'OK, maybe this won't be as hard as I think.' However it was probably more due to that Reid was the only one from the team in the bullpen right now and he hadn't looked up from the book he was reading.

After taking another sip of her coffee, Emily sat down at her desk and starts on her work.

 **####**

Since her arrival, Emily had been dreading the morning team meeting. There was no way to avoid looking at the rest of the team during that meeting. They would see the bandage. They would see the bruising that her makeup had only done so much to cover. They would ask questions she couldn't fully answer. The whole situation was complicated.

But whether she was prepared or not, 10 o'clock came quicker than she would have liked and members of the team were slowly making their way into the conference room. She knew that if she didn't get into the conference room soon, someone will come looking for her. Taking a few deep breaths before standing up, Emily rose and went to fill her coffee cup before heading up the stairs.

As she walks up to the door, there was still some light chatter at the table though it appeared that Hotch was starting to settle everyone down so JJ could start. She covertly took in where there were still empty chairs in the room. Of the two seats that were open one between Hotch and Reid while the other was on the other side of the table between where JJ is presenting and where Morgan is sitting. She picks the former as Hotch won't be able to see that side of her face from his seat and Reid was the least likely to notice.

She had no sooner sat down when she heard a gasp immediately followed by Derek exclaiming loudly, "what the hell happened to you?"

The room was suddenly quiet as the team focused on Derek and Emily. She looked down letting her hair fall into her face before sighing as glanced across the table at the group and answered, "it's nothing. Can we just focus on this meeting?"

Standing, Derek shook his head before challenging, "uh nuh. No way, Prentiss."

She maintained eye contact briefly before opening the file in front of her and started looking through the information on the first case they were reviewing while ignoring the looks of disbelief of everyone else in the room.

Hotch paused to take in the situation in front of him. Clearly her injury was why Emily has been off all morning. He had to admit that he was just as interested as Morgan about what happened to cause the injury.

As Hotch looks over at her, he found himself wondering if her choice of seat was deliberate as he couldn't see that side of her face from where he was sitting. However from the part of her face that is visible, he could see fatigue and stress that wasn't there the day before. Glancing down to her hands he noticing that she has been picking at her nails, one of her stress tells..

Given her reaction to Morgan's question he can see that she is starting to shut down and curl in on herself. She isn't going to talk right now about whatever happened. Pushing the topic was only going cause his stubborn agent to dig in. It would make it that much harder to get her to open up later when he spoke to her privately.

Shaking his head and gesturing for Derek to sit down he responded, "Ok, let's get started. JJ, first case, please."

 **####**

Hotch sat at his desk once he is back at his office. The meeting was a mess. Garcia, JJ and Morgan had all been frustrated that Hotch wouldn't let them push Emily. Though she did participate in the meeting discussion, overall Emily was quieter than usual.

Then as soon as the meeting came to an end, Emily had bolted from the room before anyone could say anything to her. After soothing the ruffled feathers of the others, he looked and found that Emily wasn't in the bullpen. He was planning to call her to his office when she returned.

 **####**

Emily plops herself onto the chair she has stored on the roof of the FBI building. She was so glad the meeting is over but given how the meeting went had no illusions that she wasn't going to be dodging questions all afternoon.

It had been a relief that Hotch refocus the meeting away from her but she wasn't naive. She knew he wasn't done with her either. She'd bet money that a one-on-one meeting with him would be happening within 15 minutes of when she returned to her desk.

For now she was just going to sit back and relax for a bit while she was here. A headache was growing from both the fatigue and the injury. Emily pulled a bottle of ibuprofen out of her pocket and shook three tablets into her hand before dry swallowed them. She was hoping that the headache would be gone by the time she returned to the bullpen. She was going to need a clear head to handle the afternoon.

 **####**

When she stepped back into the bullpen Emily noticed that no one from the team was there. She recognized with a glance at the clock that they were all probably at lunch. She walked over to her desk and sat down not missing that, unlike the others, Hotch was still in his office. Shaking her head, she opened the file she had been working on before the briefing.

It wasn't even ten minutes after she returned to her desk when Emily was summoned into Hotch's office. 'Should have had money on it.' she mumbled.

She slowly stood up at her desk and moved to the stairs with a sense of apprehension. When she reached the door, she took a deep breath and then another one before knocking.

"Come in."

Emily heard in response to her knock. Opening the door, she stepped just inside the doorway and stated, "you wanted to see me."

As she stood there, Hotch got the first good look at the bruise on her face as well as the bandage. It also did not escape him that she was barely in his office, ready to take off at the first chance. Not until they talked. He gestured for her to come in and saw her shoulders drop slightly as she stepped into his office closing the door behind her before coming and sitting in a chair across from his desk.

Once she was settled, Hotch said, "yes, you left after the meeting before anyone could talk to you."

"Yeah, I had somewhere I needed to be" Emily explained vaguely.

Hotch observed her before he stated, "OK, let's talk now."

Emily nodded as she answered, "OK, what do you want to talk about?" As much as she was certain of what this was about, she wasn't going to broach the subject. If he wanted to know, he was going to need to ask.

"Prentiss" Hotch said warningly.

Emily replied seriously, "Sir."

Hotch carefully observed her before shaking his head and decided to approach the topic from another angle so he asked, "what's the damage?"

Emily sighed before answering, "A small cut under the bandage treated with skin glue. No breaks or concussion. With the skin glue I'm on limited field duty only for the next three days."

Hotch nodded before continuing with his followup questions, "any headaches, blurred vision, dizziness? Any injuries anywhere else?

Emily responses, "I'm fine. It honestly looks worse than it feels."

Hotch looked at her and said sternly, "you didn't answer the questions, Emily."

Emily crossed her arms across her chest as she looked at him and answered, "why are you being so persistent?"

Hotch had let the subject go months earlier when she had come in with bruises but he wasn't this time. This time he wanted her to tell him what was going on and who was hurting her so he answered, "why are you being so evasive?"

When she didn't answer, he stood up and went over and closed the blinds to his office before walking over and sitting down next to her.

He waited until she looked up at him before he leaned forward, put his hand on her arm and said quietly and with a calmness he wasn't feeling, "talk to me, Emily. I need to know what is going on. This is the second time in the last few months that you have had non work related injuries that have limited your duties. Last time you refused to explain what happened. I'm not accepting that this time. I'm concerned. Is someone hurting you at home?"

Emily's eyes widened as he spoke. She didn't realize that was what he would think but of course that was what he would think. After working this job, that where all of their first thoughts would go. She should have seen that. Maybe she got hit harder than she thought.

She had no choice now. She needed to tell him exactly what happened no matter how embarrassing it was. She just needed to tuck that away and come clean.

His worries about domestic violence is so much worse than someone getting an upper hand on her in self defense class. From what she recalled domestic violence was a sensitive topic for him.

Sighing, she reached over and put her hand on top of his on her arm before replying, "Aaron, it's nothing like that. I should have realized that is where everyone's suspicions would go. That is where my suspicions would be too if I had been looking at it as an observer."

He observed her carefully before asking, "so then are you going to tell what did happen then?"

Emily sighed and rolled her eyes before stating, "yeah, I think at this point I don't have a choice." She paused and looked over at his desk before turning back to him and continuing, "not that it matters. You are going to get an incident report about it anyway.

I heard from another agent about an advanced hand-to-hand class over at the Academy. I decided to try it out. Last night was the first time I went. And well, I spun when I should have ducked." She grimaced and reached up and touched her forehead as she finished.

For now she was going to leave out the part of going to the class to meet up with Sam Cooper. They had talked before the class started and were going to continue their conversation afterwards however that had been delayed since she ended up going to the ER.

She had promised Gideon that she would contact Cooper and even with Gideon now gone she kept her promise. She had worked with Cooper on a couple of cases when she was with Crimes Against Children. They weren't close but according to Gideon he also knew about her full work history and had the clearance for her entire file.

As she worked towards finding a safe solution for Declan, she also wanted to have an ally in the Bureau who knew what she was up against if she ended up needing help protecting the team. They had only gotten so far so she would need to find another time to talk with him before moving forward with whatever plan she picked for Declan.

Hotch felt himself relax for the first time since Derek had yelled about her face earlier that day. Now that he knew what had happened this time, he wanted to ask about when she had bruises when she was doing her hand-to-hand sign off with Morgan so he asked, "was it a similar situation last time you were injured too?"

Emily sighed and shook her head before looking up at him and answering, "no, that was a completely different incident. That time I had an unfortunate encounter with some ice as I walked across the parking lot at the grocery store. Then to make matters worse when I went to steady myself I grabbed onto a cart which was moving the other way and I ended up crashing into a car."

"That is how you get hurt?" Hotch asked surprised.

Emily nodded and answered sheepishly, "yes. I know you asked at the time but I didn't want to admit what a klutz I was."

Hotch chuckled and patted her hand as he answered, "I know you are a klutz. Why didn't you want to tell me?"

Emily sighed as she knew what she was going to say would hurt him but he needed to know the whole truth, "because. Because at that point I was still trying to prove to you and everyone else that I belonged on the team. I was worried about what would happen if I came in and explained that I can't even walk across a parking lot without getting hurt."

Hotch sighed as he thought back to how rough her first months with the team were. How he repeatedly questioned her presence on the team. Knowing what he did now, he regretted his attitude towards her though no matter how challenging he was being he would have liked to have thought that he would have been understanding if she had come to him. "It was ice Emily. Even the best of us can find it a challenge. I wouldn't have held that against you,"

Emily shook her head and replied forcefully, "I couldn't take that chance. You didn't want me here. I still hadn't been fully in the field because I had to have Morgan sign me off on hand to hand."

Hotch sighed as he again saw the result that those months had on her. They had spoken of it somewhat in her apartment when he was talking her into going to Milwaukee with him. He was relieved that she was finally opening up to him but wasn't sure how much he like what she had to say. But he owed it to her to listen.

Processing what she said, he replied, "I'm sorry. I know that I already said it but I do apologize for making you feel you couldn't come to me without worry. As your supervisor injuries are something that you need to feel comfortable coming to talk to me about. My suspicion at that time created a difficult environment for you."

Emily reached over and squeezed his hand as she replied, "Aaron, we're OK now. We talked all this out. I didn't say it to hurt you but to be honest. It didn't have anything to do with why I didn't want to tell you about this today. I was just embarrassed. I'm also dreading the overattentiveness of Morgan and Garcia again."

They both chuckled before he answered, "it will probably help, at least with Morgan, if you explain what really happened. He will get it given how much he works with hand-to-hand."

Emily nodded as she dreaded the conversation though agreed it was needed, "yeah I will once I'm back at my desk. I don't want any of you to worry about someone hurting me. It's just me at home. I wouldn't voluntarily stay in an abusive relationship so not something you need to worry about for me."

Hotch paused and looked at her carefully after her last statement. The careful wording was a red flag that he needed to think more about as he wasn't sure of the meaning.

Deciding to focus on the current situation he said, "OK. So back to my earlier question - how are you doing?"

Emily sighed as she noticed a change in the look on Hotch's face at her last statement. She really didn't want to talk about previous relationships right now. Particular because the one she had been referring to wasn't one she could talk to him about.

Just as quickly she was relieved when he turned back to her current injury. Looking back at him she answered, "OK, mostly fine. A minor headache earlier that was relieved completely with ibuprofen. No vision problems or dizziness. No other injuries that would affect my job performance."

Hotch nodded before she said, "OK, I'll look out for the incident report. There are no potential cases as far as I know and hopefully it will stay that way for the next few days. Let me know if anything changes with you."

"I can do that." Emily replied.

 **####**

Later that afternoon, Hotch was in his office having just finished reading through the incident report generated for Emily's injury the previous evening. The report was consistent with what she said happened. He just needed to make sure that Derek didn't see the report as it listed the name of the cadet that had injured her.

He was surprised to see the note attached from Sam Cooper apologizing to him about his agent. The surprise was mostly in that he didn't know that Emily and Cooper knew each other as neither had said anything.

But as he thought about it, Hotch began to wonder if one of the unidentified references in her file was written by Cooper. Having worked with him Hotch was familiar with his writing style and it was consistent with what he saw in the letter. But they hadn't said anything about knowing each other and there was no record of them working together.

Hotch shook his head. He wasn't going there at this point. What concerned him the most right now was that she was taking an advanced hand-to-hand class. According to Morgan her skills were good so he had to wonder what her motivation was.

He had already commented that Emily overcompensates. He had to wonder if that had anything to do with why she was taking the class. What experience was she overcompensating about? Did it have anything to do with her cryptic comment about not voluntarily staying in an abusive relationship? She had never mentioned anything about it when they were dating. Had it just never come up or was it something that happened in the last 13 years? Or was he just reading too much into a vague comment?

He sighed in relief that she was actually OK and that they had gotten to the point that they could talk as they did today.

He looked down at the bullpen having opened the blinds shortly after Emily returned to her desk. He saw that she had spoken to Morgan and he seemed less stressed afterwards.

Now he just hoped that there was time for her to fully recover this time before the work of the BAU would drag her out into the field again.

 **AN: Most likely there will not be another update until next week as I have family visiting.**


	33. Served

After a quiet yet tense ride to the airport alone in the SUV with Hotch, Emily sat down and looked out the window. While their cases were never easy, this one had been particularly challenging given the number of child victims. Children killed by the UNSUBs. A teen who survived when the rest of her family was killed. Vulnerable children victimized by the very people who were entrusted to care for them.

Once again, they had been in a situation with a terrified child with a gun who had only gotten to that point because all the adults around him had failed him. But at least this time the circumstances were different.

This time Morgan was with her and he was ultimately able to talk the boy into handing over the gun. However in order to achieve that Morgan had holstered is gun which meant she was protecting not only herself but her teammate by holding a gun of that child while neither of them were wearing their vests and the rest of the team wasn't just outside the door.

And why did this child have a gun and why was he considering using it? Because they had been directed to return him and another child to what they learned during the case was an abusive foster home. The same abusive foster home where both the UNSUBs had lived before aging out of the system. The same foster home the UNSUBs had been waffling about targeting next before one of them was arrested. Then when the other was surrounded by police he had covertly passed a gun to this child to finish their dirty work. And Morgan's empathy was what this child desperately needed as it is what ultimately lead the child to handing over the gun to them.

As she settled into a seat on the jet as they waited for the others to arrive, Emily sighed as she thought back to Hotch's criticism about him needing her to be objective. Perhaps he was right in this situation that taking Carrie to DC wasn't the best option for her or Carrie. However that comment so soon after what her experience at the foster home had her again questioning herself.

It wasn't the first time she had heard feedback about her objectivity.

While with JTF-12 she and Clyde were teamed up supporting Jeremy who was undercover in Prague to complete part of the mission. They had a plan and Emily's part of that plan was to covertly approach a location from one side as Clyde entered from the other side.

As she was preparing to set off explosives to distract so they could move forward. However just before she did, a group of school children were suddenly where they weren't supposed to be. They would have been injured or killed if she acted at that time. She had called for a delay, planning on just long enough for the children to be out of range. However in the time of that delay her position was compromised in a way which had Clyde having to take out a sentry for them to complete their mission and get away.

Once they were back at the team HQ for the case, he had ripped her a new one about compromising the mission. He let her know in no uncertain terms that he didn't consider the lives of those kids to be of greater importance than their mission.

In the debrief after Doyle mission, he had referred to this incident as a reason why her actions should be questioned and why she shouldn't be trusted in the field. While insulting, that wouldn't have been so suspicious if it hadn't been him who had appealed to Bruno for help in pushing her to agree to go undercover on the Doyle mission in the first place. Or that he was one of the few people who knew the location of the safehouse that was ambushed. These factors were just highlights of why she didn't trust him and was fearful of him finding out about Declan.

 **####**

As the others started to arrive at the jet, Emily's thoughts turned fully to Declan. After their conversation at the police station, Emily could feel worried bubble up inside of her. It was particularly stinging to hear Hotch's immediate and complete dismissal of getting involved with a child victim in the name of being objective.

What would he say about the risk she took in hiding Declan?

What would he say about her continued involvement with Declan?

She had accepted that staying involved with Declan was a risk. While they had put layers of separation in the arrangement it didn't eliminate that risk. But she hadn't been willing to leave an innocent four year old unprotected.

With Doyle arrested Declan had lost the protection he had had since birth which had him in great danger. Doyle's decision to hide his true identity was most likely the reason he was still OK by the time the agent she and Sean had entrusted to make contact had reached Louise offering them protection. Protection that she had quickly accepted.

However as time went on the reports coming back worried her. While Louise had accepted the help, more recently her behavior had been described as 'off' and 'secretive'. Emily wouldn't be quite as worried if this feedback wasn't coinciding with members of her old team pushing her for information on Doyle.

They were now investigating if Louise was trying to conceal being in contact with someone. It had never escaped their minds that Louise was a wild card in the arrangement.

Doyle had entrusted her for the day-to-day care of his beloved son. The son he had envisioned following him as a warrior. In order to have earned such a position, Louise must have proven her loyalty not only to Doyle but to Valhalla. Although it had been confirmed that Doyle was still being held in custody and interrogated, he had followers. Followers that could perhaps cause just as much trouble.

It was the reason Emily hadn't been directly involved with them. It was why those who were directly involved with Louise and Declan didn't know the names Emily Prentiss or Sean MacAllister. If that information was to get into the wrong hands, it could endanger not only Sean and his family but also Emily and anyone close to her.

Depending on how they decided to proceed, she may need to reveal that Lauren Reynolds wasn't dead however had no plans to share her real identity with them. But before considering that they needed to solidify a plan.

While she didn't regret making the effort to protect Declan she was living the complications and risks of such a decision.

 **####**

JJ quietly shook her head as she walked onto the jet with Morgan and Reid and saw Hotch and Emily already there. They were sitting in different areas, both seemingly in their own worlds.

Unlike Reid and Morgan, JJ had unintentionally heard the exchange between the two at the police station about Carrie.

While JJ could understand the point Hotch was trying to make taking home victims they meet on cases, she was surprised at the harshness of his tone and words.

As a profiler, Hotch could easily read the person he was talking to as well as the situation. It hadn't been the first time she had seen him use that approach with someone. However it wasn't how he generally interacted with members of the team nor when anyone was talking about a sensitive issue such as what Emily had brought up.

As she looked over at her friend staring out the window, JJ decided to go and talk to her. To share the news that had brought her to where she was when she overheard that conversation.

That family had come forward and Carrie did have a place to go. Hopefully that would reassure Emily that the young girl would be OK.

 **####**

Hotch could feel his restlessness increase as he took out his phone. Over the last couple of weeks conversations with Haley had become increasingly difficult. This one had been no exception.

He had called to talk to Jack before he went to bed since they would be arriving later than what would allow him to take Jack to dinner. With this only the second time the team had travelled since Haley left with Jack, it was only the second time he had missed his agreed time with Jack.

It was at the police station after the case was over that he realized with time changes and flight time that he would miss seeing his son today. He had called Haley to let her know and had to leave a message.

It was just after that when he walked into the workroom to help pack up so they could leave that Emily mentioned taking home the survivor from the case.

He sighed. While he maintained that his opinion was right, he knew immediately that he had handled it poorly not only from her reaction during the conversation but also how strained their interactions were after that until they went to different areas of the jet when they arrived. All of the progress that they had made in their relationship in the weeks since Milwaukee suddenly seemed to have disappeared.

He needed to talk to her but the jet was not the right place to have the conversation they needed to have. Additionally, he wanted to call and try to talk to Jack before they took off. No he would catch her when they got back to the BAU and clear the air between them.

 **####**

Emily sat quietly thinking about what JJ said after she stood and walked back to the seat she had picked for the ride home. As she did she was reassured with the news JJ had shared about Carrie's family becoming involved.

It was a relief that Carrie was going to have someone with her as she tried to move forward from the death of her parents and brother. She was satisfied by JJ's assessment that they were good people. But even so, she couldn't get Carrie's question about happy families out of her head.

Emily had only vague memories when her family was happy. Before her brother died. After that, her mother withdrew and before long took her own diplomatic position away which took her away from Emily and her father. Her father had been burying himself in work leaving Emily to spend most of the time with her nanny.

After her father died and Emily went to live with her mother, her life was a series of diplomatic posts throughout Europe until she started boarding school in DC for the last couple of years of high school. The only constants through those years were her nanny and her grandfather.

As she got older, it was ingrained in her that personal happiness wasn't what was most important. Just recently she had learned the devastating truth of how her mother and stepfather had ruined the happiness that she had been finding years earlier because they felt more would be gained by her following a different path and marrying who they wanted instead.

And she was still processing what she had learned as well as her recent talk with Hotch about it as she considered Carrie's question again. Were there happy families? Maybe but she knew hers would never be again.

 **####**

Shortly before they landed, Emily thought back to the conversation she had overheard part of earlier of Hotch quietly talking to Haley about Jack.

His son.

Months earlier when they were at the Super Bowl party she had been somewhat taken aback when Haley had kept hidden that she was showing Emily pictures of Jack. Comments later led her to believe that most of the team had met Jack.

At that point she just thought it had to do with their past that he didn't want her near his son. But they had cleared the air between them. He knew what really happened then. She thought things would improve between them. While it had in some areas, this apparently wasn't one of them.

The more she thought about it the angrier she became but she also couldn't help but be hurt by the tone of his disbelief about her taking care of a child. When they had been together they had started to plan for the future. Marriage and children had been a part of that future. So why now was the idea of her now caring for a child so unfathomable to him?

She had spent years of her career with the FBI advocating for children. What did he find out about her that made the concept of her with children so unthinkable?

He didn't know about her time with JTF-12 or at least she didn't think he did. Not that it would disqualify her. What JJ said to her had helped particularly given their rocky start. But it seemed like deep down she still wanted Aaron's approval.

She was pulled out of her thoughts when Hotch sat down across from her in the seat JJ had sat in earlier.

Looking over at him, she didn't say anything not wanting to reveal her anger now. She nodded when he asked her to stop by his office before she left for the night. After gaining her acknowledgement, he went back to his seat.

 **####**

After the jet landed, the team made their way to the BAU to complete their reports for the case. Just as Hotch was starting to climb the stairs to go to his office, a man walked into the bullpen and over to him, stopping in front of him. As he looked at Hotch, he said, "Aaron Hotchner?"

Hotch nodded as he answered, "Yes."

The man held out a manila envelope as he replied, "you've been served." before quickly walking away and out of the bullpen.

The team quietly observed as Hotch stood there looking down at the envelope before walking back out of the bullpen. After looking at each other, they sat down at their desks as they considered what just happened.

 **AN: The next chapter will pick up later that night when Emily and Hotch talk. Hotch will find something unexpected afterwards. I'm still working on it and will post as soon as it's done.**


	34. One Step Forward

Emily walked into her apartment, dropped her bags, and flopped on the couch. It had been a long emotional case and for now she just wanted to relax before she needed to finish prepping as tomorrow was finally moving day. She had almost everything packed here. The company she hired to move her stuff would be there first thing in the morning which would give her most of the weekend to unpack and get settled in her new place. Unless something came up at work.

As she thought about work, her thoughts went back to the process server presence in the bullpen when they got there and him giving Hotch an envelope. She had still been annoyed with him when they were heading up to the BAU. She had planned on giving him a piece of her mind when they spoke.

However after she along with the rest of the team witnessed his reaction to receiving the documents at work, she felt her anger quickly dissipate. She along with the rest of the team watched as he disappeared down the hall after walking out of the bullpen.

When she had finished her report, he still hadn't come back to his office. Sighing, she had pulled out other paperwork that was in her to do pile. She continued to work at her desk while the rest of the team completed their reports and left for the weekend.

Well after everyone else had left, she began to wonder if he was actually coming back. Or had he forgotten about wanting them to talk tonight. As she considered the busy weekend she had, Emily decided to pack up her stuff and head home. She would just talk to him on Monday.

 **####**

Hotch walked back into the bullpen and was surprised that it was empty. When he reached his office, he was greeted with everyone's completed report for this case on his desk. When he reached Emily's, he cursed to himself. He had asked her to stay so they could talk however it looked like she had left along with everyone else.

He had been taken off guard by the presence of the process server when the team reached the bullpen. Given that he was assuming he hadn't been waiting for several days for him to return, all Hotch could determine was that Haley had passed on the information after the message he left about heading back tonight.

What he had received were separation papers. He knew his lawyer had served his to Haley a couple of days earlier. However he had them delivered to Jessica's house where Haley and Jack were still staying.

When he opened the envelope it just confirmed what he had been expecting. However he was annoyed that she had sent it to his office. After having the papers in hand, he had left the bullpen because he needed time to decompress before calling his lawyer to update him.

As he now sat down at his desk, he noticed how much time had passed since the team had arrived back. When he again looked down at the reports, he decided to leave his sections of the final report until Monday. He didn't want to work anymore tonight.

After packing up his stuff, Hotch walked out of his office and out of the bullpen. As he was waiting for the elevator, he again remembered about wanting to speak to Emily. After considering it for several minutes, he decided to stop by her apartment before heading home.

 **####**

Hotch parked his car and followed a familiar path up to Emily's apartment. While she had mentioned weeks ago that she was planning to move, he hadn't received notification yet that she had indeed done so. If she happened to not be here, he would find time Monday morning. However, he didn't want to put off speaking to her after seeing that she was upset on the jet.

After knocking at the door, he was relieved to hear movement before the door opened revealing Emily standing in front of him in a tank top and yoga pants. She immediately invited him in and after closing the door, she asked curiously, "Hotch what brings you by?" after she offered him a drink and they sat down in her family room.

Hotch sighed before responding, "I said on the jet that I wanted us to talk tonight."

Emily chuckled and shook her head before answering, "I know but you walked out of the bullpen after you got that envelope. You weren't back when I finished my report so I did some other paperwork for a while. After about an hour I wasn't sure if you were actually coming back tonight so I just came home figuring we could just talk on Monday. I certainly didn't expect that what you had to say was urgent enough that it would bring you all the way here."

Hotch looked down as she answered. He hadn't meant to inconvenience her. Making eye contact, he answered, "I'm sorry. I didn't realize I had been gone that long. I didn't mean to intrude by coming here tonight."

Emily looked at him concerned as she answered, "It's OK. I'm just getting ready for my move." She paused and looked back at him before asking, "are you OK?"

Hotch looked over at her and considered the question before he answered, "yes... maybe…" He sighed before admitting, "Haley and I are separated. What was delivered to me tonight was separation papers from her. She moved out and took Jack while we were in Milwaukee."

Emily looked at him and went to say something before stopping and looking down. After a couple of minutes, she looked up again answering, "Hotch, I'm sorry. Is there anything you can do?"

Hotch shook his head. As far as he was concerned his marriage was irrevocably broken. Even after the shock of finding the evidence of her cheating at the house the night he returned from Milwaukee had past, he still couldn't see a path forward for his marriage even if Haley was willing. After what he found, he didn't think he could trust Haley in the same way again.

He sighed before answering, "no, it's definitely over. It was a long time coming. Haley received separation papers from me two days ago. Tonight was her response to that. I'll be filing for divorce as soon as I'm legally able."

He wasn't ready to tell Emily or anyone else about Haley's cheating. It was just to soon. After pausing, he continued, "I left the bullpen because I was angry because she sent the paperwork to the office. I didn't want to take it out of the team. Then I needed to update my lawyer. I lost track of time. I'm sorry you were left waiting for me."

Emily nodded at his explanation. What he had just described brought into focus some aspects she had noticed about his behavior since Milwaukee supporting her belief that there was more going on with him than Gideon leaving. Standing up, she asked, "why don't we just talk on Monday. It's been a long week all around."

Hotch sighed while staying in his seat as he said, "Emily I'd prefer we talk now. I saw that you were troubled on the jet. I think we need to talk it through as I assume what I said in the police station before we left was a factor. Upsetting you wasn't my intent when I said it."

"Hotch, it's fine. It wasn't completely you. It just hit on some hot buttons for me. Ones I don't want to talk about. Can we just move on?" Emily said though she could see his determination to have this discussion and groaned. She really just wanted to let this go. Given this was her apartment, she knew that if she asked him to leave he would. However then they would just be having this conversation Monday morning in his office. It would be best to just do it now.

Hotch shook his head before he said, "I do want us to be able to move on and that is why I think we do need to talk about it."

"I don't think it is necessary." Emily answered dismissively.

"Yes it is. If we let it go, the misconceptions will remain. If you don't want to talk, fine. I will. But I want you to listen." Hotch replied sternly.

Emily sat back down, crossed her arms over her chest and said, "fine."

Hotch sat back down on a chair near the couch so he could clearly see her but there was some distance. Leaning forward, he explained, "while I stand by the opinion that bringing Carrie here would not have been a good decision I accept that I went about expressing that opinion poorly as well as neglected to explain why I believe it would be a bad idea. I think these oversights have given you the wrong impression of my concerns which has been having you imagining the worst."

As he spoke Emily looked down, nodding at his words. When he paused, she looked up at him and said sharply, "go on."

Hotch took a deep breath before continuing, "Emily less than a month ago you quit the BAU to protect me and the team. Given the circumstances it is something that I will never be able to fully repay you for doing. When you made that decision I told you then I would make it happen. Then to everyone's excitement you decided to come back to the team. Everyone's reaction when you left and then when you returned illustrates how important a member of this team you have become. And all of that factored into what I was trying to express albeit poorly in California.

On this job we work 12 hours days on a regular basis and travel frequently, many times on a moment's notice. How would our schedule mesh with the emotional needs that Carrie would have? Given that she had just lost her parents and brother how would she react to you frequently leaving for days at a time?

What you were proposing was not just to bring to DC a 15 year old girl to live with you but a traumatized 15 year old girl who would know no one except you when she got here. That would be a huge commitment in terms of time and effort in helping her adjust and overseeing her recovery. And based on what we know of the case, you know that adjustment won't be linear.

I know you Emily. If you had her here and she was struggling, you would take your responsibility seriously even if it adversely affected your ability to do this job. You would be putting yourself into an impossible situation where at some point something would have to give.

But I already know what decision you would make if you couldn't be what she needed AND meet the requirements of the job. You would give up a job you love. A job you just told me again last month that you wanted.

You would do that to give her what she needs while sacrificing what you need and want. And yes she is 15 and would maybe go to college in two to three years but I couldn't hold your job that long as Strauss would not make accommodations for either of us.

I've never doubted your humanity. Just considering taking Carrie in illustrates that. It wasn't that I had any concerns about your ability to take care of a child or that you would do your best to help her. In fact I knew if you were to go that route you would go all in and do everything you could to help her no matter the cost to you.

I questioned your objectivity because I was concerned that you weren't looking at the big picture. I didn't want you to lose yourself in the process. I didn't want you to make that sacrifice without fully thinking it through…"

"Stop." Emily shouted surprising Hotch.

They sat silently for several minutes before Hotch said quietly, "I'm sorry."

Emily sighed now upset with herself and her avoidance of this conversation. He had been looking out for her. Glancing over at him she said sincerely, "I'm sorry too. And one of the conclusions I came to on the jet was that you are right. I'm just glad she had family that came forward. And I'm glad she had someone who will focus on her. I just hope that she will be ok."

"You know there is no reason why you can't stay in touch with her as long as her and her family are agreeable. Check in every few months and see how she is doing." Hotch replied.

"Really?" Emily asked.

Hotch sighed as much as he knew every profiler on the team at one point or another had a case that stuck with them and they stayed in touch well after they were done with the case. "Yes. We've all done it after certain cases, with certain victims. But that is also a commitment of sorts, though not to the same extent."

Emily thought about what he said and nodded before answering, "OK, I'll give it some time and then check in with her."

They sat quietly until Hotch asked as he looked around her apartment, "when are you moving?"

Emily looked up noted that he has hanged the subject before she answered, "tomorrow morning. I was just finishing a few tasks tonight so all that is left tomorrow is what I can't do before then. As long as we don't get a case, that should give me enough time to be settled before Monday."

"Really." Hotch said surprised since he was certain there were still boxes at the house that weren't unpacked from when he and Haley moved in 3 years earlier.

"Yeah one of the few benefits of how I grew up." Emily answered quietly before asking, "do you want a drink?"

Hotch nodded before replying, "sure but just one. I need to get home and it looks like you still have a few things to finish." He wasn't in any rush to get home but didn't want to overstay since he had just showed up unannounced and from what Emily had said, she had some things she needed to do before morning.

After pouring them each a drink, Emily handed one to him before resuming her seat on the couch before she answered, "well, most of what is left can't be done until morning. A lot of the stuff in here and the kitchen isn't mine and will stay with the apartment."

"How do you feel about the move?' Hotch asked remembering their previous discussion about the reason she was leaving this apartment.

Emily sighs after taking a sip of her drink before answering, "it's overdue. The convenience wasn't worth letting my mother have control over my life. I took Spencer with me to look at the apartments on the list Garcia gave me that met my requirements. I wanted him to see that while I was moving, I wasn't leaving."

"What did you find?" Hotch asked, curious about what she had picked for herself.

Emily smiled as she thought back to touring the apartment and deciding it was the right one for her before she replied, "a two bedroom in a secure building. It's closer to I95 which should help with the commute and is about the same distance from Spencer which he was happy about. I was going to give you my new information on Monday but since you are here, let me get it now."

"OK" Hotch watches as Emily jogs up the stairs. As he waited, he stood up and walked around the boxes in the room chuckling as he noticed that that they were mostly labeled 'books'.

As he moved closer to the window, he noticed a box that was still open. Moving closer he looked inside first noticing a ticket to a concert that he and Emily went to. Then he saw a lone sock of the kind he wore years earlier.

Just as he took some pictures of the two of them out of the box, he noticed Emily slow down as she came down the stairs and looked at what he had found. Their eyes met across the room before she walked over to him. As she reached him he noticed that she was looking at him nervously.

He turned to her and said, "you keep all this for all these years."

"Yeah. I found it when I moved back here. Though I will admit that it was all in this box because I was planning on getting rid of it." Emily answered shyly.

"But you still have it." Hotch said.

Emily looked at him and said honestly, "yeah, as upset as I was at you I couldn't do it. But I couldn't look at it either, so I put it away."

Hotch smiled as he said, "I'm glad you still have it. Can I look at what you have in the box?"

Emily replied nervously, "sure. It's not much but the bits and pieces of what I could find after I came home that summer."

Emily watched as he went through the box, cataloguing all that she had saved. A time capsule of their past relationship.

As he came to the bottom of the box, he pulled out the CD he had given her of their song. She watched as he ran his hand over the cover before he said longingly, "I haven't been able to listen to this song since that summer."

"Me either." Emily said sadly.

"Would you mind?" Hotch asked as he held up the CD. After that summer, he had become angry whenever he heard the song as it reminded him of Emily and what he had thought she had done. Now that they had talked and he knew all of it was a lie, he wanted to find out what his reaction to the song would be.

Emily looked at him, trying to read what was behind his request. Accepting the request as curiosity, she took this CD he was holding and walked over to her CD player and put it in.

After turning it on, she stood there in front of the CD player listening. It was the first time in 13 years that the song didn't cause sadness or anger within her. She was so lost in thought that she didn't notice Hotch moving until she startled her when he touched her shoulder.

Turning around, she looked at him. When he held out his hand, she looked at it before taking it and allowing herself to be brought into his arms. As she relaxed into the hug, she closed her eyes and rested her head on his chest. After the stress of the last few days, it was comforting as they listened to a song that had once been special to them.

As they song ended, Emily moved back slightly to look up at him. She immediately found his lips on hers as he pulled her back towards him. After the initial surprise, she allowed herself to be drawn into the kiss and quickly found herself lost in it as she ran her hands over his back and through his hair.

After several minutes, they both pulled away as they tried to catch their breaths. Emily rested her head on his chest as Hotch rest his head on top of hers. Once they both calmed their breathing, Hotch pulled back and put his finger under her chin until she was looking at him.

As she took in his expression, she could see the fear on his face. Fear of what he had just done. Fear of having crossed a line between them.

Before he could say anything, she leaned in and pulled him back into a searing kiss which he quickly was also drawn back into.

 **AN: Sorry to leave it here. I will try to get the next chapter uploaded as soon as it's done.**


	35. Two Steps Back

**AN: Please read the AN at the end of this chapter.**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Emily woke with a start the next morning after a nightmare gasping for breath. Looking around the room, she calmed herself as she realized where she was. Her own room, in her own bed not in Doyle's compound restrained to his bed. As she worked to refocus, she looked down to the towards the door. The open door that she could leave through. She wasn't trapped here. Relieved that it was just a nightmare she relaxed and closed her eyes.

After she started the deep breathing relaxation exercises that Alicia had taught her she suddenly heard light snoring from the other side of the bed. When she heard the sound her eyes popped open and her anxiety rose followed by her starting to rub her wrists. As vague memories started to enter her consciousness, she looked down at herself immediately noticing that she was naked.

With that part confirmed, she slowly turned her head towards the other side of the bed. It was then with the early morning light shining through the window that she saw Hotch lying on his stomach facing the other side of the bed.

Feeling her anxiety starting to rise again, she pulled the sheet tightly up around herself. Turning her head towards the other side of the bed she started the deep breathing exercises again. She wasn't in the headspace right now to answer the questions she knew he'd have about why she was on the verge of a panic attack. If he saw her like this he would blame himself because he didn't know the whole story and she couldn't really explain it.

After she regulated her breathing, she slowly sat up, grabbed her robe, and went to the bathroom as quietly as possible so as not to wake him up. In the bathroom as she stood in front of the mirror the complete mess that was her hair was immediately noticeable. As she worked a brush through it, she thought about what had happened last night to get them to where they were this morning.

Hotch stopping by and their talk. Him finding her box. Their song. Their kiss. The second kiss that turned to making out on her couch. Then after the clothes started to come off they had gone up to her room.

She sighed as she pulled her hair into a ponytail. The sex had been just what she remembered from her time with him. Only with him had she ever felt that cared for and special. And while she winced as she moved at the soreness she was now experiencing it had more to do in the length of time since the last time she had sex than anything else.

It was a complete contrast to her time with Doyle. He had been intentionally rough, taking pleasure in her being in pain during sex as well as afterwards. Commenting that he wanted her to feel him every time she moved. That it was a reminder that she belonged to him. That he considered her a possession that he could treat as he wanted.

Shaking her head to rid herself of those thoughts, she quietly peeked out to see that Hotch was still asleep.

Tiptoeing into back into her bedroom, she quietly gathered workout clothes before walking into the bedroom across the hall to change before heading downstairs. When she reached the bottom of the stairs, she saw her shirt and bra from the day before lying on the floor by the couch. As she was picking them up, she saw Hotch's tie there as well. After placing the tie on top of his briefcase, she placed her clothes on a pile at the bottom of the stairs to go in with other clothes to wash.

Walking into the kitchen, she stopped as she suddenly realized how early it actually was. The nightmare had her up much earlier than usual.

With the busy day in front of her and needing to deal with her negative energy from her nightmare before talking to Hotch, she decided to go down to the gym in the building to work out. While last night had been great, they really needed to talk. To decide what would happen from here. She just hoped that they could get on the same page without regrets.

Walking over to the other side of the kitchen, she set up the coffee pot before leaving Hotch a note telling him where she was going. After a quick look at the now empty fridge, she added that she would bring breakfast back with her. After gathering her phone, keys and jacket for the bakery run, she quietly left the apartment.

 **####**

Hotch groaned as he woke up, the sun shining right in his face. He quickly noticed that it wasn't because he forgot to close the curtains but because this was not in his room.

As he looked around the room, he remembered what had happened. After he found the box where Emily had put all of their memories and all of the pieces of him after she thought he had left her. Compartmentalizing that part of her life so she could try to move forward.

As he had gone through the items she had saved, it had stirred something up in him as he realized that as upset as she had been about him leaving, she had been unable to destroy the items in the box. Their memories. Pieces of their shared story.

The feelings he had buried since he learned that she had left all those years ago suddenly had overwhelmed him. As he listened to their song and, for the first time since that summer, it brought him peace instead of anger.

Then there was the kiss he hadn't expected to go anywhere however when Emily had returned it, it quickly became passionate. She had then initiated the second kiss which he had eagerly reciprocated.

As things heated up and clothes started to come off, he had slowed them down a little. If they were going to have sex for the first time in 13 years, it wasn't going to be on the couch in her parents' apartment or a quick fumble against a wall of the living room. No he wanted to do it right.

When he momentarily broke their kiss, Emily seemed to be of the same mindset as she walked over to the stairs, still topless, before looking back at him before running up. Doing it that way had given him a choice - either follow her up or leave through the front door if he had felt that was the best choice.

He knew his answer before she even reached the top of the stairs. He stopped just long enough to take the damn condoms out of his briefcase. As much as he hated them, he was grateful that his doctor had given them to him. He didn't want them to have to stop just because he didn't have one. He hadn't been expecting this outcome when he arrived at her apartment and if they hadn't been in his briefcase, he would have been forced to chose option two.

Once he reached Emily's room, she saw the condoms and remembering his feelings about them, she had tried to take them away after she commented that she was on birth control and clean. He still couldn't get the look of sadness and confusion on her face out of his mind when he still insisted on using them regardless. And not just the first but each time.

While his doctor had called with the good news that all of his tests had come back negative, he had again recommended Hotch continue to use condoms until certain tests were repeated in a few months to verify he was indeed negative.

As he considered it this morning, he concluded that he needed to tell Emily why. Why he was certain about the divorce. Why he had insisted on condoms.

It seemed like too heavy of the conversation last night in her room given the circumstances. He had made sure that she was protected then but she had the right to know. He would need to tell her. Today.

He sighed as he looked around the room noticing that Emily hadn't come back from wherever she was. After several minutes he got out of the bed and put his boxers back on before walking to the bathroom.

Once done, he looked around the second floor still not finding her. He sighed as he walked back into Emily's room. It was still very early. Too early for visitors however he didn't feel comfortable going downstairs in just his boxers or even partially dressed.

He walked around the room picking up his clothes finding everything but his tie and shoes before slowly putting everything on hoping that Emily was going to walk through the door and he could stop, at least for now.

Once he was done, he walked down the stairs, confused when he didn't see her there either. As he reached the bottom of the stairs, he saw his tie sitting on top of his briefcase. Knowing it wasn't him who placed it there, it must have been Emily this morning. However, that still didn't answer the question of where she was now.

He sat down on the couch to put his shoes on suddenly feeling awkward about the situation. Emily was moving this morning. His unexpected visit last night had stopped her from finishing what she needed to prepare. This morning, she got up early and instead of completing what she needed to she had disappeared from her own apartment. It would be the only option she would have if she wanted to avoid an uncomfortable interaction between them when he woke up. Did that mean Emilly regretted it? Did he regret it?

Walking over to the table he took his suit jacket off the back of the chair. Reaching into the pocket for his phone as he planned to send her a text about where she was. But as he reached into the wrong pocket, he felt his credentials instead. His credentials. Their jobs.

He had come over last night to talk about a comment he made, mentioning her decision to come back to the team as the reason. Regardless of what happened between them years ago, sleeping together now would complicate their job situation. That was one of the topics that they needed to discuss.

While it would have added a layer of discomfort to the morning instead of sticking around to have that discussion, apparently Emily had decided to stick her head in the sand and leave, hoping he would be gone when she got back.

Well if that is what she wanted, he would give it to her. He put his suit jacket on and shoved his tie in one of the pockets. Picking up his briefcase, he started for the front door. As he walked by, he saw a note sitting next to the coffee pot but kept walking. He didn't need to see it in writing that she wanted him to leave. He didn't want to read another Dear Aaron letter.

When he reached the door, he opened it and then soundly pulled it shut before making his way back down to his car, his misery increasing with every step that he took.

When he woke up, he had expected the morning to go completely different. But just as most of his mornings had been recently, he had quickly become frustrated.

While he understood concerns about their jobs he believed that Emily would at least have that conversation with him. After everything that had been happening with Haley, he had opened himself up to Emily only to have her disappear on him too. Now he just hoped that they could find a way forward so they could work together.

 **####**

When Emily stepped back into the apartment she right over to the counter to carefully put down the bag she was holding before going back to shut the door. As she walked back to the counter, the silence of the apartment suddenly struck her. She looked down at her watch, surprised that Hotch had slept this late.

Glancing over at the coffee pot, she noticed that he hadn't even been down yet as it was still turned off and her note was still sitting there. Shaking her head she turning the coffee pot on to brew before she pulled two mugs out of the cabinet. While she was waiting for the coffee, she emptied the bag she had brought back with her and set the food up on a tray to carry upstairs.

With this being the last morning in this apartment she hadn't really had any food in the apartment, at least not anything she would serve a guest. She had a mostly empty box of cereal that she had planned on finishing off herself this morning with a cup of coffee as she finished her tasks that had to wait until this morning. The grocery store was on her list for things to do after she got settled in her new place.

However with Hotch there, she decided to walk down the block to the bakery after her much needed workout. One that reminded her of a boulangerie that they would stop at in France before and after visits to her grandfather when she was a child. As soon as she had walked in, the wonderful scents overtook her and she suddenly felt hungry.

After some consideration she ordered what she knew she liked and something she hoped Hotch would like. After her order was boxed up and she paid, she headed back to her apartment feel more at peace after her workout and thinking through what happened between her and Hotch.

Now back at her apartment, she placed coffee for each of them on a tray alongside the food. She carefully climbed the stairs with the tray.

She didn't have a lot of time before the movers came but there were a few topics they needed to address sooner rather than later. Their needed talk would go better once they both ate thus the food.

When she walked into her room, she was surprised to find it empty. Placing the tray on the bedside table, she checked the bathroom and other rooms that were similarly empty. Not sure what to make of it, she walked back downstairs with the tray.

As she reached the bottom she immediately noticed that Hotch's briefcase was no longer sitting on the table. His tie that she had placed on top of it was gone as were his shoes. Walking over to the counter, she put the tray down and picked up her phone, dismayed to find he didn't leave her a message. Looking at the food, she found that she had lost her appetite and just took the coffee mug off of it and walked away from the kitchen.

Sighing she walked back over to the living room and sat down on the chair across from the couch wondering what had happened and why did he leave. The night had been unexpected at least for her. She groaned and leaned forward as ran her hands over her head.

He had left without a word. Again.

When a few weeks ago when she had explained what had happened 13 years ago, he had expressed regret about leaving, particularly the way he did. She had accepted that because of the complications of what was done to both of them. But this was just a few weeks later and here they were again.

What had happened?

Had she misread the situation?

She was not doubting his word about being separated. But did Haley call and he went back to her?

But how last night happened made her now made her wonder. The more she thought about it, she was starting to wonder if it had just been a booty call.

He came by the talk which they did and it had been beneficial. But then there was the hug then kisses, making out and then they were in her room.

Though she had been perplexed by his sudden insistence on using condoms, she hadn't called him out on it. It was one of the topics she wanted them to talk about when she came back this morning. She very clearly remembered that he hated them. Once they found each other again when she had come home that summer and verified that they were both clean and she was on the pill, they never used them again. Until last night.

And it wasn't even completely that he had wanted to use them. They hadn't had a similar talk so in some ways, she could understand.

But it's that he was carrying them with him. In his briefcase. It just didn't seem like something that she would expect Hotch of all people to just carry around with him. According to him he and Haley had only been separated for a few weeks and she had witnessed him getting separation paper just the day before. Had he planned last night?

Emily stood up and started pacing as she shook her head. No she wasn't going there. She was not going to overthink her way down a rabbit hole this morning.

What happened was just as much on her as it was on him as she had wanted it too. She had put on the CD knowing the effect that song had on her. She had accepted their mutual unspoken desire. She had initiated the second kiss. She had then stepped away from him to head upstairs, giving him an out if he wanted it.

When he had arrived in her room, she had longingly surrendered to what she thought they both wanted. She didn't not regret their first coupling and readily welcomed his advances later for a second round. It had been her that had initiated their third and final round for the night. No they both knew what they were doing.

Could he have had regrets because of their jobs? It wasn't that long ago that he was suspended and had to fight Strauss' pressure to switch departments to stay in the BAU. After the lengths Strauss went to undermine Hotch by hiring her just to dig up dirt on him, Emily was sure she wasn't done with them. And while she hadn't gone through the training, Emily was fairly sure that 'sleeping with a subordinate' was on a list of 'things not to do' for Unit Chiefs. But they had and now she just hoped things weren't too awkward between them come Monday morning.

She was brought out of her musings by a knock on the door. A quick look at her watch showed that she had been sitting there thinking for a while. After checking the peephole, Emily opened the door to her movers. After showing them where to get started, she walked over to the shelf where she had her task list. Picking it up, she got to work. The rest would need to wait until later.

 **AN: Don't worry. They will talk soon. The plan is for in the next chapter.**

 **I took the story here because while their feelings for each other are still there, they are different people than they were 13 years earlier. They both have insecurities and issues - some the other knows about already and some that they don't. Yet. They also have factors namely Haley and Doyle that will be ongoing complications. Neither of these characters are known for doing things the easy way. Part of this story is them gradually learning about each other again and having these experiences strengthen their bond. This story will end with them being together so don't doubt that. There is just going to be some drama, angst and frustration to get them there.**


	36. Making Peace

The weekend flew by for Emily. All of her boxes were in her new apartment by noon on Saturday. She spent the afternoon and evening unpacking and arranging her belongings.

On Sunday she went shopping for the items she noticed she needed as she had been unpacking. Her last stop before going home was at the grocery store. The rest of Sunday was spent finishing up in her apartment. It wasn't until after dinner that she let her mind wander to what she had been ignoring since Saturday morning.

What had happened between her and Hotch on Friday night? Why had he left Saturday morning before she saw him? How would they go forward from here?

As she thought more about the sequence of events that led to her bedroom on Friday night, she wondered what had she been thinking. The conclusion she came to was that she hadn't been thinking.

Even putting the whole 'Aaron is now her boss' part of the equation aside, it had been an unwise choice on her part given the other moving parts in her life right now. She didn't want to get involved with him(or anyone for that matter) until she had some clarity about the inquiries from her JTF-12 teammates as well as resolution on the best way to keep Declan safe.

With the inquiries from Clyde, Jeremy and Tsia she was on guard as she didn't trust any of them. Both Jeremy and Tsia had arrived in DC and separately ambushed her. It was bad enough that Jeremy had seen her with JJ and Garcia though she had played that off as coworkers instead of the close friends they were becoming.

Developing a personal relationship with Hotch right now would also be tricky as she could not give him details about those moving parts. If they were involved he would expect to have access to certain areas of her life in which she wasn't ready to answer questions. Or questions that she couldn't answer.

In addition to being a profiler who previously knew her personally, Hotch wasn't stupid. If they started spending more personal time together he would notice changes. She had been working for months on gaining his trust back. She couldn't easily explain who they were and why they were seeking her out.

However worrying about something coming out of what happened between them seemed to be a moot point since he just left Saturday morning without a word and hasn't contacted her since then. And it was that fact that had her stomach in knots as she got ready for work Monday morning. She really had no idea of how the day would go.

While she would have liked to have tested the new route to the office, she wasn't going directly there. That would have to wait until the next day. No today, she had an early morning appointment with Alicia. It was a planned appointment but the timing couldn't have been better as she really needed work through the situation with someone before she saw Hotch again.

As she drove to the BAU after her appointment she felt more confident than she had when she left home that morning. As complicated as the situation was, she needed to talk to Hotch as soon as possible so at the very least they could come to an understanding.

However as she took the elevator up to the BAU, she could feel her nervousness increasing again. After stepping out, she paused just outside the glass doors and took a few deep breaths before walking into the bullpen before she changed her mind.

As she walked to her desk, she noticed that JJ was in the break room while Morgan and Garcia were talking at his desk while Reid was attempting to construct something with paperclips and pencils.

When he saw her, Morgan greeted, "morning Prentiss. We were wondering if you were going to grace us with your presence today."

Looking down at her watch before she responded, "what do you mean? We aren't meant to be here for another 20 minutes."

Garcia chuckled before answering, "true gumdrop but you are usually here much earlier than that."

Emily sighed before answering, "yeah, I moved over the weekend and had to make a stop before coming in. I'll be back to my normal arrival time tomorrow."

"No worries Princess. We just worry. It's a paperwork day for the team, at least so far. I'm just glad you got here before it was time for us to head over to the Academy."

"I'm sorry, what?" Emily asked confused.

Morgan looked at her before saying, "today we are going over to the Academy to work with the trainees. We talked about it last week and you agreed."

As Morgan explained the memory of the discussion they had before the last case came back to her. She nodded as he said, "yes I remember now that you mention it."

Morgan nodded and then said as he looked at his watch, "OK. We need to leave in about 45 minutes."

She nodded before looking at her on watch. It was only then that she looked up at the window to Hotch's office to notice it was empty with the light off. Turning back to the others, she asked, "where's Hotch?"

"Meeting. He wanted us to try and get our reports done from the last case before we go." Morgan explained.

Emily nodded and then said "I need to get some coffee then I'll start on that." as she walked to the break room.

 **####**

Hotch was at his desk having just finished the file for the last case. He placed it in his outbox to go over to Strauss' office to be signed off.

As he glanced down into the bullpen, he noticed that Reid was quietly working at his desk after Hotch found him cleaning up a mess of pencils, paper clips and push pins when he returned after his meeting. He knew better than to ask what the younger man had been up to while he had been alone in the bullpen. He just told him to get back to work after Reid had apologized and said he would clean it up.

Hotch was both relieved and disappointed to find that Derek and Emily had already left for the Academy when he got back. As much as they needed to talk, he was still nervous about that first interaction. Now that they were here he was regretting not at least trying to contact her on Sunday.

He had still been upset and hurt when he had arrived home on Saturday morning. The only times he didn't think about what happened was when he was with Jack. After showering and dressing, he had gone to pick up Jack to spend time at the park together before taking him for lunch before taking him back to Haley. On Sunday, he had spent the afternoon with Jack before taking him back to Haley after dinner. He would be relieved when the divorce was finalized as their interactions were becoming increasingly strained.

By the time he got home after dropping Jack off on Sunday, he thought back to what happened Saturday morning. The thought had crossed his mind that perhaps he had overreacted however he had quickly pushed it away.

Now he just wished that he would have waited until she returned from where she had disappeared to so they could have had it out then. If she had left because of regrets or second thoughts then have her tell him directly instead of accepting the assumed brush off. At least then they could have had it out before coming back to the office.

And between his meetings and Emily with Derek at the Academy for most of the day, he most likely wouldn't see her until the next day. Delaying what needed to be discussed was only going to complicate things.

 **####**

Emily slowly made her way out to her car to head home. She had enjoyed the exercises her and Derek were reviewing with the Academy trainees which had made the day go faster.

When they arrived back in the bullpen at the end of the day, Reid mentioned that they had just missed Hotch. As she sat at her desk, Emily looked up at his darkened office once again deflated that they keep missing each other.

Turning, she looked at the large pile of paperwork that was building up on her desk since they had been on a case last week and then she was out most of today. Since it wasn't that late, she decided to stay for a while and try to make a dent in it not knowing when the team would be called away again.

After working at her desk for a couple of hours, Emily stood up and stretched before deciding she was done for the night.

As she walked through the parking lot, she grumbled to herself about being so much further out because of her later than usual arrival in the morning. As she was walking, footsteps near her had her on guard. After a couple of steps, she heard a familiar voice call out her name. Turning, she came face to face with the man who she had been thinking about for the last three days.

 **####**

After dropping Jack back off with Haley after having dinner, Hotch headed back to the BAU. Since they were in the office with no cases pending, he had left early to spend time with his son. But with it still being early and having no one waiting for him at home, he decided to go back to his office to try and get through some more paperwork since he spent a large chunk of his day in meetings.

After parking, he noticed someone walking through the lot away from the building. A second glance as the person walked under a light surprised him. It was Emily. Not pausing to overthink it, he walked towards her before calling her name. When she turned around and saw it was him, she looked surprised as well.

"Emily."

"Hotch." Emily answered in surprise.

Looking at her he stated, "we should talk."

Emily nodded as she responded, "yeah, I know. When?"

Looking around before his eyes rested on her, he asked, "are you doing anything now?" While it was late, he didn't want to assume that she was just going home as much as a part of him hoped that was what she was doing.

Emily shook her head as she adjusted her bag on her shoulder before answering, "no, I was just heading home. You?"

Hotch let out the breath he had been holding before responding, "I was just going to go back in and get through some more paperwork. Nothing that can't wait until later. Come on." He gestured her to walk with him back to his car. When they reached it, Emily sat in the passenger seat while Hotch got behind the wheel.

His plan had been to talk in the car however as they had been walking to the car, he noticed that he was parked just under one of the video surveillance cameras. This was a conversation that he didn't want them to worry about someone bored in security lip reading what they were saying.

After explaining his concerns, Emily agreed to go back to his house which was closer than her apartment so they could talk privately. They silently sat in the car as Hotch drove. It seemed much longer than the 20 minutes it took to get back to his house.

Once he parked in the driveway, they walked into the house and settled in the living room. As she nervously looked around the room, Hotch went into the kitchen to get both of them a glass of water. When he returned and sat down across from her, Emily asked, "what do you want to talk about?"

Hotch raised his eyebrow at the question before shaking his head as he responded, "I think you know what we should discuss Emily."

Emily gave a mirthless laugh before looking at him narrowing her eyes as she answered, "what is there to discuss? We had sex. Multiple times. You left without a word the next morning and I didn't hear from you after that. I can be professional. No one will hear about from me. I hope you can say the same. Are we done?" She stood up as she shook her head. It had been a long day. She just wanted to go home and soak in the hot tub that her new apartment had with a glass of wine. If she needed to get a cab to get back to her car, she would.

Hotch's eyes widened as she stood up and looked like she was going to leave as he was still processing what she had just said. She hadn't wanted him to leave Saturday morning.

Before she could reach the front door, he said loudly, "NO. Stop. What do you mean I left without a word? You weren't there when I woke up. I took it as a not so subtle hint that you wanted me to leave so I did."

With her bag now on her shoulder Emily huffed and crossed her arms over her chest before responding, "if I wanted you to leave then why would I have left a note saying where I was going, what I was doing and when I'd be back."

"Note?" Hotch said quietly as he could feel the blood drain from his face. What had he done? That must have been what was next to the coffee maker that he ignored before he walked out of the apartment.

Emily cocked her head as she saw his reaction to her question before she answered, "yeah I left a note for you next to the coffee pot. Did you not see it?"

Hotch sighed before honestly answering, "I saw the paper there but didn't look at it. I was just expecting a message would be by text instead."

Emily shook her head before replying, "I specifically didn't leave a text message either that morning or since then. The next time either of us got audited, we'd have a lot of explaining to do. Strauss is already watching us, why give her easy ammunition?"

Just in the time since Emily had joined the team their text histories had been audited three times. Each time it was in the course of a follow up investigation about a case but once they were checking an agent's message history, they could look at any date and time, not just the one in question as Morgan and Garcia had found out a few months earlier. They had had a text chain that had caught the eye of HR. It had resulted with both of them needing to attend a sexual harassment seminar after a lecture on proper workplace communication.

Anything that she would have written in a text that would have made sense that morning would have looked very bad if Strauss or some other official were to look at it later. Hotch sighed and nodded at her rationale before answering, "you're right. I should have looked at the note."

"Why didn't you?" Emily asked still standing close to the door at least until she saw the pained look on Hotch's face. At that point, she could presume that it had been more of a miscommunication then a deliberate act. After putting her bags back down on the floor, she returned to where she had been on the couch.

Hotch sat down as Emily returned to where she had been sitting. Once settled he replied sadly, "because a note was what had been waiting for me here when I got home from Milwaukee. My wife and son were gone but what was here was a damn note."

While she had known from the process server than they were separated, she hadn't known this part of what happened. Emily sighed and sorrowfully looked down at the floor as she said, "I'm sorry Aaron. I didn't know that."

She paused before making eye contact as she explained, "I woke up early that morning and could turn my brain off. You were still sound asleep. I got up so I wouldn't wake you. Since it was going to be a busy day, I decided to go downstairs to get my workout out of the way. Then with moving I didn't have food in the house so I went down to the bakery and got us breakfast."

"That is where you went." Hotch asked having wondered where she had disappeared to that morning.

Emily sat back and nodded as she replied, "yeah. I knew that we would need to talk about what happened. I thought I was doing the best thing. I didn't realize that reasons would be misunderstood."

Hotch sighed before answering, "No Emily, it's my fault. You left a note and I didn't look at it or stay to talk to you."

They sat silently until Emily looked over at him and said, "you do know that if I wanted you out, I would have just told you." as she attempted to lighten the mood between them that had become increasingly somber.

Hotch chuckled at her comment before replying, "somehow that doesn't surprise me. I'm sorry Emily."

"Me too." She paused as she contemplated if she was going to ask a question that had been on her mind since Saturday morning. Before she could change her mind, she blurted out, "can I ask you a question?"

Hotch looked at her nervously, not really sure what she was going to ask and if he was going to feel comfortable answering but replied, "sure."

"Do you plan what happened?" Emily asked while looking directly at him.

Hotch looked over at her surprised. This was not the direction he thought this conversation was going. Looking back at her he answered firmly, "NO. No, I just came over to talk."

While all indications told her he was telling the truth, she could feel that something was off and needed to know what it was. Not taking her eyes off him she then asked, "then tell me why were you carrying condoms around in your briefcase? If memory serves me right, you hate them. We never used them after we got back together that summer after we both confirmed we were clean and I was on birth control. I told you on Friday night that I was clean and on birth control and you still insisted on them. Why?"

Hotch sighed as he should have realized that she would pull those pieces together. He had meant to explain it all to her Saturday morning however they were here now because the conversation hadn't happened then.

Now he needed to explain everything and hope that she would at least hear him out. And even if she did, he wanted to believe that she would accept the explanation. He sighed before nervously stating, "your memory is correct. I do hate them and I hated that I needed to use them with you. But it was for your protection."

Emily's eyes widened as her anger grew as he explained. She wasn't sure what she had expected him to say but what he had revealed was not it. Jumping up, she yelled, "WHAT? So what you're telling me is that you aren't clean. What the hell Aaron? Condoms or not, that is something you should have told me before we had sex." before she started pacing across the room.

As soon as he saw her reaction, Hotch knew that he had screwed up the explanation and he had very little time to fix yet another miscommunication. He hadn't wanted to go into detail with what happened with Haley but right now he didn't see that he had another option. Walking over so he was standing in front of her and said sternly, "Emily stop." When she did he continued, "it's not like that. Come with me please." as he gestured towards the stairs.

Emily glared at him before she said, "I'm not going to your bedroom. I'm leaving." as she started to walk towards the door.

Just as she was picking up her stuff, he pleaded, "Please. I want to show you something in my office."

When she turned around, Emily saw something on his face that she couldn't place but also couldn't walk away from. Against her better judgement, she nodded as she said, "fine. You have five minutes to explain then I'm leaving." as she walked over to where he was at the bottom of the stairs.

She followed him up the stairs. They stopped at a closed door while he unlocked it. When the door opened, he stepped aside and gestured for her to enter. As he had stated, it appeared to be his home office. There was a desk and file cabinet as well as a chest on one wall while a couch was on the other. A couch that had a bed pillow lying on it with a couple of blankets folded at the bottom.

After she was in the room, Hotch walked in and quickly went over to the desk, looking for the lab report from his doctor. He knew she had trust issues and after his misstep downstairs, he thought the best way to continue the explanation was to show her the report he had.

Once he found it, he turned and handed it to her. When she took it and began to look through it, he explained, "as far as I know I am clean. Here are my lab results. You can see when they were done by the date."

Emily looked up at him after paging through the document, her brow wrinkled as she responded, "I don't understand. You just said…"

Hotch sat down on his desk chair while Emily sat on the couch still holding the report. He looked over at her and explained, "I know. I didn't start the explanation correctly. When I was suspended, I was suspecting that Haley was cheating on me."

Pausing briefly, he considered what he wanted to tell her other than that before continuing, "when I got home from Milwaukee, she wasn't here but there was proof of an affair. While it appeared that they were using condoms there was no guarantee that they always were so I went to my doctor to get checked. These are the results."

He pointed to the papers in her hand before continuing, "while everything looks good now, he recommended using condoms until they redid the tests in a few months. The ones I had in my briefcase were what my doctor gave me when I went to that appointment. Other than Haley, you are the only other person I've been with in over five years. I wanted to protect you. I'm sorry. I should have slowed us down Friday night and explained."

Emily looked down as he finished suddenly feeling guilty for her overreaction. She trusted his explanation as she had been in a similar situation after the Doyle mission. While she hadn't been with anyone between the two sets of tests, the doctor she saw had told her the same information about using condoms until the second set of results were known.

Shaking her head, she replied, "I could have stopped us too when I saw them. I'm sorry about what happened with Haley. I should have known that you had compelling reason. I'm sorry I overreacted."

"Emily, you have every right to ask and every right to be upset that I didn't talk to you beforehand. At that moment it felt so right to be with you again that I justified what I was doing. But that was wrong. You had the right to know before we slept together." Hotch answered.

Emily sighed before replying, "if it helps, from what you told me tonight, I wouldn't have changed my mind if you had told me about this then. Though at least then I would have understood why you were insisting on condoms."

"Do you have any regrets?" Hotch asked nervously. He hoped that she didn't but knew that she would be honest with him. Given their working relationship, he needed that honesty. And hoping that the confusion and miscommunication hadn't undermined their budding friendship.

After shaking her head, Emily looked at him and responded, "No. It felt right being with you again as well. Do you? Have regrets?"

Emily tried not to show how nervous she was about his answer to her question. She had never really gotten over him. While what happened Friday night wasn't planned, it would be a blow to her self esteem if he now said he regretted it.

Hotch shook his head before answering, "of being with you - no. Of how I screwed up the next morning and now tonight - definitely."

"Aaron." Emily said pleadingly, her guilt flaring back as he wasn't the only one to blame for the miscommunication. She didn't want him to continue to beat himself up about it. They had talked it through and now needed to put it aside so that they could move on.

Hotch shook his head as he held out a hand to stop her argument as he continued, "no please let me get this out. I jumped to conclusions and made assumptions about you and your intentions based on my recent experiences with Haley. I should have talked to you and I didn't. I could have ruined the professional relationship we are building.

The more I think about it, the more sure I am in that I'm not ready for a serious relationship with anyone right now. I need to work through what happened with Haley and get to a better place. I value your friendship too much to have you be a rebound. But it doesn't mean I don't care about you."

Emily sighed and nodded, understanding where he was coming from. She had come to a similar conclusion about herself and what she needed. She would rather keep things the same that try to push a relationship neither of them is ready for and ruin what they have.

Looking over at him, she answered, "no to say that shows me you do care. I do understand Aaron. Given my own reactions, I don't think I'm ready either. I value our friendship too. I don't want to lose that now that we got all of the anger at each other out of the way about what happened years ago."

She stood up and walked over in front of him before nudging him to stand. Once he was, she wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug that he quickly reciprocated. They stayed in the hug for several minutes, enjoying the closeness as they knew when it was over that they were going to be putting some separation between them, at least for a while.

"Thank you." Hotch whispered in her ear before they slowly let go and each took a step back.

The awkward silence that followed was broken when Emily gently asked, "have you been sleeping in here?"

"Yeah. I won't sleep in my room again." Hotch answered stoically though Emily could see the misery in his face. From his answer she could infer that what was happening with Haley was somehow involved in the decision. But he didn't elaborate and she wasn't going to ask.

Hoping that the couch as a temporary measure, she asked, "what are your plans?"

Hotch sighed before answering, "either have the house be part of Haley's settlement in the divorce or sell it. She wanted this house so she will probably decide to keep it. Either way, I need to go look at apartments soon."

"Well Garcia was very helpful in finding options that met my criteria." Emily offered as the technical analyst's help had saved her a lot of time. While she knew how little free time she had, she knew as Unit Chief, Hotch had even less.

"Yeah I need to talk to her." Hotch answered as he expected that Garcia could help but making the step just made the situation all the more real. He was brought out of his thoughts when Emily asked, "what's this?"

He looked up to see Emily running her fingers over the rich detailing on the wooden chest that was next to his desk. Smiling, he answered, "oh this is where Jack likes to hang out when he is in here while I'm doing non BAU paperwork - bills, taxes, etc.

I always kept case files in the locked drawers of the desk so he would never see them. I keep the room locked when I'm not in here so he can never get in and see something he shouldn't.

But when I'd work in here he'd hang out in there, we'd talk and he'd help me on whatever it was I was working."

Emily smiled back as he saw him visibly relax and he talked about his son.

After talking for a while longer, Emily let Hotch know that she was ready to head back to the FBI building to get her car. She declined his offer to just take her home as it would have her without her car in the morning.

As they were getting ready to leave the house, Emily turned to him and asked, "can I kiss you?"

Hotch considered the question briefly before nodding as he stepped in closer to her. Emily stepped closer to him as she put one hand around his torso while the other went up to his shoulder.

Their kiss was hesitant at first as neither of them wanted to escalate as it had Friday night. And then before either was truly ready, Hotch pulled back and rested his forehead against hers. They looked at each other and then took a step back, not sure what they should do or say next.

It was then that headed back to Hotch's car knowing while difficult they had made the right decision for now.


	37. Concerns Discussed

**AN: Here is the next chapter. Hope you enjoy it.**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing but my imagination.**

Hotch was walking back towards the bullpen after another meeting. It had been a week since he and Emily had talked at his house. The long and emotional conversation that ended with them agreeing that at least for now, neither of them was in the right place for a relationship even without considering the professional challenges it would pose.

After he had taken her back to the parking lot, Hotch watched as Emily drove away before going up to the BAU. Once he was in his office, he worked on the backlog of paperwork that had brought him back earlier that night.

Since then he and Emily had settled back into their roles on the team without drawing attention to any changes between the two of them. The week had been filled with the usual combination of consults and paperwork along with Emily and Derek returning to the Academy a day earlier to work with the recruits again.

Just as he was turning the corner to head into the bullpen, he narrowly missed being run into by JJ.

Her eyes widened when she saw him before handing him a file as she rapidly explained, "this just came in. A missing 6yo at a Virginia mall. The mall is on lockdown and rapid deployment in just getting on scene now. They have requested BAU help in evaluating if it connected to what happened to Jessica Davis last week."

"Yes, tell them we are on the way and go get Garcia. I'll alert the rest of the team. We'll meet back here in 3 minutes." Hotch said as he glanced at the file before closing it.

"OK" JJ answered before continuing down the hall towards Garcia's lair while holding her cell phone up to her ear.

Hotch opened the doors to the bullpen and walked in relieved that all three of his agents at their desks. He walked towards their desks however they were all standing expectantly by the time he reached them having seen his expression. An expression that meant one thing - an urgent case.

"What's up Hotch?" Morgan asked anxiously.

Hotch handed him the file as Emily and Spencer stood on either side of him to look at the information as well as Hotch explained, "Missing child. It's local. JJ is grabbing Garcia as I want her on the surveillance system at the mall. Gather what you need. We are leaving now. "

All three scrambled at their desks for a few seconds before they walked back over to Hotch. Morgan said, "Let's go" as the four of them filed out of the bullpen.

By that time, JJ and Garcia were walking up the hall towards them. As they reached the elevators, Hotch said, "I wanted Prentiss and Morgan with me. JJ, Reid and Garcia in the other SUV."

Once they got to the SUVs and were on their way to the mall in question, Hotch explained why he had requested the two of them to ride with him, "I'm going to need help from both of you on this case. We have a large area to cover and we're on a clock. Rapid Deployment is on scene already and is starting the protocol. Morgan I'm going to need you find the head of security. Find out the layout of the mall. Get updates from the search teams."

Morgan nodded from the passenger seat as he responded, "will do Hotch."

Hotch then glanced at Emily through the rearview mirror, making eye contact before continuing, "Prentiss. This is your specialty. You are familiar with Rapid Deployment and CARD protocols. When we get there find the parents. Reports are there were other family members there as well. I want to know what your gut is telling you, your first impressions"

Emily nodded as she asked, "OK. Interviews?"

Hotch responded, "we'll interview the parents separately as usual per protocol but I want to know what your first impressions are. The rest of the family will need interviews as well."

Emily nodded before answering, "OK. Can I have JJ with me? Katie is six so most likely wasn't walking around the mall by herself. We need to find out who was last with her and where."

Hotch agreed, "yes. Focusing in on a location will help Garcia target her review of the surveillance tapes. From that I hope we can get a direction she was going as well as if she was with anyone. I want both of you to stay in contact. We will regroup once we make contact and decide where the best place will be to focus our attention after that."

They sat quietly in the SUV as each of them reviewed the tasks they would need to do once they reached the mall. That quiet was broken when Morgan asked, "Hotch do we know for sure if she is still in the mall?"

Hotch sighed and shook his head before answering, "I hope we will have a better answer on that when we arrive. We will need a different approach if she was taken from the mall."

"Understood." Morgan answered as the police cars with lights flashing at the mall came into view.

As Hotch was bringing the SUV to a halt, he stated, "what happened to Jessica Davis last week has already been mentioned but I don't want this investigation to have tunnel vision. Statistics tell us she doesn't have time for us to be following the wrong path."

They both nodded at him as Reid, JJ and Garcia walked up to them, "Let's go."

 **####**

From the first few minutes on scene something didn't seem right to Emily about this case. Her instincts were telling her to look closer. And from her years with Crimes Against Children she knew to trust her instincts.

The reaction of the cousin during his interview was unexpected yet suspicious to all of them. Given they had started with him, Emily was glad that both Reid and Morgan had now been trained on cognitive interviews. Whatever the cousin's involvement, he would be most likely to open up to one of them.

Slowly the evidence started to come in - a broken necklace of Katie's found in a trash can and a brief glimpse of her on surveillance going in the direction with no child friendly stores. A visit to the family home revealed not only a close relationship between Katie and her parents but also some blinking red lights that something was very wrong in the young girl's world. A theory confirmed with the discovery of a disfigured doll.

While frequently communicating since arriving, when Hotch approached her about interviewing the uncle, she was surprised but quickly agreed. It would be the first time that they had worked together in the field since they had come to their understanding and the stakes couldn't have been higher with a missing child and a clock ticking louder as every minute passed.

As they walked into the room, any lingering tension between them evaporated. As they began to question the uncle, they channeled their familiarity with each other into their approach for the interrogation. An approach that when it ended have given them new information about the case.

They had gotten him to admit that he had an improper relationship with his missing niece however they were also confident that he was not the one responsible for her disappearance.

With the new information, Hotch left to check in on the status of the search. After he left, an offhand comment based on information given in her earlier informal interviews pointed Emily towards their likely suspect. She hurriedly walked out of the room heading back to where the family was waiting to confront the person who she now suspected knew exactly where Katie was.

 **####**

Hotch walked to his car which was a couple of houses down the street after leaving Jessica's house. This wasn't a day that he was scheduled to see Jack however after the case the team had just worked on he needed to see his son. Just to see that he was safe, alive and well, sleeping peacefully.

When he had knocked on the door, it was clear that Jessica hadn't been happy to see him. She gave him a clipped 'she's not here' response before starting to close the door. It was then that Hotch asked if he could see Jack.

Just watch him sleep for five minutes.

With a slightly worried look, Jessica had huffed before allowing him to enter, warning him that he had five minutes only and then she would like him to leave without argument. He agreed and quietly entered the room Jack was now sleeping in before sitting in the chair across from bed taking comfort in the even breathing of his son. The case had been particularly difficult for him as they put the details together about what had been happening to Katie.

As appalling as the realization that the uncle was pedophile who had been hurting his young niece for months was enough, that was not the most horrid discovery that was made. No the worst part was that his wife knew what he was doing and did nothing to stop him. Did nothing to protect an innocent little girl. Susan Jacobs' solution had been to get rid of Katie. And if Emily hadn't gotten the location of where Susan had put Katie when she did, she very well may have succeeded.

But as he sat in his car, he considered his own family situation. Right now he had less control over the day to day activities of his son than he had since Jack was born. And given this case, that terrified him.

It wasn't that he had any particular concerns, at least not about the Brooks family. While they weren't very pleased with him after the separation, he did not have concerns about them being positive influences in Jack's life. And while Thomas Hannon was an ass and bully to him in high school, Hotch hadn't seen any red flags about him and children.

However, it was a topic that Hotch would be closely monitoring if Hannon remained in Jack's life. He was also planning to talk to his attorney about putting a clause in the custody agreement for their divorce about background checks on people who would come in contact with Jack.

He sighed then just as he was getting ready to start the car, he saw a car pull up and park in front of Jessica's house. When the doors opened, he saw that it was Haley and Thomas Hannon. He watched as they walked up to the house together before making out on the porch before they both went inside. Once the front door closed, he drove away dejectedly.

 **####**

Morgan was sitting at his desk mulling over the case that they had just finished. Once they were done at the scene, Hotch had taken one of the SUVs to run an errand while Morgan drove the other SUV with the rest of the team back to the BAU.

After settling at their respective desks, each of them had worked on their reports and then one by one they dropped the completed reports off in Hotch's office before leaving for the evening. Except for Morgan.

After he completed his report, he had gone back down to his desk to work on other paperwork. At that point the only other person there was Emily. After what he witnessed at the scene, he hadn't wanted to leave her there alone to finish her report.

Despite her history working with Crimes Against Children, Morgan sensed that something about this case had sparked something personal inside of her.

After she had escorted the aunt away for questioning, he had quickly followed after another agent came to wait with JJ and the parents. His intention was to observe the interview so that if Emily had been able to elicit any information or preferably a confession, then he could radio a location immediately to the search teams.

What he had not been expecting was the level of anger Emily brought to that interview as well as some of the depth she stated keeping the pressure on until Susan Jacobs blurted out where she had left Katie. As planned, Morgan took off down the hall as he radioed everyone with the location. It had been close but all of them had seen Katie awake as she was taken to the hospital.

As much as he wanted to talk to Emily about it, he really didn't know what to say or how to approach what he had suspected since he observed her interview with Susan Jacobs. Emily hadn't given any indication that she wanted to talk since they arrived back in the bullpen and in the time he had known her he knew that she wasn't going to talk about it unless she wanted.

Once Emily left for the night, Morgan stayed at his desk thinking. He did not know how long he had been sitting there when he noticed Hotch slip into the bullpen and went directly into his office.

Focusing back on the file in front of him, Morgan finished the last few sections before standing. Picking up all his completed paperwork, he made his way to Hotch's office. Knocking on the door, it appeared that he had interrupted Hotch who appeared to be deep in thought.

After Hotch waved him in, Morgan handed him the files then paused before leaving.

Noticing Morgan was still standing in his office, Hotch asked, "did you need something Morgan."

Morgan turned to look at him, sighed and then said, "can I run something by you."

 **####**

By the time Hotch pulled into the parking lot, he had become increasingly frustrated with Haley and unfortunately there was nothing he could do about it at the moment. They were within the waiting period between the formal separation and when they could proceed with the divorce.

As a lawyer, he recognized that the waiting period was to give couples an opportunity to reconsider. However as far as he was concerned that was not going to happen in this case.

It wasn't that long ago that he had been willing to leave his position in the BAU for Haley. For their family. But not anymore. Not after she left their home, taking Jack. Not after she had been cheating on him for months. Not after she demanded he walk away from all of his professional contacts and become the type of lawyer she had known for years he didn't want to become.

No what he had with Haley was over. All he wanted now was to maintain a place in his son's life.

All of the forensic testing had come back and it confirmed what Hotch had suspected that night he came back from Milwaukee. While hairs from her brush and a toothbrush had confirmed that it was Haley's DNA on the outside of the condoms, he did wish they had a more definitive sample. However Haley wasn't likely to just give him a sample of her DNA.

For now he wanted to keep that evidence under wraps not knowing what strategies Haley was going to use when it came time for the divorce. As a lawyer, he understood that legal processes moved slowly however after seeing Haley with Thomas tonight, he just wanted it to be over.

Not ready to talk to anyone, he was relieved when he walked into the quiet bullpen. Once in his office, he noticed that he had a stack on reports waiting on his desk. He paged through them noticing that they were the team's reports from tonight's case.

Sitting back in his seat, now he just needed to finish his own report. He was pulled out of his thoughts by a knock on the door. Surprised, as he hadn't realized anyone was still here, he saw Morgan standing in the doorway of his office.

After taking a deep breath, Hotch gestured for him to enter. Morgan nods slightly walks over to the desk and handed him several files before turning taking a couple of steps before pausing.

Hotch glanced over as he noticed Morgan still standing in his office then asked, "did you need something Morgan?"

Hotch watched as Morgan turned, a look of concern on his face as he asked, "can I run something by you?"

Hotch sat back in his seat as he nodded, "sure, what's going on?"

Morgan stepped over and closed the door before walking back over and sitting down in one of the chairs opposite Hotch's desk. He then proceeded to describe to what happened at the mall with the aunt from when Emily came into the food court before escorting her away through the interview until Derek ran down the hall away from the room after Susan Jacobs revealed the location.

As Morgan spoke, Hotch anxiously listened. He hoped this description was not going to end with a break in the interview protocol. Having been the one to find Katie and start CPR on her, Hotch did not want her aunt to be able to get off on a technicality, particularly not because of a breach in protocol by a member of his team.

As Morgan took a deep breath as he finished, Hotch cautiously asked, "did she cross any lines?"

Morgan sat straight up and waved his hands as he replied firmly, "no man, at least not from what I saw. You can take a look at the surveillance tape if you are worried about that. That is not why I'm here. I'm concerned about Emily as a person not her conduct as an agent if that makes sense."

Hotch considered what Morgan had just recounted. He would take a look at the surveillance tape of the interview after he finished talking to Morgan.

Looking over at Morgan, he explained, "Morgan she worked with Crimes Against Children for years. As you saw when we worked that case with Katie last year, agents in that department are very passionate. We all knew the time constraints we were under. I'll take a look at the tape and talk to her.

"Hotch do you think she was… you know?" Morgan asked cautiously.

Hotch took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He was starting to get the same feeling as Derek was describing what happened as he had the previous year when they were in Chicago after Derek's arrest. "I don't know. She hasn't said anything to me about it."

"Yeah, it's not really a conversation starter and Prentiss is still slow to share details about her personal life." Derek knew that Emily had been very reluctant to give details about herself to the team. Every once in a while, she would say something that would give them greater insight about her but those moments were rare. He didn't know many that had a harder time trusting that himself though Emily Prentiss definitely fit into that category.

"Thanks for the heads up. I'll talk to her." Now he just needed to figure out how to broach the subject with her.

"It just that some points she made doing that interrogation seemed to be more personal that academic." Morgan nervously explained his question.

"Is that what you put in your report?" Hotch asked suddenly having deja vu with the conversation he had with Emily in Chicago during the case when Morgan was arrested.

Morgan shook his head as he answered, "no man. As I already said she didn't cross any lines that I saw. I wouldn't do that to her. I wouldn't have wanted conjecture about me in the reports last year."

Hotch sighed before adding, "it wasn't in the reports last year."

"I didn't think it would. You and Gideon wouldn't have done that." Morgan answered confidently.

Hotch took a deep breath and let it out before saying, "Prentiss figured it out as well after talking to your mom and sisters. She gave a very similar answer to what you just did about why she had no plans to put any mention of her suspicions in her report."

Morgan sat up straight in his seat as he said, "what? She hasn't said anything to me about it?" This is not what he had expected to learn when he came to Hotch tonight.

Hotch sighed before responding, "she was very new to the team when that happened. It was the first time she traveled with the team. She stated when I spoke to her that she had no intentions of bringing it up to you. She would talk about it but only if you started the discussion."

"But why?" Morgan questioned.

It was true that Emily had only been with the team for a few weeks when he had been arrested. When he came back afterwards he thought things may be strange between them because of his arrest and the accusations as she didn't have the same history as the rest of the team. However he was relieved that she had treated him the same in the weeks and months that followed.

And that was just when he thought she only knew of the arrest and information about stuff he did in his teens. He never imagined that she figured out what happened with Buford.

But finding out now wasn't as upsetting to him as if he would have learned in those early days. If she had mentioned something to him about it. Because in the intervening time, Emily had not treated him differently either professionally or socially.

And now that time had past and the experience wasn't as raw, he could accept that her knowledge of what he had been through hadn't changed her opinion of him. Given for years that had been his worst fear, it was reassuring.

"She wanted to help protect the secret you were keeping. The reason she left Reid alone with your mom and sisters was to go and confront Buford. She didn't want Reid there if he happened to reveal anything about your secret. Thankfully he wasn't there and that confrontation never happened but that was her explanation." Hotch explained.

Morgan looked down and nodded his head before responding distractedly, "yeah. Well, I told you what I observed. I'm going to head home. Good night."

"Good night Morgan." Hotch answered hoping it hadn't been too much for the other agent. He watched as Morgan walked down to his desk, collected his stuff and walked out of the bullpen.

After Derek left his office, Hotch considered what he had said. During Derek's explanation, various random pieces of information that he had learned about Emily in recent months had come to mind.

-Some of the comments Emily had made in that Chicago hotel lobby last year.

-Ambassador Prentiss' uncharacteristic reaction on the phone call to him after the Russian mob case when she had given him the name of the person who she had gotten information from stating she was giving it to him instead of Emily as hearing his name would be 'painful' for Emily.

-The Ambassador's explanation that Emily and Melnik had had a 'misunderstanding' when the Ambassador was assigned to the Ukraine. A timeframe where Emily would have been around eight or nine. He let it drop at the time because he knew better than to try to get a more forthcoming answer from Emily's mother and it really wasn't his place to push.

-Emily's reaction to the name the Ambassador had mentioned to him when he had passed on the information for her report.

-Emily mentioning that she had learned about her parents' role in breaking them up when she had been there to confront her mother on another matter. Given the close timing had it been about that phone call and the name Ambassador Prentiss had given him?

-Then there was the research that he had found on Anton Melnik though it wasn't much. Just that he was a mid-level Ukrainian diplomat.

He sighed as he considered the pieces of information he had. Although they were several, it wasn't enough to be certain of anything. Or even to broach the topic with her, at least at this point. Though given Derek's concerns, he considered it prudent to review the recording of Emily's interview with Susan Jacobs.

He shook his head as he turned off the recording recognizing where Derek's concerns were based. Thankfully he was in agreement that she hadn't cross any lines that would present challenges during the inevitable court case. But like Morgan, he worried about Emily.

As he moved at his desk, he kicked the bag he kept in his office with his workout clothes. It was then that an idea came to him. Previously after challenging days, he had found Emily in the gym working out before going home. Standing up after grabbing the bag, he took a chance that she would be doing the same after today. If so he wanted to catch her before she had the chance to compartmentalize what had happened today.

 **####**

Emily had just started working out with punching bag when she noticed Hotch tentatively entering the gym. Unlike previous times when he confronted her here during a workout still dressed in his suit, today he was in athletic shorts and a tshirt. Looking away so that his uncharacteristic appearance didn't distract her, she went back to working the bag.

Today's case had been a rough one. She regretted losing her temper during the interview with Susan Jacobs. However when she learned later just how close to losing Katie they had been, she quietly spent the car ride back to the BAU cutting herself some slack. After finishing her report, she had decided to come work out instead of heading straight home.

Hotch walked over near her after stretching and taping his hands and started working with a different bag. Confused by his presence but lack of interaction that had been present in the previous times he had seen her there, Emily shook her head as she turned her focus back to the bag in front of her.

Throughout her time in the BAU, she had learned that Hotch preferred to do his workouts in the morning before the workday started. Had she overstepped on the case? Was she in trouble?

Emily continued until her arm started to ache. After pausing to stretch, she walked over to where she had left her water bottle. While slowly drinking from it, she could feel Hotch approach her and pick up his own water bottle. As they stood there, he asked, "are you OK?" He had not missed the ferocity of her punches to the bag.

Emily rolled her eyes before turning to him and responding still somewhat out of breath, "yeah, I'm fine. I swam before coming in here so it was time to rehydrate."

However as she looked at him, she could see that he wasn't just asking about the workout. He was asking about the case. And there was something about the way he was looking at her. A way that he was looking at her that made her believe that somehow knew that there was something personal about her reaction on the case.

She wasn't sure what exactly he knew or thought he knew. But whatever it was had him down here checking on her. Hotch saw various expressions cross her face as she looked at him but did not say anything else. Not wanting her to shut down, he nodded as they rested in silence.

When she stood up to head back to the punching bag, he touched her arm which had her stop and look back at him. When she did, he stood up as well and asked, "are you up for some hand to hand?"

Emily smirked and responded, "sure"

They walked over to the mat after Hotch had her put a head pad on stating he didn't want her to end up with more stitches in her head. After grumping that he wasn't wearing one she commented that he just didn't want to have to explain to Strauss it was his fault she couldn't go into the field for the third time in two months.

As they got started, Hotch recognized some of what Morgan had described when he did her sign off. It took much longer than expected for Hotch to be able to pin her.

After tapping out Emily rolled away from him before sitting up. Damn. She thought that she would have a chance against him.

While working out had started as a positive coping skills somewhere along the line it had progressed into being in a better place to defend herself. After being held by Doyle, she didn't want to find herself in a situation where she couldn't defend herself again. She knew if Doyle or his men ever got her again she would fight her way out or die trying before playing along as she had been forced to do as Lauren.

She was pulled out of her thoughts when she heard Hotch calling her name. Turning to him, she saw that he was also sitting on the mat a couple of feet away from her.

Shaking her head, Emily answered, "I'm fine just don't like that you were able to pin me." She hated admitting to the vulnerability however it felt OK know she was saying it to Hotch.

She watched as he nodded however could see the concern still on his face. Glancing down, she knew that there was more to him being here now than what he had said. That somehow he had heard about the interview with Susan Jacobs. Given the looks he had been giving her since they had left the scene, her guess would be Morgan said something.

She knew that the day would come that Hotch would put pieces together as soon as she heard him say Anton Melik's name months earlier. She was still furious that her mother had brought Hotch into it by bypasses her and calling him with the name. Now the question was - with what he knew, had he reached the correct conclusion?

"I didn't do anything wrong." Emily stated matter-of-fact.

Hotch nodded before answering, "I know. I watched the interview. Tense but completely legal."

"Why?" Emily asked, not taking her eyes off of him wanting to know what had prompted him to watch the interview tonight. Had someone other than Morgan said something to him?

Hotch sighed before answering, "Morgan was concerned about you."

She had been correct about Morgan. Emily shook her head as she responded, "he shouldn't be."

Hotch sighed before he said gently, "but he is. It wasn't that long ago that you were worried about him."

Emily nodded. There it was. And reference to what they both knew what happened to Morgan. What both Hotch and Morgan were worried about that had happened to her. Making eye contact she stated, "yeah but nothing actually happened to me."

Hotch nodded but didn't reply however he does feel himself relax slightly at the declaration.

Emily sighed and looked down at the mat as she explained, "but it wasn't for lack of effort on his part. It was after I started to stay with mother at her postings after my father died. My nanny walked in on what was later described to me as a questionable situation with a frequent visitor to the embassy and immediately told my mother.

Given the politics, it wasn't possible to keep him out of the embassy. She couldn't or wouldn't request a change of her posting so I was sent to live with my grandparents who at that point were living in France. I remember that it was so confusing to have my stuff quickly packed up again without explanation. Then I was leaving with my nanny who travelled with me.

But I loved being in France. Their cabin was up in the mountains. It was quiet and there was so much to explore when my school work and chores were done."

Hotch could see Emily's eyes dance as she talked about her time in France. There was an underlying happiness and contentment was he saw in her way too infrequently.

Then she paused and looked down before continuing, "my mother never discussed the real reason I left so abruptly with me. It wasn't until later, college, that I started to put the pieces together and confronted my former nanny who confirmed my suspicions of what he had been grooming me to do."

"Anton Melnik." Hotch stated noticing her stiffen as he said the name.

"That's the one. My mother never should have called you with that name. I didn't know until that day that she was still in contact with him. I guess a part of me expected that given what he was attempting that she would no longer have contact with him when it was no longer required. But apparently not." She paused and looked over to him before continuing, "I knew that day as soon as you mentioned his name that this day would come."

"You could have told me." Hotch stated.

Emily shrugged before answering, "as I said, nothing happened and there was nothing to tell."

"Emily." Hotch said warningly.

Emily narrowed her eyes before answering, "don't." She paused as she watched Hotch sit back before changing the subject, "do you know what got to me most about what Susan Jacobs did?'

"What's that?" Hotch asked curiously.

Emily replied sadly, "her complete indifference to what was happening to Katie. No attempt to stop her husband from hurting Katie or protect her in any way. Instead she blamed Katie for what happened to her. Couldn't get past what the optics were for her family if someone found out what was happening in her home.

My mother and I weren't close even back then. Before my father died, I hadn't seen much of her in over a year. Even with living with then I didn't see her very often.

And no one is more concerned about optics than the Ambassador. But she and Alix, my nanny, both protected me in their own ways. Sure it was also by getting me out of the way so as to not cause a scandal. But in my case it was to go stay with the parents she trusted not restrained and placed in the bottom of a storage cabinet left for dead."

After that they both sat silently for several minutes before deciding each was done for the night. After collecting their bags, they walked out to the parking lot to their respective cars so each could head home.

 **AN: Next chapter- There is a newcomer to the BAU who makes some observations.**


	38. Returned

Today was the day. It was Dave Rossi's first day as an active FBI field agent in about 10 years. However the leadership position on the team now belonged to another agent. Someone he had brought onto the team years earlier.

Dave had initially met Aaron Hotchner while on a case when Dave was Unit Chief of the BAU and Hotch was a field agent on Seattle. Dave had been impressed when agent's profiling skills and even more impressed with his Bureau file once he reviewed it. A couple of months later when there was an opening on the team, he offered the position to Hotch.

Hotch had quickly became an important member of the BAU team. And now years later he had earned his way to lead the team. His trust in Hotch's abilities is one of the reasons he had agreed to come back as a subordinate to Hotch.

Now as he prepared to walk into the building, Dave recalled how he got to this point. When a knock came on the door of his hunting cabin very early in the morning a few weeks earlier, Jason Gideon was the last person he had expected to be on the other side. Gideon had previous refused to visit his cabin citing his aversion to hunting. In all the years that Dave had owned it Gideon had only come one previous time.

His surprise turned to trepidation in the first couple of minutes as his old friend announced that he had quit the FBI before thrusting a pile of files at Dave. He asked him to look out for the team and the unit that they had built together. Dave grabbed his arm and demanded to know what was going on when Gideon then turned in an attempt to leave.

An hour later as Dave was closing the door after Gideon left, his head was spinning.

What struck him most was Erin Strauss was being a thorn in Hotch's side in a away which could potentially compromised the unit. While that development angered him it did not surprise him as even years earlier he had recognized the leadership qualities of the younger agent. Over time those leadership qualities would have improved and Strauss would see that as a threat. According to Gideon, Hotch was currently serving a suspension because a case went wrong however Hotch hadn't been the one to make the wrong decisions.

Dave had been shocked to hear Gideon's questioning of the whole practice of profiling. When Dave had pushed back Gideon had then explained about what had happened during the Fisher King case including the head showing up at his cabin. He mentioned how he felt at Bruno Hawk's actions knowing Dave knew how long Gideon had known Bruno. He talked about what happened with Morgan in Chicago and how that profile had been used. Then he got to Frank. He told Dave everything - the murders, Jane, needing to let him go to save those kids, Frank getting his book and targeting people named in it. Then he mentioned Sarah which had immediately sadden Dave as he had met Sarah many times over the years.

By the time Gideon had explained what happened on the last case, Dave sighed as he now had a clearer picture about why his old friend had walked away. Maybe before Boston he would have been able to find a path forward after everything that happened but even Dave knew that a part of Gideon would never recover from losing those agents that day.

And once Gideon had left, Dave put his own grief aside and considered Gideon's request. Trying to decide the best way to achieve it.

He and Mudgie had gone to stay at the hunting cabin, wanting to be away from the world for a while after he learned of his long time friend Emma's death.

Even now, weeks later, he found that he couldn't write what was going to be his next book.

He needed something new.

Something to get him out of the rut he had allowed himself to fall into.

Gideon's visit and request to watch over the team and the BAU gave him a place to go if he wanted to take it. He knew the work. There were unsolved cases that were calling to him.

So after considering it for several days, he contacted the Director who enthusiastically agreed for Dave to come back to the BAU in the spot Gideon had vacated. He had mentioned that Strauss was in the process of searching for a replacement and he would just tell her that the position was filled.

Ah Erin Strauss. There was some tense history there but Dave wouldn't allow her to upset his plans. He needed this right now. To go back to the BAU. To get back into the work. And he wasn't going to let the likes of Erin Strauss deter him.

He had left the files that Gideon had left with him at home. What he knew of the current team was what Gideon had shared with him. He had wanted to make his own impressions of each of them before looking at the files.

 **####**

After walking out of Hotch's office, Dave made his way down the hall to the office that was now his. The office that until a few weeks ago had been used by his good friend Jason Gideon.

As he walked in, he appraised the empty room. It was a far cry from the cramped quarters they had in the bunker when he had left the BAU years earlier. In those days agents had to share desks.

Just back from his first case, he could see that the office space wasn't the only new aspect of the BAU. As he had quickly found on this case, the current team travelled as a group and worked cases by collaboration. This was very different than the profiling model he was used to and it was going to take some effort to learn to function with that mindset without stepping on toes as he had in Dallas.

And as he sat at the desk contemplating whether one of the items he was going to bring in was a new chair, he thought about the changes he had seen in Hotch in the short time he had been back.

He had known Hotch as a rookie profiler and knew his tells. While most people found Hotch hard to read, Dave didn't have that issue. He knew Hotch before Hotch learned to mask his tells. Even without hearing through the grapevine about Hotch receiving separation papers in the office, it hadn't taken long for Dave to notice a change in the younger man during this case.

What Dave had noticed primarily with Hotch was that he was feeling conflicted and stressed. As much as it saddened him to hear of the younger man's separation, he couldn't say he was surprised.

From all of his interactions with Haley since Hotch joined the BAU, Dave hadn't found them to be well matched, attributing as to why they had been on and off again so many times since high school. Haley didn't have an understanding of the work that they did nor was she interested in learning why the work was so important to Hotch.

However Dave didn't discount that he and Haley had gotten off on the wrong foot and that most likely colored his impressions of her. It was a few months after Hotch had joined the team that Dave first learned of Haley. It was then that he learned that she was someone he had dated on and off since high school. Now that he was back in Virginia, they had gotten back together.

Dave had found out at their wedding that Haley still held a grudge against him, blaming Dave for a break up she and Hotch had had while Dave was still at the BAU. That hadn't been Dave's intention but he had needed to put his foot down about her constant phone calls.

When Hotch had joined the BAU, cell phones were just beginning to be used. While they each had one, they did not work in the bunker where their office was located at that point in time. But as Dave considered it, even today's cell phones may not work in the bunker.

Since she was unable to contact Hotch via his cell phone, she had begun to call the office to talk to him tying up one of the unit's four phone lines. While each of them at times had taken personal calls, Haley's quickly became daily and then multiple times a day. It wasn't even that there was an urgent reason, she just wanted to talk. Dave, along with others in the office, on more than one occasion had been on the end of irate phone calls when they had to inform her that Hotch wasn't available to talk.

Dave wasn't sure what she did in her job because she had no concept that Hotch had responsibilities that would make him unavailable at times. It had gotten to the point that Dave as Unit Chief had been forced to confront Hotch about the situation as it was upsetting the entire unit. The phone calls stopped immediately after that meeting and shortly after that he discovered that they had broken up.

Dave hadn't heard much about Haley once he had left the BAU. He didn't even know that they had gotten back together until he had received a wedding invitation. The last time he had been able to sit down with Hotch was shortly after his wedding four years earlier.

Now they were going to be working together again however the dynamics was different this time. Hotch was now in charge of the unit. The first Unit Chief for the BAU other than he and Gideon.

When he had first arrived, even with knowing about the state of Hotch's marriage, Dave was surprised at his choice of who he thought was a secretary.

Petite. Blonde. Slight build. From what he had seen just Hotch's type.

However he quickly learned two pieces of information on this case about Agent Jareau or JJ as she introduced herself. One she wasn't a secretary but an FBI field agent whose position on the team was media liaison. Dave still wasn't sure what her purpose on the team was exactly. However, he was now fairly certain that some of his actions on this case had undermined that role.

And the second, no matter how closely she resembled what he recognized Hotch's type to be, as a profiler he was certain that there was absolutely nothing of a personal nature going on between Hotch and JJ.

Then there was the rest of the team. When he had been meeting with Strauss there had been the annoyance that he had expected from her about his return. But then there had been something else. She was attempting to hide it but while they were meeting she thought of something that had amused her.

When the time had come, she had insisted on walking over with him to the BAU. He objected stating he knew how to get there and knew Hotch however that hadn't deterred her.

When they had reached the bullpen, there were the three agents who he would learn were the other profilers on the team just sitting around talking instead of doing work. While that bugged him as a former Unit Chief it was what he saw as they got closer to their desks.

Halloween decorations. Masks.

Then as he walked closer he noticed that one of them who looked more like a college student had an actual noose around his neck. When they were later introduced, he learned that this must be the genius Gideon mentioned that he had recruited to the team.

A glance over to her showed the amusement now evident on Strauss' face. It was then that he realized why she had walked over with him.

Having known him since the Academy she knew of his background as a Marine and his sense of order. She had been waiting for his reaction to that scene. As he climbed the stairs to Hotch's office, he began to wonder what he had gotten himself into.

A question he asked himself again a little while later when the team was meeting about their next case, Garcia made a sudden appearance in the room. After Hotch had introduced her, she hadn't stayed in the room for long though. She was not what he had expected even after Gideon's description of her. Her colorful personality and dress was not at all what he expected Hotch would find acceptable for an employee.

After the meeting had ended, Dave thought of the two other profilers. Gideon had described Agent Morgan as a good agent with trust issues whose specialty was obsessional crimes.

Then there was Agent Prentiss. Her name was familiar however he couldn't place from where. Perhaps he should have been paying better attention to Gideon as he described her.

Though that probably wouldn't have helped him much because as Gideon was telling him about the team he got somewhat squirrely when it came to her. An observation he hadn't made until after Gideon had left. Gideon had mentioned some details however Dave hadn't heard them because as Gideon was talking Dave was looking at Prentiss' picture, immediately noticing that she looked like Emma.

His Emma or who he wished had been his.

They had grown up together. Thinking back, there had been a time when he should have asked her to marry him. But when he got out of the Marines, he was so invested in establishing his career that by the time he thought of his personal life again, that time had passed. Since then they both had married other people, her to a judge and Dave to three different women.

A year ago they ran into each other unexpectedly. Dave just finishing a book signing while Emma was in town for a work conference. They had stopped to talk over coffee and then when the coffee shop closed they walked around all night talking and catching up.

There was something about the love that they shared that transcended their other relationships. A deep unconsummated connection that had begun in their childhood. A complete understanding of the other that no other person, even their respective spouses, had been able to grasp.

When the sun rose and they made their way back to the hotel, they parted, promising to stay in touch. And they had and the next 10 months were some of the happiest Dave had had since he and Emma were together as kids. On some level part of him hoped that the time would come when the stars would align and they could be together again.

That had all come to an end a couple of months before Gideon showed up at his door when he received word that Emma had been killed. Hit by a truck while tending to roadside repair.

Dave sighed as he sat back in the chair. He needed to move forward. Even with the unexpected challenges that he had come up against with being back in the BAU, he wanted things to work. At least for a while. He wanted to help with the team's workload as well as he had some cold cases that he would like to solve and have arrests made.

But before he got too far into work, he wanted to take time to review the files gave him about his new teammates.

 **AN: With this being when Rossi started with the team, I wanted to make this chapter from his POV. It will set up later parts of the story including Dave's understanding of Hotch and Emily. The part about him missing part of what Gideon said about Emily will also come into play later. I added Dave's friend Emma here because in Reckoner(5.3) Dave mentioned that she had died two years earlier which would have been around the time he returned to the team.**

 **Next chapter- Dave is working to find his place on the team. Emily has a difficult moment at a crime scene. Hotch explains how the team functions to Dave. Still being written, will post as soon as it's ready.**


	39. What Happened

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

It had been a couple of days since the team had returned from Dallas. After acknowledging his role in the missteps there, Hotch had been working to orient Dave the how the team currently functioned as well as all of the personnel that worked with the team. For his part, Dave had been accepting of the information and asking various appropriate questions.

With this Hotch was breathing a bit easier this morning. Since receiving word that Dave wanted to come back to the team, he had been nervously optimistic to have the man who had recruited him to the BAU back in the unit.

Unlike the rest of the team, he had previously worked with Dave and knew he had a wealth of knowledge from which the BAU could benefit. He was also well aware of Dave's strengths and weaknesses.

This allowed him to see Dave as human being not on a pedestal as the others were struggling with after the last case. However in order to function well what had happened in Dallas couldn't happen again.

So this morning Hotch was meeting with Dave and JJ to review JJ role in the BAU as well as her responsibilities in the field. Hotch had met with her yesterday about what had happened in Dallas and about his plans for this meeting.

As they talked in the meeting room, Dave was engaged in the conversation and asked appropriate questions. As they continued, he had apologized to JJ explaining the difference between what they did now and how things were done in the past. He said he would try to consider her role in the future.

Just as they were finishing JJ got a message about a potential case about a missing woman whose kidnapper had just blown himself up while also injuring multiple members of law enforcement.

After they reviewed it, Hotch stated that they would take it. While he and JJ contacted the local sheriff and prepped the case details to brief the team, Dave offered to gather the rest of the team.

At the offer, Hotch's apprehension from the last couple of days diminished. Perhaps the first case had just been a blip because Dave was thrown into a case on his first day.

Turning his attention to the case, he started to prepare as he waited for the others to arrive. Once everyone was there and Hotch looked up, he could immediately tell that something had happened. Derek was standing on the side of the room next to the coffee pot quieter and more reserved than normal. Spencer and Emily were sitting at the table however both were slouched down in their seats while neither was making eye contact with anyone looking more like naughty children who got caught with their hands in the cookie jar then experienced FBI agents.

As JJ was explaining the case, Hotch observed the three as he tried to assess what was going on with his team and what had happened while he was meeting with Dave and JJ. As he did, he looked over and saw the smug look on Dave's face. All the sudden he was certain that Dave was involved in whatever happened.

As the meeting concluded and each member of the team left to prepare themselves for the case, Hotch went back to his office.

Once at his desk, he banged the case file on the desk before sitting down.

He had spent the last two days working with Dave to get him up to speed. As the meeting with JJ ended, Hotch thought he was there.

But then Dave was out of the conference room for less than five minutes. Five minutes. And somehow in that time he had an issue with Morgan, Prentiss and Reid.

Hotch wasn't sure what happened but whatever it was had noticeably affected the effectiveness of the case presentation just as they were getting ready to go into the field in Montana where their presence wasn't going to be welcomed by most.

It was then that he started to wonder if Dave coming back to the team was really going to work. He knew that Dave could do the profiling. There was no question about that.

But when Dave had previously been with the BAU he had been the Unit Chief, making all the decisions for the unit. Then for the most part worked on cases by himself. At that time, agents working autonomously. There were cases were more than one agent would go on scene however that had more an exception than a rule.

Additionally Dave was coming back was from retirement where he had also been fully in control of his day to day activities. It had been a long time since Dave had needed to work with others in the way that the current BAU team functioned. As much as Hotch accepted Dave's assertion that he was back to help, he had to question if Dave would be able to work with them as a member of a team.

And that was a question he needed to determine sooner rather than later. Since Gideon had left, his workload had already increased so he welcomed help from someone who knew what they were doing from a profiling standpoint. After seeing the files of the agents Strauss had identified as possibilities, Hotch wanted Dave to work because he did have profiling experience but only if his presence supported the team.

Hotch also had changes going on in his personal life Dave had immediately picked up on though he and Haley had never gotten along. With his divorce looming, it would be beneficial to the BAU to have Dave in place in case he couldn't be in the office when a potential case came in.

But Hotch also realized that he couldn't put the whole onus of whatever happened on Dave. He had been around long enough to know that his team, particular Morgan, Garcia and Reid were more than capable of finding themselves in trouble. He, Gideon and Strauss had all needed to call them out at times.

Emily was close to both Reid and Morgan. For her first few months on the team she had mostly avoided their hijinks however since she decided to stay with the team, she had started being pulled into some of their mischief.

So it is likely that something like that happened. However, their reaction was more intense than it usually was so he was interested in what actually happened.

But for now he couldn't worry about it. They had a case. He trusted in the team that they would put aside whatever it was and be professional in the field.

He would address the situation once they were back.

 **####**

After the house was cleared by the bomb squad, the team except for Derek and JJ moved in as they searched for the woman kidnapped that morning.

As the four of them walked into a room, they could all sense that this was the space they were looking for. For Emily, she could immediately feel the change in energy there. A heaviness that wasn't present in the rest of the house.

As she stepped into the room, a smell overwhelmed her. A smell that she recognized from an unpleasant time and place in her past. The smell had a metallic quality to it even though she was uncertain if it was from metal or residual blood.

Even with the smell, she was coping. She was an agent. It had not been the first time she had smelled blood. Moving further into the room, she worked on calming her breathing as all of them cleared the room.

That was until in the process of searching the room, Dave had quickly flipped up the bed frame and the full range of implements that were attached to the other side came into view. That along with the smell of the room was taking her back to time and place she didn't want to remember, particularly in the field. Doyle's house. His rooms in the basement. What she had observed there. What she had experienced there.

As she looked at bed frame, she could feel her vision narrowing and had to fight against what her instincts were telling her.

To run.

She turned away from her teammates as she continued to work on calming her breathing.

 **####**

Though it was a necessary step, it felt like forever before the house was cleared for them to search it. As the team was searching the house, they zeroed in on what appeared to be a bedroom.

Entering the room, they looked for the missing woman, frustrated when they didn't find her. Hotch turned as Dave flipped up the bed frame to reveal the UNSUBs' weapons of torture attached to the underside.

Though she didn't say anything, Hotch glanced at Emily out of the corner of his eye and noticed that she immediately became pale at the sight of Dave had just revealed. Just as quickly she turned and was looking in a corner of the room where there was nothing that could potentially be evidence.

As he looked around the room, Hotch noted that both Rossi and Reid had noticed Emily's uncharacteristic reaction at this crime scene as well. With other parts of the property still needing searched, Hotch turned and said calmly, "She's not here. Reid, I want you and Prentiss check around outside. The opposite side from where we came in. Be careful. We don't know if he set any bobby traps. Rossi and I will finish here."

Reid nodded before walking over to Emily and gently touching her shoulder. She looked at him and he said something that Hotch didn't hear before Emily nodded and they both walked out of the room. After watching them leave, Hotch turned back to the room to continue to look for clues as was Dave. As they worked, Dave asked, "is she OK?"

Hotch sighed before answering, "she'll be fine." though he planned to talk to Emily as soon as he could get her alone to verify that. He had never previously seen her react like that in the field. While this room would give anyone paused even those that weren't identical to the type of the victims, he wanted to check in on her before making further assignments.

 **####**

Emily took a deep breath as she stepped outside with Spencer. As she breathed in the fresh air, her head cleared and her breathing returned to normal. As much as she was glad that it was over for now, she was going to have to talk to Alicia about her reaction to that room. It was too dangerous to react like that in the field.

But for now, they had a job to do and that was trying to find out where the woman kidnapped that morning was being held along with any evidence about the three women previously kidnapped by the same man.

As she walked into the yard, Spencer asked quietly, "are you OK?"

Emily turned as saw the nervousness in her younger colleague. She sighed as she realized that given what they had already been through together it would be disrespectful to blow him off. However, given they were still at a crime scene with personnel from various departments around, she really didn't want to explain.

Looking at him, she replied, "I'll be fine. The air was heavy in there. Let's see what we can find out here."

Spencer looked at her, assessing the response before nodding and they walked across the yard.

 **####**

After the discovery of the bodies, Hotch decided to head back to the station. He sent Reid with Rossi to check out a lead while Emily along with various pieces of evidence were in the SUV with him. The recent murder after the death of their known UNSUB had cracked their profile wide open. They needed to gain some insight on who the partner was so they could identity and arrest him before he killed anyone else..

As they travelled, Hotch noted that Emily was staring out of the window.

"Are you OK?" Hotch asked calmly.

Emily sighed but did not turn to him as she answered, "I'm fine."

Hotch shook his head before replying, "Emily, you turned white and had to put effort into controlling your breathing."

Emily nodded as there was no point in lying to him before she responded, "I know. Let's just say it's not the first time I've seen a room like that. I've seen what damage can happen from all that stuff." As she finished, she hoped that he didn't ask any questions. Even if she could, she didn't want to explain, particularly to him about what had happened to her.

Hotch didn't say anything as he thought about what she said wondering what case she worked that she would have come across a room like that. Sadly, given her time in the FBI, he wasn't surprised. Given that she worked with Crimes Against Children it could explain why her reaction was more pronounced.

Noticing that she did not wish to discuss it anymore, he pivoted when he asked, "are you OK to work on this case?"

Emily turned quickly to look at him as she answered, "absolutely. It was just the room. I want to help solve this case."

Hotch nodded and answered as they reached the station, "OK, we have this evidence to get through and we are waiting to see if they can get anything off those tapes. Let's start there. Let me know if you need a break."

Emily nodded before they got out of the SUV, collected the boxes of evidence and walked into the station.

 **####**

Emily found herself sitting at a table in the station with Dave as she looked over the evidence. Dave was watching her carefully, not sure what she had reacted to at the house when he saw the look on her face change so he asked, "what is it?"

Emily looked up and over at him surprised before responding hesitantly, "the yard where the women were buried."

Dave nodded before asking, "what about it?" wondering where she was going with the thought.

Emily peeked over at him before looking back at the evidence in front of her and said, "given the location it was picked by Goehring."

Dave agreed with the assessment. There were plenty of places Goehring could have dumped the bodies that they wouldn't have been found if he had wanted to "yes, it would have allowed him to revisit their bodies."

Emily nodded and then said, "yes but given how he viewed women, he wouldn't have planted the roses."

Dave considered the statement before answering, "you think that was the partner."

Emily nodded then replied, "it would have had to have been. Goehring would have treated them like trash when he was done with them. He wouldn't have put the effort into planting rosebushes."

Dave nodded as he remembered what they found at the house, "that would go along with how we found Angela Miller's body. She was carefully laid out."

Emily looked over at him and then added, "yes, so information about the roses may be the direction we look to find the partner. Given the growth on the rose bushes, they weren't planted at the same time, so he went to wherever he bought them at least three times."

Dave stood and said "we have a description now so we go interview plant nurseries." before walking out of the room to find the rest of the team.

 **####**

After they finished the case, Hotch left the station with JJ to head to the airstrip. The others had remained at site where their UNSUB Henry Frost had been killed in order to free the woman he had kidnapped to finish working the scene with the Sheriff's Department. They received a message from Hotch to just go directly to the airfield when they were done and he and JJ would meet them there.

He and JJ were already on the plane waiting when they saw the SUV drive up. As soon as it stopped Dave quickly got out, grabbed his bag from the trunk and climbed the stairs. As he stepped onto the jet, he mumbled something as he stowed his bag that Hotch couldn't hear as he went to the galley for a cup of coffee. Once he had that, Dave sat in the back in the single seat.

When Dave walked into the galley, Hotch looked back out the window of the plane for the rest of his team. At that point all three were now out of the SUV as well working on pulling their bags out of the back while they all balanced cups with Reid carrying two.

After closing the back and handing off the keys, the three of them who appeared deep in conversation made their way onto the plane. Once inside, they put their bags up before going over to JJ who Hotch just noticed was holding a couple of bags of popped microwave popcorn. Before he could consider too much about what they were doing, the plane started to taxi before taking off.

About 30 minutes into the flight, Hotch listened to the occasional laughter as the team watched a movie that Garcia was streaming through to the screens on the plane. Hotch was pulled out of his thoughts when a perturbed Dave sat down across from him. He looked past Hotch to were the rest of the team was and then back to Hotch as he grumped, "Aaron, where in the hell did you find these kids?"

Hotch's eyes widened before he asked, "excuse me?" He thought given the case and location that the team have functioned well today. While they all wished they could have gotten Angela Miller back to her family none of them had anticipated that Goehring that working with a partner.

As he watched Dave, Hotch wondered if something else had happened between the four of them on the way to the airstrip as he still hadn't found out what happened in the office right before they left for the case. That question was answered when Dave asked, "And what is the deal with having me ride with them?"

Hotch sighed. Yeah something definitely happened on the way over. Shaking his head he explained, "I needed to go back to the station with the Sheriff. Since the four of you were finishing up in the field, it didn't make sense for you to come there since the airstrip was in the opposite direction. What happened?"

As much as he wasn't sure he wanted to know, he needed to ask. Where before they left for the case, Reid, Morgan and Prentiss had been unusually quiet and Dave was smug but now Reid, Morgan and Prentiss had been happily conversing with JJ since they arrived while Dave was upset.

Dave glared at him before saying, "the better question is what didn't happen."

Hotch shook his head already certain that this was going to be a long story.

When he looked back up, Dave continued, "they tried to play the license plate game but quickly gave that up when all they saw were pickup trucks from Montana.

Then was a sing along and let me just tell you none of them can sing well."

Hotch internally chuckled at that because it seemed that they were trying to irritate Dave. Hotch know from team nights that Morgan could sing though he much preferred to dance. From his past relationship with her, he also knew that Emily sung well. He wasn't sure about Reid however Dave was stating that it was all of them that sung poorly.

Before Hotch could say anything, Dave continued, "they played I Spy for the rest of the drive."

Dave paused as there was a burst of laughter from the other side of the jet. When Dave turned back around, he said, "we were running late getting here because they needed to stop and get smoothies for the trip home."

Hotch had wondered about them arriving later than anticipated however it wasn't the first time they had stopped for smoothies. Hotch had found that it was something they did after a hard case.

He saw Dave turn and look at them before turning back to Hotch and stated exasperatedly, "and now… and now they are over there drinking their smoothies, eating popcorn and watching a show about cartoon mice."

It had taken a few minutes but Hotch had determined that they were watching Animaniacs. He hadn't seen it in years. He had been introduced to it by a friend as something to watch after a difficult day. Haley hated it but he had watched it during his relationship with Emily.

Hotch sighed before stating, "it was a rough case."

Dave looked at him surprised as it apparently wasn't the reaction Dave had been expecting, "most cases in the BAU are considered rough. That doesn't mean that this is the way to handle it."

Hotch sighed as he considered what he wanted to say. Looking back up at Dave, Hotch started," Gideon."

Dave looked at him confused at the seemingly non sequitur before answering,"Gideon?"

Hotch nodded before continuing, "You know about Frank?"

"Yes" Dave answered having heard about him directly from Gideon as well as through the grapevine.

Hotch nodded before continuing, "around the time that we worked the last case before Frank came to DC and killed Sarah, Gideon brought in his Chapin reels. He took them to the class he was teaching at the Academy for his lecture on coping strategies. When we returned from that case in Kansas City, he also did a screening in the conference room for the team as an example of using comedy as a way of coping with the job.

This was a hard case for them. Gideon leaving, particularly the way he did, was hard on all of us. So they are utilizing one of the last lessons he taught them. It's a long trip. They will watch this for a while then will each do their own thing after that until we land. By the time we get back to the bullpen, they will be ready to complete their reports." Hotch stated assuredly knowing his team knew what was expected from them.

Dave looked at him skeptically before shaking his head and walking back over to his seat.

As he sat there, Dave sighed as over the years he had viewed the Chapin movies with Gideon several times. Usually when one of them was going through a difficult time. It did not surprise him at all that he would have brought them in to show the team and the trainees in his class. As for the rest of what Hotch said, he would just have to wait and see.

 **####**

When the pilot announced that there was about an hour left before landing, the jet grew quiet after a period of everyone moving around and remain quiet except for occasional chatter. As he was disembarking Dave noticed that where they had been sitting was completely cleaned up with not even a piece of popcorn on the floor.

After they reached the bullpen, Dave watch Hotch head up to his office. After Garcia greeted them she and JJ headed out to their respective offices while Morgan, Reid and Prentiss sat down at their respective desks after stopping at the break room. As Dave reached the conference room since his office was still being worked on, he observed how they each worked quietly with intermittent short discussions. The one by one they took their completed reports up to Hotch before leaving for the night.

Dave still wasn't sure about the team but was reassured that Hotch had been correct about how things would go when they arrived back at the office. With his own report done, he sighed as he researched the meanings of various wall colors since he now needed to choose something other than taupe.

While he did somewhat identify with what was said about taupe, he wasn't ready to give the team that much insight into him. So not only was the wall color changing in his office but he was going to know the meaning of what he did pick.

 **AN: For the next few chapters I am going to have the episodes reordered somewhat. The next chapter will go along with the Limelight episode.**


	40. Road Trip

**AN: Dialogue in italics is actually dialogue from the show.**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Dave was at his desk. The walls in his office had been painted a few days earlier and the items he had brought in to display were where he wanted them. After consideration, he decided for the moment to keep the chair that came with the office knowing that it had been used by his good friend before he left the team.

He closed the email message that had been sent to him. A message had contained pictures and data about what an agent in the Philadelphia field office had asked him to review. The information sent was limited to the extent that he couldn't make a determination ...yet.

Sitting back in his seat, he knew what he wanted to do. To go to Philadelphia and review the material and go from there. However after his meeting with JJ and Hotch, he knew that requests for BAU help generally needed to go through JJ's office. Given that he had said the meeting with her and Hotch that he would try to respect her role on the team, he needed to consider carefully how to proceed.

Last time he was in the BAU, he was Unit Chief. Even aside from that BAU agents working more independently, he had been in the position to take whatever cases that he wanted. That wasn't an option anymore.

But from what he had seen, this information deserved at least once over. He collected copies of everything that was sent to him. He would go and talk to Hotch and hope the younger agent agreed to let him go to check it out.

With that decided he stood up and sighed. Though he wished it was for another reason, he was looking forward to the peace and quiet of the drive. He wasn't sure yet if he was going to brave the traffic on I95 or take the longer but more scenic Route 50. Either way the tranquility would be welcome after activity that his younger teammates were insisting on bringing into his life.

Dave walked out of his office spotting Hotch over in the break room. As he approached, Hotch looked up and asked after spotting the file in his hand, " _you've got something?"_

Dave sighed and shook his head before handing the file to Hotch. As Hotch opened it, Dave said, " _not sure. It's from an old storage unit. The case agent from the Philly field office sent it to me."_

Hotch glanced up at him as he asked, " _somebody you know?"_

Dave shrugs before answering, " _she knows me. You know."_

At that Hotch had to stop himself from rolling his eyes. From that comment, the agent who contacted him was either a fan or a former fling. He shook his head before he responded drily, " _ah. A fan. Your world's a very crowded place, isn't it?"_

" _You'd be surprised."_ Dave answered vaguely before they both turned their focus to the file.

" _This is detailed."_

" _Future tense."_ Dave commented at a concerning part in the writings found.

" _They're fantasies."_

" _That agent thinks it could be more than that."_ Dave answered as Hotch closed the file.

" _There's more of this?"_ Hotch questioned as what he had seen had been disturbing.

Dave nodded before replying gingerly, " _a few boxes In the field office. I'd like to drive up there, look at the rest of the material, make a judgment from that."_

Hotch looked at Dave, back down at the closed file and then over at Reid who had entered the entered the bullpen as he and Dave were talking before saying, " _take Reid with you."_

 **####**

Emily was walking back to the bullpen after meeting with Cooper. It had been the third time that they had met since Gideon had left. Since she had promised him that she would seek Cooper out. Thankfully Cooper was open to talking to her and had been supportive.

It had taken a few weeks after the unfortunate incident in the defense class for their schedules to align again for them to meet again. Between that meeting and today, Cooper had shared his thoughts on Bruno and what he read about the taskforce and the Doyle mission. Emily had filled in some holes for him as she had done for Gideon. Emily had also shared about the recent encounters with members of the JTF12 and what they were asking of her. Like Gideon, he had encouraged her to call on him if needed.

He expressed that he knew she was keeping something from him but wasn't going to push her to tell him. While Emily trusted Cooper, she wasn't ready to let him know about Declan. She still needed a permanent plan for him and if things went wrong when she did, she didn't want him to be caught in the middle. If she could get Declan situated without issue, then she could talk to Cooper about it.

They had established code words and panic sequences for them to use. The day may come when she would need an ally who was fully briefed.

As she was getting off the elevator, she ran into Derek who was also heading back to the bullpen as well. When they walked in they saw Hotch, Rossi and Reid talking over by their desks. After trading a look, they walked over to see if there was a new case.

As they came up behind them they heard Hotch say, " _take Reid with you."_

This was apparently not what Rossi had expected Hotch to say as he started to explain he was OK going by himself when Reid excitedly looked up and said, " _Road trip, nice! I've got books on tape with Peter Coyote reading the entire Foundation trilogy."_ before grabbing his bag and walking away.

Rossi turned back to Hotch but before he could say anything, Morgan and Emily walked up next to them as Morgan said, "can we go on the road trip with Rossi too?"

Emily nodded before continuing, "yeah, I've heard about these books on tape."

At this point Rossi had paled along with his eyes widened. Hotch internally laughed at the reaction remembering Dave's comments about the last road trip he had taken with the three of them in Montana.

As much as a part of him liked to see the uncharacteristic action of Dave squirming, the goal here was to have a cohesive team. Perhaps things would go better if Dave got to know each of them one on one.

Hotch shook his head before saying, "no, I need both of you to stay here. Morgan you are scheduled to go over to the Academy this afternoon. And Prentiss, you are doing that phone consultation with me."

Morgan and Emily looked at each other and shrugged before saying,

"OK"

"That's right."

With that Dave nodded to Hotch and quickly walked out of the bullpen as Hotch, Emily and Derek watched.

When the glass doors closed, Morgan said, "too bad we couldn't have gone too."

Hotch shook his head before answering, "even if you didn't have plans this afternoon I wouldn't have sent all three of you."

Morgan grinned as he asked, "why not."

Hotch sighed before replying, "because I don't want to have to explain to Strauss why three of my agents needed to picked up from the shoulder of I95."

"He wouldn't do that would he?" Emily asked at the same time Morgan asked, "do we need to worry about Reid?"

Hotch shook his head before saying, "no I think Reid will be fine. All three of you again maybe stretching it. He told me about the car ride in Montana." with a pointed look before walking towards his office.

 **####**

Hotch hung up from the phone consult he and Emily were doing. He sat back in his seat at the conference room table. Emily did not make any attempt to get up and head back to her desk either.

"Have you heard from Reid and Rossi?" Emily asked.

Hotch shook his head before replying, "nothing after they arrived at the Philadelphia Field Office. I'd expect to hear from Dave in the next couple of hours whether he thinks it's a case or not."

"Reid make it all the way to Philly with him?" Emily asked cautiously. Her and Derek had been too sure how much Hotch was joking about dropping them off on the side of the road. All she did know is that if he hurt Reid, Rossi was going to see a different side of them.

Hotch gave her a small smile before answering, "seems so. The three of you may want to be careful with your pranks on Dave. He hasn't yet but don't be surprised if one of these times he reliates."

Emily laughed thinking of Dave's reactions to some of their pranks as she said, "he wouldn't do that. Rossi loves us."

Hotch turned serious before continuing, "just be careful. He is going to be in charge on some days coming up."

That comment got Emily's attention. She sat up straight and looked at him before asking, "oh, is everything OK?"

Hotch sighed and nodded before answering resignedly, "the divorce papers will go through this week. After that we need to schedule time for court before it's finalized."

"I'm sorry." Emily answered looking down at the table. As much as she had believed him that the divorce was his intention, the news of it happening soon had been a surprise. And no matter how certain he had been all along about this being the right step for him, there was still a sadness about it.

Hotch sighed as he said, "it can't be helped. I know I won't compromise on my time with Jack. I do wish the evidence I had about her affair was more straight in its link to Haley. Right now it's circumstantial, strongly circumstantial but…"

"...you would prefer a smoking gun." Emily interrupted.

"Yes but I can't demand her DNA. The judge may order it but that's a big if." Hotch shared his largest worry about the upcoming legal fight with Haley.

Emily could see the conflict in his eyes before she said, "Let me know if you need anything. Even if it's just to talk." Even with them deciding that neither of them was currently in the best place for a personal relationship, she still wanted them to be friends. Right now as she was looking at him, she could see that he needed someone to be a friend. And if a friend who he could talk to was what he needed right now, then she was happy to do that.

Hotch looked at her before answering, "I will. Thanks Emily."

Emily nodded as she stood up and said, "OK, I'll start the write up on this consult. I should be done before Derek gets back." before walking out of the conference room and down to her desk.

 **####**

As the team headed back to Quantico after the case, Dave sat quietly contemplating what he had witnessed on this case.

What had brought him here was curiosity about a few items found in a storage unit. As they had gone through it he hadn't expected anything to come of it. He and Reid had almost left after the once over as he didn't see it as a BAU case. But then the case agent. The agent that had called him gave him a piece of evidence. False evidence as they would discover later that changed the trajectory of the case and the team was called in to investigate.

How had he been so wrong on his initial assessment? What if she hadn't given him that false evidence and he and Reid had packed up and left? Went back to Quantico? How many more women would have died before the case came back to the team? Would Hotch have considered it after Dave and Reid had already consulted on it? Would he have considered it a personal affront if Hotch did bring it to the team given he had already reviewed the evidence?

The team. For this case, he had witnessed each member of the team individually and as a group unravel the evidence to find the UNSUB. In the field they were showing themselves to be a competent group. He found that he was still trying to find his place within their team dynamic in the field having worked by himself for so long.

Once the team arrived, they found several bodies. And that was before the UNSUB abducted the case agent. They luckily found the location before she was seriously harmed however it had been too late for the woman abducted at the same time as her.

As Rossi had explained to the case agent, he saw himself in her actions. He had chased the spotlight even before he left the BAU. Then later with his books, he was the face of profiling but that didn't mean he was the only one or even the best one for all cases.

Looking over, he noticed Prentiss nervously picking at her nails on the seat next to him. He wanted to talk to but didn't know how to start.

After they had gotten back from Montana he had looked at the files for the rest of the team. In hers he had discovered some interesting information as well as some concerning discrepancies.

He learned that she was in fact the granddaughter of his first mentor when he joined the FBI. The man who had introduced him to Gideon. They had grown apart after her grandfather had left the FBI before he had completely disappeared.

Now he realized why the name Prentiss was so familiar. He had met her parents during that time though from what he remembered, he had only met Elizabeth's son. The son who had also learned from Emily's file had died in early childhood.

Dave sighed suddenly wishing he had been paying more attention when Gideon had been describing her at his cabin. Did Gideon even know about her relationship with Breckenridge? He had to assume yes as he was certain that Gideon would have looked at her file when she joined the team. Had he spoken to her about it? Did he know what had happened to Breckenridge and where he was now?

Something else Dave found interesting was Hotch had once worked for Emily's mother. He recalled that part as soon as he saw who Emily's parents were. He remembered that detail from when he looked at Hotch's file before offering him the position at the BAU years earlier. It had brought back his memories of Breckenridge back then as well.

Now Dave was curious if Hotch and Prentiss knew each other during that time. From her record, it appeared that Emily was in graduate school at Yale during that time. Given a comment he had overheard Emily make about her mother last week led him to believe that the two women weren't close so it was possible that she hadn't gone home in the few months that he had been at that assignment and therefore hadn't met Hotch.

He knew he didn't need to wonder about if that had factored into the decision to hire her as her file had that Strauss had approved the transfer not Hotch or even Gideon. Additionally he had learned through his sources that Strauss had made that hiring decision without Hotch's knowledge. He shook his head at that wondering what angle Strauss had been playing because he knew with her she was always playing an angle. But however Emily had come to the team, Hotch seemed to now respect her judgment which was high praise from him.

Though Dave wasn't sure how to reconcile that with what he considered noticed as discrepancies in her file. Ones that Hotch would have noticed as well. Again, he wished he had been listening when Gideon had been talking about her file as maybe he had some insight into what he found. And what he had noticed wasn't just obvious inconsistencies in her work history but also one of the agents listed as her supervisor wasn't even working at that time. Dave knew for a fact that he had been out on medical leave that year.

Dave shook his head. For now he would leave it unless something came up that would make it prudent to ask. These were items in her official work history not a personal record. For there to be inconsistencies listed, there needed to be a compelling reason. One that she would not reveal to him just because he asked as he currently had the same clearance as the rest of the team.

But he did plan to talk to her soon about her grandfather. But would she tell him where he was?

As his mentor, Dave had sometimes wondered what feedback Breckridge would have given him about his career. About his life. Breckenridge was a quiet man who was serious about his work and his family. He never sought the limelight and did his best to avoid it. In that way it appeared Emily to follow in his footsteps as Dave noticed a notation in her file that she was not to be involved in any media appearances. Not a big deal as the team had a media liaison but it was unusual for it to be official.

Even with it not being his own preference, would Breckenridge understand or be disappointed in his own choice to write books and do media appearances? As much as a part of Dave wanted to know another part was worried to find out.

He knew he had made missteps in his career and done things he was not proud of. He had tried to point that out to Agent Morris the last couple of days as he could see her following a similar path. She had seemingly ignored the harsh truths and would have to discover the consequences of those actions for herself just as he had.

But he also wanted to think that he had done a lot of good. The BAU that he and Gideon had worked hard to create was doing well. The success of their work had allowed the unit to grow as the BAU continued to assist other departments find and arrest dangerous criminals. But like all field agents sometimes they don't catch the person and they remain UNSUBs. And some of those cases stick with you.

For Dave he had several cases where he still had all his notes. That he would go back to and review the evidence trying to find a clue, any clue that would give a new direction to go with an investigation.

There was one in particular, a case where three children survived the brutal murder of their parents over 20 years earlier, that haunted him. A case that would continue to haunt him until his last days if he couldn't find the UNSUB. The case that he planned on researching so that didn't happen. He wanted to give the family peace of mind of knowing the person responsible was no longer a threat.

He sat back in his seat reviewing the facts of that case still knowing that he needed something else to finally solve it. He just hoped it would be soon.

 **AN: The next chapter is going to be around the episode Birthright. Dave will start to suspect something about Emily, a conversation during the case will give Emily an idea for how to handle her dilemma of what's best for Declan and things start with Hotch's divorce.**


	41. Sins of the Fathers

**AN: TW for this chapter- brief mentions of rape, torture, kidnapping, DV, suicide**

The SUV was silent as Dave and Emily drove back to the precinct after talking to Karen and Stephen Foley. He had agreed to go with her this time instead of Morgan hoping between the two of them they could convince the reluctant victim to share with them what she remembered from her experience years earlier. There were two women currently missing and they needed a lead quickly in order to find them alive as well as arrest their UNSUB.

Dave found himself deep in thought after the interview. They had finally been able to get Karen Foley to open up about her experience which had yielded significant new information. It had been an added bonus when Stephen had arrived home and they could talk to him as well.

And while Stephen's record had a couple of red flags Dave was now confident that he was not the person that was committing these horrible crimes. Everything from his words to his body language indicated that he was telling the truth about what he knew and what he didn't.

That he saw the long-term effect that Robert Wilkinson's attack had on his mother. Dave saw no indication that he was going out and hurting other women the same way.

What currently had Dave unsettled as he hadn't been expecting it was a reaction not of the Foleys but of the woman sitting next to him. It had taken him aback when Stephen Foley was talking to his mother about how he figured out what happened to her. Describing the moments he had put the pieces together after he had found old newspaper clippings.

Emily had been standing behind Karen Foley. Then Stephen had mentioned knowing that someone had hurt her badly. He was then citing that she had never married or dated and cried herself to sleep at night. And as Stephen mentioned each one of his points as expected Dave noticed Karen Foley nodding. But where he found himself stunned was as Stephen was listing off the points, Dave also noticed Emily looking at the ground and unconsciously nodding as well.

As they had more answers about the case as they left the house, Dave thought about how Stephen had put the pieces together and now had confirmation from his mother about what he had long suspected. But Dave, he now had some unsettling suspicions about his colleague.

Should he broach the subject with her? Even if he did, would she give him an answer?

He sighed knowing that mentioning anything to her about it would not get him anywhere even if he could find a nonthreatening way to ask. As he considered it, he thought back to her reaction to that room in Montana. Hotch had downplayed it but all three of them had seen her reaction. Did Hotch know why she reacted that way or did he just want to talk to her privately?

Did it have anything to do with the inconsistencies in her file that he noticed? He noted that most of her experience had been with Crimes Against Children. Had a case gone bad and the Bureau classified it?

He sighed as he considered that it wouldn't be the first time that something like that happened. As much as it rubbed his curiosity, if that was the reason he couldn't go and start asking questions. If he was to unintentionally poke in the wrong place, he could put her in danger.

And he refused to take that chance, at least not unless he could learn more first. Ever since he had learned who her grandfather was, he had felt protective of her. Not that he would tell her that as he was fairly sure she would tell him where he could stick his protection.

Would telling her about his connection to her grandfather help or hurt his interactions with her? He had no way of knowing what had happened to his mentor when he left DC. As much as all he had was positive memories about Breckenridge, he had no idea about what Emily's relationship with him had been. Or if they had even had one?

He would need to wait for the right time to touch on that topic and see how she reacted. But as he glanced over at her, today was not that time.

 **####**

As the team travelled back to Quantico from the case, Emily considered what they had found. Two mothers and two sons. Neither of the sons had met their common father as he died before either was born. One of the mothers was married to him and experienced his abuse until she, as she confessed during the case, killed him. The other woman he kidnapped, raped and tortured with her son being a product of the experience.

Each of the sons had learned who their father was by accident. Steven Foley found some old newspaper clipping and put the pieces together while Charlie Wilkinson found old journals that his father had left at the family home.

When the team had been able to determine who their suspects were from the similar attacks 29 years earlier, they were greeted with the possibility that it was one of these two sons. And as the case came together that had indeed been the case.

For Emily, the case was particularly disconcerting as she considered another father-son dyad that rarely left her mind these days. The son that she felt compelled to protect not only from his father's associates but also from those that would hurt Declan because of who his father is.

Emily was still being pressured for information on Doyle supposedly to be used in his interrogation but she didn't trust the people providing that explanation. Jeremy and Tsia had both approached her for information. It was only a matter of time before Clyde would crawl out from under whatever rock he was hiding under and approach her as well. She had no idea what they would do if they learned about Declan and she was going to do whatever she could to make sure that they didn't get their hands on him.

As they were finishing up the paperwork back in the bullpen, she remembered a conversation she overheard between Reid and Rossi before they left the precinct as they discussed that growing up in a stable loving environment along with positive socialization had a more important role for a child than genetics when it came to determining if they would follow the same criminal path as their parent. They went on to talk about several serial killers that had children who turned out without the same compulsions as their parents.

While from what she saw during her time in Doyle compound, Doyle had kept Declan isolated from his business dealings. But had it always been that way? Had Declan witnessed something at a critical stage in his development? Had he heard what his father had inflicted on her or any of the other women he had been linked to either in that room or in the bedroom?

Now as she thought about what they had said, it gave her an idea. A path for how to go forward with Declan to give him the best chance of a normal happy life. The timing to make a decision concerning him was becoming dire.

She had received word a few days earlier that Louise had been caught trying to make contact with allies of Doyle in Ireland. It had been after she had been confronted that she had threatened to kill Declan if they didn't let her and Declan go. After she was prevented from reaching Declan's room, she had got away and killed herself.

According to the agents guarding the house, Declan had been asleep during the incident but since that night was asking questions about where she was. Timing wise whatever was going to be done needed to be done soon instead of repeated patchwork fixes in his life.

Emily knew her annual leave was coming up in a few days. If she could get the moving pieces in place quickly enough, that would be the time to do it. She didn't know when she could get another block of time available away from the team where it wouldn't result in questions.

 **####**

When the team got back to the BAU, Hotch worked through his part of the report for the case instead of waiting until he received everyone else's reports. He wanted to leave for the day as soon as he signed off on the team's reports.

Tomorrow he and Haley were meeting with the arbitrator for the first time to work on the terms of their divorce. His lawyer had already received the divorce paper from Haley. The terms that she was requesting in terms of a settlement were outrageous. Terms to which he would never agree.

A couple of days earlier, his attorney had sent his filing which listed adultery as his reason along with his terms.

He was relieved to finally get to this point after all the time that had passed since Haley left while he was in Milwaukee as well as what he found when he got home from that case. He just wanted the divorce done though there were certain areas where he would not compromise.

From their interactions since the separation, Haley clearly thought that she had gotten one over on him about her affair. He wasn't quite sure what her reaction was going to be in the arbitration after being confronted with that as the reason he wanted a divorce. She had no idea how much he knew and that he had evidence. He had spoken to his lawyer and they agreed to keep a lid on the types of evidence they had, not wanting to reveal their hand too soon. The element of surprise was their best strategy at this point for tipping the scales in his favor.

Given what he expected Haley's reaction to be, Hotch and his attorney already expected that they would be transferred out of arbitration and into a courtroom in front of a judge. It would increase the time he would be out of the office but he saw it as time well spent if he wanted to remain a presence in Jack's life.

If he didn't push back and Haley got what she wanted he would rarely see Jack as she wanted sole custody with him only having two Saturdays a month along with her having the option of moving out of the area.

Dave had been on a few cases since his return to the team. He stated he would cover for him. Morgan had agreed to help if needed. With him out of the office and Emily on her annual leave, the team was going to be off rotation so it would mostly just be consults on which the rest of the team would be working.

 **####**

The team had been back from the case in Alexandria for a few days now and Emily now had plans completed for the next step with Declan. It had taken hours of phone calls to get the pieces all aligned but it was finally done.

It was about time as she was exhausted. She had still been putting in the 10-12 hour days at the BAU while taking advantage of the time difference to confer with people in Europe. The only unsettled topic now was she needed to leave a day early for her annual leave in order to catch the flight she needed. She was just hoping that Hotch didn't ask too many questions when she made the request. He knew her too well and she didn't want to risk that he would see through her planned explanation.

The plane she was going to catch was the first of many that would have her bouncing all over the world using various documentation and disguises until she ended up in a shipyard in Maryland.

There was a warehouse there that Doyle used as a second US East Coast headquarters. She chose this one instead of Boston as there were landmarks within this warehouse that would identify it in the pictures that would be sent to the interrogators for Doyle.

It was at that location in 5 days that she would be meeting Declan and the agent who had been in charge of his and Louise's care for over a year, Sean as well as several other agents for backup in case they were confronted by any of Doyle's associates..

The plan was once they were there, they would design a scene with the landmarks visible where it would appear Declan had been killed with a gun visible in the pictures. Pictures taken after Louise's suicide would also be included in what they sent.

It was decided given his age that as not to cause any trauma to Declan that he would be brought to the warehouse already asleep. The makeup simulating a bloody head wound would be added once they arrived. They would get the pictures they needed as quickly as possible, remove the makeup and then Declan would be taken away as quickly as possible.

On some level it sadden Emily to know that she would not have the opportunity to interact with the little boy who at one point had helped her through a terrible experience. But that wasn't what was best for him. She wasn't even sure if he would recognize her after all this time. If he did, it would most likely be confusing for him to see her only to have her disappear from his life again. She had no idea how they would explain staging his death without traumatising him so him being asleep through the experience was for the best..

Once he left that warehouse, Declan Doyle was officially dead. The agent who was responsible for his care would leave with him and later meet up with the couple who would be raising Declan as their own. They were retiring Interpol agents that Sean knew.

Emily had seen their files minus pictures and names and agreed with the placement. This couple couldn't have children of their own and sought to start a new life with new identities after retiring from service. They had been briefed on Declan and had agreed with the placement. The agent who had been a constant in Declan's life would stay involved during a transition period before gradually moving away from the new family. Neither Emily nor Sean would know their new identities or location for everyone's safety.

Once that was completed, Emily would then take another series of flights again with various identities and disguises before landing back in DC a day before her leave ended.

She would be exhausted, probably more exhausted than she was now but it was the needed step. It would have Declan in a safe stable home where he could grow up without the yoke of being the son of a psychopath. For Emily it was getting a piece of information that had been repeatedly been requested from her so hopefully her former teammates would back off. A rough week for her was a small price to pay for that outcome.

 **####**

Emily nervously sat at her desk. When they had arrived that morning, there was a message that Hotch would be out of the office for the day. From their conversations, Emily knew that it was a meeting as they began the divorce proceedings.

However she didn't know that it was starting or that he was going to be out of the office today. She had planned on asking him about taking the next day off as it was the last day before he leave started.

She sighed. She needed the time and they had been informed that Rossi was in charge in Hotch's absence. Taking a few deep breaths, she walked up to his door and entered when he invited her in.

"Rossi, would it be OK if I left earlier today and took tomorrow off?" Emily asked after taking a seat in front of his desk.

Rossi looked at her with interest as he asked, "what's up?"

Emily sighed before answering, "oh, my annual leave starts after tomorrow. I was able to get a good deal on a plane ticket if I leave tomorrow." She sat there impassively hoping that he wouldn't pick up on that there was more to her request.

Dave silently observed her before asking, "do you have the accrued days?"

Emily nodded before answering, "To cover this and more, yes." Like the rest of the team she rarely took time off.

"What is the status of your consults?" Dave asked since he would need to pass the information on to Hotch when he returned.

Emily nodded before answering, "I'll finish what I'm working on before I leave."

Dave sat back in his chair observing her again before nodding as he answered, "OK. Finish that and pass any that can't wait to Reid or Morgan. Let me know when you are taking off." He couldn't help but feel that something was up but couldn't tell what it was. And he had no reason from an administrative position to deny her request.

"Thanks Rossi." Emily said as she started to walk towards the door.

"Have fun on your trip." Dave answered as she walked out the door and back down to her desk.

 **####**

The next morning just before the morning meeting, Hotch stopped by Dave's office and asked, "do you know why Prentiss isn't here?" he had already tried her phone and it was going right to voicemail.

Dave nodded as he said, "yes, she asked yesterday if she could leave early and then have today off. Something about a good deal on a plane ticket for her annual leave."

Hotch nodded having forgotten that her annual leave was this soon and annoyed that he had missed her before she left.

Dave watched the emotions over Hotch's face at the news. He hadn't thought it was a big deal as it wasn't uncommon for agents to tack days onto either end of their leave. As Dave watched him a questioning thought came into his mind about Hotch's reaction to the news. Why was he concerned?

As Hotch stood there Dave added, "she finished her consults, passed on what couldn't wait to Reid or Morgan. She said she had the time so I didn't think it would be a problem."

Hotch shook his head before he answered, "it isn't. She has the time." it was just that he had hoped to see her before she left. With the divorce proceedings starting, he was going to miss her but he couldn't ask her to change her plans because of that. He would just have to wait and talk to her when she returned.

 **AN: The next chapter follows the episode Damaged. Haley drops a bombshell on Hotch in court that he finds he can't hide his anger about in the field. The rest of the team learn more about Rossi and decide to make peace with him.**


	42. Lies and Revelations

**AN: Apologies for taking so long to post this chapter. RL got busy and didn't give much time to write.**

When Hotch and his lawyer met at the courthouse even they were shocked with how quickly Haley's lawyer had asked for and been granted a change from arbitration to a decision from a judge. He expected that she was going to try something to undermine him and that was worrying.

The request was made according to them after receiving Hotch's papers stating his cause for filing being adultery which she was disputing.

It didn't take long for them to learn what strategies she was going to try. The first major false statement that she made was to make the claim that when they separated he left her with no money. While the truth could easily be proven, it angered him that she would make the claim that he was negligent in his responsibility to provide for their family.

It was true that he had stopped having his paycheck deposited in their joint account as he was preparing for the separation. However after discussing with his attorney what he should expect to pay in spousal and child support, he made sure that there was enough money in their joint account to cover that amount for 14 months when he filed the separation papers. Enough to cover what he expected to have to pay for another eight months from now. The day after he filed his separation papers, he went to the bank and requested a notarized copy of the statement for account that had the total balance listed.

As she spoke his lawyer put the documents they had from the bank aside for when it was his turn to ask Haley questions.

The second major false statement was that he had a temper that concerned her citing their meeting after he returned from Milwaukee as evidence. She claimed he spoke harshly to her and grabbed her when she tried to walk away. She had gone on to explain that he had come from an abusive home and she was worried for herself and her son which was why they left while he was out of town.

While Hotch could feel his anger rising, he worked to tamp it down noticing from her reaction that she was trying to anger him. Trying to get him to show anger, get upset in court and prove her point. She had known him long enough that she knew exactly what buttons to push. He would need to let the anger out later but not here. His future relationship with his son depended on it.

Again they had the evidence on their side. Right now Hotch was relieved that he had insisted on the location he did for that meeting. After the separation was official, his lawyer had requested and received the video surveillance of their interaction as well as an official statement for the parks manager about its authenticity. That too was put aside for when it was their turn.

When that time came, Hotch's lawyer questioned Haley first about the money. He gave her a couple of outs which she did not take. Then he presented to the judge the statement from the bank about what Hotch had left the balance at when they separated point out the dates on the statement.

The judge agreed that the amount was more than adequate to cover expected support payments during that time. However, in order to determine what happened to the money, the judge ordered that the bank provide another statement about who withdrew the money and when. He stated that he would rule on the issue when that was received.

After more questioning, Hotch's attorney asked her about the meeting. He had her confirm the location and day along with her account of what happened. Then he presented to the judge the video from the parks department along with the letter which was then played in court.

The video showed them conversing with Haley the only one becoming angry. The video was clear and they could all see that Haley gave no signs of being worried about her wellbeing as she claimed as well as it clearly showed that Hotch did not touch her at all let alone grab her arm.

With that evidence Hotch noticed that both Haley and her attorney had deflated somewhat with two of the major points they were using against him debunked. The only one that hadn't been was his work schedule.

With both of those topics addressed for now, Hotch's attorney started to question Haley with the phone evidence of her relationship with Thomas Hannon. When confronted with the call history, Haley balked and accused him of using his FBI influence to get the information.

That accusation was shut down when paperwork was submitted showing the information came from their call carrier. Hotch was able to legally obtain the information because they had a shared phone plan.

After that Hotch could see Haley becoming desperate and going off script. As his attorney questioned her about the calls, she claimed that Thomas was just checking up on her and Jack. Seeing his client becoming increasingly frazzled, Haley's attorney asked for a recess which Haley refused when the judge asked if she needed a break. Right after that she blurted out that Thomas was checking up on them because he was really Jack's father instead of Hotch.

The courtroom was silent after the declaration before the judge stated they were going to the recess. As soon as the judge had left the courtroom, Hotch's attorney had pulled him into a meeting room.

 **####**

Hotch found himself in the Bureau gym later that night. He had come into the office to check on how the day had gone in his absence. However even in his office he couldn't focus on work. His thoughts kept returning to what happened in the courtroom that afternoon. After staring at the same file for an extended period of time without comprehending what was in it, he grabbed his workout bag from under his desk.

Now that he was there he went to work on a punching bag after taping his hands as he had seen Emily do many times after a difficult day. He wished she was here right now.

While the whole team knew he was separated from Haley and that he was out of the office as they worked on the divorce this week, Emily was the only one that knew details. She knew Haley had been cheating on him.

But the timing of this court hearing had coincided with a trip she was taking on her annual leave. Given that she hadn't really taken any time off since joining the team over a year earlier, he couldn't bring himself to ask her to stay.

With that there was something about this trip, some sort of urgency that he had picked up on particularly in the few days before she left. Her early departure just reinforced his worry as she didn't want to talk about where she was going on her trip. He also discovered when he tried to call her to say goodbye that she didn't have her phone with her. He sighed. He would just need to wait until Monday to see her.

But on Tuesday his whole world may fall apart. After the court came back from their recess, Hotch's lawyer had pressed Haley on the statement she had made. She had doubled down on the statement though Hotch had noticed that her attorney was frustrated at the turn of events.

Haley admitted to cheating though she said that it was once around the time Jack was conceived. She had said that she and Hotch had dated off and on for many years and even without regular use of birth control, she had never conceived. Then shortly after her one time affair, she suddenly found herself finally pregnant.

Hotch again at that point needed to control his anger at what she was implying. While they had dated on and off for years as far as he knew she had been on the Pill until they decided to try for a baby shortly after they got married. If she had been trying to get pregnant before that, he hadn't been aware of it. While it had taken several months for her to conceive, Haley's doctor had reassured them that it was well within the normal range and not a reason for concern.

At that Hotch's attorney requested DNA testing which the judge immediately ordered. At that Haley tried to step back however the judge stated that the tests were to be done that day and they would reconvene on Tuesday to review the results before moving forward.

He had the court official collect his cheek swab for the DNA test before he left. He listened to his attorney discuss Haley had just unintentionally validated all of their DNA evidence collected from the house the night he came back from Milwaukee. They now had official DNA samples from Haley and Thomas Hannon with which compare that evidence.

However Hotch could not see any good in the situation. While it did strengthen their evidence for his assertion of adultery, he couldn't get past how terrified he was that he was days away from potentially losing Jack. He couldn't imagine never being able to see Jack again.

For the most part he knew Haley had been grasping at straws. It was clear that Haley's attorney didn't want her to make that assertion in court. Hotch could only hope that is because he knew it was untrue.

But how certain was he that it was untrue? Yes he had been told by many people that Jack looked like him but that wasn't enough. It would come down to the lab tests.

With one last punch, he stopped and tried to catch his breath before walking over to get a drink. There was nothing he could do until they discovered the results on Tuesday. And he hated on something as important as his future with his son that there was nothing he could do.

 **####**

As they left the prison, Hotch knew he needed to say something to Reid. Something to explain the anger that was uncharacteristically close to the surface. Anger that had could have ended poorly not only for him but also for Reid. But thanks to Reid's quick thinking the situation had been defused until the guards came.

But the whole visit had essentially been under false presence. When he had finished in the gym the evening before, he had a message waiting for him that Chester Hardwick had agreed to meet with them before his execution in a few days. Due to the set execution date, they had a very narrow window to do the interview. Since the court appearance for today was cancelled as they waited for the DNA evidence to come back, Hotch sent a reply saying he would arrive the next day to do the interview.

Then Hotch considered who from the team did he want to take with him. He needed Rossi in the office and with Harwick's record he wasn't going to ask JJ. That left Morgan and Reid. Ultimately he chose Reid because while both would notice something was bothering him, Reid would be less likely to ask questions. Additionally his eidetic memory would prove useful for recalling details from the interview.

However if Hotch had known that Chester had no intention of cooperating with the interview he wouldn't have agreed to come at all. No once they were all in the room, Chester had revealed his plan of delaying his own execution by killing both of them. The careful timing of this meeting had given Hardwick a window of time when he would be locked in a room with them when the guards were performing over duties.

Hotch had already been annoyed when they arrived. The benefit of his workout the night before had been neutralized as he was getting repeated phone calls from Haley that he hadn't been answering. He was additionally frustrated when JJ called just before Hardwick was brought into the room to tell him that Haley had called her to get a message to him.

Then to have Hardwick come in and repeatedly lie to them had made it clear that they had wasted their time in coming. Then to find out they were trapped in the room and Hardwick revealed his plan had Hotch overcompensating.

Once they got back to the BAU, he stayed in his office for the rest of the day, interacting with the team as little as possible. There was only one of them that he would have wanted to talk to right now and she was currently in an unknown location.

 **####**

Emily groaned as her alarm went off Monday morning. Due to flight delays, she had only arrived back at her apartment hours before she had been expected back at BAU. Thankfully today was supposed to be a quiet paperwork day as Hotch was again out of the office.

Getting up before she had the chance to fall back to sleep, Emily got ready to go.

When she arrived at the office, her teammates greeted her with compliments about her new bangs. She had the bangs done during a lengthy layover in Paris a couple of days earlier.

She could feel the difference in herself after they faked Declan's death. With working with profilers she knew she needed to deflect their attention away from the difference in her. The easier way to do that was to make a change in her appearance. For practical purposes, adding bangs was the least drastic option.

Once in the bullpen, she discovered that Hotch was off that day and Reid was teaching at the Academy that morning. Disappointment set in immediately as she had been hoping to check in with both of them.

Their whereabouts were quickly set aside as the team noticed the condition of Rossi's office. Their new teammate who generally kept his office immaculate had left with his office in complete disarray. After finding out what case he was looking into, they made plans to join him in Indianapolis with more questions than answers.

 **####**

As he drove away from the Galen house, Dave felt lighter than he had in over 20 years. This case had haunted him, kept him up at night. One of his goals when he came back to the team was to finally solve this case. And now he had. Well he had with the help of most of his new team.

As he adapted to his return to the BAU, he had been struggling to embrace the team structure having always worked semi-independently. He had come by himself however when the others had heard, they came to help.

Given the rocky start all of them had had he couldn't help but ask them why. And the answer he had received 'because it's important to you' had him immediately reevaluating his mindset about the members of the team, the team structure and how it now functions.

As he stopped at a traffic light, he saw in a shopping center ahead a shop that sold smoothies. Shaking his head, he turned into it when he reached the entrance before going into the shop and ordering smoothies for the three of them, grateful that he remembered their preferences from Montana.

When he arrived at the airstrip he noticed that the others were already waiting for him. After gathering his bags and the holder with the smoothies, he climbed onto the jet. As he stepped into the jet, the others looked at him silently, shocked as they saw him holding the drinks. He walked over to where they were sitting and passed out the cups as he thanked them for coming and for their help solving the case before walking to the other end of the jet and taking a seat by himself.

About an hour into the flight, he noted that the jet was quiet. As he got up to go get a cup of coffee, he noticed that Emily was sitting by herself staring out the window. He looked at her curiously as he passed. She had just returned from her annual leave and seemed more tired now than when she left. He had also noticed that she generally had something on her mind when she was distracted on the jet like this.

As he exited the galley, he took a chance and took the seat across from her.

When she looked up at him surprised, he asked, "how are you doing?"

Emily nodded before saying, "I should be asking you that."

Dave looked at her carefully, not missing that not only had she not answered his question but had also turned attention back to him. Deciding to let it go for the moment, he answered, "glad to have that case finally solved. Thanks to the three of you."

Emily nodded before saying, "happy we could help even if you didn't want us there."

Dave sighed as he realized he still had some work to do with the team. They had all gotten off on the wrong foot. He shook his head as he replied, "it's not that exactly. It's just how I learned to work on cases."

Emily cocked her her as she observed him. She hadn't missed over the course of their time in Indianapolis how much this case had affected him. Looking over at him, she commented absentmindedly, "cases with kids are always the hardest." as she thought about what she had just done on her week off to protect a child from a previous case. But none of them knew about that case or could know about that case. But part of her wondered after watching Dave during this case if he would understand her desire to protect Declan.

Dave nodded as he answered, "yes, you started with Crimes Against Children."

"Yeah." Emily answered.

"Have you ever met Katie Cole?" Dave asked.

Emily smiled at the mention of a previous professional contact that she could talk about as she answered, "yes, we even work on some cases together. She wrote one of my recommendations for the BAU."

Dave smiled at her reaction and answer. He knew from her file that Katie had written one of her recommendations. It was one of the reasons he had mentioned his former colleague to her before he answered, "well she was on the team in the early days so she would have an idea about who would be a good fit for the unit and the work."

Emily nodded as she answered, "true."

They sat quietly for a few minutes before Dave asked, "can I ask you something?"

Emily could feel her nerves rise not sure what he was going to ask was going to touch on the part of her life that she couldn't talk about. She took a deep breath and answered as calmly as she could, "of course."

Dave nodded before he started, "when I started with the team, I was able to look through each of your files."

Emily nodded then said nervously, "yes"

Dave didn't miss her sudden nervousness before he continued hoping he wasn't going to step into something unpleasant, "when I looked at yours I noticed that I knew your grandfather years ago."

His fears diminished when she smiled before saying, "Gideon mentioned that he had mentored both of you."

Dave smiled as the question if Gideon had spoken to her about her grandfather was answered. He nodded as he replied, "he did before he transferred away from the FBI. We didn't talk much after that and then lost touch completely a couple of years later. If you don't mind, I was wondering if you could share what happened to him."

Emily nodded, seeing that her grandfather had been as important to Dave as he had been to Gideon who had described her grandfather's influence in his life. It was reassuring to see how important he had been in the lives of her now colleagues.

Looking over at him, she answered, "sure. He didn't talk much about his career once he left the FBI. All I know is there were some cases that ended poorly and his work was being dismissed. At some point when I was little, under 10, my grandparents moved to France. He died when I was in grad school at Yale."

She held back the few additional details she had shared with the team on the way to Idaho the previous year. That cabin was her last stand safe place and if things went wrong when she handed over the pictures of Declan, she didn't want her location to be fresh in any of their minds.

Dave looked down before looking back over at her and saying sadly, "I'm sorry." While it had been years since he had died, he was just finding out about it.

Emily nodded before answering, "me too. I still miss him."

 **####**

It wasn't long after she returned to the bullpen from Indianapolis that Reid shared with Emily what had happened Friday at the prison in CT. As he continued with his description of events, she was shocked that Hotch would react that way given the situation. With all of his experience in hostage negotiation, it would seem that it would have been instinctual for him to deescalate the situation not intensify it.

No something else was going on for him to react like that. And with being out of town for over a week, she wasn't quite sure what it was. However just as she was leaving she remembered him mentioning the upcoming arbitration for his divorce.

Wondering what had happened, she climbed the stairs and knocked on his office door. When she heard enter, she stepped into the office and closed the door before walking over and sitting at a chair in front of his desk.

When he looked up at her, she could see the range of emotions on his face. Emily sighed and asked him, "is there anything that you need to finish tonight?"

Hotch looked down at the paperwork in front of him. He was working on reports however given that he was supposed to be off today, none of it was due. When he shook his head, Emily responded, "grab your workout bag and let's get out of here."

 **####**

Three hours later, they walked into Emily's apartment with their takeout for dinner. After an intense workout, they had stopped to pick up food before coming back to her apartment to eat. As they sat down to eat neither was anxious to start a conversation.

Emily didn't want him to ask about her trip. She was gone for over a week however she hadn't gone anywhere. She had barely been out of airports in that time. Her answer to any questions he would ask would raise suspicions because there was so much she couldn't say about what she had done.

As much as Hotch had wanted to talk to Emily when she was away now that she was sitting across from him he didn't have anything that he wanted to say.

How did he tell her what was really upsetting him? What he was really worried about?

He didn't want to talk about the claims Haley had made. It was bad enough that a courtroom full of people had heard Haley's claims. She had not only publicly questioned whether he had fathered Jack but also his virility in being able to father a child at all. It was a tough pill to swallow for alpha male.

Did he really want more people to know? But Emily wasn't most people. He had already shared to her more details about his marriage and separation than he had anyone else. And if he received bad news tomorrow about Jack then he was going to need her support. He didn't know what he would do if he lost being part of Jack's life.

 **####**

Emily stood in front of the mirror in her bathroom as she prepared for bed after her shower. A bed that she would be sharing once again with Hotch. After they finished dinner, he had opened up about what had happened in court including Haley's claims.

As he spoke she could hear the anger and devastation in his voice. Now his reaction at the prison in CT made more sense, she expressed being upset with him for putting himself and Reid into that situation when he was in that mindset. Hotch nodded knowing that the apology and weak explanation he had given Reid wasn't sufficient as he didn't want the experience to affect the younger agent's trust in him in the field.

The emotional conversation after the exhausting day had Emily asking Hotch to stay the night before she remembered that she hadn't set the guest room up yet. Given that his acceptance had come with the first relaxed look of the day, she didn't have the heart to withdraw the offer.

However before he got too comfortable, she explained her oversight and said that if he was OK with it he could share the bed with her. He agreed expressing that with going back to court in the morning, he really didn't want to go back to the house that he had shared with Haley.

Stepping out of the bathroom in her robe, she let him know that the bathroom was free before walking into her closet. Once the bathroom door closed, she shook her head before pulling underwear and pajamas out before putting them on. After walking out of the closet, she walked over to her dresser and brushed out her hair before loosely pulling it back.

Then after checking that everything was ready for work the next day, she climbed into her bed. As she laid there, she remembered with apprehension the last time they had shared a bed and later miscommunications that had upset both of them.

It had taken days for them to talk and find out what really happened that morning. But after talking it through they were in a better place. At least she hoped things were better between them. Though she couldn't help but feel that this proposal was unintentionally sending mixed messages at a time where Hotch really didn't need them.

As Emily rolled onto her side, she attempted to push intimate thoughts about Hotch aside. She hadn't been able to get their last time out of her head and after the stress of the last couple of weeks, she would welcome an encore of that night. Definitely not the next morning but that night was wonderful.

But she wasn't going to act on it. If Hotch initiated contact then she would of course welcome it and reciprocate. However given what he expressed earlier about what he was going through right now, she didn't want to become another stressor in his life. She was pulled out of her thoughts when the bathroom door opened and he walked into her room in just pajama pants.

 **####**

Hotch quietly finished getting ready for the day. He was still tired but unable to sleep anymore so he had gotten up before he woke Emily. Since he was up, he had started coffee and made breakfast for both of them after taking his shower. He had just returned to her room to finish getting dressed before preparing to leave.

After their miscommunication a few weeks earlier, he was going to wake her before he left however he was waiting for the last minute as he didn't want to wake her before absolutely necessary. For someone who had just had a week off, he was confused about why Emily looked so stressed and tired. Their conversation last night had been completely focused on him that he hadn't gotten the chance to ask about her trip.

After checking the bathroom for any of his stuff, he turned back to the bed. In her sleep, Emily had turned onto her stomach shifting the bedcovers which had exposed her bare torso. As he moved over to the bed to wake her, he noticed several scars on her back. Scars that he was certain weren't there years earlier. However as FBI agents, scars were not unusual.

As he moved closer, he was horrified as he recognized the pattern of the scars. These weren't scars from the jobs, the pattern indicated that they were from someone beating her. Additionally, as he looked closer there were many more marks in a similar pattern just lighter and hadn't scarred.

He stood back as he thought about what he had just seen. What had happened to her in the time they were apart? He knew that she had mentioned not having good luck with dating but this was at a different level of bad. He thought he had felt something on her back but he had moved his hand away from it when she had angled herself away from him when he touched it.

From the placement of these scars, this had to have been done by someone else. It wasn't like all of the small scars that she had on her upper legs and hips. He knew those were from cutting.

But those weren't completely new. They had had a conversation about them the summer they were dating when he had first noticed them. And while there were more now than that summer, both times they had been together now there was no indication that she was cutting recently.

He was pulled out of his thoughts as he noticed Emily move in her sleep. Walking over to the bed, he straightened the blanket so she was completely covered again as he gently woke her.

When she opened her eyes, he said, "I'm going to go. There is coffee and food for you downstairs."

Emily sleepily looked around the room taking in that it was still dark before asking, "how long have you been up?

Hotch sighed as he answered, "about 45 minutes. I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep. I didn't want any confusion this time so I wanted to wake you to say goodbye." He gently rubbed her hand as he talked.

"What time is it?" Emily quietly asked.

Hotch looked over at her clock before responding, "early. Your alarm will be going off in about 15 minutes. Thanks Emily. For everything."

Emily smiled up at him before answering, "thanks to you too. I'll be thinking about you today. Please let me know how things go today. You are welcome to come back over if you'd like."

"Thanks." Hotch said as he gently kissed her forehead before standing up and walking out of the room.


	43. Finding a Way Forward

**AN: I want to apologize for the long delay in getting this chapter posted. When I posted Chapter 42 I mentioned about RL becoming busy. I didn't realize at that time just how busy life was going to become. While I like writing, my professional field is in the healthcare sector. I'm no longer a clinician however life was very chaotic for a while. I will do my best to get regular updates posted as I have every intention of completing this story. Thanks to all who reached up by comments or DMs as well as those who follow/favorite this story.**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Hotch attempted to look more confident than he felt as he climbed the stairs of the courthouse later that morning. He glanced at his watch noting it was almost the time in which he agreed to meet his attorney this morning. He was both anxious and terrified about the news they would receive shortly. Whether his relationship with Jack had a future rested on the DNA test results that would be revealed this morning.

Once inside the building, he quickly found his attorney before they walked into the courtroom together. His attorney tried to keep the conversation light, picking up on how anxious Hotch was about the news he would be receiving. Luckily it was only a few minutes until the judge's arrival was announced.

After the judge entered the courtroom and everyone settled back in their seats, the judge confirmed that the results of the paternity test were in as well as the other data he had been expecting after the last hearing such as the account information from the bank.

The judge, reading the room correctly, did not keep them in suspense by starting with the results of the paternity test. Or at least read Hotch correctly as he and his lawyer had both noticed Thomas Hannon, Haley and her lawyer had all been nervous since they had entered the courtroom.

It felt like hours but was only a couple of minutes before the judge presented the results. In that time, Hotch found himself experiencing feelings that were unusual for him - apprehension, fear, frustration … And in this moment his anger with Haley grew.

The judge first announced that Thomas Hannon was not Jack's father. At that Hotch sighed in relief as he looked down at the table in front of him. However the tension in his body remained as just because Hannon was not Jack's father did not mean that he was.

He looked back up as the judge attempted to get the other side of the courtroom under control. Once Haley's lawyer was able to quiet them, the judge continued with the news that he had been both wanting and dreading. He let out the breath he hadn't realized he had been holding when it was announced that he was Jack's father with over 99% accuracy. The commotion at that announcement on the other side of the courtroom led to the judge calling for a recess.

As soon as the judge left the courtroom, Hotch's attorney pulled him into a conference room stating that he wanted to keep Hotch away from Haley and Hannon as given their reaction to the news approaching him would most likely have them lashing out.

Once settled, Hotch's relief was short-lived as his attorney reminded him that the hearing was far from over. They needed to stay focused now that it was their turn to present their case to the court. This was necessary to secure the best outcome for the divorce as well as the best custody decision.

As they began to discuss their next steps, there was a knock at the door. Hotch's attorney greeted the woman on the other side of the door before inviting her into the room. He then introduced her to Hotch as the DNA expert they had hired.

With introductions out of the way, they sat down at the table and discussed the specifics of what type of DNA analysis they wanted her to examine. Namely they wanted her to look at the DNA evidence that had been collected at the house the night that Hotch came home from Milwaukee and compare the DNA profiles with the reports from the paternity tests done the previous week. After a few clarifying questions, she nodded and excused herself to go to a small work area in a separate part of the office to review and analyze the results.

Once the door closed as she went to the separate office, Hotch and his lawyer discussed the other topics the judge had requested more information concerning as well as the rest of Haley's testimony. Before they could circle back around to custody, a court officer knocked on the door and informed them that the hearing was ready to resume.

Back in the courtroom, Hotch ignored Haley's furious looks towards him until she was called back to the stand. The judge reminded her she was still under oath before firmly stating that perjury was a criminal offense, clearly not pleased with her false statements from the previous week.

While his attorney questioned Haley, Hotch's thoughts went back to what he wanted to request about custody of Jack now that paternity had been settled. Although he was successfully keeping it under wraps, he was furious with Haley. However he didn't feel it was a sufficient reason to demand sole custody.

What was most important to him was that he was able to build a relationship as well as cause as little upheaval as possible for Jack. There were various factors he needed to consider such as his job but Jack's wellbeing was where his focus was at the moment.

As with most things, there were going to be positives and negatives to whatever direction he chose to go. Would Jack resent him if he was granted sole custody and Jack only had visitation with Haley? Did he feel he could handle full custody?

Or would Jack resent Hotch at some point if Hotch didn't fight for custody eventually also pushing Hotch out of his life? Hotch wouldn't know the effect on Jack of what was decided until much later.

There was also his job to consider as depending on what was decided in terms of custody it could result in him needing to make changes in his professional role. If he committed to full custody, Hotch knew he couldn't keep his position as Unit Chief or even stay in the BAU.

He had been prepared to leave when he came back from suspension for his family. When Haley left with no path to reconciliation he had withdrawn his transfer request and stayed in the BAU. But he wouldn't hesitate to follow through with a transfer this time for Jack.

Unlike when Haley had demanded he leave the BAU, he had had time to plan some potential next moves with which he could maybe be content as part of the workload could be done at home after Jack went to bed.

The BAU was also more settled now that in those weeks when he was suspended, Emily quit and Gideon disappeared. Dave had started to settle into his role on the team. And Strauss would be less likely to screw over the team with a replacement with Dave there.

And then there was...

He was brought out of his thoughts as he attorney came to sit back down next to him as he was now done questioning Haley.

Now it was Hotch's turn to testify. This is what he had been waiting for - the opportunity to tell his side.

Hotch was already aware of the questions he was going to be asked by his attorney. They had discussed them as they decided strategy for this hearing. Hotch already knew how he was going to answer each question which allowed him to profile the reactions of Hannon, Haley and her attorney while he was testifying in order to anticipate what questions Haley's attorney would be asking him later.

The questions covered from how he and Haley met and how they both knew Thomas Hannon before questions about the on again off again relationship that he had with Haley for years.

Then the questions shifted to Haley's reaction to his decision years before they were seriously involved to shift from his work as a lawyer in the prosecutor's office to joining the FBI including her refusal to move away from the DC area. A couple of questions then focused on his assignments before he was offered the position in the BAU and moved back to Virginia.

He then described how their relationship was on and off again after his move back to Virginia before stating his explanation to Haley about his job before he proposed to her.

Then he explained from his perspective what had occurred between them after they married including her pregnancy, her excitement and support when he was offered to lead the BAU team, then her continuing complaints about expected increased workload for the position, her focus on him obtaining a promotion and then her reaction when his suspension delayed the possibility of promotion.

As they went through all of these questions various pieces of documentation were presented as evidence including the transfer request Hotch had submitted at the end of his suspension.

Then he described the reasons he had gone to Milwaukee including what he had explained to Haley that morning before he left.

Continuing, he described what he found when he arrived home to an empty house not 36 hours later including the condition he had found the master bedroom and bathroom when he arrived. At that point his lawyer referred to the document with the lab analysis that was done on the objects the tech had collected that night along with the photos.

Hotch could see the blood drain from Haley's face as he answered questions on this topic while she and her lawyer reviewed their copy of the document. In that moment he could see that Haley had truly believed that she had gotten away with her affair. That he had no actual proof of her adultery even after he had listed it as his reason for petitioning for divorce. As the testimony went on Haley became agitated and began to furiously whisper to her attorney.

Finally Hotch gave his side of the meeting he had with Haley a couple of days after he had arrived home. He stated she had wanted to meet in a private location however something struck him as being off about the conversation so he had requested the location they had met as he knew it had video surveillance.

At this admission he saw Haley look up at him, anger clearly visible on her face.

He then stated what the ultimatum was that Haley gave him that day. Explaining that he had told Haley multiple times over the years that he had no interest in being a criminal defense attorney. That as he saw it her goal was solely for him to be out of the FBI and away from all of his contacts. That the 9-5 schedule that she had initially been pushing had been forgotten as she stated she knew the hours at the criminal defense practice were similar to those in the BAU.

For someone in his position, he continued on, that it wasn't possible to completely walk away as she asked. There were dozens of cases that the team had flagged that he could be called to testify on at any time. He concluded that he had spent years building his professional contacts and it was unrealistic to expect him to walk away from them for no discernable reason other than her whim.

With that his attorney rested and the judge called for a recess for lunch. Once the judge had left the courtroom, Hotch's attorney quickly escorted them out of the courtroom to avoid a run in with Haley. Once back in the room they were meeting in earlier, they were greeted by their DNA expert.

The quick meeting confirmed what had been suspected - the DNA found that the house that night matched both Haley and Thomas Hannon. With the promise of her report being ready before the afternoon court session started, she excused herself from the room.

When the lunch break was over they headed back to the courtroom for the afternoon session that started with Haley's attorney questioning Hotch. Hotch's attention to Hannon, Haley and her attorney when his attorney was questioning him allowed Hotch to immediately challenge the arrogance exuded by the attorney as he started. Hotch's responses quickly had the attorney becoming frustrated and going off script which in turn allowed Hotch's attorney to successfully object to questions and remarks made instead of questions.

By the end the angles that unfairly attempted to cast Hotch in a negative light were mostly shut down. He hadn't been perfect in their marriage however he also wasn't the monster they were trying to make it appear that he was.

After Hotch's testimony was done, his attorney called their last witness, the DNA expert. Haley's attorney immediately objected to this witness on multiple grounds, each becoming more desperate. After the judge dismissed all the objections, Hotch noticed when they fully realized the impact of Haley's assertion about Jack not being his. Because of that statement, they had been compelled to provide the DNA samples and thus those same samples were able to contradict Haley's contention that she and Hannon had only slept together once around the time of Jack's conception. However all of the evidence from phone records to the DNA evidence indicated an extended affair that spanned most of their marriage.

And with that testimony done, both sides rested and now they needed to wait for the judge's decision.

 **####**

Hotch sat in his car leaning forward against the steering wheel. It was done. Just a few minutes earlier the judge had granted the divorce.

During the recess after the testimony concluded Hotch and his attorney went back to the workroom and seriously discussed what Hotch wanted to request for in terms of custody.

Before he could give an answer explaining his conflict, his attorney pointed out that this particular judge tended to avoid taking young children away from their mothers when assigning custody unless there were issues with abuse or neglect.

Continuing on, his lawyer explained that given the particulars of this case such as the lies Haley had made just in the courtroom, he would have a better chance than most of getting sole custody but there was no guarantee. However to even have that request taken seriously, he would need to have paperwork showing a finalized change in his job situation.

In that moment, all of the turmoil Hotch had felt about what was best for Jack came back to him. Now was the time that he needed to make a decision. A decision that would affect all of them in the years to come.

What it came down to for Hotch was he couldn't justify taking Jack away from Haley. As angry as he was with her for everything he had learned over the last few months, he couldn't deny that she was a good mother.

But he wasn't willing to let her dictate his relationship with Jack any longer. And if she continued to try and undermine his relationship with Jack then he would have no qualms about making the needed changes in his professional life and returning to court to petition for sole custody.

After sharing his thoughts with his lawyer, they worked to put together their requests to submit to the judge.

Later in court, most of his requests were part of the final custody decision. They had joint custody with Hotch having Jack three weekends a month as well as time during the week so when he was in town he could take Jack to dinner with the option of overnights.

When the decision was read any argument Haley was going to muster was quickly shut down. The judge called her out on her lies in court even after being warned about perjury being a crime.

As Haley nervously looked on, the judge continued that at this time charges were not going to be filed but held over. If she had any further issues, that all of those instances would be filed at that time. But given the nature of the lies, the judge had ordered supervised custody transfers and restrictions about where Jack needed to live.

The judge had also stated that in order to keep custody of Jack Haley needed to live within 10 miles in response to Haley's assertion that she wanted to move out of the area which Hotch's attorney pointed out would make joint custody difficult if not impossible.

This was a point Hotch strongly fought for as it didn't matter how much time he was given with Jack if Haley moved them out of the area, there was only going to be limited time he could actually see Jack unless he unrooted his life and moved as well.

The judge even went a step further and stated that Jack could not leave an area of 25 miles with permission of the court as well as Hotch's agreement.

Because of Haley's lies in court about what happened at the meeting that was recorded, the judge ordered that custody turnovers be supervised.

Then the judge decided that there would be no spousal support. By her own admission, she started having an affair less than a year into her marriage. The phone records and DNA evidence showed an ongoing relationship.

As for child support, the judge quoted an amount that took into consideration that they had joint custody. However when taking into account the documentation that had arrived from the bank detailing the activity on the account, the judge stated that Haley withdrew the balance of the account after the separation papers were served and therefore Hotch was going to be credited for the amount against what he owed for child support.

Looking out the windshield although the decisions were overwhelmingly in his favor, he couldn't help feeling unsettled at the finality of it.

However he couldn't focus on that right now. Now he needed to make arrangements for someone else from the team to attend certain meetings instead of him so he could make his midweek visits with Jack.

But an even more time sensitive task that he needed to work on today was finding an apartment as although he received the house as part of his divorce settlement, he didn't plan to continue living there. He turned and opened his briefcase and took out a list of apartments that Garcia had created for him that met his requirements. Now he just hoped that at least one was still available and he could move in quickly.

 **####**

Hotch sighed as he looked around at all of his belongings packed up in what had been his office at the house. The house in which he and Haley had bought to raise their family. Now what they had envisioned wouldn't happen, at least not in the way they had planned.

After today, the house wouldn't be his home any longer. Regardless of what the settlement had been in court, he had already decided he was not going to keep the house. He couldn't stay with everything he had discovered had happened there.

In court, Haley had requested the house. However given the circumstances, the judge had refused to make it part of her settlement. But as he considered it, he remembered how much they both had wanted Jack to grow up there.

It was at the living distance aspect of the verdict that had Hotch agreeing to let Jack and Haley continue to live in the house after he was assigned ownership in the divorce.

The formal agreement was that Haley could live there with Jack as long as she properly maintained the house until Jack was at least 18 and had graduated from high school. At that point it would be up to Hotch about what he wanted to do with the house - sell it or keep for his own use.

He was conflicted with the decision as after the lies and deceit from Haley a large part of him didn't want Haley and Thomas Hannon to be raising Jack in the house he and Haley had bought to raise their family. But he kept reminding himself - he wasn't doing it for Haley, he was doing it for Jack.

And that was why he was now here packing up his belongings that would shortly be taken from the house and moved into the new apartment that he had rented after the hearing a couple of days earlier.

The building he had chosen had been on the list Garcia had given him of places that met his criteria. And it was furnished. It also most importantly had an immediate opening. He had just signed the papers the same afternoon as the court hearing.

After he taped up the last box in his office, Hotch stood up and looked around the office. For now he was leaving the furniture from this room until he had a more permanent home. Haley knew he was leaving those items and it was understood that nothing in that room was to be disturbed.

He walked out of his office and as he made his way through the house he thought about all of the excitement and promise that he had felt the last time the house had boxes in it. Now all he wanted to move forward separate from Haley.

As he observed the boxes he was taking, Hotch recalled that he was mostly just taking his personal effects. He was going to need to do some shopping for household supplies. The only household items he was taking were a few coffee mugs and items that were special in some way to him as well as things that he could use that he knew Haley would dispose of shortly after she moved back to the house.

Passing the master bedroom, he cringed at the memory of what he had found there months earlier. Memories that he couldn't shake and was why he wasn't taking any of the bed or bath linens with him because no matter how many times he would wash them, there would always be those memories attached to those items. However, without taking them that would require a trip to the store before he could go to bed tonight.

It would be nice to sleep in a bed when at home instead of the couch in his office. Since that night he came home from Milwaukee, he had been sleeping on the couch in his office except for when the team was traveling or the nights he had spent at Emily's apartment.

After the movers finished taking everything he was taking to the apartment, he was going over to Jessica's to pick up Jack. He had planned to take Jack to their favorite lunch spot followed by a trip to the park he had discovered near his new apartment.

After spending some time there, he was going to take Jack back to his new apartment and explain how things were going to be different. Then he was going to show Jack what would be his room when he was staying with Hotch and make plans with him about what theme he wanted to use to decorate it. Hotch had already made a list after carefully looking over Jack's room at the house of furniture, toys and books that would be needed.

Haley had tried to fight him on taking Jack out today but Hotch had been adamant. He was going to explain to Jack himself why he was not going to be at the house when he and Haley moved back in late that day. He was no longer going to give Haley control of the narrative in his relationship with Jack. He needed Jack to hear from him why he wasn't at the house and show Jack his new home. Hotch needed to make sure Jack heard from him how much he loved him and that they were still going to spend time together.

 **####**

Hotch arrived back at his apartment after dropping Jack off at the house. Their time together had gone well. Having done it, he was glad that he had chosen the path of talking to Jack himself even with it meaning having to delay his arrival to the case the team was currently working in Pittsburgh.

It was another time that he was relieved about Dave being there and able to lead the team on this case until he arrived. He hated coming in late on any case but this talk with Jack had been too important for him to miss.

As he sat down on the only chair in his living room currently filled with boxes, he took a sip of his drink and thought back to the brief but awkward interaction he had had with Emily in the office before the team left for the airstrip.

The full impact of that they had slept together again hadn't hit him until after he left court the next afternoon. He was grateful to Emily for the time they spent together the night before the hearing. He had been wound up so tight that the more he thought about it he was certain he would have cracked in court without their time together.

The first time they had slept together weeks earlier had been unplanned. They had suddenly and unexpectedly discovered how much their previous relationship had meant to the other. The spontaneous coupling that night was uncharacteristic for both profilers. In retrospect, Hotch felt the lack of his usual planning had greatly contributed to the miscommunications and tension between them in the days that followed until they spoke at the house.

Then earlier this week he had been grateful for the gym workout and sharing dinner with Emily. He had been relieved when she invited him to stay, not wanting to go home to the house the night before the hearing. It was that relief that had him not balk when she then mentioned her oversight about her guest room not being set up yet.

Neither of them planned on having sex that night. It had even been awkward when they both got into the bed as they settled on opposite sides of the bed with as much distance as possible between them.

But then he had woken a couple of hours later to find them cuddled together though Emily was carefully trying to move back away from him. He had been the one to stop her, placing his hand on her knee which was draped over him while wrapping his arm around her back, halting her movements.

He remembered her looking up at him surprised. As they looked at each other, he unexpectedly found himself leaning over to kiss her. A planned quick kiss before he would loosen his arm around her so she could move back that had quickly and unexpectedly turned passionate. Clothes then rapidly descended to the floor.

For the next couple of hours he had lost himself in her, putting aside all of his anxiety about what he was going to learn in court that day as well as what decisions the judge would make about the terms of the divorce.

But given their interaction in the office, he couldn't help but worry about the fallout of their second unexpected night together. The only reason his anxiety wasn't bubbling over was that he and Emily had spoken at the house after the misunderstanding the last time they had slept together.

He had explained that he wasn't ready for another relationship. She had mentioned at the same time she wasn't either. And while like him, she had been attempting to keep her distance as they slept, once that kiss happened, everything he felt from her was that she had wanted to be with him as much as he wanted to be with her.

But the fact remained that he wasn't ready for another relationship. What happened that night couldn't happen again until he felt differently. He still cared for Emily and didn't want to lead her on or worse be using her.

No he needed to keep his distance outside of work hours. For now he thought, as he looked around, he needed to get settled into his apartment. He couldn't even consider anything more in his personal life in the near term.

The court hearing had reopened some wounds about his marriage. And now that the divorce was decided he needed to focus his free time on Jack. Helping him acclimate him to the new normal.

Then maybe when he was in a better place they could sit down and talk before deciding if a relationship was something they both wanted. Given the professional risks, a conversation with a mutual agreement if they wanted something serious was necessary instead of the situations of spontaneous couplings that they had so far let happen.

Then sitting back Hotch sighed and looked at his glass as he again remembered his shock at the marks on Emily's back. He had seen the pattern enough to know exactly what they were.

The question that was plaguing him most about it was who did and why.

He knew for sure that the marks weren't there the summer they had been together. He had seen her naked back multiple times and was certain he would have noticed the marks if they had been there. He recalled the tattoos, a birthmark and a scar on her side from a fall, not not these marks.

Having known Emily in both time frames both personally and now professionally, he couldn't see her tolerating an abusive relationship especially given her reaction when he asked after her incident in her self defense class. But as he thought about the advanced self defense class when she had no problem taking down Morgan something nagged inside of him about her tendency to overcompensate.

She had mentioned about her poor dating history however he was certain she would have left a guy long before things had gotten to the point of leaving those scars. Additionally there would be police reports as he couldn't see Emily letting something like that go unpunished.

So did that mean she had done it to herself? Although they hadn't talked about it, he had felt the scars from her cutting both in the past and more recently.

At some point had she advanced to beating herself? He shook his head.

While possible, he didn't think so given the position of some would be difficult if she had been doing it.

So what did that leave and what was he missing?

He stood up and walked towards this new bedroom. This wasn't a question he was going to get an answer to tonight.

At some point he hoped that she would feel comfortable sharing with him what had happened. However right now their relationship was not at that point. For tonight, he needed to get some sleep before he needed to get up to catch the early flight out of Dulles to meet up with the team.

 **AN: The next chapter will focus on Emily also around the time of the Higher Power episode. I've already started it and will post as soon as it's ready.**


End file.
